Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Renthrow
Gordie emerges from the kitchen holding Cordelia’s hand, and I stop myself from stampeding over to them.
My eyes rove Gordie’s face instead.
Her nose is pink, and her eyes look red. Was she crying?
I shoot my attention to Cordelia next. Her cheeks are flushed and tearstained.
Were they both crying? What were they talking about?
Gordie glances at me and then quickly looks away. This is the first time I’ve noticed her looking so sheepish after an episode. Normally, she’ll crawl out of the table and be upbeat and chirpy as if the last fifteen or twenty minutes of withdrawn behavior never happened.
At first, it disturbed me to see that, like she was putting on a mask. It seemed like a heavy burden to bear for such a small, frail child.
But now, I can tell that Gordie’s fully aware of what transpires and how people respond to her when she withdraws. And I wish with all my heart that she could return to being completely separate from the episodes.
“Bye, Gordie,” Vinnie says, waving awkwardly from afar. I cringe to think about whether the little girl will relay tonight’s events to her friends. Should I go bully a bunch of six-year-old girls, so they keep their mouths shut?
Don’t be ridiculous, Renthrow.
My eyes lift to Vinnie’s mom, and a new concern joins that one. What if not only the kids at school but all the adults in Lucky Falls hears about this?
Small-town gossip is fast-spreading and poisonous. I’ll have to start punching my way through the grapevine, and the fight will never end.
Vinnie’s mom walks us to the door.
“Cordelia, do you mind starting the car without me? I’ll be right there,” I say, handing her the keys.
She nods, and with both hands on Gordie’s shoulders, steers my daughter to the car.
Vinnie’s mom and I remain alone on the porch.
“Ma’am,” I start awkwardly.
“It’s okay.” Vinnie’s mom offers an encouraging smile. “I won’t say a word. I’ll talk to Vinnie too.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
I jog down the porch steps, not feeling very reassured. The truth is a tricky thing. Once it’s been exposed, there’s no way to wrestle it back in the closet where the rest of the bones are hiding.
The car bounces as I climb into the driver’s seat. Immediately, Cordelia and Gordie snap their mouths shut.
“What were you ladies whispering about?” I ask, infusing my voice with a cheerfulness that I don’t feel.
“Nothing,” Cordelia says, staring straight ahead.
I hate being left out of their girl pact, but what can I do? It’s enough that Gordie has Cordelia to rely on.
Still, it stings when my baby girl remains silent and doesn’t talk to me.
I drive Cordelia back to the garage to pick up her bike. Once I park, she swings around to look at Gordie. The two share secretive nods.
I feel that jealous sting again.
Cordelia turns to me with a smile. “Thanks for tonight. The meal was great. By the way, who won the cake round? I slept through most of the episode.”
“I turned it off when you fell asleep.”
She seems surprised to hear that.
“Next time you come over, we can finish it,” I add.
She tilts her head, making her short hair swish. “Are you saying you’re not going to watch another episode without me?”
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
“I’m honored.”
I return Cordelia’s smile. It’s so rare to see her this bright and happy. What on earth did she and Gordie talk about?
After Cordelia leaves, I drive off. Gordie’s staring through the window, looking somber.
“Did you enjoy your play date with Vinnie?”
“Mm-hm.”
“What did you do?”
“We baked cookies and made puppets and watched cartoons.”
“Did…” I lick my lips, approaching the topic carefully. “…Anything else happen? Anything you want to talk to me about?”
Gordie shakes her head.
“Are you sure?”
She nods.
I try not to let the desperation seep out. “You know you can talk to me about anything, don’t you?”
“Yes, sir.”
I heave a deep sigh and concentrate on driving. I guess that’s that. Forget the fact that I fed her, clothed her, changed her dirty diapers, cleaned up her vomit when she was sick, and practically lived my entire life to improve hers—Cordelia’s her favorite now.
When we get home, I help Gordie brush her teeth and tuck her into bed.
I normally leave with the door slightly open, but tonight, I remain seated by her side and rub her hair.
She’s grown so much from a tiny infant to the bright kid she is now. But she’s still so small and fragile. How do I protect her from a pain I can’t see? What if I never find a way to get her better?
Her eyes flutter closed. “Daddy?”
“Yes?”
“I like Delia.”
My hands still in her hair.
“Do you like her too?”
I think about Delia’s soft brown eyes, pretty smile, and the sweet side that she keeps hidden behind her giant bike and leather jacket. My feelings toward Cordelia are complex and a little dangerous. I’m not sure how to describe them.
“Do you?” Gordie presses.
“I like that you like her,” I admit softly.
Gordie smiles and nuzzles deeper into the pillow. “Daddy?”
“Yes, pumpkin.”
“Can Delia be my new mommy?”
Shock reverberates through me, and I stare down at my daughter in her moon-themed pajamas as her eyes fall shut completely and her breath evens in sleep.