Chapter Twenty-Seven
Julia
The sun is shining, and the smell of freshly cut grass and charcoal fills the air. Dad grills street corn and hot dogs while I help Mom dump the steaming hot shrimp into two large bowls beside the piles of crabs.
Mom stands with her hands on her hips and inspects everything while I add a few rolls of paper towels along the picnic tables. Once it’s clear she’s satisfied, she puts her arm around my shoulders and focuses her attention on me. “How are you doing, sweetheart?”
It’s a loaded question, one that I’m fairly certain is in reference to this very moment and not directly in relation to both Mason’s death and my recent split with Brian.
“Well…” I take a deep breath to try and pinpoint exactly how I’m feeling. “I’m okay. I managed to get a few hours of sleep last night, so that helps. I’m also happy to be here and celebrate Dad’s birthday.”
“And we’re happy to have you.” She pulls me into a hug and kisses the side of my head. “We worry about you.”
“I know. But I’m okay. Honest.” And that’s the truth.
It’s been hard, and, yeah, there are some days where I remember that my life has been completely upended and struggle to get out of bed.
But then there are days where I remind myself that things will get better.
I just have to be patient and give it time.
Mom gives me an extra squeeze and rubs my back. “It must feel good having Alex home, though, right?”
“Yeah, it’s been nice.” That’s another truth. Even if rebuilding our friendship and trust has been a process, it’s also been healing in ways I couldn’t imagine.
“It’s so good to see you two together again.” My mom looks at something over my shoulder and perks up. “Oh, Lina and Richard are here.”
Alex’s mom and stepdad cross the backyard with a few packs of beer and an extra bag of ice. Mom instantly rushes to help them while I make last-minute adjustments to the table.
“Happy birthday, Mr. Marrow,” Chloe calls from the back door of my house at the same time and holds up a neatly wrapped box.
Dad leaves the grill long enough to give Chloe a hug and excitedly takes the package. “Thank you, Chloe. I’m glad you could join us. No Dominic?”
“No, he picked up some side work. Moving to Seattle ain’t cheap.”
“Moving anywhere ain’t cheap,” Lina adds as she passes, and I swear she sounds like a perfect combination of Mason and Alex. She pulls me in for a hug. “How are you holding up?”
I still feel like that’s a question I should be asking her. “I’m okay. How are you?”
“I’m okay.” She smiles in a way that says it’s a lie, but she’s clearly trying to be. It’s a smile I know well, considering I see it every time I look in the mirror.
Richard rips open the bag of ice to pour in the coolers, and half of it spills into the yard. Lina fondly rolls her eyes and leaves me to help her husband, muttering something about men and patience.
Chloe links her arm through mine and tugs me to the picnic table. “Alex is still coming, right?”
“She says she is, but who knows?”
Chloe winces. It’s a low blow, a reminder that lately, I expect her to disappoint rather than surprise.
Obviously, the trust building has been slow going.
I wait for Chloe to remind me that Alex has also been through hell and to cut her some slack and to give her time. Both of which would be perfectly reasonable things to ask of me. So it throws me slightly when she flashes me a knowing smile. “She’ll show. Have some faith.”
It’s hard to find faith in Alex, considering she has a history of disappearing when things get hard. Making promises only to turn around and break them. I’m not entirely hopeful that this time will be any different. “We’ll see, I guess.”
Chloe starts as though she wants to add something but shakes her head. “I’m going to grab a beer. Want one?”
May as well. It is a celebration, after all.
Just as Chloe pulls out two Konas from the cooler, I hear Alex’s motorcycle. My stomach twists, and there’s an excited flutter in my chest. It’s as if my entire body is saying “she’s here.”
I barely have time to process that Chloe was right before Alex jogs through the back gate wearing a white tank top, tattered jeans, and Mason’s beat-up old Reds hat.
Her riding jacket is clutched in one hand and a bottle of my dad’s favorite chardonnay in the other.
When she smiles at me, it makes my chest do another kind of flutter.
She greets my dad first, wishing him a happy birthday, then greets everyone else. When she finally gets to me, Chloe hands her a beer.
“Sorry, my appointment took longer than I thought.” She slips onto the bench to my left and tosses her jacket beside her. She smiles at me again, sending the butterflies in my stomach into overdrive. “Hi.”
“Hi.” There are still bags under her eyes, but they aren’t as prominent as the last time I saw her. She doesn’t look as thin and appears lighter somehow. And still so beautiful.
My gaze wanders from her face to her arm that’s wrapped in what looks like cling wrap.
Underneath is a tattoo of a dragon wrapped around a sword and a replica of Mason’s favorite fireheart twenty-sided dice set as the pommel.
It starts just under the peonies on her bicep, the point of the blade almost touching her elbow.
“Is it done?” I ask, resisting the urge to run my fingers along her plastic-covered skin.
Alex pops a shrimp into her mouth and twists her arm to look at the tattoo. “It’ll need to get touched up, but, yeah, it’s done.”
Chloe leans across me so she can get a closer view and pokes at it. “It looks…raw.”
Alex pulls her arm away and glares. “Ow! Why?”
“Did it hurt?” Chloe asks, unbothered.
“When you jabbed it with your finger? Yeah, kinda!”
Chloe rolls her eyes. “No, when you got it done, you dork.”
“It didn’t tickle,” Alex says and rubs at the sore spot.
“I was thinking of getting one,” Chloe says after a thoughtful hum.
I can only imagine what Chloe loves enough to get etched permanently into her skin. “What would you get?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Something cute. Maybe the Hokie bird on the top of my foot, I haven’t decided.”
“You want a fucking turkey on the top of your foot?” Alex asks incredulously.
Chloe dismisses her with a wave. “Oh please, you got flowers to match Julia’s eyes. Who are you to judge?”
Alex’s face turns red, and she swigs her beer instead of replying.
Hiding a grin, I gently bump Alex’s shoulder with mine. “Mason would’ve loved it. Yours, I mean.”
She flashes me a lopsided smile. “I think so, too.”
“Here you go ladies.” Dad dumps the street corn in the waiting bowl beside the shrimp. “Hot dogs coming up.”
“Thanks Mr. M,” Alex says and snags a crab from the pile. She holds it up and spins it around, then frowns. “Did these get smaller?”
A pang of hurt hits then, a memory of a similar moment from not long ago. Of a summer when Brian and I had decided to move in together and when Mason was still here. I was missing Alex, then. Now I’m missing a time when things were simpler and everyone I ever loved was all seated around this table.
Before heartbreak and death and regrets.
Once the food has been eaten and mostly everything has been cleaned up, Alex and I claim our favorite swings while Chloe stretches out like a cat along the slide.
Alex uses her toes to slowly push herself back and forth, and after a stretch of silence, loudly groans. “I ate way too much.”
“You always eat too much,” I remind her.
“The hot dog might’ve been a little excessive,” Chloe adds.
“I had to. For Mason’s honor.” There’s another flash of sadness, softened only by a smile when she glances in my direction, as if she’s saying it wasn’t meant to bring down the mood but to keep his spirit alive. I return her smile, the pang of hurt easing.
“Did you leave room for cake?” I ask, already knowing her answer.
“Nope. But like that’s ever stopped me.”
Chloe turns, wearing her oversized sunglasses and seeming as if she’s eaten a little too much as well. “Please don’t puke.”
Alex groans again. “That was one time.”
Chloe’s phone buzzes against the slide, and she immediately perks up. “Oh, it’s Dom.”
She hurries toward the hammock for a little bit of privacy. She’s protective of her new relationship, and she glows in a way I haven’t seen on her before. It looks nice.
“I’m so glad she found Dominic,” I say, doing my best to keep the heartache from my voice.
I refuse to let my breakup prevent me from being happy for her.
I clench the chains on the swing, noticing the nakedness of my ring finger.
Not that I miss having it. The diamond never quite felt right. It was heavy. Like a burden.
But still, I can’t help but think of Brian’s face when I placed the ring in front of him. How he stared at it without saying a word. Without putting up a fight. Four years and he didn’t even ask me to stay.
“You okay?” Alex’s soft spoken question snaps me out of the memory.
“Just thinking.”
She nods, and we swing quietly for a moment before she kicks at a rock halfway stuck in the dirt. “Wanna talk about it?”
“I didn’t even get to go dress shopping,” I say with a humorless chuckle.
It’s funny to be disappointed in such a thing after realizing I didn’t want to get married in the first place.
“It’s for the best, really. Pretty sure Mrs. Prescott would’ve insisted on something traditional and gaudy. I would’ve hated it.”
She exhales as if she’s the one holding on to unpleasant reminders of things that aren’t going to happen. “Jules, I’m sorry.”
I shrug, because what else is there to say? It is what it is, I guess.
We fall into another stretch of silence, the air a little thicker than it was before.