Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Cordelia
I can’t sleep, but that’s nothing new. Turning on my side, I stare through the window. A black, velvet night spreads over Lucky Falls.
Even the stars have fallen asleep by this hour.
Uncomfortable, I twist so I’m lying on my back.
The ceiling fan makes another loop, shaking slightly during its rotation.
The creak of the gears and springs used to freak me out.
I was scared the fan would crash on top of me in the night.
But now the whoop-whoop cadence of the fan blades is calming. Like white noise.
I listen for a while, but my chest still feels stuffy, so I push to my feet and head out of my bedroom.
Why do I feel extra restless tonight?
She’s not a deadbeat. Renthrow’s staunch defense of his ex-wife tiptoes through my mind. I rub my chest with my knuckles, using one of the techniques a very expensive sleep expert taught me.
It doesn’t work.
I patter to the mini-kitchen and fetch my electric kettle from the cupboards. The water sloshing into the glass container helps me breathe a little easier.
I’m grateful to her. Renthrow’s voice is back.
I wince and snap the button to power the heater on. Traveling to the faucet, I bracket my hands on either side of the sink and lower my head, breathing unevenly.
Sleep and I haven’t been friends for a while now, but tonight’s insomnia has a different face.
One of quiet, rugged strength. Thick brown hair, tousled just enough to look effortlessly styled.
Hazel eyes—a sharp blend of green and gold.
A strong jawline, softened only by the delicious hint of a beard.
Viking Renthrow.
I wish I hadn’t been so curious about him and his ex-wife. Maybe then, I could have continued frolicking in a fantasy land of my creation.
In my upside-down world, Gordie appeared one day out of thin air, no prior relationship, loving partner, or previous marriage required.
It’s an immature take, and I hate that I can’t come to grips with everything Viking shared tonight.
Especially because he was vulnerable with me. He shared his inner thoughts. He trusted me. And instead of being grateful and responding in kind, I kept the truth about Gwen close to my chest and sulked all the way home.
“Serves you right,” I say to the rust spots climbing beneath the sink. “You don’t deserve a good night’s sleep.”
A click erupts behind me. Smoke billows from the electric kettle’s mouth.
The water is ready.
I stuff tea leaves inside a mug, pour hot water over it, and carry the cup and some cookies to the sofa. Hoping for a distraction, I watch an automotive repair video on my phone while I snack.
Gordie’s mom is not a deadbeat.
With a groan of frustration, I tap the phone off and bury my head in a pillow. He was so serious, so intense, when he said that. As if I was the one who abandoned his family and his ex was the innocent victim.
I allow my thoughts to roam, piecing together the evidence that’s been there all along.
Even before I showed up, Renthrow was dodging matchmakers and relationships.
What if it’s not completely out of love for Gordie?
What if it’s loyalty to his ex and the hope that she’ll one day come back to him and complete his vision of a big, happy family?
By the time the sun comes up, I’m convinced of it. Renthrow still has feelings for his ex-wife. And while there’s nothing wrong with that—she was his wife after all, and a piece of paper from the court can’t erase love, shared dreams, and a deep history—I don’t want anything to do with it.
Forget the electricity that sizzles between us.
Forget the soft smiles and the flirty banter.
I may like a challenge, but I don’t believe in tearing up a family or being the side character in someone else’s epic love story.
I decide to reward myself for my well-constructed decision and head to Phil’s Donuts early. Last time April and Rebel brought donuts to the garage, I missed out on the chocolate donuts. I’ve been craving some ever since.
There’s already a short line at Phil’s, and the bakery isn’t even officially open yet.
I recognize a few of the people standing outside. There’s the blue-haired librarian who always pushes a grocery cart full of cat food; the construction guy whose cart is a mix of beers, vodka, and TV dinners; and the waitress from Bob’s Burgers.
Lucky Falls is a small town, and after bumping into the same faces at the grocery store and fast food joints every week, it gets easier to distinguish who’s who.
The people all the way at the front of the line nod and smile at me.
“Good morning.”
“Nice day, isn’t it?”
“Been a while, Cordelia.”
I nod in response to their greetings, tucking my helmet under my arm.
“Cordelia Davenport!” The woman directly in front of me in the line whirls around. “Hi! I’ve been meaning to talk to you. How serendipitous to meet here!”
“Yeah,” I say with a lot less enthusiasm. She seems familiar, but I can’t place her.
“I’m Marjorie White.” She taps her chest and makes her giant silver necklace jolt unhappily. “The leader of the Lady Luck Society.”
At the mention of the organization, I remember where I last saw her. She came to the garage to speak to Rebel. I remember she was really rude to Gunner, Rebel’s boyfriend, and was condescending to Rebel too.
“It just so happens that we have some open seats for our Society, and I would love to talk to you about joining. Only the best and most prestigious families in Lucky Falls are invited. It’s a very high honor.”
“Mm.”
“The Davenports have a long history of giving back to the community and participating in events. Why, I saw a picture of you in a pageant from when you were a teenager.” She watches me with an all-too familiar desperation.
As if her entire world rests on my approval.
“It was a big, famous pageant, I believe. You were stunning in that green dress.”
My chest constricts. It wasn’t me in that dress.
“The line moved,” I point to the gap between Marjorie and the people in front of her.
Marjorie inches backward, still facing me. “We’re currently shuffling out some people and looking for new, exciting members. And it would mean so much if we had a Davenport in our Society.”
“I’m too busy to join at the moment,” I mumble, hoping the conversation will be over.
I remember that pageant. Gwen was so excited about it.
“I’ve always wanted to wear the crown. Do you think I can win this one?”
“But you haven’t let me finish. The Lady Luck Society is—”
“Excuse me.” I brush past Marjorie, my head lowered and my ribs constricting.
Out. I need to get out of here.
I can see Gwen so clearly in my mind. That night, she stood on stage, and she sparkled. How could a light that shone so brightly be snuffed out in one moment?
“Cordelia?” Renthrow’s voice makes the roaring in my head go quiet.
A smile of welcome grows on his face. He jogs away from his car without even closing the door. “Hey.”
I’m immediately drawn to the sparkling green in his hazel eyes, but I force my gaze back to the ground.
Of course, Renthrow’s here at Phil’s Donuts.
This is Lucky Falls after all. Where everybody runs into everybody all the time.
Renthrow stops in front of me, his broad shoulders completely shielding me from the sun. His cologne swirls around me, and I try my hardest not to inhale.
“You should have told me you wanted donuts,” he says, sounding genuinely excited. “I would have gotten for you.”
I shake my head. “You don’t have to do that.”
“It’s no problem. Gordie shouldn’t be eating that much sugar anyway, but I couldn’t say no to her. As usual.”
I don’t really want to speak to him, but the mention of Gordie pulls on my heartstrings. Plus, it helps to focus on something other than my memories of Gwen.
“How’s Gordie doing?”
“She’s great. Although she was upset that I dropped you home last night instead of bringing you over to see her. That’s why I’m on donut duty.” He lowers his voice. “You seemed a little out of it after our discussion. Did I say something…”
I take a step back, still avoiding eye contact. “No, not at all.”
Liar liar, pants on fire!
“Good.” Renthrow follows me when I back away. “How’s your hand?”
He reaches for my fingers to inspect the bandage. The moment his fingers close around mine, I want to link our fingers together the way we did at the restaurant.
I want to tell him about Gwen and about how losing her tore my heart in half.
I want to tell him about the three years I pretended everything was okay. And then the day I snapped.
I want to tell him how hard it was to switch from being a Davenport with the world at my fingertips, to a rookie mechanic who could barely afford a certificate program at a trade school.
But pouring my soul at his feet would be stupid. Viking Renthrow is in love with someone else, and the closer we become, the more I can see myself falling into a one-sided relationship with him.
I’ve already tried the unrequited love path, and it sucks. I won’t be back for a second helping of that slop, thank you very much.
I slip out of his grip.
His eyes whip to mine.
Awkwardness strains the air between us.
“I forgot I have something to do,” I mumble.
The giant hockey player goes still, and I can feel him watching me like I’m an engine he wants to fix. “Okay.”
“See you.”
Hiking my legs over my bike, I strap my helmet on and start the engine. The Harley makes a guttural roar as I squeeze the thruster and leave Renthrow behind.