Chapter 21 Henri
Henri
Time is the worst form of distance. You keep living life and become a different person thinking you’ve left the past behind, that what happened years before can’t hurt you anymore.
And then, the people who were supposed to be your best friends walk into a ski lodge in Colorado laughing and having a good time, and all that distance is gone. No warning. No time to brace yourself.
I can still remember the last text I sent Laura, one that she never replied to.
I really need you right now.
“What are you doing back there?” And there she is, smiling at me like no time has passed at all. Like I hopped behind this bar like the time we were in Cabo for spring break and I convinced the bartenders to help them make a round of shots.
Kurt stands right next to her, ski goggles hanging around his neck, snow dusting his gear. His smile is as wide as ever. Blue eyes sparkling. “Don’t tell us you work here now.”
I’ve never felt embarrassed about being in the service industry before; it’s the hardest I’ve ever worked. It’s not just physically exhausting but also mentally. But right now I feel the weight of the power dynamic between us. In another life, I would be on the other side of the counter with them.
“Yeah, man, she’s with me.” Liam steps behind me and I relax at the reminder of his presence.
“Hey.” Kurt reaches out for a bro handshake, clapping his hand against Liam’s. “Good to see you, Liam. Was starting to think we wouldn’t see you around this year.”
Holy shit. This can’t be happening. They can’t know each other.
“We got in last night and Henri was nice enough to give me a hand this morning.”
“That’s a relief, I was about to call up my dad and see if he had any open positions for you, Henri. Being back there doesn’t suit her,” Kurt says.
Laura cocks her head. “Wow, you two are really together?”
“Yes,” Liam says without hesitation.
“You’ve always had rich taste—gotta find a way to support your shopping addiction, right?” Kurt says.
“My girl likes nice things and I like to treat her right. Why wouldn’t I give her my card?” Liam asks. “Did you want to order or not?”
“Two black coffees and three of those sweet cookie latte things,” Kurt says with a wave of his hand. “You know the ones.”
“Got it.” Liam steps away and slots the espresso filter into the grinder.
I tap the order into the sales system as Laura playfully slaps Kurt’s chest and says, “Oh my God don’t be dramatic.
You know the name.” She leans across the counter to tell me, “He really hasn’t changed.
At bars he’ll pretend the fruity drink is mine when he orders and then we’ll swap.
God, if his fragile masculinity wasn’t always in the way, he’d have more fun.
” The casual familiarity feels like an itchy sweater against my skin.
One I can’t take off because that would leave me naked in public, so I just have to put up with it.
Is it not weird for them? It’s not like we’re college friends who never seemed to be able to make time for each other.
Kurt swipes his card, but instead of heading back to his friends he lingers by the counter. “So, what are you up to? I can’t believe it’s been so long. Seriously, it’s hard to remember why we stopped talking.”
Always fun to know that the event that felt like a meteor crashing into your world was essentially a pebble to someone else.
“I’m in New York, freelancing,” I say.
Kurt nods. “I have this buddy who does that—upcharges like crazy and hardly does any work.”
“Good for him. But I keep busy and I applied to grad school for next fall,” I say, feeling like I have to prove something, for some reason.
“You can’t be serious.” Laura nearly chokes on a startled laugh. “You remember that girl who took your SATs for you? She had to wear a wig to look anything like your school ID.”
“Yeah, that was really something.” My cheeks flame. I feel helpless as my past and present collide. Despite the hiss of steaming milk, I know Liam can hear every word.
There’s no point in denying that’s exactly who I was, the same type of person Liam would call entitled. If my life had been different I would have been out there with them and Liam would hate me with the rest of them.
“People change. It doesn’t seem like you know her anymore.” Liam’s voice is colder than I’ve ever heard it before. “Here’s your stuff. Better get back to the slopes before they get too crowded.”
“Thanks, man.” Kurt smiles and grabs the carrier. “And, Henrietta, I guess this means we’ll see you around? My family’s coming to the charity gala this year, and I know my mom would love to see you. She still talks about how she wishes you were around to go shopping with.”
“It would be great to catch up,” I say.
Yup, a night with a room full of people I never thought I’d see again? Perfect. And if Kurt’s behavior is any indication, they’ll pretend nothing happened, because of course they have some new scandal to fixate on.
“Are you okay?” Liam asks when they’re out of earshot.
Those three words snap something in me. I feel stretched thin. The backs of my eyes burn.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom really quick.” I make quick work of the apron ties around my waist and toss it onto the hook.
“Henri, wait,” he starts but a woman and child come up to the counter.
“Go ahead. Ask the man about the hot chocolate like we practiced,” I hear the woman say as I walk past.
It occurs to me ten minutes into searching for a bathroom, that I have no idea where it is. I’ve found myself on the second floor, walking past game rooms and a restaurant. I reach a set of double doors and pull them open.
A breath leaves from my lungs as I stare at wall to wall bookshelves, only broken up by a large window facing the ski runs. I lose myself, running my fingers over cracked spines of books that would otherwise feel out of place together, but here make sense. Romance, horror, classics, history.
Hinges creek and I drop my hand, as if trying to not get caught.
“I was planning on bringing you up here later, but it seems like you found it on your own. This is my favorite room in this place.” Liam walks to me, feet sinking into the plush crimson carpet. “When I got injured, I would just stay up here and read all day.”
“Sorry, I got sidetracked, I didn’t mean to disappear."
“It’s fine. You looked like you needed a minute, especially after you went the complete opposite direction of the bathrooms.” There’s a lick of humor in his tone that subsides into concern. “How are you really?”
“Just surprised. I haven’t seen them in a long time, and I wasn’t expecting to run into them here.”
“You know them.”
“So do you,” I counter.
“Not the way you do.”
“They were my best friends for pretty much my entire life—elementary school through the first few years of college. I was just like them, Liam. If things were different I would have been on the other side of that counter and you would hate me the way you hate them,” I say, even as it kills me a little. I don’t want it to be true, but it is.
“Good thing you were back behind the counter with me.”
“You don’t get it!” My voice cracks as I yell.
“Then explain it to me,” he pleads. “I want to understand.”
“They left. They knew me for almost my entire life and the moment I needed them they were gone. And it wasn’t just them, either.
The reason they pushed me away was because it came out that my dad had this secret life.
My own dad didn’t choose me, Liam.” I dodge around the truth: my dad chose money over my mom and I.
Not just that, he put us at risk for it.
“There’s nothing about me worth sticking around for. ”
“Well that’s a fucking lie,” he bites out, voice dangerously low.
“Says who?”
His eyes flash with frustration as he slaps a hand to his chest and clutches at the fabric of his shirt. “Me. I know you!”
“Maybe I’m just that good at faking it. What if that’s who I really am and I’m just hiding it?” I fear it so much. So I run and I play pretend and I let Iris in as much as possible, but keep the heavy things to myself.
“I can tell when you’re faking it.”
“How?” I demand.
“Do you make dirty jokes with all your clients?”
“No. But it’s not like that matters.”
He reaches in his back pocket and pulls out the green notebook of his.
“I know gifts make you uncomfortable, and that you make some of the best drinks in Manhattan. I know that you aren’t like them because they would just throw away old clothes when they’re damaged, but you treat them like pieces of art to be cared for.
You care so deeply about strangers and leave people better than how you found them.
” He stops reading and looks up at me. Clever fingers reach out and brush hair behind my ear, the touch cool against my blazing skin.
“You fought for the life you have now and that’s something to be proud of.
Fuck those assholes for making you feel like you’re anything like them. I know because I—”
I don’t want to hear the rest, so I seal my mouth against his. At first he’s stiff, but then his lips work against mine, meeting the rhythm of my urgency.
I need to shut him up so he’ll stop saying all these nice things about me that will make me care about him. Because no matter how good they feel to hear, that doesn’t change the fact that, at the end of this, I’ll be leaving him like I do with everyone else.
And I already know that Liam Hughes will be incredibly hard to walk away from. I don’t need to make it worse.
Hands in his hair. Him kneeling between my thighs. Yes, that’s what I need. More of it. No thoughts. Just his body and mine.
I’m trying to drown in him and he pulls away.
“Henri, really I—”