Chapter 56
Chapter Fifty-Six
RILEY
I hear a sharp thudding on my door and I know who’s on the other side before I hear his voice.
“Riley, it’s me,” Nat says. “Open up.”
My nostrils flare.
My body buzzes with equal measures of frustration and determination.
I throw aside the mechanic books that I’d been studying since Nathan dropped me off this afternoon.
My fingers close around the doorknob. Twist. Pull.
I throw the door open.
My eyes pierce Nathan Campbell’s unfairly handsome face.
The timing.
The stupid timing has always been off with us.
It made sense when I was twelve and he was eighteen. There’s no way that would have been acceptable in any form.
It made sense when he first came to Lucky Falls and I was trying to protect my heart and the secret involving Betty and my old job.
Now, I’m taking matters into my own hands.
No more interruptions.
No more misunderstandings.
No more half-truths.
“Riles,” Nat says, “I—”
Jaw set, I grab his hand and march him into my living room. Nat stumbles behind me, more from the shock than from anything.
He’s so much bigger than me that I shouldn’t be able to lift even one of his legs, much less throw him around.
But that’s exactly what I do.
Steering him by the arm, I turn him so his back is to the couch and shove him into the cushions, being mindful to situate him away from the thick OEM books scattered on the other side of the couch.
Nat falls into the chair, eyes wide and a shocked expression creasing his face.
“Before you say anything, I have something to tell you.” I back away from the couch, square my shoulders and stick out my chin. “I’ve had a crush on you since before I knew what a crush was.”
Nat blinks slowly.
Is he horrified? Is he amused? I have no idea.
That’s not the point right now.
I tap a finger into my hand, making my point harshly. “Back then, all I knew was that I liked your green eyes, and I liked it when you played with me. I didn’t like sharing you with Chris. I wanted you all to myself.”
Memories of fighting with my brother to have Nat join me on the slide or push me on the swings flash through my head.
“I got older and I heard my friends at school talking about their crushes and how nervous they got around them. And I realized that I was increasingly nervous around you. Especially when you smiled.”
Nat’s lips curve into a smile.
I swat at him. “Don’t smile right now, Campbell. It’s distracting.”
He pulls his lips into his mouth, but his eyes can’t hide his amusement.
“The first time I tried wearing makeup, it was to impress you. I don’t know if you remember, but I walked out with purple eye shadow and smeared red lips and you and Chris laughed me out of the room.”
“I remember that. I thought you were trying to be funny.”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t. And it kept happening. The first time I tried high heels, it was thinking of what you said about some girl on the cheerleading team who flirted with you at practice.”
Nat’s eyebrows jump. “Is that the day you fell down the stairs?”
“Yes, it was.”
“You almost broke your neck, Riles. All because of me?”
I hold up a hand. “Before you think I was obsessed with you to the point that I didn’t have my own identity, you’re wrong.
I had my own hobbies and my own interests.
I tried different school clubs, lost friends and made friends.
My body was changing and I was discovering who I wanted to be and what I had interest in doing for the rest of my life.
There were times I had interest in guys in my class, guys my own age, but it never stuck. And that I blame on you.”
“Me?” Nat sticks a finger in his chest.
“You were always around.”
I stomp my foot because, really, that’s the part that’s so unfair. “I had no control over who my brother’s best friend was. And you were so handsome and so warm and your smile kept reeling me back in—Nathan Michael Washington Campbell, I’ve already asked you to stop smiling at me. I’m serious.”
Nat scrubs a hand over his chin and ducks his head. “My full government name, wow.”
“You went to college and things got easier for me, but I never forgot you. It’s just that I closed the door to the room in my heart that you occupied. But that door got ripped off its hinges when I heard about your accident.”
At this point, I stop and wring my hands together because it’s still hard for me to remember that time.
“I was so scared for you and, yes, I went to the hospital.”
“Riles, you could have come in,” Nat says gently. “We had the type of relationship where you could have seen me.”
I shake my head. “I would have cried and cried and everyone would be staring at me like a crazy person. Plus, I didn’t want to disturb you. I wasn’t as close to you as Chris was and they said you only wanted him and your parents—it was enough for me to just be outside. So that’s why I went.”
Nathan stands, hands outstretched as if he wants to touch me.
Palms to his shoulders, I shove him back down.
He lands in the couch again, one leg half-raised. He lets out a disbelieving chuckle.
“I’m not done,” I tell him.
Smirking, Nat relaxes into the couch, legs spread, one arm hanging over the back, like he’s posing for a magazine shoot.
And I forget my train of thought.
“I’m listening, Riles,” Nat encourages me.
I look at a point above his head and continue, “When you came to town, I was terrified that I’d become the Riley who saw nothing but Nathan Campbell.
I thought it was better that we avoid each other.
But you kept flirting with me and coming on to me.
You were basically obsessed and what was I supposed to do?
Not date you because I’ve had a crush on you forever? Are you kidding? I’m only human.”
“Obsessed, huh?” Nat tilts his head. “I don’t remember it quite like that.”
I hold up a finger, not wanting to be interrupted.
“I was going to tell you. Eventually. I’m sure my crush would have come up, but then we had lunch that day with Jimmy and the others.
And you said getting hung up on your first love is a mental illness or something. ” I wave a hand as I start to pace.
“Whoa. That’s not what I said.”
“The thought of telling you how long I’ve been pining for you was too risky.
I figured it was something I could put off.
But then Layla,” I spit out her name, “told the entire world, so I wanted to let you hear everything from me because you deserve that and I do too. Even if it’s embarrassing, even if I’m mildly horrified right this minute as I think about all the stupid things I did back then to get your attention, this is the truth.
This is me. I’ve always been looking at you, Nat. ”
My chest moves up and down as I take in deep breaths.
Silence descends.
And then Nat rises to his feet and watches me cautiously to make sure I won’t shove him again.
“The floor is yours.” I gesture.
“First, thank you for telling me. I’m honored to be your first love, Riley.”
“Didn’t sound like it that day in the office,” I mumble.
“I feel like kicking myself. I shouldn’t have said those things about first loves. Half of it was me trying to be funny.”
“Well, you weren’t.”
“No I wasn’t.” He admits with a nod. “And maybe that’s because, when I was a kid, I was jumping from one crush to the next. Nothing in my youth was ever that serious.”
“I’m aware. You were such a playboy.” I roll my eyes. “You had a new girlfriend every summer. It’s like you were intentionally trying to torture me.”
“It was not intentional. I was being a dumb teenaged boy.” He tries to enclose me in his arms.
I smack his hand down, still salty about how un-single Nat was from the ages of fifteen to eighteen years old.
“Come on, Riles. Cut me some slack.”
I turn my back on him. “I wasted so much of my tears on you. I should be compensated for the emotional distress.”
Nat chuckles and hugs me from behind. His lips find my ear. “I’ll compensate you.”
“How?”
“I’ll love you,” he says.
My heart nearly explodes in my chest and I think I temporarily black out.
Nat’s grip becomes firm. “I’ll love you ten times more than you loved me and I’ll love you for a hundred years more than you loved me.”
I twist slightly to look at him, barely breathing.
Nat smiles the same way he did back then to snag my heart. “How’s that for compensation?”