Chapter 8
Patrick
Ican’t deny that I want him. It’d be pointless anyway because we both know I’m going to give him exactly what he flew all the way down here for.
Every cell in my body has craved Cain Rosemont since the second I laid eyes on him in my statistics class our freshman year of college. Hell, he’s the man who made me realize I was bisexual in the first place.
But this time, I know better than to get too attached.
I think about the pictures of Emilia in the drawer next to my bed, and sadness courses through my veins. Then I think about the pictures of Taylor underneath those, and I’m rocked by a wave of guilt. Finally, I stare into the eyes of the man mounting my lap, and a shiver racks my body.
I have loved and lost three times. At this point, I have nothing left to give, so I take comfort in knowing Cain can’t break me any more than he already has.
This time, it’s nothing more than biology.
I want what he can give me, but it’s a soulless union.
As he moves up my lap on his knees, I realize it’s the first time he’s ever been in this position.
It’s the first time he’s sought me out, admitting he wants this.
That’s all it takes for me to know I’m completely fucked.
Just biology, my ass. I’m already attached because I never became unattached the last time.
Suddenly, I’m experiencing my first taste of having control over him.
The first taste of his need and desire being greater than mine, and I realize this is what I was seeking from Taylor.
I was hellbent on ruining him the way Cain ruined me, needing to feel close to the bastard staring at me like I’m his next meal.
Only when I hurt Taylor, I didn’t feel powerful at all.
I felt like hell because that kind soul isn’t the one who deserved my retribution.
But the man currently taunting me with the brush of his fingers along my cock?
That man deserves every ounce of pain, hurt, and bitterness in my damaged, burned, and blackened heart.
Cain rubs his dick against mine and closes his eyes in ecstasy.
I thrust my hips forward, and his eyes snap open, meeting mine.
“Do it again,” he commands
“Ask nicely,” I taunt. Lord, help me. Poking the bear is my kryptonite.
Cain leans forward, dragging his cock along my stomach as he grabs hold of the headboard behind me, his mouth now at my ear.
“Do it. The fuck. Again.”
I comply because I never needed to hear him say please. I simply wanted to hear his desperation, and he just gave it to me in those five words.
I rock my hips forward again, and he wraps his hand around both of our dicks, making my back bow off the bed.
“Ahh,” I groan. It’s a mix of pain and pleasure. The movement bothers my chest, but the feel of Cain’s hand melding my cock against his is a feeling I’ve missed. A feeling, I’m afraid, I’ll never experience outside of him.
“Faster,” I command, and the bastard slows his movements. “You fucking asshole.” I try to push at his chest, but I’m still weak, and he doesn’t budge.
“How much do you need me?” he asks, transferring all the power back to himself. I stay silent. “Come on, Kitten. Tell me. You know what it does to me.”
“Don’t call me that,” I growl, making him smile. The fight in me distracts him enough that he picks up the pace on our dicks, smearing precum over our shafts as he twists his hand on the upstroke.
“Tell me how much you need me, and I’ll call you whatever you want.”
“I don’t fucking need you,” I lie. “Not anymore.”
“Oh, Kitten, your cock begs to differ,” Cain says, letting go of my dick. We both watch as my cock falls, angry and heavy, against my stomach, twitching once in response to losing Cain’s touch.
“Go home, Cain. This was over a long time ago,” I say, calling his bluff. He’s acting like he’s doing me a favor by showing up, but he’s delusional. He’s here to satisfy his own needs.
Scooping my dick back up, he resumes jacking us off.
“Does this look over to you?” he asks.
Precum pours from me, and he offers me a wicked grin.
Fuck this man and his perfect cock and his confident words.
“It looks like you’ve lost your touch,” I fire. “It never used to take you this long to make me break,” I say, begging my hips to stay on the mattress and not rise for him.
Cain’s grin spreads wider across his face.
“That’s it, Kitten. Show me your fangs. I haven’t been bitten in a while, and I’m overdue.”
Cain and I have always been toxic, poking at each other’s insecurities just to get a reaction and keep the other in line. I’ve always had a jealous streak a mile wide, and he knows it.
He can see it flare in my eyes at his insinuation of his other partners. Of course, he’s had them. Hell, he had them even back when we were seeing each other on the regular. Because, although we were together, we were never a couple.
“You’re such a cunt,” I seethe, pushing my hips up, knowing he’ll exploit that weakness.
“And you’re getting close,” he says with a wink, making me want to punch him in his smug fucking face. “Don’t fight it, Kitten. The first one’s free. We’ll call it getting reacquainted,” he says, pumping his hips to match my rhythm as we fuck his fist together.
His cock slides against mine, creating the most delicious friction. The hornier I get, the emptier I feel physically. As if my body never missed a beat with him, my hole is pulsing in search of his cock.
And I hate myself for it.
And it’s a lot easier to hate those around you when it flows so freely inside of yourself, so I aim a deadly strike at his inflated ego.
“My last partner had my balls empty in less than sixty seconds,” I taunt.
It’s meant to be a barb thrown at him, but the mention of Taylor still hurts.
And I’m no better than I was when Tay was mine.
He’d be disgusted if he knew I was using him to bait a different lover… the same lover that left me broken.
“My guess is he didn’t have to worry about your fractured sternum,” Cain says, getting pissed at the insult to his prowess.
But he rises to the challenge, and when he lies flat on his stomach and draws my dick into his mouth, I’m certain I’ve died and gone to heaven.
“Oh, fuck, Cain,” I groan, my hands flying to the back of his head.
He slurps and sucks with no finesse.
But it doesn’t matter.
Knowing he’s aware of my surgical limitations helps me relax. Knowing it’s Cain of all people between my legs has me soaring above the clouds. And knowing he wants me to come has me spilling into his waiting mouth a few seconds later.
His dark eyes flash from his position as he wipes his bottom lip.
“Next time we’ll set a timer so we can see who holds the record.”
God, how I’ve missed this. Missed him.
Allowing Cain back into my bed is the worst thing I could possibly do, but I’m powerless to stop it.
“I believe you told my nurse that if I wanted help fucking myself, I knew where to find you,” he says, climbing back to his knees.
Sweat breaks out on the nape of my neck.
“I might’ve said something along those lines,” I admit.
“Then get to fucking,” Cain says, wrapping my left hand around his shaft.
I’ve never forgotten the heady feeling of bringing this god to orgasm.
Of commanding his body for the briefest of seconds as he loses himself to pleasure.
Those few moments seem suspended in time when he lowers his guard and allows someone else to be in control.
It’s hard not to imagine the life we could have had if he knew how to do this outside the bedroom, but that’s a pipe dream if ever there was one.
“Since I can’t use my mouth yet, grab the lube,” I tell him. “It’s in the nightstand drawer.”
He leans over in a move that makes me wince because I know how badly it would hurt if I were to do the same thing, but when he sits up, he’s holding…
Oh, shit.
I try to grab the pictures out of his hand, but he pulls back. The sudden movement sends a bolt of lightning through my chest.
“Please don’t look at those,” I plead.
Unsurprisingly, he flips through them, ignoring me completely.
“Christ, Patrick. How old is this kid?” Cain asks, flipping one of the photos of Taylor around…as if I needed the visual to know whom he’s talking about.
It’s my favorite picture of him. Taylor is wearing a white cropped sweatshirt with a red rhinestone heart on it, the lower half of his abs on display, red booty shorts, and white knee-high socks.
He’s sitting on my kitchen counter with his knees spread wide and his hands on the counter between them.
He’s winking at me and making kissy lips, and he’s utterly radiant as his blond hair falls across one eye.
Cain and I never had safe words, but if we did, I’d use one now just to make him stop looking.
“He was twenty-one in that picture,” I swallow hard, looking down at my lap. Taylor feels like a lifetime ago, though it’s only been two years.
“Fuckboys really are your type, huh?”
“Shut your goddamn mouth, Cain. You don’t know anything about my type, and you certainly don’t know anything about Taylor.”
“Where is Taylor now, hmm?” This fucker is relentless. “It’s cute that you thought some boy could give you what you need, Kitten.”
I don’t even have a good comeback. Not without lying, and Cain can smell my lies while they’re still forming.
At the time, I thought I loved Taylor. I guess in my own fucked-up way, I did.
But I also used him. I was dying inside, and his light was the only thing that reached my darkest parts.
I fed off him, and he would’ve let me take his last breath.
But I turned against him when it mattered the most, and I will never forgive myself for that.
“Just go,” I finally tell Cain, too weary to play this game with him anymore.
I swear his cock grows harder at the pain in my voice.
“Who was he?” Cain asks coldly, flipping through the rest of my memories.
“Someone who didn’t deserve what I did to him,” I answer truthfully.
“And what exactly did you do to him?” When I don’t answer, Cain unceremoniously tosses the pictures back in the open drawer and then drags his leaking cock back across my stomach. “I’m waiting.”
I decide to switch gears. Cain won’t leave until he gets off, I know that much, and I’ll be damned if I confess my sins to the devil himself. So, I paint Cain a picture and aim my venomous arrow straight at his heart.
“I did everything to him. I left no inch of his body unexplored. I devoured his perfect ass before bending him over the back of the couch and sinking into him. He was exactly what I needed. His heart was soft, but his body was hard. The sounds he made… I’ve never heard anything like them.
He was absolute perfection. The best I’ve ever had. ”
Cain pulls no punches when he asks, “Did you ever let him top you?”
Godfuckingdammit.
“No,” I whisper.
“Do you know why that is?” he asks with a knowing smile as he pumps lube onto his fingers and slides backwards.
Yes, but I won’t say it.
“Knees up, Kitten,” Cain says when I stay quiet…and my body obeys without question.