Ice Rivals (East Coast #4)

1. McKinley

“Would you put your dick away?”

I smirk as I whip my team captain in the ass with my towel. “What’s the matter, Big Man? You jealous that your dick isn’t as big as mine?”

Alexander points his index finger at me. “First of all, my wife is the only one who gets to call me Big Man . Secondly, my dick is bigger.”

Jason, our defenseman, arches a brow as he laces up his sneakers on the bench. “Bigger than that ? How is Aarya walking around right now?”

Alex grins. “With a limp.”

I toss my head back and laugh. I love seeing my best friend so happy. It’s been a long time coming, and Alex’s new wife is to thank for that. Even though the only reason they’re married is to secure his family villa in Italy, they’re so gone for each other, it’s obvious to everyone but them. So, I’ll let him think whatever he wants as long as it keeps that smile on his face. He’s been through a lot, and he deserves to be happy.

But for the record, my dick is bigger.

“Where are we going tonight?” I bend forward and pull on my sweatpants. “We have another win to celebrate.”

Alex is the first one to shake his head. “I’m going home so I can tuck Giuls in before bed.”

“I’m heading home too.” Trenton, our goalie, grins. “Cassidy is working on a new scene for her next book, and she’s going to need someone to act it out with. You know, for research purposes.”

I groan. “Come on. We haven’t been out together in a while.”

“I’ll come out for a drink or two.” Jason rubs the back of his neck. “But I’m not up for one of your wild and crazy nights, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

“This is bullshit,” I grumble.

All of my best friends are wifed-up, and don’t want to go out anymore. Not that I can blame them. If I had someone waiting for me—or two someone’s, like Jason—I’d be running home to them too.

Sometimes it feels like that day will never come for me.

Jason is the perfect person to be around tonight. He found not one but two women to fall in love with, who also love each other just as much. The three of them have been best friends since high school, and last year they finally admitted their feelings for one another and decided to make it official.

If his wives can fall in love with a man and a woman, then there has to be hope for me too, right?

After we clear out of the locker room, Jason and I head to the pub, a chill local spot near the arena. None of the tourists know about this little hole in the wall, so we never get bothered for autographs or pictures.

But all my chill goes out the window when I spot some of the Philly players from tonight’s game sitting in a booth across the room when we walk in.

“Fuck,” Jason mutters. “Want to go somewhere else?”

I shake my head, making a beeline to the bar. “Nope. This is our town. They can leave if they feel uncomfortable.”

And they should. We handed them their asses tonight.

“You gonna behave?” Jason asks.

I grunt, locking eyes with Chance Kellerman, their team’s winger. “Maybe.”

Kellerman’s jaw tics right before he averts that dark and stormy gaze of his.

That’s right, you coward. Look away.

It’s no secret that Kellerman and I have history. My teammates know about our college rivalry—dorming together while playing on the same team, constantly trying to outshine the other to get noticed by the scouts; they know about his shit attitude when all I did was try to be his friend; and they know about us vying for the same girl’s attention sophomore year.

What they don’t know is how much deeper our relationship went during that time.

It’s not that I’m ashamed to tell my friends about that part of the story. I’m open with my sexual orientation, and they know I’ve been with men in addition to women.

It’s Kellerman’s secret that I’m keeping.

He came from a broken home with an alcoholic homophobe for a father, so he’s kept his sexuality under wraps his whole life. It was beyond frustrating to watch him conceal his true self. I’ve always been out in the open with who I am, so I can’t understand that kind of mentality.

Be who you are, and fuck anyone who doesn’t accept that.

A lot happened between us over the course of those four college years, leading to a blowout fight after graduation. Landing spots on rival NHL teams only drove the wedge further between us. Now, the only time we speak is with our fists on the ice.

“We’ll have one beer, and then we’ll leave.” Jason slides onto the stool beside me. “I’m not getting into a bar fight tonight.”

I scoff. “Who said anything about fighting?”

Jason shoots me a dubious look. “There’s always fighting when the two of you are involved.”

Jeff, the owner of the pub, places a bottle of Corona down in front of each of us. “You boys want me to throw them out?”

“Nah, let’s send them a round of drinks instead.” I wink at him. “Something fruity.”

Jason stifles a groan beside me. “Here we fucking go.”

Jeff grins. “Four strawberry daiquiris coming right up.”

“Oh! With little umbrellas in them,” I add, making Jeff chuckle.

Jason gulps down his beer like he’s in a rush. “Why do you have to instigate?”

I grin. “Because it’s fun.”

“There’s four of them, and two of us.”

“I thought you said you’re not getting into a bar fight?”

He rolls his eyes. “I can’t just leave you in here to fend for yourself. I would, if I thought it’d teach you a lesson.”

I shrug. “I’m just unteachable.”

Jason shakes his head. “How have you been doing? You don’t seem like yourself since you ended things with Erika.”

Erika and I flirted for a while, being the only single ones in our friend group, but she pumped the brakes when I wanted to take things further. She’d just recovered from vaginoplasty, transitioning from a man to a woman, and she wasn’t ready to get into a serious relationship.

“We want two different things, and that’s okay. She’s been through a lot and she needs to find out who she is.”

Jason nods. “I can’t imagine going from being a man my whole life to transitioning to a woman. It must feel like she’s starting a new life.”

“Erika felt like she was a woman the whole time she was a man, so I don’t think it’s as new or scary as it might seem to us. But when it comes to dating and her new body, she has a lot to experience.”

I’d never take that away from her. She deserves to experience life the way we all have—those of us who’ve been lucky enough to feel comfortable in our own bodies. Besides, we weren’t going to be an epic love story. Now, she’s one of my closest friends, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

“So, if you’re cool with Erika, then what is it?” Jason presses.

“It’s hard being the only single friend in our group. I never had a problem with it before, but recently...” I stare down at my beer. “I think Cassidy’s romance books are messing with my head or something. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m surrounded by married people. Maybe monogamy and commitment are contagious, and they’ve rubbed off on me.”

Jason smiles. “I don’t think it’s the books. You’re getting older, and you want different things than you used to. The meaningless partying gets old after a while, even for you.”

My friends know me as the clown; the one who fools around and has fun, but never settles down. Sure, I can be a bit wild, and okay fine , I’ve woken up in an empty apartment without my clothes or any recollection of how I got there, and had to cover my dick with a McDonald’s paper bag while I walk-of-shamed home. But seeing my friends find unconditional love makes me wonder if that’s in the cards for someone like me. I play it off with lighthearted jesting, but I think about it more often than I care to admit.

I felt true love once, and I don’t think I’ll ever get that feeling back.

Not for anyone else.

Jason clinks his bottle against mine. “The right one will come to you when he or she is meant to.”

I glance over my shoulder as Jeff walks the strawberry drinks over to Kellerman’s booth. When four sets of eyes glare at me from across the bar, I blow them a kiss for good measure.

Two of them flip us off, while a third shakes his head, clearly not as amused as I am.

I expect Kellerman to fly out of his seat and mouth off to me, or come knock me off my stool. I’m itching for it. He gets under my skin—always has since the moment we met—and I’m ready for a fight.

But he simply raises the glass with the yellow umbrella sticking out of it in cheers, and takes a big gulp.

Jason chuckles under his breath. “Feel better now that you fucked with him?”

Not quite.

“Come on. Let’s get out of here and call it a night.” Jason throws down cash on the bar. “I promise, we’ll convince the guys to come out with us next time.”

I shake my head. “You go. I’m gonna stay for another beer.”

Jason steals another glance over his shoulder. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

“I’ll be fine.” I clap him on the shoulder. “Go enjoy your hot threesome sex.”

He flashes me a grin. “You know I will.”

After Jason leaves, I chat with Jeff until I drain my third beer. I pay for a round of drinks for everyone in the bar along with my tab, and then I head out the back door.

I don’t make it more than two feet before I’m shoved from behind.

I stagger forward and then whirl around. “What the?—”

A fist connects with my jaw before I can get my hands up. When I regain my footing, my eyes lock with the man who sucker-punched me.

Dark eyes flash with malice. “Just wanted to say thanks for the drink, asshole.”

I lift my hand and wipe the blood dripping from the corner of my mouth as I grin. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to sit there and take it like a man, Kellerman. Which is surprising, because I remember you taking it so well.”

His fists clench at his sides. “Fuck you.”

“Right here in the alley?” I hike a shoulder. “I’m down.”

He throws another punch, but I dodge it this time.

I spin him around, yanking him by his hoodie, and press him against the brick building to hold him in place. “Why do you bother with this every time we cross paths, hmm? You punch me, and I punch you, but it only leaves us frustrated and wanting more.”

He shoves me back a few steps. “The only thing I want is to wipe that smug look off your face.”

I laugh before spitting blood onto the street. “We both know that’s not the only thing you want. You used to beg for it. Do you remember that? I bet you do. I bet you think about the things we did all the time.”

Kellerman swings and I let him punch me.

“The way you’d moan around my dick in your mouth?—”

Another punch.

“The way you’d whimper my name right before you came.”

This time when he swings, I dodge it and give him a right hook to the jaw. He lunges at me, and takes me to the ground. We scuffle on the pavement, each of us trying to gain control.

I roll him onto his back and mount him, pinning his arms down on either side of his head while he struggles underneath me. I roll my hips against him, and sure enough, he’s hard as a fucking rock.

Just like me.

“You can act like you hate me all you want, Kellerman.” I lean down, so close to his face that our noses touch. “But I know the truth. You can’t fake it with me. I know your dirty little secret.”

“Trust me, it’s not an act.” He spits his words like venom, lifting his head to speak his words against my mouth. “I fucking hate you.”

I roll my hips again, rubbing our erections against each other. “Doesn’t feel that way.”

His eyes drop to my mouth, and time slows down around us. In this moment, it’s just the two of us, back in our dorm room, without the eyes of the world on us; without the pressure of society weighing down on our shoulders.

“You don’t have to live like this anymore,” I whisper, brushing my lips against his. “Aren’t you tired of hiding? Isn’t the pretending exhausting?”

He sucks in ragged breaths as his inner turmoil swirls in his dark irises. He tilts his head a fraction of an inch like he’s going to close the gap and kiss me.

I’m dying for it.

Yearning.

Practically begging.

I haven’t felt this alive since college, and I hate that my heart still beats for someone who’s too ashamed to admit that he loves me back.

Jeff’s voice echoes in the alley. “Everything okay out here, Mac?”

Kellerman crawls out from under me, and we both brush ourselves off as we push to our feet.

I lift my hand and wave at Jeff. “All good. Just working out our shit.”

Jeff chuckles and shakes his head as he tosses the garbage bag in his hand into the dumpster.

I wait for Jeff to disappear back inside the bar before swinging my gaze to Kellerman. “Still don’t have answers for my questions, do you?”

He glares at me before he turns around and walks away like he always does. “Not the answers you want to hear.”