Chapter 10 Melanie
TEN
MELANIE
Why am I the way I am?
Why do I do the things I do?
Why, after meeting the first decent human being of the opposite sex in too long, do I sabotage what could have been an amazing friendship filled with challenge and championing, desire and delayed gratification?
Why? Because I’m toxic and insecure. Because I value physical pleasure over emotional longevity.
We drove home in silence last night, dropped Anna off without a single muttered word, and entered my house without so much as a ‘that was fun’ murmured, not even when polite small talk is… polite.
I hightailed it to my bedroom before giving Nick a chance to speak and tiptoed out again this morning, careful not to step on a single squeaky floorboard in the hall.
Because I’m horrified, not because we did what we did, but because I let my heart yearn and my words humiliate.
I asked him to say he loved me, knowing it was nothing more than role-play and fake declarations.
And now I’m not sure I can look him in the eyes and survive the shame.
I lock myself away in my office instead, closing the door and leaving the music off so I don’t wake Nick.
And this is where I stay, dedicating hours to the myriad details my boss demands of me while marrying beauty and sophistication but with a side of professional detachment and the masculine lines our client desires.
Money speaks. It always has, and for the rest of time, it always will. So whatever my client wants, it’s my job to deliver… or else.
My stomach rumbles from lack of breakfast, and my eyes droop because I’ve had neither coffee, nor sleep.
But I fold over my drafting table and consider Nick’s suggestion of swapping out the long row of windows in favor of an entire wall of glass.
Mr. Manson specifically demanded individual frames spaced evenly along the facade to create what he describes as functional beauty.
But Nick’s idea has its perks… it would be expensive, and it would certainly look fantastic.
But to gamble with my career so brazenly…
“I’ve brought you some lunch.”
I scream and spin, slamming my hand to my heart, only to remember the pencil I hold. So I yelp from the pain and throw my hand out again, stop-signing Nick when he pushes away from the doorframe like he intends to help. “No. Don’t.”
“You hurt yourself.” He comes in anyway, setting a sandwich on my table and peeling the pencil from my fingers to save me from myself.
Then he licks the pad of his thumb and presses the wet digit to the mark I left on my skin.
“You should turn your desk to face the door so no one can surprise you anymore.”
“I put it this way on purpose so I can look out the window.” I gently push his hand away and take a step back, only for my stool to halt my progress. “I did it specifically so I wouldn’t stare at the door all day long.”
“And in exchange for a pretty view, you get shredded nerves and surprise visits.” He reaches up and tucks a loose lock of hair behind my ear.
“I was gonna ask if you were hungry since I know for a damn fact you skipped lunch, and I have a sneaking suspicion, considering the lack of used dishes in the kitchen, you skipped breakfast, too. But I don’t have to ask.
” He cups my cheek in his palm and scowls.
“You’re pale, Princess. And your hands are shaking. ”
“Maybe my hands are shaking because you frightened me.”
He exhales, soft laughter on the sound. “Little bit of both, then.” He snatches up my plate. “Ham salad, since I know you like that.” Leaning in, he lays a slow, lingering kiss on my cheek, a mere half-inch from where my lips meet in the corner. “Eat. And then I want our two hours.”
“O-our two hours?”
“We missed yesterday, and you’re skipping meals today. I know this work project is important to you, but I’m demanding what I was promised.” He picks up half of my sandwich and places it between us, holding it so I know I have no choice but to accept.
“Good,” he murmurs when I take a bite, pulling the sandwich back to give me room to chew. “Start the clocks. My hundred and twenty minutes start now.”
“Fine.” I enjoy the slide of fresh bread and delicious ham on my throat, but when food touches the base of my stomach, I’m only reminded how intensely hungry I am.
So I take a little more. “We’ve talked families.
Siblings.” I cover my mouth, lest I spit crumbs onto his shirt and humiliate myself just a little bit more.
“You wanted to be a football star, but it ended with a bad shoulder. I pondered the life of a lawyer, considering how skilled I was in the debate team.”
His lips quirk into a smile. “Not surprised.”
“Your family is overflowing with estrogen and girl genes. Mine is overflowing with…” I frown and consider. “Pretense and fake purity.” I swallow and glance up. “What haven’t we covered?”
“You.” He offers the sandwich back, his eyes hard and his jaw clenched with what I probably should acknowledge as rage. “I’d specifically like to discuss your insistence on hiding away from me today.”
“What?”
“And last night. I thought we had a nice time, and I sure as fuck know I had a nice time,” he emphasizes the words, “in my bedroom. You gave yourself to me, but only until the door opened again. Then we were back to the you I met a couple of weeks ago. Stiff and awkward. Shy and scared.”
“I—”
“You’re gonna tell me that’s who you are,” he cuts in, “that’s how you are. That’s the woman you are, and you can’t change that. Yada, yada, yada. But I know it’s a defense mechanism at best. An avoidance strategy at the core. Why are you running away just because we stepped across the line?”
Because we didn’t step across any lines, Nicolas!
I set the line on fire, and you were just doing your job.
“It doesn’t have to be a whole thing.” Avoidant—just like he already accused me of being—I turn and pick up my pencil so I can hover it above my page, pretending to work since actual work will be impossible to come by for as long as he’s in here.
“We banged,” I shrug, “it was nice. Not professional,” I cough out, forcing the sound and hoping to all that is holy that he’ll accept is as nonchalance.
“I kinda messed up, huh? Opened myself up to a world of legal trouble.”
“Excuse me?”
“Well, seeing as how I’m the instigator of this business relationship, and I’m the one paying for services rendered.
I was the one who went to your room in the first place.
” God, please, just kill me. “That was entirely wrong of me to do. I put you in a situation you shouldn’t have been in, Nick.
You could even argue coercion since I—the boss in this situation—was asking for something, and you—the employee—probably worried saying no would end with being fired.
” I hate myself. I hate who I am to myself.
“I’ll understand if you want to leave today.
And I’ll still pay, since none of this was your fault. ”
“You’ll still pay?” He places the sandwich in front of my face, silently commanding I eat.
So, of course, I do.
“Even if I dip out now, the day before the big event, you’ll still pay me?”
Stab me a thousand times. I’d like to bleed out and go to sleep right about now.
“Yes. Last night was my fault, and you were pressured into doing something you had no desire to do, to further a narrative I’ve requested, to lie to people you don’t know or like.
” I swallow and lick my lips, shyly glancing his way to probe what kind of mood he’s in.
Relieved? Pissed?
“This plan was stupid from the start. And now you’re caught up in my mess, though your only crime was to bring me to your family and gift me with an evening of something real.
” I pause and scoff, shaking my head gently from side to side.
“The realest thing I’ve ever known. Your mother is the sweetest woman I’ve ever met, and your abuela is…
” A long, sly grin works its way onto my lips.
“Kinda terrifying, really. Because she’s quiet and watchful.
She’s got that ‘I’ll slit your throat if you mess with my family, and you won’t even know I’ve moved’ energy.
Your sisters are amazing, and your nieces are divine.
Your entire home is smaller than the bedroom I had while growing up, and I don’t say that as a kind of backhanded thing.
But rather to point out that your home holds more love than mine ever did, or ever could, no matter that mine was bigger.
I grew up with a sofa that cost my parents something ridiculous, like five figures ridiculous, and I was never allowed to sit on it.
Your mom’s sofa had a torn arm and homemade cushion covers, and still, I wanted so badly to lie on it for a little while. ”
“You could have.” He places the shrinking sandwich under my chin again, forcing me to accept another bite.
“No one would have stopped you. You could have even turned on a Disney movie and chilled with the girls. They would’ve braided your hair and sung along since they know every word to every classic Walt ever touched. ”
What I wouldn’t give to do that. To have a movie marathon with a couple of elementary aged Ramos girls. But my upbringing, the expectations bred into my bones, made it impossible for me to even consider.
“I don’t accept your version of events, Princess.”
Curious, slowly chewing, I bring my gaze around and hate how he finds mine so easily. How he so seamlessly locks in and holds me captive.
“W-what do you mean?”
“I mean, for every minute we were at my home last night, we were just Nick and Mel. If I touched you, it’s because I wanted to. If I kissed you, it was because I fucking needed to. And the things that happened in my room—”
“Stop.” I swallow and drop my eyes again.
“I put you in an impossible position and gave you no room to decline without worrying about your job. Now, I’m trying to offer you a way out.
You can leave, Nick. I’ll pay you for the whole week, and you don’t have to worry about coming tomorrow.
I cornered you into a complicated decision, and now I’m setting you free. ”
“Free?” he grits out. “Just like that?”
“Yes. Because what we did wasn’t…” I groan. “It wasn’t consensual. It was an exchange of money for physical pleasure. I made you a sex worker, when we both know you’re not.”
“Free?” He snarls again, his exhalation hitting my shoulder and making me jump. “Kind of like a bird from a cage, right? Open the door and let it go. If it flies away, it was never meant for you in the first place.”
“Right.” Tears burn the backs of my eyes. Emotion clogs in my throat and steals the hunger from my belly. Instead, I’m filled with dread. With angst. “Exactly like a bird.”
“But if it comes back…?” He presents the sandwich again, but I shake my head, unable to take another bite without choking on it.
“What if I choose to stay? Mel?” He slaps my lunch back on the plate and grabs my chin, forcing me around and staring deep into my eyes.
“What if I’m not ready to leave? The job isn’t done yet. ”
“You can take the full pay.” Sniffling, I attempt to wiggle free from his grip. “Same money, less time spent here.”
“I’d like to finish this out.” His jaw clenches beneath dark stubble I know—I know—feels good on my thighs.
“You’re singing about disrespect. Coercion.
Unhappiness. All these feelings I haven’t expressed.
You’re putting words in my mouth and stacking assumptions between us. But I intend to finish what I started.”
I lick my parched lips and search his eyes. “Really?”
“Yes.” He releases the tension in his jaw and gifts me a small smile instead.
It’s gentle. Sweet. Not nearly as feral as when he’s taunting me.
“I want to finish this. I know you were raised to think you ain’t worth shit.
But believe it or not, I actually enjoy being around you.
So eat your fuckin’ sandwich, stop avoiding me like I gave you an STD—”
I choke out a tearful laugh, a mix of horror and humiliation and silly, light-hearted glee all in one.
“And stop uninviting me to this wedding I’ve been looking forward to all week.
” Smug, he presses a fast kiss to my cheek.
“You have more color already. Good. You were too pale before. Good in bed, too.” He turns on his heels, smirking as he makes his way to the door.
“On it. In front of it. Fantastic, actually. So if you need a performance review once this is all done—”
“Oh my God! Go away!” I snatch up my pencil and halfheartedly toss it at his back. “You’re horrible, Nicolas Ramos!”
“I love you too, Princess. Oh, and replace the windows with glass walls.” He peeks back with a devilish glint in his eyes.
“It’ll look way better than the shit frames you’ve got so far.
And when you’re done, come out the back and hang with the bunnies and me.
They’re gonna leave soon, and you’ll be sad when they do. ”