Chapter 2
Gigi
Somewhere off the coast of Grand Bahama Island
“I have something for you, baby.”
Even with Hoffman’s seductive tone, I’d come to understand the backside to his moments of generosity.
I twisted the ring on my finger as I studied him from across the deck.
There was no denying how handsome he was.
Tall with broad shoulders and a well-toned body from spending hours at the gym.
Just thinking about how fit he was reminded me that I wasn’t.
At least according to him.
While I doubted he’d ever gotten dirt under his fingernails, he made certain his body fat percentages were low, his testosterone high.
“You do?” My voice was saccharine sweet even though my nerves were already raw from anxiety. I was alone with him in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. What could go wrong?
Everything.
“Come here, baby.” His tone dipped dangerously low, a husky hum cascading several yards away and straight into my nervous system.
Using the wineglass as a prop, I took another sip before advancing.
I was trying very hard to pretend everything was fine when nothing would ever be the same as before.
Not one damn thing in my life. All because of a few bad choices during perhaps the worst possible time in my life.
Even now, the agony of loss was a constant reminder of how precious life should be for everyone.
In his hand was an elegant black velvet box, a matching representation of the ring box from a month ago when he’d asked me to marry him. Of course I’d said yes because doing anything else would have meant disguising bruises. Which I’d become an expert at doing over the last year.
I’d gone along with the plan while finally finding the courage to make one of my own.
He noticed my trepidation, becoming impatient as always. “You know, Gigi, you could be a little more grateful about all the things I do for you. I provide you with everything in your life. All your clothes. All your jewelry. Even your car. The least you could do is seem grateful.”
My clothes, which I hated and preferred my own.
My jewelry, which was lavish and flaunted his money, something that disgusted me.
And a car that reeked of his bank account and not practicality.
I longed for my little Toyota, which he’d sold out from under me, saying it was beneath the Carrington name.
The same name I was supposed to carry after a lavish wedding that he was planning without my involvement.
A match made in heaven.
“Mmm… I am grateful. Very much. I can’t wait to show you later.
” At least I’d learned about his tics and every nuance and voice pattern.
I could avoid a solid percentage of his outbursts, but I was fidgeting, more on edge than normal, which prevented me from paying close attention to his mood swings.
I rolled my hands up his chest, tilting my head as if I gave a damn his pecs were perfect, marveled over by every woman he worked with, every man envious of who he was and what he owned.
When I darted my tongue across my bottom lip, I could see the effects of my obedience with the bulge between his legs swelling.
“That’s more like it. My beautiful girl. You’ve been so good lately that I wanted to reward you.”
He was the same way with his nurses and other employees of his practice, keeping them under his thumb like his powerful father had taught him. With wealth did come corruption. That’s something I’d wished I’d learned before moving in with the man.
Correction, being coerced on the day of my mother’s funeral.
I took the box, placing my Academy Award-winning smile with the twinkle in my eyes front and center before opening the box. “Oh, my gosh. What a gorgeous bracelet.”
A tennis bracelet.
Not that there was anything wrong with being given a huge diamond bracelet that I knew easily cost well over one hundred thousand dollars. That was how the man rolled.
How he eased his guilty conscience.
I rubbed my cheek involuntarily, immediately pulling my hand free. The worst thing I could do was acknowledge the fight from two nights before. Or the aftereffects my foundation had difficulty hiding.
“Do you like it?” As with every gift he provided, his voice became that of a child praying his parents would offer a pittance of crumbs in acknowledgment of his accomplishments. All I’d needed was to meet his father to know what Hoffman had likely endured as a child.
What I’d realized was that whatever atrocities or hardships he’d faced as a kid didn’t mean I should tolerate spending my life around an abusive man.
I was worth more than failing myself in some endeavor to pretend I wasn’t suffering.
That I didn’t deserve better. The girl I’d once been, the one full of life with a mouth on her that had always gotten me into trouble had vanished.
When I looked into the mirror, I only saw a girl with haunted eyes staring back at me.
Even the anger had almost been beaten into a dark abyss.
“Absolutely. Just gorgeous. Do you think it would be okay if I wore it on the cruise? I mean I know we’re on the ocean and…” I purposely allowed my words to trail off, pretending that I needed his advice.
“I was hoping you’d want to wear it, baby. Of course. Let me put it on for you.”
For a few minutes, he wasn’t the horrible monster who’d taken control of every aspect of my life.
He wasn’t the man who picked out my clothes or told me what to eat, admonishing me if I ever wanted something sweet.
And he wasn’t the man who expected me to perform my duties no matter how I felt at the end of a long day.
This man was the one I’d fallen in love with, the one who’d doted on me for weeks, acting as if the sun rose and set on me.
He was the man who brought me roses, who’d taken me to my favorite restaurants, and who’d watched all the chick flicks I knew he’d hated.
The one who’d been there when I’d curled into a ball, asking God why he’d taken my mother away.
My rock. My best friend. I’d thought him a prince.
Not a monster.
The transition was slow and almost as if I hadn’t been paying attention.
As I stared at the sparkly designer piece, seeing dollar signs at least brought some sense of my own personal peace.
Even if my world was about to collapse.
“Beautiful. Just like you.” He backed away, returning to his lounge chair, sliding on his sunglasses and ignoring the dark clouds overhead. He was the kind of man who believed he could control the weather like everything else.
I fingered the bracelet, returning to my wine as I practiced my breathing.
There was nothing about the ocean I liked and I never had.
Hoffman knew that. Not that he cared. With the breeze kicking up, the ocean waters were already turbulent, tossing me back and forth as I tried to walk across the deck to the galley.
My nerves were close to becoming frazzled, which couldn’t happen.
“What a beautiful day, huh?” he asked as I passed. He was leaning back in his lounge chair, soaking in the sun even though the clouds were thickening. With his dark sunglasses on, he couldn’t tell the sky was growing angry.
“Yes,” I said, which was the only reply I could muster.
My stomach churned, more nauseated than the last time I’d been forced onto the boat.
Only this time, the sail had been days, not hours, and instead of becoming more used to the movement and getting my sea legs, I’d been fighting with keeping any food down.
Not only from the condition of the sailing trip but also from nerves.
At least he seemed to be in a good mood for a change. During the last few months, his grueling schedule had taken a significant toll. Even more than usual.
“Hey,” he said and I stopped dead in my tracks, hissing as quietly as possible. The last thing I needed to do was to make him angry.
I was tired of everything I’d worked for being challenged and put on the backburner. I was stronger than the woman I portrayed. Damn the man. Damn the situation and the horrible nightmare I was living.
I took a deep breath, holding my shoulders back as I tipped my head to the side. I’d learned a long time ago how to fake happiness. That’s what he expected and in doing so, I’d learned how to disarm him. At least I could remind myself this was the last goddamn boat ride I’d tolerate.
“Yes? Do you need something?”
“Bring me another beer,” he said while lifting his sunglasses. “And before you return, change that damn bathing suit. I hate that one.”
“Not a problem. Honey.”
My joints were stiff as I moved into the bedroom, hating that my body was shaking as usual. But this time more from adrenaline than anything else. I grabbed my one piece, jerking the bikini off. I hated the damn thing anyway. It was too small and too tight.
Just the way he preferred.
Only I wasn’t that girl and never had been. For all the attempts at molding me into something I wasn’t, he’d failed. Like he was doing with his business. A sly smile crossed my face. He didn’t like me to know about the issues he was facing, but the writing was on the wall.
I slipped into a coverup, taking my little backpack and attaching it to my waist, easing it underneath the shirt. As I looked into the mirror, my reflection highlighted sheer determination instead of fear.
By the time I headed to the galley, I noticed dark clouds in the sky. The storm was coming way too fast. Hoffman hadn’t listened when I’d told him the weather report. He’d acted like he was invincible, which was the same way he acted about everything else.
The boat swayed hard, a splash of water coming over the bow. I was tossed against the side, slipping and fighting to keep standing. By the time I made it to the galley, I was panting because of the trickling of fear.
Once inside, I gripped the edges of the counter on either side, rocking with the boat as I’d learned to do until the heavy waves seemed to pass.
His damn beer. I cursed mentally since Hoffman didn’t like me doing it in front of his colleagues.
Or anyone else. Now, I was wondering whether saltwater fish would mind hearing me swearing like a sailor.
Shit. Fuck. Son of a bitch. Asshole. Motherfucker.
Just thinking the words isn’t going to help.
My inner voice was correct.
After taking a few deep breaths, I pulled a beer from the fridge, a surge hitting the boat at the exact time I twisted the top. The bottle slipped from my hand, crashing onto the floor.
My yelp was from surprise even as laughter bubbled to the surface while watching the golden brew sloshing everywhere. I grabbed a towel, ready to clean it up when I felt a presence standing only a few feet away.
He never asked any questions and he certainly never laughed with me when an accident like this happened. His chest heaved, his eyes darkening and I had no time to brace for his usual reaction.
The backhand was quick, enough force used I was tossed against the wall like a ragdoll.
Agony burst into my head, my entire face on fire as I slid down the wall and into the cold beer.
I cupped my face, tears springing to my eyes, but goddamn the man.
I wasn’t going to cry because of him any longer.
He could threaten me all he wanted. He could tell me over and over again what he would do if I didn’t obey him. He could tell everyone in the world a lie about why I could never practice medicine. Fuck him.
The bastard could spew every detail of how he’d hurt my father if I ever dared try to leave him.
Fuck. Him.
His massive hand grabbed the bottle, holding it into the light while he snarled and glared at me. “You stupid cunt. Why can’t you learn to be careful? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
As he pitched the heavy bottle against the wall, I cringed, but I was finished with cowering. I would have left him months ago if it weren’t for my family. His threats had been detailed, explaining in vivid, gory detail what he’d do to them, my friends as well.
He had the power to make every threat turn into a promise.
As the bottle shattered, I remained where I was, pulling my hand away so he could see the mark he’d left. The blood on my lip. I’d wear the bruise like a badge of honor.
“Clean up this fucking mess.” He didn’t stick around to ensure I obeyed him, grabbing another beer and stomping from the room.
My breaths were long and deep once again, controlling the level of emotions that would feed on my despair. I’d allow myself a good cry later.
But not now.
Now I needed to play my cards right, buy time and try to avoid his wrath. Maybe the storm had been a godsend.
The thought fueled me as I struggled not to cut myself while cleaning up the glass. I’d go through the motions, finding the right moment.
* * *
That came only a couple of hours later after a quiet peace had settled over me.
The storm had mostly passed, although the water was still turbulent.
I’d paid attention to how far out we were, trying to relax and enjoy the moment.
The skies were darkening, adding another layer of gloominess to the horizon.
As I stared at the waves across the turquoise water, I could feel him behind me once again.
I fought to keep from bristling, even controlling my breathing while he eased my hair from my shoulder, wrapping his fingers around my long strands.
The feel of his hot, wet lips on my neck normally caused a shiver.
Not this time.
I felt nothing.
But anger.
And hatred.
And a self-loathing that would stop tonight.
“You are so beautiful, Gigi. I don’t tell you that enough.” His voice was soft, as alluring as the night I’d met him and the weeks afterwards.
Before everything had changed.
Before everything had turned sour.
I resisted telling him that I hated when he called me that. Gigi wasn’t my name. Something I’d thought adorable in the beginning had been used as a weapon against me whenever he so chose.
“You know I don’t like to do those things to you. You just need to start learning. And listening. Can you do that for me?”
“Of course,” I managed, even smiling in case he was paying attention.
“That’s my good girl. Let me get you some wine. You deserve it.”
“That sounds great. Maybe that will calm my stomach.”
He chuckled as if I was making a joke. The bastard. I remained where I was, folding my arms and doing nothing but staring at the ocean.
Maybe one day I’d learn to love the water again.
Maybe I’d even learn to scuba dive.
I could be a little fish.
As he walked away, my smile returned, only this time smug and full of eagerness. I slowly shifted my head over my shoulder, waiting until he’d disappeared from view.
This was the right thing to do.
No, this was the only thing I could do.
No more fear. No more violence.
No more threats.
I couldn’t take it any longer.
No more tears.
No more of anything.
But peace.
As the fear began to fade, I took another deep breath.
And I slipped into the ocean.