NINE #3
Maddie turned to face her, and the weight of the desire in her eyes crushed Hayley’s chest. Hayley quickly looked away, opting for a fixed point on the ceiling as she focused on the uneven thrum of the pulse between her legs.
They had reached the point in the evening where Hayley would typically ask the woman to leave so that she could finish the night. Alone. She would walk them to the door, slide the lock into place, then return to her bed to relive the moment privately.
Hayley had never once allowed a woman to watch her lose control in return. It was her number one rule. It made her feel too exposed, too helpless. She hated the idea of her body, her feelings, being at the mercy of anyone’s hands but her own.
Yet kicking Maddie out felt wrong somehow.
Maybe it was because of the wedding, or because of Gemma’s warnings, but Hayley didn’t want to lie in bed alone and imagine the woman now beside her—the soft moans she made while she came undone—just to find her own release.
It felt dirty, like an invasion of Maddie’s privacy.
The ache between Hayley’s legs demanded a solution while her brain argued with her heart.
Landing on mental compromise, she flipped Maddie onto her back, who grinned up at her curiously. Warning Maddie with a look, Hayley slid the lace fabric of her own thong down her legs, flicking it off into a corner of her room. She cautiously straddled Maddie’s waist.
“Keep your arms at your side,” she instructed, repositioning one knee between Maddie’s legs, her center spread across Maddie’s toned, tanned thigh.
Maddie watched her intently.
Hayley leaned forward and braced her palm against Maddie’s torso before she began to roll her hips, sliding easily as her own wetness slicked Maddie’s skin.
She rocked forward and back, desperately grinding out the throbbing ache deep inside her. Hayley moved with quick precision, and a low broken hum seeped from her throat before she could stop it.
Hayley felt Maddie’s fingers curl around her hip, pulling her down as Maddie angled her thigh up and increased the pressure.
She knew she should scold Maddie, pin her hands back down against the mattress, and remind her that she wasn’t allowed to touch. But Hayley was so close.
Instead, she shifted her body, allowing Maddie to guide her as she aligned their centers. She dropped her weight into Maddie’s lap and began to roll her hips, their bodies moving together as one.
A thin stifled note scraped out of Hayley’s chest, the only evidence of the storm raging behind her ribs. In the same heartbeat, a ragged moan tore from Maddie, bleeding into a raw whimper that cut right through Hayley.
Hayley’s body shuddered as she collapsed onto the bed at Maddie’s side, her arms thrown above her head. For a long while, they were both silent, their heavy breaths the only sound in the empty condo.
“Wow,” Maddie finally exhaled. She propped herself up on an elbow, peering down at Hayley as her breathing evened out. A soft smile touched her lips. “What are you thinking in that pretty head of yours?”
What was she thinking?
Hayley was thinking about the blue now reappearing in Maddie’s eyes, and how desire for her had swallowed it whole. She thought it had been a huge mistake to lose control in front of Maddie like that, and she felt ridiculously self-conscious. She thought Gemma and Caitlin would be pissed.
“I was thinking…” Hayley started, clearing her throat. “I was thinking that I should probably get you a cab home.” She swung her feet over the edge of the bed and onto the carpet, moving toward her closet to find her silk robe.
She risked a glance back, and the wounded frown etched into Maddie’s face hit her like a physical blow. She felt a hollow, aching guilt she hadn’t authorized, nor expected.
Hayley’s boundaries kept her safe, and she had never once regretted sending a woman home at the end of the night. She protected her autonomy fiercely—physically, financially, and emotionally—and her life had flourished as a result of her discipline. Guilt, she often thought, was a useless emotion.
Yet it was definitely guilt that threatened to overcome Hayley, even as she slid one arm into her robe. She wanted Maddie to stay, wanted to lose herself in the electric friction of their skin until the outside world dissolved again.
Maddie’s lips tightened. “I can get my own ride home.” Her voice was flat and steely, and her expression was unreadable.
Hayley crossed her arms at her chest, searching for words. She had briefly hoped that Maddie would protest, that she’d make some snarky comment about the late hour and insist on sleeping in Hayley’s bed, even if it meant that Hayley had to sleep on the couch.
But instead of her usual defiance, Maddie just slid to the edge of the bed and silently dressed herself as Hayley watched, unable to make sense of the guilt that churned in her stomach.
On her way out the door, Maddie glanced over her shoulder at Hayley one last time with a furrowed brow. It looked like there was something she wanted to say, and Hayley nearly begged to hear it.
Then, Maddie was gone, and Hayley was suddenly alone again.