Chapter 6 Lucy
Lucy
One day after Ryder saves my charity game, I'm hiding in my shop.
Not my finest moment, but I can't face him. Can't be in the same room without remembering how close we came to kissing. Twice. How he risked professional favors and his own recovery to fix a problem I couldn't solve.
How he looked at me like I mattered more than hockey.
The Frost and Ivy is quiet at seven in the morning.
Just me and the books and the white lights that stay on year-round.
I make coffee in the espresso machine, the familiar ritual doing nothing to calm my nerves.
The scent of coffee and old books wraps around me, but today it feels suffocating instead of comforting.
This is mine. My dream. The thing I built when everyone said it was impossible.
But right now all I can think about is Ryder's voice yesterday: "This matters to you. So it matters to me."
My phone lights up. Emma's name flashes.
"Where are you? Dad's making French toast, and Maisie is asking for Aunt Lulu."
I text back: "Shop. Had inventory to catch up on."
Emma: "You're avoiding him."
I stare at the screen. Type and delete three different responses before settling on: "I don't know what to say to him."
Emma: "Try thank you. Or maybe just kiss him already."
Emma: "Kidding. Mostly. Call me later?"
I set the phone face down and try to focus on work. Reorganize the new release table. Straighten shelves that don't need straightening. Make a list of orders that can wait another week.
By ten, I've accomplished nothing except wearing a path in the floorboards.
The bell above the door chimes.
I look up, customer smile ready. It dies when I see Natalie.
She's carrying two paper cups from her bakery and wearing an expression I know too well. The one that says she has questions and won't leave until she gets answers.
"Don't you have a bakery to run?" I ask.
"Closed on Wednesdays during December. You know that." She sets a cup in front of me. "Also, you're avoiding me."
"I'm not avoiding you."
"You've sent exactly two texts since yesterday. Both saying you're fine." She drops into the reading chair across from me. "So what happened?"
"Nothing happened."
"Lucy." She says my name like a warning.
"The whole town is talking about how Ryder Blackwood called in NHL players for your charity game.
Jessica from the hospital board won't shut up about it.
Your event went from maybe-canceled to sold-out in twelve hours.
" She leans forward. "So I'll ask again. What happened?"
I wrap my hands around the coffee cup. Take a sip. Buy myself time.
The truth comes tumbling out anyway.
"He saved it. I was falling apart because the game was going to be canceled and I'd let everyone down.
And he just... fixed it. Made a few calls and got Cade Sterling and Alexei Petrov to commit.
Three NHL players, Nat. For a small-town charity game.
" The words rush out faster. "He risked professional favors.
He's risking his shoulder recovery. And when I asked him why, he said it mattered to me, so it mattered to him. "
Natalie's eyes go wide. "Wow."
"That's not even all of it." I set down my coffee. "After he told me, I hugged him. And we were standing there in the kitchen, and he was looking at me like... like I was something precious. And we almost kissed. We were this close." I hold up my fingers an inch apart. "And then Connor walked in."
"Of course he did." Natalie sits back. "So let me get this straight. The guy you've been in love with since you were fifteen just made a grand romantic gesture, almost kissed you, and you're hiding in your shop because...?"
"Because I don't know what it means. Because he's leaving. Because Connor already warned him off." I stand. Start pacing. "And because during the snowstorm we had this moment by the fire. We almost kissed. And it felt like everything was about to change. But then he pulled back."
Natalie chokes on her coffee. "I'm sorry, what?"
So I tell her. The whole story. The almost-kiss by the fire during the snowstorm.
How he pulled back, said we shouldn't. The tension between them.
Then yesterday's charity game rescue. The hug in the kitchen that turned into almost kissing again before Connor walked in.
How we haven't been alone since. How yesterday felt like he was saying something without words.
When I finish, Natalie just stares at me.
"Let me make sure I have this right," she says.
"Three nights ago during the snowstorm, you two had an intense moment by the fire where you almost kissed.
Then yesterday he called in NHL favors to save your charity game.
Then almost kissed you again in the kitchen.
" She leans forward. "Lucy, the man is clearly into you. What are you confused about?"
Put like that, it sounds ridiculous.
"He's leaving, Nat. He has a whole life in Boston. The NHL, the travel, the pressure. His career. And I have this." I gesture around the shop. "My life is here. My business. My family. How is that supposed to work?"
"I don't know. But you won't find out if you don't even try." She stands. Comes to me. Takes my hands. "Lucy, when was the last time you fought for what you wanted?"
The question catches me off guard. "What?"
"You heard me. When did you become someone who gives up before she even tries?"
"I'm not giving up. I'm being realistic."
"You're being scared." Her voice is firm but not unkind. "And I get it. Your mom died. Connor became your whole world. You learned to make yourself small so you didn't lose anyone else. But Lucy." She squeezes my hands. "You can't live your whole life afraid of wanting things."
The words hit harder than I expect. "That's not fair."
"It's fair. You wanted this shop. Everyone said it would fail. You fought for it anyway." She holds my gaze. "You wanted to create something meaningful in Pine Hollow. People laughed. You did it anyway. So why won't you fight for this?"
"Because shops don't leave. Shops don't break your heart."
"No. But they also don't make you feel the way he does." Her eyes are fierce. "I've never seen you like this. Even scared and confused, you're more alive than you've been in years."
I pull my hands back. Walk to the window and stare out at Main Street. The Christmas lights twinkle. People walk past bundled in coats. Everything looks the same as it always does.
But I don't feel the same.
"What if I want more and he doesn't?" My voice comes out small. "What if yesterday was just him being nice? What if I put myself out there and he walks away?"
"Then you'll survive." Natalie comes to stand beside me. "But Lucy. What if you don't try and spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been?"
The question settles in my chest like a stone.
"I'm terrified," I whisper.
"I know." She wraps an arm around my shoulders. "But you're also brave. You just forget that sometimes."
We stand at the window watching the town wake up. The coffee shop across the street opens. The hardware store next door flips its sign. Life continuing like it always does while my entire world tilts sideways.
"So what do I do?" I ask.
"You decide what you want. Not what Connor wants. Not what's safe or smart or expected. What you want." She squeezes my shoulder. "And then you fight for it."
My phone vibrates on the counter. I glance at it. Email from my landlord. The subject line: "December 31st Deadline."
I silence it without reading.
Natalie notices. "Everything okay with the shop?"
"Fine. Just end-of-year stuff." The building loan. The deadline. The impossible amount I need. But that problem feels insurmountable. Ryder... Ryder I might be able to have.
"Nothing I can fix right now."
Natalie's eyes narrow, but she doesn't push. "So. Back to the thing you can maybe fix. What are you going to do about Ryder?"
After Natalie leaves, I pace the shop. Her words echo in my head. When was the last time you fought for what you wanted?
The answer is: never. Not really. I fought for the shop, yes. But everything else? I've always waited to be chosen. Waited for things to be safe before I reached for them. Made myself convenient and easy and small enough that people wouldn't mind keeping me around.
Waited for my mom to be proud before she died. Waited for Connor to see me as an adult. Waited for customers to validate my business. Waited for Ryder to notice me.
But what has that gotten me? A string of relationships that fizzled because I was too afraid to ask for what I needed. A lifetime of wondering if people actually wanted me or just tolerated me. A constant fear that wanting too much would make people leave.
I'm twenty-seven years old. I own a business. I pay my bills. I survived losing my mother. I'm an adult.
When did I stop acting like one?
The lunch crowd comes and goes. I help customers, ring up purchases, wrap gifts in cream paper with forest green ribbon. My hands know the routine, but my mind keeps circling back to Natalie's challenge.
Yesterday, Ryder called in professional favors for me. Risked his recovery for me. Held me like I was something precious. Almost kissed me in front of where Connor could walk in any second.
That's not nothing. That's not just being nice.
That's him putting me first.
And I've been too scared to choose him back.
By three o'clock, I've made a decision.
I pull out my phone. Stare at Ryder's name in my contacts. My thumb hovers over it.
This is ridiculous. I'm a grown woman. I can send a text to a man I've known my entire life.
Except it's not that simple. Because sending this text means admitting I want something. Means putting myself out there. Means risking rejection and heartbreak and all the things I've spent my life trying to avoid.
But yesterday he risked his career for me. The least I can do is risk my pride.
I type before I can talk myself out of it.
"Are you awake?"