Chapter 32 Amy
I need to pee and I’ve put it off for as long as possible. Sitting down quickly I try to pretend everything is normal and attempt to hum a song. Just don’t look, Amy, you don’t need to see it.
I know I can’t hide in this room forever, but it’s tempting to try. The claw-footed bath with its curved sides would be an excellent place to try and drown myself. I’ve never been that comfortable in water. Flynn tried to take me surfing last summer, which was not a success. Every time a wave appeared he’d disappear merrily over it and I’d get a mouthful of seawater, the surfboard smacking me in the nose.
Thinking of that day reminds me of other weekends with Flynn. Time away always seems to bond us. Idling along beaches, sharing chips in steamy newspaper, lounging on rugs listening to music from his speakers whilst he constantly stops me reading. He makes me laugh like no one else, and his childish pleasure in the everyday, his obsession with living in the moment can be a gift on those weekends. And yet I know I can’t live in a bubble like that with someone for the rest of my life – it’s not real. It’s just for weekends. The groomsmen are still in the dining room when I appear in fresh clothes.
‘Flynn,’ Jay waves from his chair. ‘Saved you a bacon roll. We’re just leaving.’
‘Did Amy enjoy her midnight swim?’ Eddie drawls, his ice-blue eyes mocking.
Guffaws of laughter make my skin bristle. Even Jay has joined in, which rankles.
‘She was fine, thank you,’ I say snippily.
‘Amy seems like a good-time girl,’ Eddie says, nodding like he knows me intimately. Which he doesn’t.
‘I’m not a … I mean,’ I clear my throat, ‘I’m not sure Amy would describe herself like that,’ I say, primly smoothing at my khaki T-shirt.
‘Oh, you’ve tamed her,’ Eddie winks at me, making me grimace. ‘When did you become such a ladies’ man, Flynny?’
Despite the teasing his eyes seem cold and I wonder whether Flynn ever really liked him at school, or if this is just the ‘banter’ that men use as an excuse to hide behind.
‘Hey, Eddie. Amy’s cool,’ Jay says, and I feel a rush of surprised gratitude for him. Does Jay really think that? I take in his polished appearance, his expensive watch, his branded sunglasses. I’ve always held back trusting him completely, with good reason too, but this makes me reassess if I’ve got him right.
There is sudden barking and suddenly Reggie is making a beeline for me, leash dangling, my stepdad Geoffrey blinking at his empty hand in the doorway.
‘My shoulder might never be the same again.’ Geoffrey steps forward, wiping his brow with one of the abandoned linen napkins from breakfast. A croissant flake remains on his forehead.
Reggie leaps onto me, forcing me to emit a squeak of alarm. Then, in seconds, he rears backwards, lowers his body, stares up at me and bares his teeth, a long growl in my direction.
I can’t help myself; I scoot backwards, knocking into the breakfast table, both hands up and emitting another high squeak. The men around me fall silent and turn to watch me and Reggie, who has lowered his body to the floor as if he’s about to pounce on me.
‘Jay, stop him, do something,’ I squeal. ‘Down, doggie! Dowwwwn!’
Eddie is laughing as he does an impression of me. ‘Dowwwwwn!’
Jay reaches forward, ‘Alright boy, alright,’ taking the dog’s collar and frowning. ‘Rafe isn’t coming – he needs to be in reach of the City – so he can take on Reggie.’ A guy staring at a mobile barely reacts as Jay steers the dog in front of him. ‘Not sure even this dog will enjoy where we’re headed,’ Jay laughs, transferring the lead to a bewildered Rafe, still on the phone. My shoulders drop an inch that I’m off this particular hook.
I realize I never asked Laura what the groomsmen would be doing whilst we’d be enjoying our morning of relaxation. I don’t really know any of Jay’s friends, but I do know I’ll have little in common with any of them. They probably all earn squillions, own yachts and have three homes.
‘Where are we going again?’ I ask, traipsing behind Jay as we all head across the foyer and down the stone steps of the hotel.
‘Well, I assume the coast if the name’s anything to go by,’ Eddie sneers, pulling back the minibus door.
My nose wrinkles. ‘Name?’
‘Coasteering,’ he says enunciating every letter.
A vague memory of what this might mean flickers.
‘The instructor’s meeting us there,’ Jay says, pushing his sunglasses down on his nose and following Eddie inside.
A flicker of apprehension as I repeat, ‘Instructor?’
‘For the cliff jumping! Don’t want to do that without someone there. I want to be able to walk down the aisle at my wedding.’
‘Cliff …’ My foot freezes on the step to the minibus. ‘You know,’ I say, glancing back over my shoulder to the hotel, ‘I think I’ll, um …’ My voice is faint.
‘Come on, Flynn.’ Jay is holding the minibus door back. I swallow, knowing I can’t give the game away.
‘You scared, Flynny?’ Eddie clicks his seatbelt.
I step into the minibus feeling my throat constrict.
‘You alright, mate?’ asks Jay, punching my arm as I take the seat next to him.
‘Ow! I’m, I’m um …’ I manage to say in a tiny voice. ‘Not quite feeling myself.’