TWENTY-THREE
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER career, Hayley had taken the day off.
She spent the morning brooding, trapped in an endless cycle of emotions.
She tried to wipe the devastated look on Maddie’s face clean from her mind, just for it to be replaced by Maddie’s glowing smile, which had only blossomed wider with each day together.
Hayley longed for the ease with which she had opened up to Maddie about her past, her family, and the city that had shaped her.
She yearned for the sight of Maddie perched on her counter in lingerie when she came home from work.
She ached for the way Maddie had learned each delicate, reactive place on her body and used it to unravel her until she cried out with pleasure.
Hayley just needed a chance to explain. The whole thing had been a misunderstanding—surely Maddie would be able to see that. But every single one of Hayley’s calls and texts had gone unanswered.
From the night they met two and a half years ago, Hayley had sensed that something was different about Maddie, something that left her feeling deeply off-balance.
She’d ignored it—ran from it, even—for as long as she could.
And when she couldn’t any longer, she’d tried to convince herself that a single night would be enough, a brief release that would leave no lasting mark on either of their lives.
But the pull between them had simply been too strong, and they had collided, forging something new and inseparable.
Hayley’s entire life had shifted to put Maddie in focus, and she felt the weight of it now. The city, her city, would never look the same. Sex would never feel the same. She knew she would never let another woman touch her the way Maddie had.
The memory of Maddie’s fingers trailing down her chest and stomach until they were inside her sent a fierce ache to her core.
The surge of desire mingled with the pain of loss each time she remembered Maddie’s lips against hers.
She felt like an addict, and Maddie had become her drug of choice.
The withdrawal was about to tear her apart.
A loud bang on the door made Hayley jump. She stomped over to it, ready to unleash hell on whoever was on the other side.
She yanked the door open. “What are you doing here?”
“What the fuck, Hayley?” Gemma stormed past her, not waiting for an invitation.
“Well, hello to you too.” Hayley slammed the door behind her.
“Cut the bullshit. Why won’t you answer your phone? I called you a million times.”
“It wasn’t exactly a million,” Hayley muttered.
“Seriously?” Gemma’s tone had dropped to a deadly pitch. She looked at Hayley like she wanted to slap her across the face. “Did you hook up with Amy last night?”
“No.” Hayley didn’t flinch.
“Don’t lie to me, Hayley. Maddie told us everything.”
“Why did you come here to ask me then, since you think you know everything?” Hayley brushed past Gemma over to her couch and snatched her lowball glass from the coffee table, taking a large swig.
“Hayley Maddox.” Gemma’s voice tightened, a flush rising up her neck. “How could you do that to her?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be my friend?” Hayley snapped, staring straight at Gemma. “Do you even care to hear my side of the story?”
Gemma’s anger seemed to deflate a bit, and she sank heavily into the cushions beside Hayley. She just looked at Hayley, waiting to hear her explanation.
Hayley sighed, her own anger slowly dissipating.
“I know I don’t have the best track record, but I wasn’t hooking up with Amy.
I didn’t even know she was there until she came into the bathroom.
I told her it was over. But she wouldn’t take no for an answer, and the next thing I knew, she had me trapped against the sink.
I was trying to push her off me when Maddie came in. ”
“Jesus,” Gemma groaned, rubbing her temples. “Why didn’t you tell her that?”
“You think I didn’t try? She won’t answer me.”
“Shit, I’m sorry, Hayley.” Gemma shook her head, looking ashamed.
“Whatever, it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. She was bound to get tired of me eventually, or the rose-colored glasses would’ve come off, and she’d have seen me for who I really am.” Hayley poured the rest of the eighteen-year-old bottle of scotch into her glass.
“Come on, I don’t think that’s—”
“Gemma, as much as I appreciate you coming here to yell at me for something I didn’t do, I think it’s time that you go back home to your wife.” Hayley lifted her glass and propped her feet up on the coffee table in an obvious sign of dismissal.
“Oh no you don’t. You’re not going to shut me out just because you’re angry. Maddie might not have said it out loud, but when I talked to her this morning, it was obvious that she’s completely in love with you. She’d do anything for you, but you’re so far up your own ass that you can’t see it.”
Gemma slid closer to her as if that would make her words hit harder. “I love you like a sister, which is why I can say this—you are an absolute idiot. You’re letting Maddie run away from you because you’re so convinced that you’ll end up losing her anyway. You can’t keep living in fear, Hayley.”
“I have you and Caitlin now. That’s all I need.”
“And you always will, but you know that’s not what I mean.
” Gemma kissed Hayley on the cheek and stood.
“I’ll be here if you need me, but I really hope you make the right decision before it’s too late.
If it’s not already. Maddie left for the airport this morning.
And for fuck’s sake, please stay away from Amy.
I don’t give a damn how much commission she makes you.
” She walked out the door without another word.
THE NEXT MORNING, HAYLEY WOKE WITH a splitting headache.
She had polished off the bottle of scotch the night before, too numb to even enjoy the taste.
But it was time to get back to work. Some water and a couple of Advil would be the first step.
She shot a text to Sarah, asking her assistant to meet her at the office with a triple-shot oat milk latte and something greasy to eat.
Hayley focused on pulling herself together just enough to get lost in what she did best—selling real estate.
——
Over the next week, she closed on the second-to-last apartment in her dad’s Brooklyn building, leaving only the penthouse left on the market.
Then she sold two condos in SoHo and another in Gramercy Park.
Hayley was performing at the top of her game, her monthly sales breaking into a new personal record, but all she felt was hollowness.
This was the life she’d always wanted, built with her own two hands. She had collected enough wealth by that point to retire any time she pleased, yet she felt lower than she ever had before.
Hayley felt herself fading with each passing day.
No amount of money—or scotch—was able to dull the ache in her chest. She had fully redonned her iron-clad emotional armor, but it no longer felt like a shield.
It was a coffin, sealing her inside a prison of her own making.
She lived in her own private circle of hell, haunted by thoughts of Maddie from the moment she opened her eyes.
She would have given anything to stop the loop, yet her yearning for Maddie refused to fade, no matter how much time or distance stretched between them. She knew she couldn’t go on like this much longer.
After working herself to the bone around the clock, Hayley had lost track of what day it was.
She still hadn’t spoken to Gemma since she’d barged into Hayley’s apartment the day after the wedding.
In fourteen years, they had never gone more than a single day without talking. Hayley needed to fix it.
Swallowing her pride, she shot Gemma a text, asking her to meet for coffee that afternoon.
——
“Hi.” Hayley offered a tentative smile as Gemma reached their usual table. She had shown up to the café early, making sure Gemma’s drink was hot and waiting.
“Hi.” Gemma sat down, avoiding their usual greeting.
“Gemma, I am so sorry.” Hayley slid the vanilla latte toward her as an olive branch. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away or taken things out on you. That wasn’t fair. You’re my best friend, and I know you were just trying to help.”
Gemma took a sip of her coffee, her shoulders easing as she finally looked at Hayley. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions without talking to you. I just worry about you, Hayley.”
“I know you do. That’s why you’re my person. But I promise, I’ll be fine.” Hayley paused, hesitating. “Have either of you heard from Maddie? I think she might have blocked me.”
Gemma frowned as she sat back in her chair. “Caitlin’s talked to her. She’s really upset, but that’s all I know. You’re going to have to find a way to talk to her yourself.”
Hayley had tried. She’d even sent Maddie a message on Instagram, only to be blocked there as well.
“You’re right.” She reached across the table to place her hand on top of Gemma’s. “How are you? How’s married life?”
Hayley let herself relax as Gemma gushed about Caitlin and what they had been up to since the wedding, using the easy chatter to distract her from the turmoil inside.
At the end of their coffee date, Hayley pecked her best friend’s cheek goodbye and forced her feet to take her back to the office.
Real estate was the only thing keeping her upright, the only thing that stood a chance at distracting her mind from Maddie.
Sometimes it actually worked. Most of the time, she found herself going through the motions while still imagining bright blue eyes staring back at her.