Chapter 6
LEO
Wednesday, October 11
Six Weeks Later
“Is it rude of me to reschedule to a later date?” Vivian looks up at me from her kitchen table, her eyes searching for reassurance.
“If you don’t want to go on the date, then don’t go,” I say, trying to keep my tone gentle but firm. “But if you’re just going to keep rescheduling because you’re putting it off, then just cancel the damn thing. Don’t string him or Kara along. Why’d you tell Kara you’d go out with him if you don’t want to?”
I stand, clearing our plates to take to the kitchen sink. We’re at her house, having just finished dinner after a long day of work for both of us.
“I don’t know. I have a hard time telling people no sometimes. It makes me feel guilty.”
I nod. “Yeah… guilt can be tough. Do you think it ties back to something from your past?” I ask, as I scrape the dishes and place them in the dishwasher.
This is my second time over here this week. Vivian is a great cook, and we’ve realized how impractical it is to be cooking for one person or to each be picking up dinner when one of us can grab dinner or cook for both .
She studies me quietly, contemplating. “I’ve never really analyzed it. Guilt is just… part of me, I guess. Always wanting to do right by people. I’ve always been this way.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being kind, but sometimes setting boundaries is also important,” I remark, stacking the plates neatly. “You’ve known Kara a long time; you should be able to tell her your feelings.”
“Right.” She pauses. “But it’s hard to backtrack once you’ve committed, you know?”
“Are you not allowed to change your mind?” I ask, taking a seat across from her.
She considers this, drumming her fingers on the table. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I should be able to tell her that I don’t want to go. But I won’t.” She shrugs. “Maybe it’ll be fine. Maybe he’ll be really hot, and funny, and nice. Maybe… he’ll be everything I could ever want, and our connection will be so crazy good that come Sunday, I’ll no longer be a born-again virgin. And then you can stop being so concerned about me getting laid.” She laughs at her own joke.
I chuckle, rolling my eyes at her. “I hope for your sake that is exactly what happens!”
“That’s right. Let's manifest that shit! Up top!” She calls out, putting her hand up for a high five, and I meet it with mine.
All I know is, whoever does end up in Vivian’s bed someday… is a lucky motherfucker.
She’s in a playful mood, so I decide to tease her while we’re on this topic. “So why haven’t you had sex in so long? Still hung up on an old flame?”
She gives me a playful glare. “Nope. That’s not on the table for discussion tonight.”
I press on, teasing gently. “C’mon, at least tell me something about this guy who has you so hung up that you’ve completely closed yourself off to sex. You’re practically celibate.” I prod, grinning.
She opens her mouth to say something and then closes it, looking down. Her silence intrigues me, and I lean in slightly .
Staring at the top of her forehead, I ask, “Was he that big of a dick?” I know I’m close to getting her to share just a tiny morsel, but also close to her shutting down and pushing me out.
“He wasn’t a dick,” she says, surprising me. She sighs. “He was someone that I loved… someone I loved so deeply, I don’t know if that kind of love comes along more than once in a lifetime. Sometimes I think it’s pointless to even try to find it again.” She pauses and then adds somberly, “I’m not ready to talk to you about it, but please trust me that when I am, I will. You can stop psychoanalyzing me now.”
I consider that for a few moments and search her face and body language for clues. There is no malice or anger, discounting the possibility of an affair or abuse, which leads me to believe that something sad or really tragic might have occurred. And that makes me really fucking sad.
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” I say. “I respect that. I won’t mention it again.”
“It’s okay,” she says, forcing a smile. “I appreciate your concern over whether I get laid.” She laughs softly.
Damn, she’s so good at putting hard things aside and not letting them ruin her mood. It’s one of the things I like about her so much. She never stays sour. I smile back at her.
“But also, Leo, I’m not closed off to sex. For me, sex has always been special and meaningful. I feel it’s something that should be shared with someone you care about. I know not everyone feels that way, and I don’t judge anyone who feels differently. It’s just all I’ve ever known. It's about what feels right for me.” She pauses, searching my face for a reaction. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I need it to be with someone I have a connection with. It doesn’t have to be love, just someone I like and trust. And until I find that, I’m okay waiting.”
I nod, appreciating her honesty. “I get that. Everyone has their own way of looking at things. What matters is that you’re true to yourself.”
Watching her open up about something so personal, I can’t help but admire her. It’s rare to find someone who holds onto their values so strongly. It makes me think about how different we are, and yet, how much I enjoy being around her .
She smiles, relief evident in her eyes. “Thanks, Leo. That means a lot. And until then, I’ve got an excellent shower head and many vibrators to keep me company.” Her eyes widen playfully as she raises her eyebrows in a daring challenge.
I laugh, surprised by her candor. “Good for you, Walker.” I give her a nod of approval, “I’m glad you’ve got a backup plan.”
God, that’s fucking hot.
Vivian gets up to refill her water.
“Oh, hey, I forgot to ask you,” I say, following her to the counter, and sliding into a stool. “I’m making reservations tomorrow at The Red Door for Michael’s birthday, the weekend after next. Do you want to come? It’s a bloody cool speakeasy, just a small gathering. I’d love to introduce you to some of my friends.”
“What day?”
“Saturday the 21st.”
She picks up her phone to check her calendar. “Yeah, I can make that work. You sure I should go? I don’t know anyone, and it seems like an intimate gathering.”
“Yes, I promise you’re more than welcome. It’s something I’ve planned anyway. I know the owner, so he’s reserving a table for us. I want you to come. Don’t worry, it’ll be fun.”
“Okay, I’ll plan on it.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Two Days Later
I roll over, my breathing ragged. My guest , Amanda, heads to the bathroom to clean up.
My phone dings with a text. It’s late, almost midnight. I pick it up. It’s Vivian.
Vivian: Are we on for our run in the morning?
Leo: Yes, planning on it .
Vivian: 6:30?
Leo: Do you mind going a little later? I’m “entertaining” this evening. Don’t know when my guest is leaving, but I can for sure make 8:30 work.
She sends an eye-roll emoji.
Vivian: Fine. I’ll see you at 8:30. Don’t be late or I’ll leave your ass.
Leo: I wouldn’t dream of it, Walker. Go to bed, you’re up past your bedtime.
I send a winking emoji at the end of the text.
She doesn’t respond.
Amanda comes back to the bed, and I take my turn in the bathroom. We end up going again around one in the morning, and she leaves sometime between two and three. I close my eyes and get as much sleep as possible before my alarm wakes me at eight.
* * * * * * * * * *
“You’re like Ryan Gosling’s character in Crazy, Stupid, Love, ” she says between breaths.
“What?” I ask, catching my breath as we slow to a walk, my sweat cooling my body against the cold October air.
We’ve been running three and a half miles together on Saturdays, running the first three before walking the last half-mile. We just hit our three-mile mark.
“Ryan Gosling’s character,” she repeats. “You know, Jacob, the hot guy from the bar, whose goal in life is to find beautiful women to take home and bang. That’s why I use the word bang, by the way. I love that movie. That’s you. Tell me you’ve seen it!”
“Yes, I know the movie,” I laugh, remembering it well. I’d forgotten about the bang scene. “I’m not like him.” I wipe sweat from my brow and push my dripping wet hair back, away from my forehead. “If I recall, he teaches an old man how to get pussy, and I don’t do that.” Laughing, I dodge her as she moves to lightly shove me.
It’s easy to joke around with her, but there’s something more there. I’ve never felt this comfortable with anyone so quickly. Every Saturday run, every dinner, it all feels like it’s filling a void I didn’t even know was there.
“Just when I think you can’t shock me, you always manage,” she says, gaping at me.
“Doesn’t Jacob end up falling for a girl he meets at the bar? That’s definitely not me either. Never going to be.”
She just shakes her head, smiling as if she doesn’t believe me.
She’s such a cool chick. We’ve become good friends over the past two months, and I’ve loved having a cool neighbor to hang out with. Much cooler than fucking Gary and Brenda. I laugh to myself… apparently out loud.
“What?” she asks.
“Oh, I don’t know. I was just thinking.”
“About?”
“How interesting life is.” We walk a moment in silence.
“You gonna leave me with that cliffhanger? Come on, tell me your thoughts.”
“It’s nothing.” We stop in front of my house. “I’m just glad you moved in, Walker. I like hanging out with you.” I nudge her shoulder.
“Ahhhhh… it does have feelings!” she says, nudging me back.
“Alright, alright, that’s enough sap for one day,” I say, giving her a sweaty hug.
“Gross. You’re so sweaty. Get off!” She pushes against me, laughing.
“So, you going on that date tonight?”
She rolls her eyes and groans. “Ugh, yes.”
“Didn’t have the balls to cancel?”
“No, I didn’t, and I’m dreading it!”
“Well, you better practice saying ‘no’, for when he tries to get into your pants,” I joke, but I’m one hundred percent serious.
“Okay, first, it’s a first date. I don’t expect that will be happening. Second, not everyone is as big of a perv as you, making it their life’s goal to get laid by every woman they come in contact with.”
I roll my eyes at her. “Oh, Walker, you truly haven’t dated much since you’ve been single, have you? They may not all make it known on the first date that they want to get laid, but trust me, they do. Especially if they’re on a date with you.”
I mean every word I say to her. She’s too gorgeous for her own good, and too sweet to know it.
“Ahh. Are you trying to tell me you think I’m pretty?” she says with a playful, snarky tone, framing her face with her hands.
“I’m serious! You need to be able to stand up for yourself. Guys can be pricks, and you’re too nice. Tell me that you can stand your ground.”
“Whoa. Okay. Chill, Leo. I appreciate your big brother concern for me, truly, I do… but this isn’t my first rodeo. It’s just dinner. And Kara has vouched for him; I doubt she would set me up with a total douchebag. Plus, I’ll have my Birdie!”
I can’t help being protective. I’d hate for her to be taken advantage of with her kind heart.
“Alright, you promise you’ll be safe, yeah?” I raise an eyebrow in question.
“Cross my heart,” she says, drawing an X across her heart with her fingertip.
“Alright, bring it in.” I drag her reluctant self toward me, pressing as much sweat as I can against her while embracing her fully.
“God, this is so gross,” she says, but doesn’t pull away. Instead, she rests her cheek against my wet shirt and wraps her arms around my back.
Her body feels amazing pressed up against mine. I’ve always known she was in shape, but feeling her like this, so close, it’s a different story. She’s fit, curvy, and just… perfect. I shift slightly as I feel myself bulging against her hip, and I curse under my breath. Not now.
“Thanks for caring.” She looks up. “Means a lot to me.”
And goddamn, my stomach does a flip when her eyes lock onto mine.
I clear my throat. “Of course. I care about you. You’re a good friend.” I let go and back up a step. “Have fun tonight, Walker. I’ll see you soon.”
I walk inside, thinking that if I didn’t know myself better, I might actually believe I was jealous of the bloke she’s going on a date with.