Chapter 19
VIVIAN
December 14
Vivian: Hey, I know it will be late when you get home, but will you please swing by, so I can give you a hug?
Leo: Sure thing, love. Probably be close to 11:00.
Vivian: I’ll make sure I’m up.
God, I have missed him over this past week. I had another date with Nick this last weekend… well—two dates. We went out Friday night and then had lunch on Sunday. Things are going great with him. We have fun, and our chemistry is great. He’s a fantastic kisser, too. It’s still new, though, and I’m giving it time.
I’m on my couch, relaxed in my sweats, mindlessly watching television, and waiting for Leo. The seconds feel like hours as I wait for Leo’s message. Finally, at 10:00, my phone dings.
Leo: Touchdown.
A rush of excitement floods through me. I heart the message, my thumb hovering over the screen for a moment before I snap out of it. Almost instantly, my phone dings again. This time, it’s Nick.
Nick: I know this is last minute, but my friend gave me two tickets to the Bulls game tomorrow night. I’d love for
you to come? It’s at 7:00, we could grab dinner before .
Damn. The idea of a night out with Nick is tempting. Bulls game, good food, and his easygoing company? It sounds perfect. But Leo and I have plans for tomorrow, and I can’t bail on him. More than that, I don’t want to. Just the thought of seeing him makes my heart race.
Vivian: Ugh! I’m so sorry, Nick. That sounds like so much fun, but I have plans tomorrow night with my friend, Leo. I mentioned it Sunday… remember? Thank you so much for thinking of me, though. I hope you have a great time!
A pang of guilt hits as I press send. Nick’s reply is almost immediate.
Nick: Oh yeah… I forgot you had plans with your guy friend. Okay, next time. Have fun.
I roll my eyes. Why are guys so fucking weird about women having guy friends? Nick had acted a little funny when I had told him I had plans on Friday with Leo. He didn’t say anything, but it was obvious that it bothered him.
It doesn’t matter, though. We aren’t an official thing. As much as I like him, I won’t stop being friends with Leo or dating someone else if they come along. I’m in an exploratory phase, and right now, Nick is first runner-up when it comes to dating, but I’m keeping my options open. Leo has always been there for me, and I’m not about to let that go just because it makes someone else uncomfortable.
I stretch out on the couch, glancing at the time again. Leo’s probably grabbing his bags and heading home by now.
At 10:40, there’s a knock on my door, and I jump off the couch, running to answer it. I swing the door open and practically leap into Leo’s arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and squeezing him tightly.
He chuckles softly in my ear and tightens his arms around me. “Wow, this is quite the welcome home,” he says, kissing my cheek before slowly loosening his grip on me.
I back up slightly, laughing. “Sorry… I just really missed you!”
“I was only gone a week,” he replies, grinning.
“I know, but I could just feel the emptiness of your house next door. It felt lonely knowing you weren’t right there. Plus, I’ve become so accustomed to listening to you bang women while I work in my office; it’s almost like white noise now. I couldn’t keep my focus in the silence.” I flash him a teasing smile.
“I missed you too,” he says with a playful smirk, his suitcase standing beside him on the porch.
“Well, thanks for swinging by. I’ll let you get unpacked and settled. I imagine you’re worn out after such a long day of travel.”
He lets out a deep sigh. “I am. I’m actually excited to go to bed.”
“Okay, so what time should I be ready tomorrow?”
“How about four? We can explore the Christmas market and then head to Craft’s for dinner and drinks. Noah will save us a spot.”
“That sounds amazing. I’ll be ready.”
“Okay. Goodnight, Viv.”
“Night, Leo.”
I close the door behind me. The soft glow from my modest Christmas tree and the flickering fireplace light the entryway with a warm, soothing ambiance.
As I turn off the lights and ascend the stairs, my heart races, and I struggle to steady my breath. The excitement I feel around Leo doesn’t seem to wane; if anything, it intensifies with each encounter. His presence has a magnetic pull that I can’t seem to escape.
As I settle into my sheets, I remind myself not to dwell on the future or let worries take over. I focus on living in the present—day by day, minute by minute—trusting myself and the process, and striving to savor each moment as it comes.
* * * * * * * * * *
The next day
I stand in my closet, staring at the array of clothes before me. After trying on five different outfits and hating each one, I’m no closer to achieving the look I want. It’s freezing outside, so I need to dress warmly. Even though it’s not a real date, I’m treating it like one. It’s Leo, so he’s seen me at my worst and won’t be fazed by whatever I choose. But I still want to look great because, well, it’s Leo.
One of my get-ready playlists is blasting through my bedroom at full volume, Megan Thee Stallion’s Body is pumping me up for the evening.
I yank off another outfit and let it fall to the floor, not bothering to hang it up since I have only fifteen minutes before I need to head out the door to meet Leo. Frustrated, and standing in my underwear—a strapless black lace bra and matching thong—with my full ass facing the open door, I hear Leo’s voice.
“Viv?”
I turn around to see Leo standing in my bathroom, arms folded and grinning from ear to ear.
“What the hell, Leo?” I slam the door shut, then crack it open just enough to peek through. “What are you doing here, and why are you in my bathroom?”
He laughs, clearly amused and not sorry in the slightest. “I’m sorry. I texted you to let you know I was coming over early. I rang the doorbell, knocked, and even called your name all the way up to your room. If your music wasn’t so damn loud, you might have heard me. I was just looking for you; it’s not like I came into your bathroom to be creepy,” he shouts, trying to be heard over the music.
It occurs to me that I can turn the music down with my watch, so I do. I close the door fully and speak loudly enough for him to hear while I quickly throw on an outfit that, I hope, will be right.
“So, you just assumed I’d be in the bathroom fully clothed, hanging out? God, it’s a bathroom! You don’t barge into someone’s bathroom without permission.”
“Well, if you’d looked at your phone or kept your music at a reasonable volume, this wouldn’t have happened!” he retorts.
“You know I like my raunchy music to get me in the zone. I mean, technically, I’m playing it loudly for you. I want to make sure I bring my A-game, you know? ”
I slide a pair of black leather leggings up over my hips and adjust them at my waist.
I hear him chuckle through the door. “How thoughtful of you… to think of me while in your underwear.”
Oh, he did not just say that! “When I get out there, you’re in so much trouble!” I call through the door as I slip on an off-the-shoulder emerald-green sweater and a pair of boots. Standing in front of the full-length mirror, I assess my look. This will do. The off-the-shoulder style adds just enough sex appeal while still being appropriate for our friendly outing, and the leggings showcase my ass perfectly. I grab a few pieces of jewelry and open the door.
“Will you help me with my necklaces?” I ask, hurrying over to my purses and grabbing my black YSL bag. Leo strides into my closet, a smug smile painted on his face. I offer him a tight-lipped smirk as I hand him two necklaces and turn so he can fasten them while I switch items between purses.
As I move my lip gloss and credit cards, Leo stands behind me, draping a necklace around my neck. I lift my hair to give him better access. His breath is warm and soft against my neck, sending a shiver down my arms.
When he finishes, he lightly grips my shoulders. “There. All done,” he says, giving them a gentle squeeze, and then whispers in my ear, “By the way… you look really incredible in your underwear.”
Holy shit. I think I just came.
I whirl around, stepping out of the vulnerable position, and give him a light pat on the chest, trying to shake off the intensity. “Thanks, friend,” I say with a smile, pretending that his comment was perfectly normal. “Ready to go?” I ask, struggling to keep my voice steady when all I really want to do is jump his bones.
“I’ve been ready, Viv. That’s why I’m here. Do you have your coat? It’s bloody cold out.”
“Ugh! Why do I live here?” I whine. “My coat’s downstairs; I’ll grab it on the way out. I just did my hair, but am I going to need a beanie? That does not go with my outfit. ”
“I think you’ll be fine since it’s still early and the sun is actually out. I’ve got an Uber that’s three minutes away.”
We rush downstairs, grab my coat, and step into the brisk December air.
* * * * * * * * * *
“Cheers, Viv.” Leo raises his wine glass and waits for me to clink mine to his. The second bottle of wine is empty on the bar top at Craft’s. Laughing, I lift my glass and tap it against his, stifling my laugh as I take a sip, trying not to spit my wine out.
I’m not even sure what we’re laughing about. We’ve been laughing at everything all day. My cheeks actually ache from all the smiling.
“I shouldn’t have any more. I’m already more drunk than I usually allow myself to get.” I set my glass down and pick at the crumbs on our charcuterie board, desperate for something to soak up the alcohol.
“Nah, you’re fine. You’ve been pacing yourself. It’s been a long day.”
“I know. But right now, I’m the perfect kind of drunk—just enough that everything is fun and funny, but not so much that I don’t know what I’m doing,” I say, pointing a fork at him as if giving a lecture.
Leo sucks in a breath through his teeth. “That is the perfect drunk. Why don't we finish these off, switch to water, and then walk home? By the time we get there, some of it will be burned off, and the cold will help sober us up.”
“I’ll drink half,” I compromise.
“Deal,” he replies with a wink.
We had so much fun at the Christkindlmarket. The whole experience was magical, with charming little shops that looked like Christmas cottages, phenomenal comfort food, and treats. Of course, the mulled wine was a highlight for us. We loved supporting that vendor. Despite the cold, the wine warmed us up as we walked side by side, my arm linked with Leo’s, exploring each row of shops. Christmas lights glittered all around us, and festive music played in the background. It was a great time. I picked up some adorable ornaments for my bare tree at home, as well as gifts for Sarah, my mom, and Ben’s mom.
It’s almost nine, and I mentally tally the hours we’ve been out. “Technically, I’ve only had one drink per hour, which isn’t all that terrible.” Leo has had much more than I have, but he’s also bigger and handles his alcohol much better than I do.
“That’s not so bad at all. Should we pound this and get going?”
I grimace, “Ugh. I never want to pound anything, Leo—let alone wine.”
“Ah, come on. We can get home and watch a movie.”
“No,” I say, pointing my fork at him again. “You promised you’d teach me more self-defense tonight.” My fork is inches from his face.
He swats the fork away. “God, you’re like a toddler with that thing. You’re going to scratch my eyes out. I don’t know, Viv, I might be too tired for self-defense. I’m still jet-lagged. You might be able to take me tonight.”
I laugh, stick the fork in my mouth, and slowly pull it out, examining it, confused. There’s no food on it, and suddenly, I’m acutely aware of how drunk I am. “Oh God,” I say, laughing, “I didn’t have any food on that.” I let my face fall into my hand, my elbow resting on the bar.
Leo folds his arms and leans back, suppressing his laughter. “Dinner and a show,” he says with a grin.
“Okay, get me out of here. I’m about to get borderline embarrassing,” I say, pushing my wine glass away and chugging the water in front of me.
Leo’s shoulders shake with laughter as he tries to contain himself. “My life must have been so dull before we met.” He picks up my empty fork and moves it toward my mouth. “Here, why don’t you have one more bite?” His laughter becomes uncontrollable as I smack my lips shut, and he tries to press the empty fork into my mouth. He eventually drops the fork, squeezes the bridge of his nose, and bows his head, laughing heartily.
I belt out my own giggles. “Fuck off,” I say, playfully shoving him and wiping tears from my eyes.
Luckily, no one is next to us, and Leo is at the end of the bar, but we’re starting to make a scene .
Leo gathers his wits. “We’ve got to get out of here before I end up kicking myself out. We’d deserve it.” He slaps a hundred down for Noah, grabs our coats off the backs of our chairs, and links his arm with mine. Thank God because I need it for balance.
The bitter cold bites at my skin, like a cold plunge to the face, making me grateful for the alcohol. I know it would feel much colder if I were sober. The ten-minute walk takes us almost twenty because of my drunken state. By the time we reach our row of townhouses, I do feel a bit more sober—still drunk, but less so.
“Your house or mine?” I ask as we approach his townhouse.
“Yours, of course. You have more food in your fridge.”
“True that. Though, apparently I’m like the Lost Boys from Hook tonight—pretending to have a feast and eating imaginary food,” I say, sending a flood of giggles through me again.
Leo chuckles along with me. “God. What are we going to do with you?”
We walk through my front door. As I reach down to unzip my boots, I lose my balance trying to take one off. Leo’s strong hands wrap around my waist, steadying me.
“You okay there, Walker?”
“Yes! I just lost my balance trying to get these damn boots off!” I yank on one, and it goes flying into the wall.
I give up, moving to the living room, where I plop down on the rug and lift the other foot in the air. “Can you help me?” I plead, making a pouting face.
Leo grins at me. “Oh, I rather enjoy watching you struggle.”
“You know I could kick you in the dick right now, right?” I make a kicking motion toward him as he cups his junk.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” he chuckles, grabbing my foot to hold it steady. With one swift motion, he pulls off my boot while I try to trip him with my other leg. But he’s too quick and not nearly as drunk as I am.
“Oh, you wanna do this, huh?” he asks, a playful glint in his eye.
“Bring it on, tough guy,” I taunt back, wiggling my foot free from his grip .
He lunges, and I roll to the side, laughing as I scramble away. But he’s faster, pinning me to the floor with ease. His hands grip my wrists, his body hovering just above mine, and I can feel the heat radiating off him.
“Got you,” he murmurs, his breath warm against my ear.
For a moment, we’re both still, our breaths mingling. The air between us shifts, becoming charged. His grip on my wrists loosens slightly, his thumbs brushing over my skin in a way that sends a chill down my spine.
“So, what do I do now, Sensei?” I whisper, my voice sounding breathless even to my own ears.
His eyes darken as they meet mine, the playful glint replaced by something more intense. He locks my wrists down and settles on top of me, wrapping his legs around my calves to pin them in place as well. I am completely and utterly helpless. “Now,” he says, his voice low, “you use your hips and legs to push your attacker off balance.”
I follow his instructions, pushing my pelvis up into his, but the closeness of his body makes it difficult to focus. I shift beneath him, attempting to push him off, but it only brings us closer together. The struggle makes me acutely aware of how vulnerable I am. I can feel his dick hardening against me, and the awareness sends a rush through me. God , the way he feels pressed against me, it’s almost too much.
“Try pulling your arms straight down and jamming your elbows into my knees.”
“Like this?” I murmur, my voice quivering as I quickly pull my arms down, releasing his grip. The thrill of getting it right, combined with his closeness, makes my heart race.
“Yeah,” he breathes, his gaze dropping to my lips. “Just like that.”
“Let’s try it again,” he says intensely, grabbing my wrists again and locking them to the floor above my head. His eyes lock onto mine, and the tension between us is palpable.
I can feel the warmth of his body as he leans closer, the heat simmering between us. My heart pounds in my ears, and my stomach does flips in anticipation. For a moment, time seems to freeze .
Before I can react, his lips are on mine, and all thoughts of self-defense evaporate. The kiss is hot and urgent, a clash of desire that had been simmering for far too long. He releases his grip on my wrists and cups a hand behind my neck, pulling me closer as he deepens the kiss. Instinctively, my arms wrap around his neck. I’ve wanted this for so damn long. The intensity of it all leaves me breathless, my mind struggling to catch up with my racing heart.
We’re a tangle of limbs and heated kisses, his body pressing me into the floor. His lips trail down my neck, and I arch into him, feeling the hard length of him against my thigh. Every touch sends a jolt of electricity through me, making me crave more.
I manage to flip us over, straddling him, our positions reversed. His hands rest on my hips, and I can feel the tension in his grip, the barely restrained desire. I want to be the one in control, even if just for a moment.
“Teach me something else,” I say, sliding off him but keeping close.
He stands, pulling me up with him, and then he presses me against the wall. His hands are locked around my wrists on either side of my head, pinning me in place. “You’ll need to know how to defend yourself if you ever get pinned against a wall.” His eyes are intense, boring into mine. The way he looks at me, like I’m the only person in the world, is intoxicating.
“What do I do?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
His eyes are drunk with lust as he leans in closer. “Duck underneath, and rotate your arms inward to get out of my grip. Then use your elbow to clock me in the face,” he murmurs, his voice low and rough.
“And what if I don’t want to get away?” I say breathlessly, meeting his gaze head-on. I don’t want to be anywhere but here, with him.
For a moment, the air between us is electric. Then his lips are on mine again, fierce and consuming. His hands slide under my shirt, pulling it over my head in one swift motion. I tug at his shirt, desperate to feel his skin against mine, to see him… touch him. His hands roam over my bare skin, memorizing every inch, his touch matching the heat of my own desire.
His lips trail down my neck, and I moan softly, arching into him. His hand cups my breast, his thumb brushing over my nipple through the thin fabric of my strapless bra, sending shivers of pleasure through me. He pulls my bra down, his mouth replacing his thumb, and I gasp at the sensation.
God, he’s driving me crazy.
“Oh my God, Leo,” I gasp. I never imagined it would feel this good.
I run my hands over his solid chest, tracing the hard lines of his muscles and chiseled abs, the V at his hips that disappears into his jeans. My fingers fumble with the button of his jeans, desperate to feel more of him. I’ve fantasized about this for months now.
“Christ, Vivian,” he murmurs between kisses, “you have no idea what you do to me.”
I gasp and breathe a hot moan into his ear. His words send a thrill through me, making me want him even more.
I am lost in his touch and consumed by desire. Nothing in my mind is screaming for me to stop; it just wants more… more.
His hands grab mine and sweep them above my head, pinning them to the wall. Locking both in one hand, the other trails possessively down my body, caressing and teasing. I try to release his grip, aching to touch him.
“I need to touch you,” I say. The need is overwhelming, almost painful.
His lips curl into a wicked grin as he leans in closer, and I want to kiss those fucking dimples. “It’s my turn, Walker.”
The throbbing between my thighs intensifies, the warmth of wetness spreading and igniting every nerve in my body as he plays with my nipple. He slides his hand down to my ass, giving it a squeeze, and my God, I want to touch him.
His kiss becomes more demanding, and I’m uncertain if I’m drunk from the alcohol or him. The room spins, but all I can focus on is him.
We’re lost in the moment, our bodies pressed together, the wall cool against my back. He releases his grip, and my hands move furiously over his body, worshiping his masculinity. My fingers thread through his hair as his hands find my waist, lifting me slightly so that my legs wrap around his hips. He grips my ass, the friction between us almost too much to bear.
I slither my hands back down to his pants and start working the zipper. Just as I’m about to reach in, he sets me down, grabs my hand and pulls away, his breathing ragged. He rests his forehead against mine, his eyes closed.
“Fuck,” he murmurs, “we should stop.” It sounds like he’s trying to convince himself more than me.
I stand there gasping for breath, my arms wrapped around his neck and tangled in his hair. “Leo,” I whisper.
He doesn’t look up, his forehead resting against mine, eyes fixed on the rise and fall of my chest.
“Leo,” I say a little louder.
He glances up, making eye contact.
“Leo, don’t stop… please,” I say with a desperation that I hate. But I can’t help it; I need him.
His eyes burn into mine, and I can feel the passion that was just there a moment ago. “We can’t. You’re drunk, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Leo,” I whisper, my voice trembling but still strong. I feel so vulnerable, my boobs out on display, practically pleading with him. “Please, don’t treat me like I’m going to break. I’m not that fragile, I’m not going to break.” I whisper again, more raw this time, “I want this.”
“Dammit!” he pounds his fist against the wall, the sound echoing through the room. “Viv,” he says, his voice breaking as I see the turmoil in his eyes, the internal struggle he’s fighting.
His eyes meet mine, filled with a mix of longing and something deeper, something painful. “It’s not you I’m worried about breaking,” he says, his voice rough. “You’re so strong. I just don’t know if I can be the one to give you what you need. And if I fail… if I lose you, I don’t think I could take it.”
Trembling, I stand as tall as I can and look him in the eyes. “Leo… either fuck me, or get the fuck out.” I say boldly, gesturing toward the door.
He slowly backs away, running his hands through his hair. He’s hurt; I know my words just hurt him. But so am I.
As he stumbles for words, picking his shirt off the ground and pulling it over his head, he finally speaks. “Viv, please. Don’t do this. Don’t kick me out, not like this,” he implores, shaking his head, “Please,” he pleads again, “let’s talk first.”
Narrowing my eyes, not daring to blink as moisture fills them, I scowl at him. “I can hardly look at you right now, let alone talk,” I say, my voice slightly elevated. I pick up his coat, walk toward him, and shove it into his arms. “Now get out!” I shout, pointing to the door.
I don’t bother getting dressed. I stand there, exposed and angry, having let my guard down. For a brief moment, I empathize with that douchebag Bentley. How humiliating it is to be denied when you’ve completely allowed yourself to be vulnerable. On second thought, no, this isn’t like that at all because I know Leo wants this. I know he has wanted it for a long time, and he kissed me! This is about him . So I stand there, half naked and stripped down, arms folded and glaring at him, never losing eye contact. I refuse to let this be okay. I can’t keep playing this cat-and-mouse game, not when it ends like this.
He sighs, his shoulders slumping as if carrying an unbearable weight. “Okay. I’ll go.” Sliding his arms into his coat, the fabric rustling softly in the silent room, he slowly walks toward the door. He looks back one last time, his eyes filled with regret, before opening it and stepping out into the cold night air.
I cry out in agony, shame, and embarrassment. I know he can still hear me, and I don’t care. I begged him, pleaded with him to stay, to be with me, and he denied me. There was so much passion between us, so much chemistry; you can’t fake that. I collapse onto the couch, tears streaming down my face as the reality of the situation hits me.
I sit in silence on the couch, the darkness enveloping me, tears streaming down my cheeks. My heart can’t take this. I’ve been through too much already. This is it. The straw that breaks the camel’s back. I wanted things to be normal after our first kiss, but this… there’s no going back to normal after this. Leo’s mouth and hands were all over me, and I wanted them there. If we try to go back to normal, this will keep happening again and again, and I can’t take it .
The weight of what just happened presses down on me, the longing and rejection mingling with a deep, aching emptiness. I feel hollow, vulnerable, and exposed, a raw nerve laid bare.
I take a deep breath, wiping my tears. I’m not fucked up after all; I was ready to go all the way with him. I just hadn’t met anyone I wanted to do that with until Leo.
But now, I have to protect myself.