Chapter 8 Melanie
EIGHT
MELANIE
“What do you mean he kissed you?” Anna stalks along my back lawn, pacing away her excess energy and taking care not to bother the little bunny nest just six feet to her right. “Like, he kissed kissed you? Why?”
I should be working.
God knows I need to focus on my task instead of gossiping on my back porch, but just like the dust swirling and spinning after Nick’s truck rolled away, my brain has done nothing but the same since he drove out of sight.
Windows? Who cares? Actually, I care. A lot.
But that kiss? “He said it was practice.” I flop into my rickety rocking chair and pray the old yard-sale find chooses a different day to retire to the firewood heap.
Not that that would be a good place to go—I never light the fireplace!
“He’s all in, Anna. He talks about the contract more than I do, about how he’s the perfectly obsessed boyfriend, and how I need to stop panicking when he brushes by me.
He said I have to get comfortable with his proximity, or else my lie will go up in smoke, anyway. ”
“Well…” She skids to a stop and nibbles on her pinky nail instead.
“He’s not wrong. You can’t sell this version of ‘I’m so in love and ridiculously happy’ if you twitch every time he touches you.
But like…” She drops her hand again. “How can you not twitch when he touches you? He’s a stranger!
He’s a disgustingly sexy, annoyingly tall, seemingly intelligent, and witty stranger who devotes his time and attention to whatever task is at hand, so you could probably write him a glowing reference when this is all done.
But he’s a dude you plucked out of nowhere a week ago.
How could you possibly pretend to be in love with a man you don’t know? ”
“I mean…” He likes to dance. And cook. And has a natural ability to boss people—it’s me, I’m the people—around.
He loves his mother and grandmother and is proud of his sisters.
He works hard and struggles to sit still when there are jobs to be done around the house.
“I guess we’re not complete strangers now.
That’s why we did the cohabitation thing. So things would feel more natural.”
“So are they?” she demands. “Does it feel natural? Because from where I’m standing, you’re freaking out because he kissed you.”
“I’m freaking out because he kissed me with his tongue, Anna!
There’s getting comfortable around one another and selling a ruse of contentment, and then there’s tongue kissing a woman you don’t know when, really, it’s not like we’ll be kissing like that in front of my family anyway.
It wasn’t part of the contract, so that’s why I’m a little… ”
“Panicked?”
“No, I—”
“Scandalized?”
“No! I—”
“Ohhhh.” She stops and smirks. “You’re turned on. You liked it, and you don’t like that you liked it. You know it’s not part of the deal, and since it’s not, then maybe he kissed you because he wanted to and not because he’s being paid to do it…”
“I’m not turned on! You’re being dumb.”
“You’re so turned on! I can count the number of men you’ve slept with on one hand, Mel!
Drew got thirteen years of you, and the others were one-night attempts at being a slut because you needed to know you could do it.
Those dudes were super into you, but you were running so fast, you left scorch marks on the carpet. ”
“Shut up.”
“Now you’ve got big bad and brawny Ramos up in your home. He looks at you like he’s actually obsessed with you, which means he’s a fantastic actor, as promised, or he’s a little creepy, and we ignored the six million red flags he’s been flying. You like having him here—”
“Not true! He’s disruptive to my routine and productivity.”
“Oh, boo hoo. He’s sleeping in the next room and working through your honey-do list without even being asked. You mentioned how he was in your hallway in only a towel, and you definitely wouldn’t have mentioned that unless it was weighing on your mind.”
He has eight abs!
“Now he’s kissing you and calling it practice, but instead of working while you have the house to yourself, you called and invited me over so you could freak out face-to-face.”
“I’m not freaking out!”
“You literally already admitted it,” she snickers.
“You’re turned on and curious, and it bothers you that the dude you hired isn’t just a pretty robot.
He’s got his own thoughts and feelings and desires, and dammit, Melanie, you hate what that could mean.
You should just bang him and call it a day. ”
“I’m not banging him!” God, I wish I could.
Just one time. No strings attached. I want to try it out but without the added complication of personalities and feelings and weird morning afters.
“I wish we invented sex robots already. Make it look like him—” I hook a thumb over my shoulder, “but without the extra inconvenience of having to—”
“Speak?” Anna offers. “Or acknowledge his feelings. Without the inconvenience of having to consider him as an entire human being at all? Those are called dildos, babe. I already bought you a bunch as housewarming gifts. Test them out and go bananas.”
“You’re not being helpful.”
“That’s because I, too, am a human being with my own thoughts and feelings and opinions,” she laughs. “But I’m aware if they invented robot best friends, you’d trade me in a heartbeat.
Not true.
“Just admit the kiss felt good,” she presses. “Admit you liked it. It’s alright: I won’t tell anyone.”
“I liked it.” I settle back in my chair and lift my feet to the cushion.
“I liked it a lot because it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, and literally my whole life that I’ve gone without feeling desired the way he does it.
His is an act, and even knowing I’m paying him at the end of the weekend, there’s a part of my soul trying to convince the rest of me that I’m worthy of actual affection. ”
“You are.” Finally, she drops her smile and wanders closer.
“Just because your parents and Drew mishandled you, doesn’t mean you’re not worthy.
It just means they don’t deserve you. You seem to think hyper-independence and perpetual aloneness mean control, and control means no one can hurt your feelings.
But all you’ve actually achieved is hyper-independence and perpetual aloneness, and while you’re busy doing that, you’ve forgotten that you’re worthy of big, grand, sweeping love. ”
“I’ve hired a man to be my date, Anna.” I curl into the chair and hug my legs to my chest. “It’s clear that for me to receive this kind of treatment, I have to pay for it.”
“Or!” She moves onto the bottom step and scowls.
“You should open your damn eyes and heart and embrace the things being offered to you. That doesn’t mean you accept whatever scraps a man is willing to toss your way.
No chance. But it means putting yourself in situations where you could meet someone.
Working sixteen-hour days, obsessing over deadlines, and spending all your downtime in your bedroom alone is hardly conducive to meeting someone special.
And if you do, that means he was probably a home intruder who came with ulterior motives. ”
I rock on my chair and stare up at my rotting porch roof since looking into my friend’s eyes while she tosses uncomfortable truths in my lap is… uncomfortable.
“You’re accustomed to how Drew and all those other jerkwads treat you, so you think that’s actually how it’s supposed to be.
And since you don’t like how that feels, you choose isolation instead.
Those are two extreme examples of human interaction, Mel, and you’ve forgotten life can exist in the middle.
There are good, decent human beings out there who treat others nicely.
But you’re wearing blinders and refuse to see them. ”
“I don’t have time to date and cull through the trash.
” Swallowing, I bring my eyes down again and find my best friend back on the top step.
“I’m already busy, Anna. Already clinging to my career by the tips of my fingernails.
I’m open to finding the real love you swear exists, but to find it means to date.
It means to invest time I don’t have into weeding through the muck.
There are probably diamonds out there,” I admit.
“I’m certain there is. But I don’t have the time or energy for the rough.
So I’ll stick to this current agreement I have with Nick, and when the weekend is over, I’ll have saved face and regained a shred of the dignity I left at the wedding I never had.
And a bit like Earl, once I find paid help I like, I’ll continue to come back.
Next time I need a date, I’ll check Nick’s schedule and won’t have to go through the getting-to-know-you stuff all over again. ”
“You want to find the love of your life,” she grumbles, “but you’re unwilling to do any of the work.”
“Yeah. I’m a monster, I know. But if I ever have a home intruder…”
“Mel?” Nick’s voice echoes through the house, startling me straight and sending Anna’s eyes impossibly wide. She slams her hands to her mouth while I set my feet on the porch floor and turn to watch the door.
“Princess? Where are you?”
“Out back.” I swallow the building lump clogging my throat and stealing my ability to breathe, then I shove to my feet, only to sit again.
Stand? Sit? Why does it matter? Which looks more nonchalant?
Godddddd, why do I care? I paste on a sweet smile and glance over my shoulder, all casual and whatnot, and look him up and down when all six-feet, two inches of muscled deliciousness steps through the door, and his eyes are for me.
Only me.
Completely and totally on character for this role he’s playing.
“Hey.” I’m as cool as a cucumber. Chillin’ like a villain. “You’re back. That didn’t take as long as I expected.”