Chapter 32
32
ADRIAN
I stare at my reflection in the full-length mirror as I button up my crisp white dress shirt. It’s Monday morning and under normal circumstances, I’d be rushing out the door to make it to the weekly strategy briefing at the office. But today is different. Today, I’m skipping the meeting to accompany Rowena to her ultrasound appointment.
As I loop my blue silk tie around my neck, I rationalize my decision. Dominic has been clear that he wants a family man to take over the company when he retires. Missing work to accompany my pregnant fiancée to her doctor’s appointment should score me some brownie points with the boss, right? It’s the perfect excuse.
But deep down, that’s not the real reason I’m doing this. After this weekend with Rowena, I’m a goner. Completely lost. Memories of our passionate kisses and the tantalizing way she undressed before me flash through my mind as I slide on my suit jacket. Even though we stopped short of taking things further, she has me under locks.
I’m not going to this appointment to impress Dominic or further my career. I’m going because I don’t want her to have to do this alone. Because being near her, supporting her, has suddenly become the most important thing in my life. More vital than oxygen.
My entire world has shifted, and Rowena is now at the center of everything.
I check my reflection one more time, smoothing down an errant lock of hair, and, turning away from the mirror, I unplug my phone from its charger to send a quick text to Sarah.
Adrian
Sarah, I need you to take the lead in the strategy meeting today. I’m going to be late to the office
Sarah Lopez
Did someone die?
Adrian
No one died, I just have a personal matter to attend to
Sarah Lopez
Are you kidding me?
Adrian
No, I’m delegating to you
Sarah Lopez
OMG, then you’re dying? Is it cancer?
Adrian
No one’s dying
Or dead
Sarah Lopez
Stay strong. 81.2% is the average survival rate across various types of cancer when detected at an early stage
Adrian
Were you just carrying around that depressing statistic?
Sarah Lopez
No. I’m researching a new drug for potential early investment
Adrian
Zylotrin?
Sarah Lopez
*shocked-face emoji*
How did you guess?
Adrian
*cool-face emoji*
I didn’t guess. It’s my job to know
Check the satellite imaging surveillance of their research facility parking lots, I smell smoke
Sarah Lopez
You scare me
Adrian
Make me proud at the meeting today. If I get the top chair, you’ll be CIO
Then it’ll be your job to know these things
Sarah Lopez
Worry not, I’m going to whip those traders harder than a dominatrix in a sex dungeon
I smile, imagining the grief Rowena would dish at me if she read this message, and only type back:
Adrian
Now *you* scare me
I only get a smiley devil emoji in response.
Straightening my tie one last time, I compose myself and head out of my room to meet Rowena.
As Sam pulls up to the clinic entrance, I glance over at Rowena on the backseat beside me. She meets my gaze and gives me a small smile, eyes anxious as they crinkle at the edges with unspoken tension. I lean over, cupping her cheeks. “It’s going to be fine,” I whisper. “I’m right here with you.”
She nods. “I know. Thank you for coming with me today, Adrian. It means a lot.”
“Of course. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
The words come out more earnest than I intended, revealing a deeper truth, but before I can dwell on it, Sam opens the car door for us.
The modern glass facade gleams in the morning sun, radiating a sense of sleek professionalism and efficiency. “Fancy.” I try to lighten the mood. “Think they’ll have cucumber water and those little sandwiches with the crusts cut off in the waiting room?”
Rowena laughs and bumps me with her shoulder. “No, sorry to crush your fancy snacks dreams. They only have vending machines.”
Clinlada’s doors swish open and, with a mock gallant bow, I gesture for Rowena to pass first.
The cool blast of air conditioning envelops us as we step inside, carrying the faint, astringent scent of antiseptic. I wrinkle my nose. I’ve never liked that medicinal hospital smell.
Rowena approaches the reception desk where a smiling woman greets her warmly and checks her in. I stand off to the side, hands shoved in my pockets, trying not to fidget. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like I’m the one getting an ultrasound.
“The doctor will be right with you, dear,” the receptionist says. “You can have a seat in the waiting area.”
The receptionist points us to a row of blue padded chairs. I help Rowena sit with a hand under her elbow. There’s no other word for it: I’m fussing. “Comfortable?”
She grins up at me. “Yep.”
I settle into the chair next to her, our hands finding each other and interlacing almost on reflex, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“So,” I say after a moment. “Have any name ideas yet?”
Rowena smiles, a wistful, secretive grin. “A few. But I want to wait to decide until I meet them, you know? See what suits them.”
I nod. “Makes sense. You wouldn’t want to saddle the kid with a name like Elmo or Agnes still in the womb.”
She laughs. “What if Elmo or Agnes were my top picks?”
I gape. “You wouldn’t?”
Before she can respond, a nurse appears in the doorway with a clipboard. “Rowena Taylor?”
I stand, still holding Rowena’s hand as I help her up. “Ready?” I ask, searching her face.
She nods, her fingers tightening around mine. “Ready. I can’t wait for you to meet the baby.”
The baby, but not our baby. Hers. The words ring in my head as we follow the nurse down the hall .
With every step closer to that ultrasound room, I wish things were different. That this were my baby. And I’ve never wanted kids.
The nurse leads us into a brightly lit room filled with unfamiliar equipment. A large screen dominates one wall, and in the center stands the examination table, complete with stirrups that cause my stomach to clench. Are those comfortable? Will Rowena have to undress? Maybe it was a mistake to tag along, I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.
Rowena seems to sense my unease, giving my hand a last squeeze before letting go to greet the doctor. He’s younger than I expected, with a friendly smile and a firm handshake. “Ms. Taylor, great to see you again.” Turning to me, he adds, “I’m Dr. Raikes. And you must be the father-to-be?”
I start to correct him, but Rowena beats me to it. “This is Adrian, my…” She hesitates, glancing at me uncertainly.
“Partner,” I finish for her, the word feeling right as it leaves my mouth. “I’m her partner.”
Dr. Raikes nods, unfazed. “Nice to meet you, Adrian. Rowena if you could lie down and lift your shirt for me.”
As Rowena settles onto the bed, I hover nearby, unsure of my role. Dr. Raikes must notice my nervous energy because he gestures to a chair beside the bed. “Why don’t you have a seat right here? You’ll have a perfect view of the screen.”
As I sink into the chair, Rowena reaches for my hand again.
Dr. Raikes explains the NT scan procedure, his voice calm and reassuring. “We’ll be using ultrasound to measure the fluid at the back of the baby’s neck. This, along with a blood test, helps us assess the likelihood of certain chromosomal conditions.”
I nod, trying to take it all in, but my mind is racing. Chromosomal conditions? Risks. Today isn’t just a cute photo opportunity. It’s about the health and future of the baby. Of Rowena. Their lives could be crushed today—mine too.
As if sensing the direction of my thoughts, Rowena catches my eye, her gaze steady and sure. “It’s going to be okay,” she mouths silently. I’m supposed to be the one helping here, and instead, I’m the one needing encouragement.
I press my lips together, vowing to keep my cool and not become another thing she has to worry about.
Dr. Raikes squirts gel onto Rowena’s belly and she inhales sharply. I watch in fascination as the doctor places the probe on her skin, moving it in slow, deliberate strokes.
A grainy, black-and-white image flickers to life on the screen. I stare in awe at the curve of a head, the delicate arch of a spine. Tiny arms and legs, waving and kicking in the amniotic fluid. It’s a full body. Even if, at twelve weeks pregnant, Rowena told me this morning that the baby is only the size of a lime.
“There’s your baby.” Dr. Raikes points to the screen. “Looking nice and active.”
Rowena’s eyes are shining with tears as she stares at the monitor, transfixed. I swallow hard against the lump in my throat, overwhelmed by a dangerous need to claim both Rowena and the baby as my family.
Dr. Raikes takes measurements, the clicks of the keyboard punctuating the hushed reverence of the moment. I can’t tear my gaze away from the screen, from the life growing inside Rowena.
A life that has started to feel inextricably tied to mine.
Rowena’s grip on my hand tightens. I glance down to find her eyes trained on me, a tentative smile on her lips. “Pretty amazing, huh?”
“Amazing doesn’t even begin to cover it.” I lift our joined hands to press a kiss to her knuckles. “Thank you for letting me be here.”
“Always,” Rowena replies, her voice hushed. There’s an unspoken promise in that single word, a future we’re tentatively circling around, like satellites unsure of the gravity that tugs at us. The idea of a forever doesn’t scare me anymore. But I have to earn it. A plan begins to form, but for now, I concentrate on the present.
Dr. Raikes’s voice is a soothing backdrop as he continues the scan, pointing out the baby’s features with a kind smile. “Would you like to hear the heartbeat?” he asks, glancing between us.
Rowena nods enthusiastically. “Yes, please.”
I lean in closer, our shoulders brushing as the doctor adjusts a dial, and suddenly, the room is filled with a rapid, rhythmic thumping sound.
Thump-thump-thump. Fast and strong, the heartbeat echoes in my ears, resonating deep in my chest.
A fresh wave of emotions slams into me: love, protectiveness, a fierce sense of belonging. It’s not my baby, not biologically, but in this moment, none of that matters. The only word pulsing in my mind is ‘mine.’ This precious life, this incredible woman—they’re mine to cherish, to protect… to love? Could I?
Tears slip down Rowena’s cheeks and I reach out instinctively, brushing them away with my thumb. She leans into my touch, her eyes never leaving the screen, and I press a tender kiss to her temple.
The heartbeat fades as Dr. Raikes turns off the machine, the sudden silence almost jarring. He hands Rowena some tissues to wipe away the ultrasound gel and I help her sit up, my arm around her shoulders .
“I’ll give you two a moment,” Dr. Raikes says kindly, stepping out of the room to compile the results.
As soon as he’s out, I gather Rowena into my arms, holding her close as she buries her face against my chest. I kiss her hair, my eyes stinging.
“That was… incredible,” I murmur, my voice rough. “You’re incredible.”
Rowena lifts her head, her eyes red-rimmed but shining with joy. “There’s a baby in me, Adrian.” She moves her palm to her stomach. “A perfect, healthy baby.”
I cover her hand with my own, feeling the slight swell of her belly. “I know, I saw.” I chuckle, keeping the mood light.
She smiles, that radiant, heart-stopping smile that never fails to take my breath away. I have to hold myself in check not to lean down and capture her lips in a kiss.
I will not kiss her. Not here. Not now. But I can no longer deny I want this, her, us, the baby. Nor can I forget how selfish these wants are. A deluge of breakup lines from my past relationships ring in my ears: absent… always distracted… emotionally unavailable… never felt so lonely… just an afterthought… ignoring my feelings… putting your career first… missing in action… never truly committing… failing to be there when I needed you… taking me for granted… making me feel invisible…
I never want Rowena to feel invisible or neglected or second to anything, but can I manage it? Can I change my ways?
Dr. Raikes returns, interrupting my churning thoughts, a blue folder in his hands and a reassuring smile on his face. He settles into his chair, opening the folder and spreading out a few papers on his desk. We sit opposite him.
“Alright, let’s go over what to expect from here,” he begins, his tone calm and professional. “The NT measurement looks good, and combined with the blood test results, it suggests a low risk for chromosomal abnormalities.”
Dr. Raikes smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’d like to see you back here in about a month for your next scan. If you have any concerns or experience any unusual symptoms in the meantime, don’t hesitate to call.”
“We will,” Rowena assures him.
“And if you’d like, next time, we should be able to determine the baby’s gender, if that’s something you want to know,” Dr. Raikes adds.
I glance at Rowena, raising an eyebrow in a silent question.
She bites her lip, considering, then smiles. “There are few happy surprises in life, and this could be one.” She turns to me. “You think it’s silly to wait?”
“No, if you want a surprise, let’s make it a surprise,” I tell her honestly. I hate surprises, but this could be the one exception.
Dr. Raikes chuckles. “You don’t have to decide now.” He stands, extending his hand. “If you don’t have any more questions?”
I stand as well, shaking his hand firmly. “You covered everything. Thank you, Dr. Raikes.”
“You’re very welcome. Stop by the front desk to schedule your next appointment, and you’ll be all set.”
With a final warm smile, he escorts us back to the reception area. As Rowena settles into a chair, lost admiring the ultrasound pictures, I approach the desk to make the appointment.
The receptionist smiles at me, all friendly professionalism. “Four weeks from today work for you?”
I nod, committing the date and time to my planner as she enters it into the system. Task complete, I turn back to Rowena, only to find her holding out one of the ultrasound pictures to me.
“For you.” Her eyes are still shiny. “I want you to have one.”
I take the small black-and-white image, staring down at the fuzzy outline of the baby—her baby.
Holding that picture, reality hits me again, only this time more powerful—like a wrecking ball to the chest. This isn’t my child, and if I stay on the path I’ve been on, chasing success and status, it’ll never be. I’ll never be a father, never have a family of my own.
And for the first time, that thought chills me to the bone.
Have I been wrong all this time? Have I been chasing the wrong things, neglecting what really matters? I thought nothing could be worse than what my father did: giving up. But maybe I’m worse because I’m not even trying.
I look at Rowena, at the barely noticeable baby bump, and I know one thing with absolute clarity. I want this. I want her. I want the chance to be a father, a husband. The chance to build a life and a family with someone I love.
And I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make that happen.