19. Kellerman
Sophomore Year
“Where are we going tonight?”
Stephen’s lips land on my neck as his hands trail up my arms from behind me. “I think we should stay right here tonight. Fuck the party.”
My dick jumps at the idea. “I thought Presley was celebrating her friend’s birthday.”
“She is.” His tongue traces my ear. “Doesn’t mean we have to.”
I turn my head and glance at him over my shoulder. “So, you want to stay in just the two of us?”
He leans in and captures my lips, his hand skating along the waistband of my sweats. “Would that be so bad?”
I catch his wrist, and spin around to face him. For the last two weeks, Stephen, Presley, and I have been going at it like rabbits—the three of us, together. I haven’t fooled around with Stephen, or Presley for that matter, one-on-one.
Stephen’s eyebrows press together, his crystal-blue eyes searching mine. “What’s wrong?”
I shrug. “I don’t know how this works.”
“This works however we want it to work.”
He says it so simply, as if a polyamory is as easy as making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
“Have you and Presley fooled around...without me?” I ask, unsure of how I’ll feel if he says they have.
Stephen’s hands come up and rest on my shoulders. “Is that what you’re worried about? Being left out?”
I roll my eyes, even though that’s exactly what I’m worried about. “I’m just asking.”
“We haven’t been together without you, but I’m sure we would if you weren’t available. I think if the three of us are going to do this, then we should be able to explore what we feel whenever we want to.” The corner of his mouth tips up to one side. “I do like you jealous, though.”
I scoff. “I’m not jealous.”
“You are, but that’s okay.” He slowly drops to his knees in front of me. “Let me reassure you that you have nothing to worry about.”
I arch a brow as I look down my nose at him, feigning nonchalance. “And why’s that?”
He tugs down my pants and my cock springs free, hard and ready for him. “Because I want you just as much as I want her, and I’m not willing to give you up.”
My heart constricts in my chest. I don’t have a response for him. I don’t know what to say. I want to ask why.
Why does he like me?
Why does he care?
Why doesn’t he want to be with just Presley?
Stephen’s eyes stay locked on mine as he leans in and runs his tongue along my length. “You don’t see it, but you will.”
I let out a shaky breath. “See what?”
“The way I want you.” He sucks on my crown. “The way I feel about you.” He cups my balls. “The way I’m going to care for you.”
My hips jerk forward, unable to endure his teasing. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”
I whisper the words into the quiet room like a hushed confession.
Stephen pushes off his knees and stands to his full height before me. He takes my face into his hands, and speaks against my lips. “I’ll wait for you.”
A lump forms in the back of my throat. “You shouldn’t.”
I’m broken.
Fucked up.
Unlovable.
I’m the opposite of all the best parts of Stephen McKinley.
“You’re worth it, Kellerman.” He nips at my bottom lip. “And when you’re ready, I’ll be here to tell you I told you so.”
“Ah, I see.” My arms wrap around his body, pulling him closer in spite of myself. “This is about you being right.”
He chuckles. “No, this is about you getting out of your own way and realizing that the life you’ve had up until this point isn’t the life you’re destined for.”
My heart hammers in my chest. “And what is it you think I’m destined for?”
“Love.”
The word encompasses so much.
Loving myself.
Loving others.
Letting others love me.
I don’t know how to do any of it. My greatest fear is that I’ll end up exactly like the person my father told me I was, worthless and undeserving. I’ve buried myself in hockey, practicing so I could be the best and prove him wrong. But I haven’t quite figured out how to be worth a damn in any other aspect of my life. I’m not fun and carefree like Presley. I’m not friendly and confident like Stephen. I’m not much of anything. Nothing that matters.
But gazing into the blue eyes looking back at me with such certainty, it’s hard to deny him. I want the kind of life he’s talking about. I want more than what I’ve had.
I want it with him. With them.
Instead of fooling around and making each other come, Stephen pulls me down onto his bed and lays his head on my chest. It’s bigger than sex. It’s more than a physical connection. It’s intimacy. Trust. Vulnerability. And I don’t fight it. It feels good to give in to him.
“The three of us are going to be something incredible,” Stephen whispers. “Just you wait and see.”