Chapter Thirty
My world tilts as pleasure courses through my system, from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I feel him everywhere, his hands on my skin, rough, scratchy tips of his fingers running down the insides of my thighs, his warm tongue between my legs, wide shoulders keeping my knees apart.
I thread my fingers into his thick head of hair, curling them a little so I can tug the strands toward me, forcing him further into me as my hips roll against his face.
My mind goes entirely blank when I feel his mouth curve up into a grin, as if he knows how fucking desperate I am for him.
And I am desperate. He keeps me at the precipice, drawing me up, teasing me closer to the finish line before he takes it from me, only to do it all over again.
But I’m not mad. If every morning waking up with Silas is like this, then you’ll never hear me complain.
The day has barely started, the sun just a hint on the horizon, but I’d woken to the feel of him curled behind me, his arms holding me tight and his hard cock pressing into my ass cheek.
I fear I’ll never get enough of him, enough of his taste and his touch.
It had only taken me grinding a little against him, and then he was rolling me beneath him, keeping himself steady so I didn’t feel trapped or scared.
But I hadn’t felt either of those things with him.
He makes me feel safe, safer than I ever felt before, even before Calvin.
I can feel myself falling further and further for him; the idea of love no longer a possibility but an inevitability.
“Silas,” I whisper his name with reverence, like he is the altar at which I worship.
“Hmm,” he mumbles against me, the vibration of his voice forcing my spine to arch away from the bed. My hips bear down, my fingers tighten as that finish line comes speeding to the surface.
“Not yet, baby,” he grumbles, his licks turning to kisses, “It’ll be so much better with patience.”
“For who?” I gasp, my heart stuttering, muscles coiling up tight as he once again takes away my climax.
He chuckles against me, turning his face so he can kiss my inner thigh. The move is so sweet and soft I can’t help but melt.
“I want to feel you,” I whisper, loosening my grip on his hair, “Let me feel you, Silas.”
Amber eyes flick up to meet mine from between my legs, the shadows of the room dancing over his face. A single golden ray streams through the window, but it’s enough to set fire to his eyes.
“Honeybee,” he rasps, his brows twitching.
“Please,” I reach for his shoulder, curling toward him a little. “I’m safe with you.”
“You’ll always be safe with me,” he vows, moving up my body so he can take my mouth.
I can taste myself on his lips, feel the head of his cock nudge against my pussy, and all it does is drive me crazy.
He keeps his weight off me, balancing on his forearms, but doesn’t he get it yet?
I want to be in his soul, under his skin.
I lift my legs and wrap them around him, the heels of my feet digging into the soft muscle at the top of his ass, and then I pull him toward me.
“Juni,” he hesitates.
“You,” is all I reply. “I want you.”
“Fuck,” He groans, slanting his mouth over mine again as he gives me exactly what I want.
His weight presses me into the mattress, the head of his cock slipping into me just an inch, and he wraps me up in him.
I keep my legs around him while he slips his arms under me to bring me closer, until every single part of us is touching, and then he sinks in all the way.
I let go of his mouth to release the moan trapped in my throat.
He pulls out slowly, sinking back in at the same tempo.
Soft, tender, keeping us wrapped up in each other.
He makes love to me in a way I have never experienced; it’s not desperate, there’s no seeking for the end, we’re just existing, feeling.
He meets my eyes and holds them, keeping that steady pace, his lips parted as he feels it as much as I do.
Perhaps I’m looking into it too much, seeing things that aren’t there, but I feel connected to him on a molecular level. I was never sure if soul mates existed, if the one was truly a thing or something saved for romance novels and fairytales, but with Silas, he makes me believe in more.
He leans down and kisses the corner of my mouth before he runs the tip of his nose down the slope of mine.
“You feel like mine, Juni,” he whispers, tilting his hips a touch to reach that sensitive spot just inside, but the rhythm remains the same. It’s a slow build, gentle but with every thrust and every grind, I’m climbing back to the peak.
“I am,” I reply, voice wavering.
His eyes close and he pauses for a minute to bring his hands to my face, stroking my cheeks, “Not in the way I want.”
“What do you want?” I ask, the question ending on a gasp when he thrusts harder.
“Everything,” he grunts, “All of it. All of you.”
“Silas,” my head tips back as I lose focus, the pleasure he’s forcing through me too much for me to keep up with.
“Give it to me, baby.” He rasps, “Let me feel you.”
My whole body tightens, and I force my eyes open to meet his, letting him see me fall apart for him. I’ll give him all of me, every single piece.
He slants his mouth over mine, body moving to keep pushing me through the climax, tasting my pleasure on his tongue.
One orgasm rolls into two, my body breaking out in goosebumps, stomach tightening as I whimper into his mouth and feel him release.
His rhythm turns jerky, each thrust going deeper than before, but he never releases my lips, keeping us attached in every single way.
And even when we both come down, when our bodies turn soft and relaxed, he keeps kissing me as if he can hardly bear to let go of this moment, whatever it may be.
Eventually he has to let me go, gently easing out of me and rolling off before he sits up, amber eyes on me as I shift the sheets to cover myself from the morning chill that sweeps over my skin.
He looks like he’s about to say something, but then a knot forms between his brows and he shakes his head, climbing from the bed. I watch his naked body cross the room before he clicks the door closed to the bathroom, disappearing from view.
In his absence, a painful ache begins to bloom in my chest.
Barely five minutes pass, but he returns from the bathroom in a pair of sweats and is shirtless, crossing back to me to press a tender kiss to my forehead. “I’ll make coffee.”
I simply nod and watch him leave again, silently stuck inside my head and the impossible dreams that are torturing me.
“She’s just the sweetest,” Ada gushes, cradling Ginger’s face as she showers my horse with kisses. Ginger laps it up, loving all the new attention she’s getting from the people here on the ranch. Darcy hangs back, her head cocked as she watches.
“You look serious,” I say to her.
“Just thinking,” she shrugs. “Glad you got your horse back.”
I nod, agreeing, “I have Silas to thank for that.”
“You two are getting close, huh?” Ada waggles her brows. “Cowboys. You just can’t resist them.”
I swallow thickly. “It isn’t—” I stutter. “It’s not like that.”
“Please,” Ada, completely oblivious to the way my cheeks are burning, waves her hand, “I’ve seen the way that man looks at you. You may as well have hung the moon and stars. I’m a little jealous.”
Darcy holds my wide stare but doesn’t say a word.
“All the cowboys I’ve dated ended up being jerks.” Ada continues, “I swore off them years ago, but they’re like crack. You always go back for more.”
“We’re not dating,” I defend. We’re not dating; we’re just sleeping together. It’s not more than that, even if everything in me wants it to be.
“Hey, no one would blame you,” Ada softens, “After everything with your ex, you need something good.”
“He’s her boss,” Darcy finally talks, offering me a comforting smile. “Silas is probably just grateful for her help, right, Juni?”
“Right,” I agree, but it leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
“Well,” Ada shrugs, “Might want to tell the guys that; they’re all talking about Silas finally moving on from his ex.”
I flinch but hide it quickly, grabbing the lead ropes so I can get Ginger turned out.
I feel a hot stare on the back of my head, but I don’t turn around to see who it is, too afraid they’ll see exactly what I’m thinking written all over my face.
Silas and I haven’t talked about whether we want people to know what we’re doing.
I mean, of course, we don’t want people to know, right?
It isn’t anything more than sex, and we don’t need everyone here on the ranch knowing how we spend our evenings.
I hear Darcy say her goodbyes and offer a halfhearted one in return, but Ada stays with me, getting her own horse from the stable down the way.
“Is everything okay?” She asks me now we’re alone, any teasing long gone.
I like Ada; she’s a breath of fresh air and doesn’t care what other people think of her.
She strikes me as a strong, fierce woman, but something tells me she was not born that way; more like life has molded and shaped her to become this tough, fearless woman.
I like her brand of loud. The way she smiles in the face of trouble and forces it to become what she wants it to be.
I release a breath, “It’s just a lot, you know.”
“What is? The ranch, your ex, or Silas?”
“All of it,” I flick my eyes to her, “I’m supposed to be leaving.”
“Says who?”
“Me.”
“But why? Do you want to leave?”
“I thought I did.”
“But now you don’t. You’re allowed to change your mind, Juni.”
“I’ve been stuck a long time,” I sigh, “Quite literally trapped, and this is the first time I’ve felt truly free; do you know what I mean?”
“I do,” she softens, “I’ve been there.”
I nod, “So what did you do?”
“I wouldn’t do what I did, Juni. It wasn’t healthy, but I wouldn’t change it either; it shaped me to be who I am today. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s okay. I don’t want to be.”
“You’re my cup of tea,” I assure her with a grin.
Her face breaks out into a smile, and she barks out a loud laugh, “Good to know. But Juni, no one can tell you what to do. You have to feel it, and sometimes what we think is best and what is actually best are two very different things. If there’s a chance of happiness, I say listen to that feeling and grasp it with both hands.
If that happiness happens to be a single dad horse trainer that’s hotter than the sun and looks damn good in the saddle,” Her dainty shoulders lift on a shrug, “Then so be it.”
I laugh, “You’re not wrong about the saddle. How does he do it?”
“Girl,” Ada lets out a low whistle, “you should have seen some of the cowboys on the circuit.”
“Thought you swore off cowboys,” I wink.
“I did, but they didn’t swear off me.”
A burst of laughter erupts from me just as we exit the stables to take the horses to the field, but a car catches my attention.
I don’t recognize it, but it’s gunning right for us, the shiny black paint gleaming in the sun.
They’re going entirely too fast, a plume of dust trailing them as the tires kick up gravel and dirt.
The horses in the fields that neighbor the drive scatter, spooked by the disturbance, and even Ginger tugs back, attempting to get to safety.
“Easy,” Ada soothes Granger, eyes on the car.
The car comes to an abrupt halt; the tires barely stopped when the door flies open.
My eyes widen when I catch sight of Calvin.
And he looks pissed.