14. Cairo
E ight weeks later...
Since the events that took place at Idée Fixe, I’ve taken some time to sit down and think about everything. Jax has continued to call me countless times, at first I wondered how, but then I realised he would have all my details from the application form.
I’ve ignored every call he’s made. My mother, however, thinks speaking to him is a good idea. She always had a soft spot for him and as much as I love her, it pisses me off. His gifts have been everywhere too, flowers at my mother’s house, chocolates, and my favourite book series at Sienna’s house.
Even the fucking coffee shop where I regularly attend every day after work have baskets of self-care crap, and honestly, I’m taken back by it. I spent three years waiting for him after my brother died. Three years wondering where he was and if he was ever going to come back to me, so we could talk and maybe build something together and he never did.
I hate that I miss him hate that I wish he would’ve come to me before now and more than anything, I’m furious that he hasn’t. I thought after everything we built together -over those two years while he and Sam were on tour- that he would be able to come home, to me. That he would at least be there to comfort me, and he wasn’t.
“Fucking jerk bitch motherfucker,” I mumble, pushing the front door key into the lock of my new apartment and turn it. Walking over the threshold and dropping my bag on the counter just inside the door. Closing the door, I lean back against it and close my eyes. Breathing through my nose to stop the burning behind my eyes.
“Cairo.” A soft voice comes from behind door, and I freeze. Taking a deep breath. “Will you open the door?
“No.” It’s soft, but it’s there.
“Please… just, just talk to me.”
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I grab onto the handle and pull the door open. His eyes meeting mine instantly. Jax stands in the doorway of my apartment looking fucking wrecked. One hand on the doorframe and the other in his pocket.
“So, no other gifts you want to send me? Or did you run out of ideas?” I snap at him.
“Can we talk?”
I sniff. Weighing up my options. I’m not the kind of woman that relishes in gifts being given to me when someone does something wrong. The look on his face shows me that he’s fucking desperate and honestly, it’s like looking at a sad fucking puppy.
“Fine,” I concede. Widening the door and watching as he ducks his head enough to walk in.
I forgot how tall he was.
“Drink?” I ask.
“Coffee?”
“Sure, take a seat.”
Why am I offering him a drink? What in the hell is wrong with me.
I turn back to face him; “No, y’know what?”
“What, Cairo?” I can see the smirk he’s trying to hide, and it infuriates me.
“Don’t smirk.” I poke his chest. “Seven years, Jax.” I hold up my hands, the correct amount of fingers splayed out. “That many… and not so much as a fucking hello!?”
“I had my reasons,” he counters.
“ I had my reasons. ” I mock him, bobbing my head from side to side. To which he instantly covers his mouth with his fist. “I said don’t fucking laugh, this isn’t funny.”
“No,” he nods. “You’re right it’s not but-”
“Also,” I point in his face, “you carved your initials in my fucking ass too!” I push him again. “There goes my fucking bikini choices now.”
Taking a step forward, he holds my chin with his thumb and forefinger. “You look so cute when you’re angry.”
I slap his hand away. “Asshole, don’t patronise me!” Stepping back. “Don’t act like this is ok. I don’t care about the events of the other night. I signed up for it. That was my choice.” I point to his chest again. “But you left me. When Sam died I was desperate to have you by my side and you left me.”
Silence passes between us and after a while with only the sounds of our breathing, I speak. “Why did you stay away?” I can’t control the crack in my voice. “And don’t lie to me.”
“We were arguing that night. He heard our conversation, Cairo. Me asking you on a date and he was pissed. I should’ve asked his permission first.” He pauses.
“I followed him outside; we were arguing for a while. He threw a few punches, and I took them. Nobody else was about except a few troop members.”
He runs his hands through his hair, I can see how this must be hard for him to talk about. It’s hard for me to listen. “And after things calmed down, and we spoke, he gave me permission to be with you. I told him everything that night, and a fucking stray bullet pierced his neck. Taking my best friend from me, your brother, and a son.”
Another pause, gathering himself with a deep breath. My unshed tears building higher above my lower lashes. “He died in my arms that night and after everything he’d done for me. I couldn’t face you.” Blinking, my tears cascade over my cheeks. Jax stepping forward, he takes hold of my face, pulling it up. “I thought staying away was what was best for you and by the time I realised I was a fucking idiot… You were gone, Cairo.” Wiping the tears from my face, the warmth of his chest against mine is a feeling I’ve missed.
Pulling me into his arms, I wrap mine around his waist. “It wasn’t your fault Jax. My brother knew what he was getting himself into when he enlisted time and time again.” I press my chin to his chest and look up at him. “You couldn’t have known that was going to happen.”
“I could’ve stopped it.”
“Don’t take that from him.” I press my face further into his chest. “He may have died but he was there serving his country. At least you sorted it between the both of you before he passed.”
“I shouldn’t have left you. I should’ve come home and faced you, told you just how much I loved you. I’m a fucking idiot.”
I huff out a laugh. “You’re a fucking asshole is what you are.” His gentle but gruff laugh vibrates against my face, and I realise just how much I’ve missed it.
Missed him.
“I know I hurt you,” he breathes softly, and I look up into his deep blue eyes, “and I’m sorry. But I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” Leaning down, he presses his forehead to mine, and I close my eyes.
“Don’t ever leave me again.”
“If I leave you again, I might as well be dead, Cairo.” Opening his eyes, he looks at me. “Because without you, I’m fucking lost, peque?o. ” Searching my eyes he continues. “Tell me it’s not too late, tell me there’s something to salvage from this.”
Pursing my lips, I chew the inside of my mouth.
I better not regret this.
I smile softly. “Tell me you love me again and we will find out.”
Cupping my cheeks with both his hands, he smiles down at me. The smile I haven’t seen in so long, but only now do I realised I’ve missed. “I love you, Cairo. And I’ll spend every moment I have left, making sure you know just how much. I’m so fucking sorry.”
Looking up at him, I can’t refuse it. I love him back, but he can work harder for those three words to come out of my mouth. So instead I say; “You ever do that again… I’ll kill you myself.”
“Understood.” Smiling, he leans down, bringing his lips to mine. Kissing me so gently.
Pulling back, I narrow my eyes. “Don’t think every time you fucking mess up you can buy me-”
“Shut up, Cairo,” he murmurs against my mouth. And for the first time, I do.