Chapter 23
The Evernean Forest
Lara
I was carrying a bucket of water from the river when Ray came running up to me. “I need to talk to you,” he said. I hadn’t seen Ray so serious in quite some time.
I grunted as my arm ached from the heavy bucket. “Ray, I’m not exactly in the mood for talking.” It had been a long couple of days and I was looking forward to eating and falling asleep.
“This is important,” Ray persisted. “I wouldn’t be telling you if it wasn’t. You clearly haven’t slept or properly eaten in days and you look half dead.”
I managed half a smile. “Thanks for the honesty,” I muttered sarcastically. “What is this about?”
Ray looked rueful. “It’s about Cai.”
I rolled my eyes. “Seriously, Ray? I know you don’t like him, and at this moment, I’m not exactly fond of him either but—”
Ray wouldn’t let me finish. “This has nothing to do with me.” He stepped in front of me, forcing me to stop walking. “Look, you and Arthur seemed quite eager to strike up a deal with the guy and I don’t trust him, so I did a little digging.”
“You’ve been spying on the Prince of Norrandale?”
“No, of course not. Last night his soldiers had quite a lot more than their share to drink. Not that I could blame them. I would probably overindulge myself as well, had I been imprisoned by Lance. But the one who’s second-in-charge, Jack, we started talking and I asked him questions about how he managed to get such a high position with the prince. Long story short, he told me more than he probably should have, though I don’t think he remembers any of it today.”
“What’s your point?” I started walking again, dodging past him.
“My point is, I found out something that I think you should know about him. About the kind of person he is.”
“I have a feeling you’re going to tell me, regardless of whether or not I want to hear it.”
I was practically marching back to my cabin and Ray almost had to jog to keep up with me. “We talked about war. Mostly about all its gruesomeness. He started mentioning the Norrandish war against Argon some time ago.”
“Yes, Cai mentioned something about it.”
“Did he tell you how he managed to win that final battle?”
I didn’t say anything. Of course I didn’t know the answer. Hadn’t given the Norrandish war against Argon much thought. After all, the past was in the past.
Ray stepped in front of me again and held my shoulders to make me stop. “Cai was leading the army just north of the Argonian coast. It was far from the cities of Argon and mostly surrounded by woods and small villages, where the Argonian soldiers were from. They were to march on the battlefield the next morning. But Cai ordered the nearby villages to be burned and plundered, killing the wives and children of the soldiers in the hopes they wouldn’t fight the battle the following day. He murdered innocent people, Lara.”
The world had gone silent enough to hear the bucket drop onto the forest floor, water spilling beneath the grassy stems and trickling past my boots. “He did what?”
“I’m sorry. But Cai isn’t the person we thought he was. He’s no better than Lance or any of his lackeys. The royals are all the same. And if his morality might be worse than ours, I just don’t think they can be trusted. We’ve let them into our home and they have the perfect opportunity to conquer Everness.”
I pushed past Ray without a word. I could hear him calling after me, but I would not be stopped. My feet carried me past the burnt-out firepits and cabins. My eyes would not focus on any movement other than where I was going, who I was looking for.
He wasn’t in my cabin, or by the horses or the fighting ring. I stumbled past rocks and roots until my eyes finally landed on the head of blond hair. He was kneeling next to the river, washing his face.
Cai’s shirt hung on a nearby branch, but I paid this no attention as I marched towards him with brutal anger in my veins.
“How could you?” I shouted, ready to push him into the river.
Cai turned abruptly and his eyes darted to his shirt after landing upon me.
“All this time I was under the impression that you were this kind and caring person. That I was the one who lied. And that I was the one who deceived.”
“I don’t understand — what happened?”
“What happened is that I finally found out the truth about Norrandale’s ‘perfect and charming’ prince. Who turned out to be just like the rest of them.” My voice cracked at the end, against my will.
Concern filled Cai’s eyes. “Lara, what’s going on?” He reached towards me, but I slapped his hand away.
“Don’t touch me! You walk around here in judgement of all of us, like you don’t carry any blood on your hands.”
His expression was that of someone who really hadn’t the slightest idea what I meant. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the final battle against Argon.”
Cai’s face fell into a look that I had never seen him show before. “Who told you?”
“It doesn’t matter who told me, it matters what you did.”
“I did what I had to do.”
“You murdered innocent women and children and you’re telling me it was because you had to do it?” My tone was one of disbelief.
“My soldiers were starved, wounded and near dead. We had been losing ground against the Argonian soldiers for weeks. My father was in Norrandale trying to gather more forces and help for our soldiers. I was leading the army alone and the next day they would march upon us in battle at full force — we would be slaughtered.”
“So you decided to slaughter their families instead?” I clenched my teeth at the pain in Cai’s eyes but grew more determined from the emotions it evoked inside me.
“I sent out scouts. I didn’t give them orders to kill any women or children.”
“How do I know that’s not another lie?”
“I was a child!” he shouted, breathing heavily. “And I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to save the men that were dying next to me. I made a decision, and if you think that it doesn’t haunt me to this day, then you’re wrong.”
I wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe the desperate, pleading look on his face.
“I still dream about that battle, over and over again, and I see my hands covered in blood, knowing what I did and knowing that I will never be able to make up for it. Why do you think I am so adamant on avoiding war at all costs?”
And I knew that his words were true. Knew that he carried guilt in the same ways I did. Knew what it felt like to have a conscience that followed you like a shadow, despite how much you tried to run from it.
But I didn’t know how to face him now. So I turned and walked away.
I walked until the soldier prince caught up to me. He grabbed me, turning my body towards him. There was something in Cai’s eyes — a look I’d never seen from any man before as it lingered on the edge of certain carnality and spelled out only one word... danger.
Not the danger you face from getting too close to a fire, not the danger of a knife or a wild animal. This was a feeling of danger that I had never experienced before.
“What do you want?” I stepped away from him. “To make some worthless kind of apology in the hopes that your reputation would be restored in my eyes? If that’s the case, you can forget about it.”
He took a step towards me. My breath hitched. I prayed he did not hear it. Cai and I had been alone before more than once, but I’d never actually wanted to murder him up until this point.
“I don’t want to apologise.”
Part of me wanted to flee once more. To flee the violation of his broad shoulders and muscled torso in my personal space. Part of me wanted to release hellfire and beat him until he spat blood. All this time, I had thought this man to be all that was good and honest. But now I somehow felt betrayed.
“Then what is it?” I said curtly.
“You can’t just yell insults in my face and run away like that.” His voice was deep but soft, and I took a step back.
“So, what, you want me to apologise?” We both knew there was no chance of that happening.
“No,” he replied and I lost my nerve.
“Well then, what do you want?” I cried out.
“I want you,” he blurted. Instead of being surprised, it only caused me to be angrier with him.
“Well, you can’t have me!” I said sternly, placing my hands on my hips and squaring my shoulders.
“Oh yes, I can,” he retorted, and I could feel my blood boiling.
“And what exactly gave you that impression?”
“Because you want me too.”
I gasped. “I do not!”
“Yes, you do, Lara. I know you do.”
“I don’t want you. I don’t want anything to do with you right now.” I was starting to grow unsure of what exactly I would gain by winning this argument.
Cai let out a huff of frustration. “You know, sometimes I think you’re the most annoying woman I’ve ever met.”
“You think I’m annoying? Well, take a good, lasting look in the mirror, sir, because you’re the most infuriating—” I jabbed my finger at his hard chest — “displeasing, exasperating human being in all of Everness.” I was throwing out all the big words I could muster while knowing none of them were actually true, but in that moment I didn’t care.
“You’re one to talk,” he threw back, taking another step closer. “You’re all charming and sweet with your witty words and nifty tricks, but inside you’re miserable with this life you live.”
It wasn’t anything other than perhaps the fact he was right that scared me so much. “Don’t you dare say that. You know nothing about me.” Another lie. Though I would hate to admit it, he knew more than most.
“Yes, I do.” He was so close that I could practically feel his warm breath against my skin. The scent of him reminding me of the forest on an autumn morning. I shook my head, trying to regain focus.
“I know you, Lara.”
“What is your problem?” I exclaimed, throwing my arms up in the air. I hardly knew the point of this conversation anymore.
“My problem?” he repeated, looking away for a moment with half a sneer as he traced a finger across his bottom lip, drawing my attention to it without meaning to. “You want to know what my problem is?”
“Damn right I do.” Not wanting to grant him an advantage of any kind, I risked stepping closer. I wasn’t going to back away any longer. I was not a deer to be hunted.
“My problem—” he swallowed, tone softening, eyes not meeting mine — “is this.” As the words left his mouth, he picked up my hand from where it hung at my side.
“My hand?” I asked idiotically.
“Yes, your hands. Your hands that keep holding knives to my throat and your hair that smells like a field of wildflowers and that damned mouth that won’t stop cursing at me.”
He looked at me then, and I was frozen. “My problem, Lara, is that I cannot sleep or eat or do anything anymore without thinking about you and it is driving me positively mad.”
I plucked my hand away from his. “Oh, so all of this is somehow my fault now?”
“Yes, of course it’s your fault.” His breathing became more rapid. “Because if you hadn’t worked with Lance and I didn’t meet you, then none of this would have happened and I would never have...” He trailed off.
“You wouldn’t have what?”
“It doesn’t matter. I just want you to stop lying to yourself.”
The anger in my voice had not yet disappeared and neither had the frustration in his.
“Everything about this is ridiculous. You are the future king of Norrandale and I am an outlaw.”
“I don’t care who or what you are,” he admitted. “Do you honestly expect me to believe that after everything we’ve been through, you feel nothing for me at all?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“You’re lying,” he replied. “I can tell when you’re lying, remember?”
“Nothing could ever happen between us and you know that.”
“You’re unbelievable,” he muttered.
“Me? I’m unbelievable?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yes, you’re unbelievable. I just poured out my heart in front of you and you had no trouble ripping it to shreds, even though I know you feel the same!”
“What did you expect? That I would swoon and confess my love to you? Is that why you’re so mad?”
“No, I’m mad because it’s one thing to lie to a person, but it’s another to lie to yourself.”
“I am not lying to myself. Just accept the fact that I don’t love you, Cai.”
“You’re lying and I can prove it.”
“Well, I’d like to see you try. You’re just a bastard who can’t take no for an answer.” I tried to push past him, but Cai grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back.
“Then tell me,” he persisted. I tried to wrench free, but he wouldn’t let me go. “Tell me to leave you alone. Tell me that you hate me and that you never want to see me again. Stab my heart a thousand times over if you like, but please don’t lie to me.” His hand drifted to my upper back.
I had forgotten how to breathe, with him so close. “I don’t love you,” I said softly, though I couldn’t decide which one of us was actually the liar.
“Prove it,” Cai challenged with a whisper, and then he kissed me.
My immediate reaction was to simultaneously push him away and grab anything my hands could get hold of. My eyes closed on their own account and my other senses were left to take over.
He had challenged me and I had no intention of being proven wrong, but then his lips pressed against mine with a sense of yearning that I hadn’t experienced before, perhaps didn’t even understand. It was intoxicating and I wanted more. No. My sense of reason threatened to kick in. I didn’t want to give in to his hands that stroked my back. I didn’t want to give in to his mouth that coaxed me closer to him. I didn’t want to give in to him at all.
But Cai took me by the wrists and wrapped my arms around his neck. I may have underestimated him in more ways than one. That perhaps the Prince of Norrandale was in fact a force to be reckoned with, in his own unpredictable way. I allowed my fingers to rest where hints of blond hair made their appearance at the nape of his neck and Cai managed to pull me closer.
I was hot and cold all at once, goosebumps forming on my arms.
Being kissed by Cai wasn’t what I expected... it was better. And despite my better judgement, I pulled him closer, allowing his mouth to claim mine as if some hidden part of me belonged to him, always had.
But I didn’t think about that feeling. I pushed it away instead and concentrated on the warmth of his hands that traced my body like it was a work of art. Cai made a sound in the back of his throat and I sucked in a breath before pulling back and resting my forehead against his.
“This is a very good example of a very bad idea.”
He gave me an unsatisfied glance.
“I’m serious. Once this is over, you’ll go back to Norrandale and I’ll still be a bandit.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way.”
“You speak as if the truth is fiction, Cai. You and I both know you have to marry someone of noble blood and that I was made to be alone.”
His mouth travelled to my cheek, where he pressed a butterfly of a kiss. “You still proved my point.”
“So?” I attempted to ignore his lips and roll my eyes.
“So you owe me one.”
“I saved your life back at Woodsbrook Manor. That makes us even.”
His lips moved to my other cheek for another kiss. “You betrayed me and stole my personal property. That makes us uneven.”
“You lied about your past.”
“You lost a duel against me and you said the winner gets a favour from the loser.”
“What exactly is it that you want?” A dangerous question.
“Everything will change once this is over, but we don’t have to end this until then. All I’m asking for is your honesty.”
He knew the way my heart twisted inside when he looked at me like that. Because he felt it too.
“No more lies?” I wasn’t entirely convinced. No matter how much I wanted to grab his face and kiss him again.
“No more lies,” he confirmed. “You will give me a chance until this is over and we can go our separate ways. That is if you can stay away from me.”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” I said. “I still won’t be in love with you by the end of this.”
“You can try and tell yourself whatever you please.” He smirked. “But you’re already half in love with me.” He took my hand and bent down, gently pressing a kiss to my knuckles. “Your Highness,” he teased before turning away, and I watched his shoulders disappear into the leaves.
I shook off whatever unfamiliarity had overcome me. I needed to go to my uncle’s cabin, where our next clan meeting would be held.
When I got there, everyone else seemed to be waiting inside, making small talk or engaging in light debate.
“Glad you decided to show up,” my uncle remarked as I closed the door, but I fully ignored him. I hadn’t forgiven Uncle Arthur for our previous conversation.
“What happens now?” I asked no one in particular, stepping up to the table and surveying the map of the kingdom. I spotted the border of Norrandale and lingered on it for a moment too long.
“The next step is the aristocrats.”