CHAPTER ELEVEN #2
"I do, my husband. I do. But, what you do not understand is that I cannot do as you ask me to.
I have pledged my word of honor to marry this man, arrogant and gutless though he may be, and besides, he put words to a paper to this effect and I had to sign it or he would not agree to become betrothed to me.
Please, you must know I value my word of honor as do the Indian people.
You must know this, since it is you who taught me about keeping one's honor once pledged.
Do you now expect me to go back on my word, as well as my oath to Max, to my father and my brother? "
Red Fox didn't answer at once. Instead, he contemplated the problem for a moment. At last, he said, "Did you not tell me you intend to act as though you have not married this man?"
"It was part of the bargain between the two of us, and it is why I felt there was little harm done. He agreed to my staying here with you."
Again Red Fox hesitated to speak until he had thought over her words. But, at length, he said, "This would mean you would then have two husbands, especially if you would be required to spend at least one night with this other man."
"Perhaps, if I am required to do this in order to make the union between us legal, then we could go and live with the Gros Ventre."
"But—and this is important—you have also said you would be required to go before your God and pledge yourself to this other man, regardless of whether or not you must spend the one night with him?"
"Yes," she replied.
"Have you considered the consequences of defying He who has made you? After you have given your pledge to your God to be the wife of this other man and have made the union so in the eyes of your God?"
She looked away from him, her face appearing whiter than its usual color.
But, after a moment, she said, "Only recently have I been brought to understand there might be consequences to this act, as you have mentioned before.
I had not thought of this when I made the pledge to Max.
Yet, your words are a gentle reminder. Please, Red Fox, you say you understand why I did what I had to do. Won't you stand beside me in this?"
He didn't answer.
"Won't you?" she asked.
"I fear…I fear…" he stumbled as the stark reality of what both he and she were facing came over him.
"Yes?" she asked. "What is it you fear?"
"I…I fear the impossibility of our future life together.
" He paused for a moment to collect his wits about him before saying more.
But, at length, he said, "When you first returned, as you know, because of the conflict between the Indians and the whites, I had thought to become no more than your friend again, as we once were.
But, upon seeing you after these last two winters apart, and being unable to keep myself from making love to you, I knew a mere friendship was no longer possible.
I then put together a new idea, one where I hoped to persuade you to go away with me. "
"And, if you could not persuade me?"
He sighed. "I…I… There is much you do not know about me, much I have not communicated with you, and I fear I must now tell you more about who I am and what is expected of me. I must do this so you will understand the consequences to me and to my people if I act as you now ask me to do."
"But, there is no need for you to tell me all about yourself. Truly, I already know who you are and I am in love with this man you are," she responded. "Indeed, I have done what I have done because I love you and wish to be with you, and only with you."
He hesitated to say another word. After the adventure of seeing each other again and realizing their carnal and immediate lust for one another was shared, he had known he had been a fool to imagine they could share a mere friendship.
However, when she had at last confessed what she had been forced to do in order to return to her home, he had seen a deeply entrenched problem in her plan—of course, it was one she could have had no way of knowing.
Perhaps in the past, if he had been a little more open with her about his own goals in life and how this would affect them both, what they were going to have to face now would not be the problem they must solve…if they were to be together.
Niitá'p, he had prayed about this to the Above Ones.
And, his prayers had been answered…or so he had thought.
Essentially, there was a simple way he could avoid heartache for themselves and for their families: they two could go away and live in another camp until the hostilities between their families had ceased. But, now…
"Come," he said at last. "Let us dress, and then I will tell you what I must now say to you. I will go to the stream in the canyon not far from here, and I will bring back water for your bath so you might bathe while I see to the needs of my wolf and my horse."
"No. I will go with you into the canyon, and I will help you to attend to your horse and the wolf."
He signed his agreement, then said, "Quickly dress, and we will both bathe, then we will care for our animals. Only then do I feel I can say to you what I must now tell you."
"All right," she agreed as she reached for her chemise and pantalettes. "But, this sounds serious."
He merely smiled.
****
"Please know this: I do not ever wish to marry another," Red Fox confessed to her now their bath was done and they were sitting together in their little sanctuary. They were facing one another.
"Nor I," Briella responded.
Briella watched Red Fox carefully, her stomach twisting inside her. He had become so solemn during their bath, his attention so inward, she was a little fearful of what he had to say to her.
As he gazed up at her, his eyes looked curiously wet, causing her to frown.
But then, the both of them had only now returned from their morning toiletries as well as tending to the wolf and his pony.
They had eaten a little breakfast from one of the parfleche bags Red Fox had tied to his horse.
And, having done so and no longer hungry, they were ready to embark upon this conversation he seemed reluctant to share with her.
Sitting close together, he with his legs crossed and she with her legs bent toward her right side, he at last began, and he said, "There is much I do not speak of because I am prohibited from saying too much about this part of my life."
She nodded slightly, hoping to encourage him to say more.
He continued. "Besides being your tutor and a scout and teaching you what I know about this life on the prairie, I am also a medicine man.
True, my medicine does not extend to using it for my people…
at least not yet. But, one day I hope to be of help to my people who are sick and are in need of what a medicine man can do for them.
For now, I use my skills with the animals, and in this, I have been successful. "
Once again she said nothing, though she nodded.
"It is this I must tell you, and yet…I cannot do so for fear it will cause you pain."
"Cause me pain?" she asked. "I do not understand."
He looked away from her, his gaze appearing to be interested in the entrance to their shelter. He inhaled deeply.
Hoping to embolden him, she asked, "Please, won't you tell me what this is?"
Again he said nothing.
"Is it really so very bad?" she asked. "I mean, it's not like my marrying another and then living with you here instead of returning to the East would cause you a problem, is it?"
He said nothing. He did nothing. He didn't even move.
"Is it?" she asked again. "Are you trying to tell me you wouldn't be able to live with me?"
Once more, as he sat silent before her, his gaze was still fixated elsewhere.
"If it be this you are hesitant to tell me, why would you not be able to live with me as your woman?"
Again he said nothing. Nor did he seem to move or to even blink. What was wrong with him? Why wouldn't or couldn't he say a word?
She asked, "Am I right? Is this what you have to tell me? And, if it is, why wouldn't it work for us?"
When he looked back at her at last, there was moisture in his eyes as he tried to speak, but his lips were quivering and he couldn't seem to say a word, though he began to speak several times.
Trying to take hold of the situation between them, she spoke up and said, "I can see you are upset. Is it because you could not marry me if I already have a husband elsewhere, even though I would not really be married to Maximillian?"
Still silent, he, at length, signed, "No."
"Then, what is it you are trying to tell me?"
Looking up at him, she saw a tear run down his cheek, but still he said nothing; he didn't even wipe the tear away.
Finally, however, he began to sign, and he said in that silent language, "I will tell you as well as I can.
It is this: if you defy your God as you think might be necessary, I cannot be truly married to you. "
She didn't even blink. Here it was now: this is what she had feared.
He went on to sign, "Nor could I live with you."
Stunned, she sat silent for a moment. Then she asked, "You could not even live with me?"
Still signing, he said, "I could not."
When she gasped, he went on to sign, "Perhaps I should have told you this when we saw one another for the first time after these last two winters apart, but I did not know then what I know now about your plans and what you have had to do and to promise so you might return to this, our country.
What I must say to you now is what I am required to say.
Forgive me for not telling you this before now.
There is a code of conduct a medicine man must follow if he is to help those in need.
This, the Creator reminded me of recently when I prayed to Him about our predicament.
But, the Creator is good, and He put into my mind a path by which we could remain together as a man and his woman.
And so, I came to envision a way I believed might work to keep us together. "
"Is it to go to the Gros Ventre camp?"
"Yes," he signed. "If I could convince you to go away with me and live elsewhere, forcing this man and his mistress to return to where they came from, it would solve my problem and yours.
But, I did not also at the same time see how this might affect you in a bad way.
Your word of honor is pledged, and although you told me this from the start, I did not fully realize then what I know now: I cannot be a part of forcing you to go against your sacred word, nor can I be a part of compelling you to break an oath you must give to your God… if you marry this man."
"But, I—"
In sign, he said, "Let me be plain-speaking about this, and please excuse me for doing so. If you marry this man, I cannot also be married to you."
"But, we are already married."
"So we are," he signed. "But, if I am to continue on the path I have chosen to help my people, I would be forced to leave you to your path, and I to mine."
"Forced to—"
A complete and full understanding of what she was facing came upon her suddenly, and Briella ceased thinking.
After all she had been through to return here to him, and now having to face the one fear she had known might yet happen—and having to confront it after having spent such a beautiful night with this man… It was too much.
She looked on at herself as though she were a bystander as her hopes for a future life with this man burst into flames. Sobs racked her body as tears fell down to her breast.
She couldn't talk; she couldn't even use her hands in sign. Instead, she came up onto her knees and scrambled toward the small entrance to their shelter, crawled through it, and coming up onto her feet, she ran through the pines, out onto the open prairie and straight into George.
"Sister, what is it?" George asked, looking up and behind her toward the pines.
"I see Red Fox has followed you. What has happened to you?
To him? He looks as if the world has caved in on him.
And you… Why are you crying? I would have thought you would be extraordinarily happy. The two of you are now married."
Between tears and sobs, Briella managed to say, "He and I"—she hiccupped—"we can never be married, George. Never! Please, please, take me home."
"I will, of course," George responded. "But, I think first you must get yourself more fully dressed. And, I believe I should have a word with Red Fox. He looks as if he is… Are those tears in his eyes, too?"
"Brother, do not talk to him. Just…just let him be. It is I who has caused him pain. It is I who must now reap the consequences for what I have done, because of…because of… I can't…I can't…bear it!"
"Sister, Sister, compose yourself. Come, I will go with you into the grove of pines, and there I will wait for you to dress yourself.
Then, we will go to my lodge. It is still early, and I have seen no one else about at the homestead yet, since they all sought their beds in the wee hours of the morning.
So, you can come with me without other eyes seeing you. "
She nodded. Indeed, it was all she could do.