Chapter 14
It’s morning by the time Knox drives me home. Neither of us speaks on the way. The city is pale and slow outside the window. Early light smudges the skyline, casting long shadows over buildings still half-asleep. Everything feels quieter. Even my thoughts.
We stop outside my apartment, and he doesn’t move.
I glance at him. “Want to come up?”
He shakes his head. “You need rest.”
“You make that sound like a solution.”
“It’s a start.”
I open the door and step out. The cold air hits me. I pause before shutting the door and lean down just enough to meet his eyes.
“Thanks for last night.”
Knox nods. “Anytime. But don’t thank me for the kiss.” My cheeks heat despite the cold bite of the wind. “I wanted to more than anything.” Then his phone rings breaking the spell of the moment words I’ve waited to hear left his lips.
I climb the stairs slowly. Every step feels heavier than the last, like I’m carrying something I can’t name.
When I reach my door, I don’t go in right away.
I stand there with my keys in my hand, staring at the chipped paint on the frame.
I don’t want to go back to who I was in there. I unlock the door anyway.
Sleep doesn’t come, not with thoughts of last night and the kiss. The way he held me to his chest.
Even after I change clothes, brush my teeth, crawl into bed, and close my eyes.
My body’s still, but my mind runs laps. Knox’s memory room sits in my head like a weight I didn’t know I needed to carry.
A quiet place full of ghosts. Not the haunting kind.
The grounding kind. That’s what scares me the most. The way I want him.
I don’t trust quiet. I don’t trust calm.
I trust chaos because it’s honest. It doesn’t pretend to last. When I finally drift off, the dream that finds me isn’t one I want.
Sebastian’s there.
Smiling. Like he used to, before I learned to not want his after he betrayed me. He’s sitting on the edge of a bed, holding out his hand like he’s asking for a dance.
And I take it. Because in the dream, I’m still that girl who thought love meant staying.
I wake up sweating. My chest hurts. My jaw aches from clenching it in my sleep. I throw off the covers and head straight for the shower. Let the water scald the dream off me. I scrub until my skin is red.
Afterward, I don’t bother with makeup. I pull on jeans and a T-shirt and head outside. I need noise. Movement. Something to drown the leftover panic.
The city’s louder now. I notice every horn, every footstep, every rustle of a plastic bag in the gutter.
I head to the Velvet Room. Not to work. Just to be somewhere familiar.
Jazz is behind the bar, flipping through receipts. She looks up when I walk in. “Didn’t think I’d see you today,” she says.
“Can’t stay home.”
She studies me. “You look like hell.”
“I’ve had worse days.”
She reaches under the counter and hands me a coffee. “Don’t disappear again.”
“I’m not planning to.”
Unless I decide to take Knox’s job offer. I should tell Jazz and the manager that but I don’t even know when I start.
“Planning’s never been your strength.”
I smirk and take the coffee. We sit in silence for a while. She works through numbers. I sip slowly, trying not to think.
Then the door opens. And everything stops.
It’s him.
Sebastian.
Older. Leaner. Wearing a coat too expensive for someone with a conscience. His eyes sweep the room like he owns it, then land on me.
He smiles. The same smile from the dream.
I don’t move.
Jazz notices. Her body goes still beside me.
He walks toward us like he’s on a stage. “Lana,” he says. “You look good.”
I stand. Slowly. The last this I look is good.
Jazz places a hand on my arm, grounding me. But I step away.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
Sebastian tilts his head. “I heard you worked here. I wanted to see how you were.”
“You shouldn’t be here.”
He raises his hands in surrender. “I’m not here to fight.”
“Then leave.”
He steps closer. Too close. “I miss you.”
The words hit me like a slap. I laugh. A short, bitter sound. “You miss controlling me. Lying to me so you can screw whoever behind my back.”
He frowns. “That’s not fair. I messed up. There is nothing between me and her. I love you. I always have.”
“What do you know about fair? About love. You’re a lying piss of shit.”
Jazz rounds the bar. “You need to go.”
He points to her looking straight at me. “I’m not talking to you.”
“I don’t care,” Jazz snaps. “You don’t belong here.”
Sebastian steps closer. “We were good once.”
“No,” I say. “We were convenient. You liked me dumb and pretty.”
“That’s not true.”
“Then why did I have to rebuild myself after you?”
He doesn’t answer.
Jazz crosses her arms. “I’m calling the cops.”
He finally backs away. But before he leaves, he looks at me one more time.
“I want you back, Lana. I fucked up but I love you. I always will.”
And then he’s gone.
I collapse onto a stool. My hands shake. I can’t believe he showed up. It’s been months since he called or tried to contact me. I thought he gave up.
Jazz kneels in front of me. “Are you okay?”
“No.”
“Do you want me to call Knox?”
I pause.
Then shake my head. “Not yet.”
She helps me up and walks me to the back. Sits me down in the office.
“I’ve got this,” she says. “Take the day.”
I nod. Not having the strength to argue that its too much all by herself.
I walk. And walk. It’s the only thing I know how to do when the world spins and shits on me. I walk until my legs ache and my head clears just enough to think.
I end up outside Knox’s building. I don’t go in. I sit on the steps and wait. I don’t know how long I’m there before the main doors open and he steps out. His long coat slapping in the wind.
He sees me and stops.
His eyes narrow. “What happened?”
I don’t answer.
He crouches in front of me like he knows exactly what’s wrong.
“Was it Sebastian?”
I nod. He doesn’t ask what was said. Just sits beside me.
“He showed up at work. I feel like I’m unraveling,” I whisper.
“You’re not.”
“I wanted to hit him. I think.”
“You didn’t.”
“I wanted to cry when I left work but not because I want him or still love him.”
“You’re allowed.”
We sit in silence.
Then I say, “He said I’d come back.” I look up. “I don’t want him to because I don’t want Sebastian.”
I want you but I don’t say the words. For so long, I didn’t realize I was trying to hate the one person who showed up for me when I needed
“Do you really?”
“No.”
“Good.”
We sit until the sky darkens. And for the first time, I believe I can better. I don’t have to carry the weight of Sebastian’s betrayal anymore. Because I’m me and I deserve better.