Chapter 13 #2
Jesus, I was a dick. It wasn’t Andrew’s fault, and he hadn’t exactly cockblocked me. Taryn probably didn’t want me taking over her bed every night, even if I did sleep like a normal person with her next to me. She didn’t owe me shit, and what she’d already given me was a gift.
Dad’s presence made me feel uneasy about having Andrew at her house. I didn’t know his end game, which made him more dangerous than usual. I’d survived my time with him because I’d learned to anticipate—to trust my instincts. Right now, my instincts were screaming at me to text her.
I pulled up Taryn’s contact and sent her a message.
Me: How’s it going?
Taryn: Fine. Andrew is passed out on the couch after an exciting night of hockey and hot cocoa.
I winced as I realized they’d watched us lose thanks to my fuck up at the end of the game.
Me: I hope he wasn’t too upset.
Taryn: By the game? No. He was only mildly interested, but he did say you looked a lot bigger in person. He said hockey was mid and pretended like he didn’t go to the bathroom to cry after dinner.
Me: Fuck. I’m sorry.
Taryn: We handled it. He really needs someone to talk to.
I dropped my head and stared past my phone at the shredded laces on my sneakers. Of course he needed someone to talk to. Not me. I’d immediately pawned him off on Taryn and her mom instead of engaging.
We’d had time before the game. I could have said something. Talked to him. Tried to get to know him. Instead, I’d thanked Carrie profusely and hightailed it to the rink. His mom had died, and I’d left as fast as Grandma Katie. Not good enough.
For once, I didn’t fight the internal accusation. I wasn’t good enough—not yet—but I could be better. My past didn’t have to dictate my future.
Me: You’re right. I’ll set something up.
Taryn: Good. Now when are you coming home?
The question jarred me a little. Home was my basement lair, as Reece called it. Except when I was down there, I only felt alone. Since Sunny, I’d started to realize how isolated I’d made myself. Even my closest friends didn’t dare invade my space.
The idea of Andrew living down there too made me physically uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to live alone forever. I might as well have let Dad keep dictating my life. True, my solo tendencies weren’t the same as the bruises he used to leave, but internally, I still felt broken.
Taryn: Mase?
Taryn’s text broke me out of my melancholy thoughts. She probably wanted to head to bed, and I was keeping her up with my bullshit.
Me: I’m heading there in a minute. Sunny is coming this time too, if that’s okay.
Taryn: Sunny is always welcome.
She handled the constant coming and going of people and pets way better than I did. A fact I was desperately thankful for considering how rested I felt. Then again, we’d lost the game, so something could be said for my usual state of barely enough sleep.
Me: If Andrew is on the couch, where am I supposed to sleep?
Taryn: Mom asked me the same question. She wanted to clear out the extra bedroom, but I stopped her. It’s more than a one-night job.
Me: I can help with that.
It was the least I could do after Carrie had welcomed me and Andrew into her safe space. Taryn’s response took longer this time.
Taryn: Thanks. I’ll let her know.
Taryn: You can stay with me, but nothing sexy. All clothes stay firmly in place. I’m not adding to this kid’s nightmares.
Me: You know about his nightmares?
Taryn: Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a neutral third party about your fears.
Me: Anything I need to know about?
Taryn: I think Andrew is afraid to show how much he wants to get to know you. Taking a chance on you is probably really scary for him after what he’s been through. He couldn’t take his eyes off you any time you were on the screen though.
His fears sounded eerily like mine, and I hoped Mom had at least given him a better life than what I’d endured. I’d been a little older when Mom left, and she’d chosen to leave, but she was still gone.
Taking a chance on someone who could leave at any minute was rough, and Andrew had no reason to trust me. That was on me. I’d never purposely built trust, but Cole probably had some advice. Taryn too.
Did she have the same fears? I still wasn’t sure how she’d gotten so close to me in such a short time, but every time I was with her, I wanted more. I wanted her to watch me play hockey. I wanted her to wait up for me after my games. I wanted her to let me into the hidden parts of her life.
I wanted her to take a chance on me. Even if I fucked it all up, I wanted the chance.
The thought should have sent me into a panic spiral—waiting on her to choose me instead of staying firmly in control—but I remained calm. Well, calm enough, considering the potential mess of everything else.
I knew I was pushing an invisible boundary, but I decided I didn’t care. Isolation was a choice that didn’t feel like it fit any more.
Me: Clothes on. No hanky panky. Understood. And what about you? What did you think of the game?
Taryn: I also think you look bigger in person. See you soon.
I laughed and tucked the phone into my pocket. Something shifted inside me, like a chunk breaking off a glacier. A part of my rigid core loosened and warmed. I was excited to get back to Taryn’s house—not something I’d ever felt about my current space.
It felt right. I hoped I didn’t ruin everything.
I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the locker room.
The big, metal door clanged behind me as it auto-locked.
Dark pockets dotted the long curving path that eventually led to the parking lot.
Offices, janitorial closets, access panels.
Something pinged my senses the moment I stepped past the threshold.
Something wrong. Like I was being watched. A chill worked down my spine.
My size usually meant I wasn’t too worried about physical violence, but I tried not to take stupid chances either considering I need my body in top working order to play.
I should have been the last one to leave considering how long I’d dwelled on Taryn’s texts.
The guys would already be home by now, and Coach had retreated to his office on the other side of the complex.
A large man stepped out of the shadows by one of the admin spaces. Tall, menacing, and blocking my path. Turned out my night could get worse after all.