SEVEN
HAYLEY DID NOT WANT TO BE in a bar, but she also had very little desire to sit in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge for an hour. So, she was in a bar. She was sipping her single malt scotch when the stool beside her skidded across the floor.
“I haven’t seen you in here before.” A woman with a husky voice sat down beside her, a sleeve of tattoos spilling out from beneath the edge of her T-shirt.
“Not interested.” Hayley’s tone came out sharper than she had intended, but she wasn’t in the mood for small talk.
The woman scoffed and moved away, taking a seat further down the counter.
Maddie was throwing Hayley off her game. There she was, simmering with annoyance over their last interaction, now missing out on a conversation with a perfectly attractive woman.
She sighed. Hayley hadn’t heard from Maddie since ignoring her most recent text three days ago, and part of her wondered if she should reach out.
Just to keep things cordial. Maybe something subtle, like an emoji.
But which emoji says We can be friends, but for God’s sake, please stop trying to kiss me? The smiley face with the cowboy hat?
Hayley shook her head, feeling ridiculous.
No, she thought. This is what I wanted. For Maddie to just leave me alone.
So why did it feel like everything she’d planned for her life was slowly unraveling?
The noise of the pub was suddenly too loud. Finishing her scotch in one gulp, she laid down cash and slipped out. As she hailed a cab, the thought of the silent apartment waiting for her felt even worse than the din of the bar. She gave the driver a different address.
Twenty minutes later, Hayley was knocking on her best friend’s door.
“Hay?” Gemma asked, pulling it open wide. “What’s wrong?”
Hayley threw her arms around Gemma, holding on a second longer than usual to breathe in the familiar scent of her shampoo.
“Where are Caitlin and Maddie?” Hayley scanned the living room.
Gemma led the way to the couch. Judging by the deep imprint in the cushion, she had been sitting there for a while. She sank back into it, and Hayley followed suit.
“They went out for drinks. I wanted them to have some girl time together,” Gemma said with a teasing grin, “so I stayed in.” She studied Hayley, her expression hardening. “And now I’m glad I did. What’s going on?”
“I got what I wanted, so it doesn’t even make sense,” Hayley groaned, holding her head in her hands.
Gemma turned, leaning an arm against the back of the couch to face Hayley. “Care to elaborate?”
“Maddie,” Hayley muttered, her shoulders slumping. “I wanted her to leave me alone.”
“But now that she has, you miss her,” Gemma finished, saying what Hayley was unable to put into words.
She leaned her head back against the sofa and closed her eyes.
Inhale—one, two, three, four.
Exhale—one, two, three, four.
“I always knew we’d be having this conversation one day,” Gemma whispered. And then, her voice softening further, “Love is part of the human condition, Hay. I’d hate to see you miss out on it forever.”
“But you said it yourself—I’d break Maddie’s heart. I’m not good for her.”
“I’m still not telling you to sleep with her.
But if you miss her that much, well, we both know nothing can change your mind once it’s set on something.
” Gemma let out a short, dry laugh, and Hayley smiled.
“It’s okay to like her, you know, everyone does.
Maddie’s easy to like. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be her friend.
You can get to know her and still keep it in your pants. But let me ask you something.”
Hayley opened her eyes at her friend’s tone and rolled her head along the cushion to look over at Gemma, who was watching her intently.
“Was there ever a time you wanted a fairytale ending for yourself?”
Hayley’s palms grew clammy. She let the silence stretch between them.
“Yes,” she finally breathed, her voice so low that it was barely audible.
But that doesn’t matter anymore, Hayley wanted to say, I’m not strong enough for it.
Gemma slowly nodded as if she could hear Hayley’s thoughts. “I know you don’t like to talk about how hard those years were, but I think maybe you should try.”
Hayley shook her head. Why were people always telling her she needed to relive the worst years of her life? That’s what she was trying to avoid. She’d spent the last sixteen years making sure she never had to hurt like that again.
“I’m too scared,” she confessed, dropping her chin and keeping her eyes glued to her lap.
Gemma moved closer and wrapped her arm around Hayley.
“I know it’s scary. You saw how petrified I was to let Caitlin back in, but look at where we are now.
” She gestured around their home. There was a new portrait of them hanging above the mantel.
“Maybe it’s time to let someone in—someone besides me,” she added quickly before Hayley could protest. “Just to see what happens.”
Hayley curled into Gemma’s side, soaking in the comfort of her embrace. She wasn’t sure she even knew how to let someone in.
Gemma settled them into the cushions, still holding Hayley tight. She reached for the remote and restarted the episode she had been watching. They eased into their usual routine, cuddling on the couch while their favorite reality show, Summer House, played in the background.
Hayley felt her muscles slowly relax, one by one, until her eyelids began to flutter.
She was vaguely aware of a new episode beginning when the faint thud of the front door echoed down the hallway.
“You two look cozy,” Caitlin said, walking into the living room.
Hayley smiled but gently pulled away from Gemma, keeping her eyes fixed on the TV. It sounded like Caitlin was alone, but she didn’t want to get caught searching the doorway behind her for Maddie.
“Hey baby.” Gemma gave Caitlin a quick peck on the lips as Caitlin sat down on Gemma’s other side, sinking into the cushions. “How was your night?”
“We had a blast. Surprised Maddie made it home with me, though.” Caitlin let out a mischievous laugh, shooting a glance toward the entryway as the click of the front door lock carried into the room.
“Oh yeah?” Gemma raised an eyebrow, catching Hayley’s sudden stiffness out of the corner of her eye.
Hayley fought to keep her face blank.
“A couple of women sent shots over to our table. I’m obviously taken.
” Caitlin pressed a reassuring kiss to Gemma’s temple even though they both knew Gemma didn’t need it.
“So I told Maddie that she had to drink them all. Those girls spent an hour practically fighting over which one was going to take her home.”
Hayley bit the inside of her cheek, hanging on to every word while trying to pretend she wasn’t.
“But here I am,” Maddie announced with a flourish as she drifted in, plopping down onto the couch next to Hayley.
“Here you are.” Gemma smiled, her expression softening. Then, she looked at Caitlin. “Babe, I’m pretty tired. Let’s go to bed.”
Without protest, Caitlin stood and reached her hand out for Gemma’s.
“Stay,” Gemma whispered to Hayley, kissing her once on the cheek before taking Caitlin’s hand.
Hayley debated leaving—she really did. Already feeling vulnerable, she didn’t know what would happen if she stayed.
But she was just so tired. Tired of going home to an empty apartment. Tired of sleeping alone. Instead, she turned to Maddie, whose eyes were now the color of a gentle, moonlit bay, and asked softly, “Do you want to watch the next episode with me?”
Maddie’s face, still flushed with the buzz of alcohol, lit up. “I’d love to! What show is this, though?” she asked, squinting at the screen.
Hayley turned toward her, her mouth opening in genuine shock. “You’ve never seen Summer House? On behalf of the entire cast, I am deeply offended.”
Maddie laughed and shook her head.
“Well, now you definitely have to watch it with me.” This is good, Hayley thought. It would give them something to talk about.
Hayley inched closer, ignoring the voice in her head that was telling her to bolt. She draped half of her blanket over Maddie’s lap.
Hayley settled back into the couch, absentmindedly matching her own breaths to Maddie’s.
Maddie was laughing, saying something about how no man could ever deserve a woman like Paige DeSorbo.
Hayley allowed herself to sink into a wave of unfamiliar relaxation.
The last thing she remembered thinking was that she hadn’t felt that kind of peace since she was fifteen years old.
THE NEXT MORNING, HAYLEY WOKE FEELING out of sorts. Her bed felt wrong, and her head was rising and falling with the rhythm of someone else’s breathing.
Her eyes snapped open. She was lying on her side next to Maddie, who was asleep on her back.
Hayley had one leg hitched up over Maddie’s thighs and one arm wrapped snugly around Maddie’s waist. Her head was tucked into the space between Maddie’s shoulder and collarbone as she listened to the steady sound of Maddie’s heart beating in her ear.
The night before slowly filtered back. For hours, Hayley had dozed in and out of consciousness on Gemma’s couch while they watched season three of Summer House.
She remembered telling Maddie it was her favorite season—when the show had really started, in her opinion, thanks to the addition of Paige and Hannah.
What she couldn’t remember, though, was how they’d ended up tangled together.
Hayley carefully gazed up at Maddie. She looked almost innocent while she slept, her face smooth and peaceful. Hayley suddenly had a clear memory of finding her mom asleep just like this on her childhood sofa, cuddled with her dad, as morning sunlight streamed through the window.
She gently untucked herself from Maddie and tiptoed to the kitchen, hoping to slip out unnoticed.
“Ahem.”
Hayley jumped at the sound of Gemma clearing her throat, then sighed. “I didn’t even see you sitting over there.”
With her back to her best friend, Hayley reached into the cabinet full of mugs, acting as if she’d just gotten up for a cup of coffee—and definitely not to sneak out without saying goodbye.
She pressed the button on the machine and waited for the dark espresso to fill her cup, feeling Gemma’s eyes on her.
“I can hear you smiling. We just fell asleep, nothing happened,” Hayley spoke in a low voice.
Sure enough, when Hayley turned around, she found Gemma grinning from ear to ear behind her mug, staying quiet.
“Well, good morning,” Caitlin said cheerfully as she joined them in the kitchen. “Hay, did you sleep over, or did you just run out of coffee again?”
“Maybe I just like your coffee better than mine,” Hayley mumbled into her cup, though her tone lacked its usual bite.
“I found her asleep on the couch with Maddie,” Gemma whispered conspiratorially.
Hayley should have known that Gemma wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut.
Caitlin’s eyebrows shot up, and the two shared a loaded look.
Hayley rolled her eyes. “Don’t you both have enough to do already? Quit worrying about me.”
“What’d I miss?” Maddie stood in the doorway, rubbing her eyes sleepily. She blinked, her gaze sweeping over the room before landing squarely on Hayley.
For a moment, no one spoke. Gemma and Caitlin both looked to Hayley, waiting for her to answer.
“Nothing.” Hayley shifted on her feet, taking a large swig of her coffee. “I should go, actually. I have some open houses to get ready for.” She finished the last of her morning caffeine, then rinsed her mug and set it in the dishwasher.
“But it’s Sunday.” Maddie gave her a skeptical look.
“No days off in real estate,” Hayley replied vaguely, avoiding Maddie’s eyes. She wasn’t lying, exactly, even if her first showing wasn’t for another three hours. But it didn’t feel like the full truth, either.
If she were being honest with herself, she was afraid that she would get swept away again by the beckoning seas of Maddie’s eyes. All it would take was one look, one glance, and she knew it would strip her of everything she had worked so hard for—and force her to jump.