Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
I’m cold, and my shoes have become popsicles.
This is it. This is where I die because I’m too stubborn to call my parents and tell them what I just did.
If I do, I’ll never hear the end of it. Mom will try harder than ever to probe into my emotions, and Dad—well, I don’t know what Dad would do.
He’s been so distant lately. He’d either laugh it off while having a breakdown or ground me until I’m old and gray.
Why does finding a way to school have to be so hard?
I’m sitting on the sidewalk with my head cradled in my arms to drown out the street in front of me. While rushing out the door this morning, I forgot my headphones, and now every time a car passes, my hair stands on end.
I’m not sure how long it’s been, but I can’t sit here all day. I have to make a decision. I can go home and flunk my senior year or start walking to try and make it to school before the morning bell rings. Just the thought of that makes my feet hurt, especially since I plan on taking a detour.
I stomp my feet and groan before peeling myself off the ground.
My diploma is my only driving force as I set off toward school. I walk on the inside edge of the sidewalk to be as far as humanly possible from the cars passing by.
It works well for the next five minutes, and then a car starts to slow down, swerving closer to me.
I glance over my shoulder to get a better look.
In the front seat is Caleb. He waves.
I speed up, holding my hand to the side of my face to block my view of him, hoping he’ll take the hint and leave. I can only imagine the snarky comments I’ll get from him.
Caleb pulls the car even closer, matching my speed. He rolls down the window. “Well, that looks fun.”
I roll my eyes. “What do you want?”
“I’m just wondering what possessed you to take a walk this early in the morning,” he says.
“School.” My jaw locks tight, not elaborating. My feet trudge on.
His car crawls forward. “Since when do you go to school?”
“Since I don’t have a choice.”
“Why don’t you let me give you a ride?”
I shake my head. “No. I’m good.”
A car slows down behind Caleb’s. Even though he’s pulled off to the side, there isn’t enough room to safely pass.
That car honks, but Caleb doesn’t speed up.
He sighs. “It’s getting cold.” Then, he dramatically turns a dial on his dash. “Thankfully, I have this amazing invention called heat. It’s great. You should try it sometime.”
I massage my temples with my numb fingers, trying to ignore him.
The car behind him honks again.
A shiver runs down my spine. I hate this. This morning seems to be a magnet for one disaster after another.
“That car needs you to move,” I say.
He sighs and shrugs. “Sucks for them. I think I’ll be here a while.”
“Really?”
“If you weren’t so stubborn, I would’ve moved by now.”
I gasp. “I’m the stubborn one?” I pivot to look at him, tossing my hands into the air.
He smiles. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“You’re the one who is refusing to drive away!”
The person behind Caleb lays on their horn, blaring at us.
My stomach turns again, and my heart is pounding. Every little sound is amplified. The wind, the hum of the car, the birds in the distance. There are so many sounds I can’t think straight.
Another car piles up behind Caleb’s.
“If I get in the car, will you knock it off? You’re driving me crazy,” I say.
He grimaces with a shrug. “Hard to say. I guess you’ll have to find out.”
I eye the car, studying his hand position on the steering wheel. “Driving record?”
“Clean.”
“What if I say no?”
“I have all day. Do you?” His stare is strong and determined.
The only way to get him to move is to start running or get in the car. The horn behind him honks again, and I jump closer. My hand fumbles on the handle. When I pull it, the door doesn’t open.
He’s watching me. I know that he sees the car is locked.
I raise my eyebrows and clear my throat. “Door.”
He stares, trying to see what I’ll do if he waits.
I’m not patient, and I don’t like his games. They’re immature.
I reach through the open window and unlock the door myself. Then I open it and climb in with a huff, holding on to my backpack for dear life.
His car is nice. I stick out like a sore thumb the second I get in. It’s perfectly clean and there isn’t a speck of dust on the dash. Me, on the other hand . . . well, my shoes are covered in mud, and my sweatshirt is covered in stains.
He stares at me with one raised eyebrow, studying me.
“What?”
“How about, ‘Thank you for saving me from freezing to death.’ Or better yet, ‘Caleb, you’re my hero.’”
I rock my jaw. “How about—”
Something touches my arm. I shriek, whipping my head around to see his younger brother, Jordan, sitting behind me.
I rarely see him because he mostly keeps to himself.
He’s quiet and has rarely found me to be someone worth talking to.
He’s a miniature version of his brother, except his cheeks are fuller.
He’s also missing his two front teeth. If I remember right, he’s about eight.
“You need to buckle. We’re running three minutes behind,” he says, showing me the time on his phone.
“Jordy, you’re still going to be the first kid there,” Caleb says.
“I’m supposed to be there at exactly 7:30.”
“Why? Why do you have to be that early?” Caleb asks.
“Because that’s the way I’ve always done it.”
“Doing things differently one time—”
“Don’t worry, I’m buckling,” I say, grabbing the seatbelt.
As soon as it clicks, Caleb starts to move forward, and Jordy quiets down.
The problem is we are now heading straight for Lincoln St.
My heart speeds up again nearing my dreaded street. “Turn left here,” I blurt out.
“No, go straight,” Jordy argues.
Caleb shoots me a questioning glance. His eyes wander from me to the rearview mirror with Jordy’s reflection.
“Turn left. Trust me, it’s a shortcut.”
“I don’t know—”
“Just go left!”
“Okay, okay. I’ll go left,” he says.
As soon as the car turns, I sink back into the seat and let out a slow exhale. I did it. I successfully avoided Lincoln St. One day down, the rest of the semester to go.
“Well, this is the longest shortcut I’ve ever been on,” Jordy says with a flat voice.
He might not like it, but that’s fine. Caleb keeps driving my direction and doesn’t ask any questions. That’s all that matters.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I fumble, wiggling my hand underneath the lap belt to reach it. I yank it out, bringing it to my ear without registering who’s calling.
“Hello,” I say.
“Becca, are you okay?” Mom asks. Worry consumes her wavering and breathless words.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Why?”
“The school called. They told me you jumped out of the back of a bus. Why in the world would you do something like that?” she asks.
Mom’s voice is loud. I can sense Caleb and Jordy’s eyes like daggers digging into me. I rub my forehead, sinking lower. For some reason, I didn’t make the connection that Mom would find out this fast. But now that I think about it, it would be pretty neglectful of the school if they didn’t call.
There is no reasonable excuse I can give her to validate my behavior. It’s game over. Still, I decide to try and word vomit my way out of it. “I just really needed some air, and she wouldn’t let me off. So, my only option was to jump out of the bus.”
“Just tell me where you are, and I’ll come get you. We can—”
“No, I promise I’m fine. I’m actually on my way to school now, so you don’t have to worry.” I might as well be pleading for my freedom right now. If I give her the chance to swoop in, she’ll drive me straight to the next therapist on her list, demanding a cure.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Caleb open his mouth like he’s about to say something, but he bites his lower lip instead.
“Did you drive?” Mom asks with a mix of shock and excitement.
“No. Caleb and his little brother were on their way to school and saw me walking.”
Mom is quiet for a moment, digesting everything I’ve told her. Then, she says, “You know, he has such good manners. I wonder if he has a girlfriend.”
My eyes catapult out of my head. “Mom!”
Now is absolutely not the time for her to be playing matchmaker. Especially not with Caleb. We’ve known each other for the past decade and barely tolerate each other at best.
My jacket is suddenly way too warm, and my face burns. “Bye, Mom,” I say, pressing the end button without waiting for her to echo my farewell.
I can’t bring myself to look over at Caleb. I take my hood and pull it over my head to hide my shame, hoping it’ll help me disappear.
There’s an awkward pause that follows until he finally clears his throat. “So . . . you jumped out of a bus?”
I wasn’t quite sure what I was expecting him to say, but I wished he’d say nothing. “Just drive,” I say, pulling at the drawstrings on my hoodie.
His hand hovers over the lock button on the inside of the door. It clicks.
“Really?” I snap.
“You know, just in case you decide you want to jump out,” he says. “Better safe than sorry.”
“Jumping out of a bus isn’t a good idea,” Jordy says.
I roll my eyes. “It wasn’t even moving.”
“Well, it’s good to know you haven’t totally lost it,” Caleb says.
I don’t reply.
All three of us stay quiet until Caleb rolls into the parking lot of Jordy’s school.
“We are five whole minutes late,” Jordy says, holding up his hand, wiggling all five fingers. “Five.”
“Hurry up and get out or it’ll turn into six,” Caleb says.
Jordy shuffles out. “You better pick me up on time.”
Caleb nods and waves him off. As Jordy passes by my window, he glares at me, driving home the point I made him late.
I look away and rub the back of my neck with my hand.
Caleb starts to drive again once Jordy reaches the entrance doors. I can already see the silhouette of the high school on the horizon. It’s maybe a three-to-four-minute drive from the elementary school, and that’s with traffic.
“So . . .” Caleb says, slicing through the thick silence. “The answer is no. I don’t have a girlfriend. That is, unless you want to change that.”
I choke on air. No matter how much I cough, I can’t seem to clear my throat.
“I mean, I already take your breath away.”
I smack my chest with a fist to relieve the pressure. When my airway finally remembers how to work, my mouth forms a hard line, and I shift my weight away from him—closer to the door.
“I’m just kidding.”
I only grumble in response.
“I mean, you’re definitely missing out, but you and I, we’d probably kill each other.”
“You’d go first,” I mumble.
“Whatever you say, Bec.”
I stay quiet, prepared to jump out of the car as soon as it stops.
As we roll into the parking lot, Caleb says, “I can give you a ride home too, if you want.”
I shake my head. “No, that’s okay. I’ll figure something else out.”