Chapter 9
DRED
Our server drops off all seventeen of Flip’s appetizers. When we eat out, he basically orders one of everything, and I pick and choose what I want while he demolishes the rest.
It’s Monday afternoon—two days post engagement party—and Flip asked to take me for lunch. Mostly I think he wants to debrief, and maybe pry for information.
“So that was some engagement party,” he says once the server has left us.
“It sure was.” I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the way Connor’s mouth felt on mine.
Or his comment about saving his bad behavior for the bedroom, and whether he honestly didn’t realize that’s what he’d said.
Was he playing with me? Regardless, that innocent brush of lips has been living rent-free in my head for the past two days.
“His sisters told me you’re the first woman Grace has ever brought home.”
“They may have mentioned that.” Both of them. More than once.
“His parents are a little…stiff,” he hedges, feeling me out.
“They are definitely less easygoing than we are,” I agree.
He digs in to a plate of nachos. “His Meems is cool, though.”
“I adore her.” My smile is genuine.
“She adores you—and Grace.”
“He has a first name.”
“Yeah, right. Sorry.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Meeting his family sort of puts things in perspective.”
I nod my agreement. Until the engagement party, I’ve only ever seen the media-curated view of Connor’s family, but the real thing was eye-opening. I want Flip’s thoughts though. “In what sense?”
“He doesn’t fit with them.” Flip dunks a piece of skewered chicken into peanut sauce. “Like, he’s a Grace, but he’s not really a part of them.”
“No, he’s not.”
“He’s used to being an outsider,” Flip muses.
“Yeah. He is.” I dip a cold roll into the spicy chili sauce. “I was used to that, too, until you came along and brought the Terror into my life.”
He nods slowly. “You know, back at the Hockey Academy, I thought I knew who he was. I mean, the guy had a serious chip on his shoulder, and he hated me before I even breathed in his direction. But I believed his parents had bought his spot there, and I wasn’t the only one.”
“Imagine always being on the outside of everything—your family, your team, your social circle. Never fitting anywhere. How impossible would it be to believe you could belong?”
Flip tilts his head. “You empathize with him.”
“If you take away the financial piece—which I realize is substantial—he and I aren’t all that different,” I reply.
“Everyone loves you, though.”
“Just like everyone loves you,” I remind him.
He sighs. “Are you going to tell me why?”
“Eventually, yeah.”
“But not now,” he presses.
“Not now, no.”
“I hate being on the outside of things, especially with you, Dred.”
I smile and nod, but say nothing.
“Fuck.” He huffs and laughs. “I am Connor right now.”
“Except everyone still loves you, and he’s still hockey’s favorite villain.
” I reach across the table and squeeze Flip’s hand.
“Trust my decision-making. I don’t do things without a reason, and I don’t do things I don’t want to.
If that wasn’t true, I would go out to the oonsing bars with you instead of regularly bailing. ”
“Okay, that’s fair.”
“I promise I’m doing this for myself, and to safeguard the people I love the most, and I need that to be enough for you right now.”
Even in this short time, I realize I’ve come to feel…duty bound to see this through. Not just because of the money. It’s a huge factor, obviously, but I can’t stand the thought of stealing Lucy’s joy. And I want to show Connor what it’s like to be on the inside of something for once.
“Just keep having faith that I’m smart enough to make the right choices for me,” I add.
Flip nods. “I do. I guess I just don’t love that he’s the choice.”
“I think it’s less about who it is and more that it doesn’t align with your personal views on marriage.
” I’m one of very few people who know Flip’s history and what he’s been through.
The way he drowned himself in nameless, faceless bodies wasn’t about sex, or even feeling good, it was a coping mechanism for deep hurt.
“I just want you to be happy,” he says.
“I am happy.” Until I met Flip, my whole life was about survival. This little side project will enable me to keep on thriving.
“I mean happy and in love.” He blows out a breath. “Subject change. This is my wound talking, not yours. Tell me what’s going on at work. Any exciting new stories?”
“Oh yes! Yesterday we found a couple of kids boning in the family bathroom.” Everly, one of my favorites and the bad girl to her twin’s good boy, has a habit of being rather impulsive.
“They would have gotten away with it if a desperate mom hadn’t come in off the street with a potty-training three-year-old and a baby who’d already unleashed a demon in his diaper. ”
“Please tell me you found them and not Dorothea.”
Flip knows all about the battle-axe head librarian. “I found them.”
“What’d you do?”
“Explained that they could be charged with public indecency, that bathrooms are not the best place for such activities, and I made them both very uncomfortable when I asked them about birth control and went into details regarding their options.”
I also called the group home and requested that Everly come help me with one of the programs I run so she can complete her community service hours, which are a requirement to graduate from high school. They were thrilled and agreeable.
Flip grins. “I bet they were mortified.”
This feels better, more like the me-and-Flip I’m used to. “Exceedingly mortified.” At least the boy was. Everly was more annoyed than anything.
Once Flip finishes eating his way through his appetizer smorgasbord, he pays for lunch, despite my telling him I can buy my own meal, then hops on the subway with me.
He pulls his ballcap low and moves a discarded newspaper, offering me the inside seat. I slide in and his knee spills into the aisle, along with half the left side of his huge body.
He glances down at the paper. Connor and I stare back at him. I have no idea where they managed to snag that photo, but at least it’s not a bad one.
The headline is another story:
Hockey’s Most Hated Player Engaged!
“Connor looks like a serial killer,” Flip mutters.
I elbow him in the side.
“Not always, but here he does.” He grabs the paper and scans the article. “Which I’m sure was intentional with that headline. I can’t believe you’re in the freaking newspaper.”
“Better me than you.” I arch a brow and pluck the paper from his hand, tucking it into my purse.
“I haven’t had bad press in a while,” he says defensively.
“I know.” I pat his arm. “I’m proud of you.”
He rolls his eyes. “I don’t deserve an award for keeping my dick in my pants.”
A businessman side-eyes us.
“No, but you do deserve recognition for realizing it was yourself and the people you care about most that you were hurting by making choices that left you feeling hollow.”
“Isn’t that the truth.” He gives me a sad smile. “But I didn’t ruin Rix and Tristan’s relationship, or my relationship with either of them, so something good came out of all that bad.”
“Silver lining, right?”
“I get why Connor feeds into it, though,” Flip adds quietly.
“The negativity?” I ask.
“Yeah. After a while, you just start believing everything you read, like it’s the sum of who you are as a person, and my past supported that belief, just like Connor’s does.” He sighs. “We’re all wearing masks, aren’t we? Hiding the parts we don’t want people to see.”
“Every single one of us,” I agree. Connor wears a mask of indifference, but it’s a cover for his soft center.
We reach my stop, and Flip gets off with me.
“I can make it to the library from here just fine,” I remind him. “I do it five days a week.”
“I know, but you just got engaged to a high-profile hockey player that the media loves to rake over the coals, and his family is stupidly wealthy. I want you to feel safe if someone recognizes you.” He runs a hand through his hair and frowns.
“I’m actually surprised Grace hasn’t hired a bodyguard, or a car to take you to work and back. ”
“I have a car.”
He snorts. “That thing is held together with duct tape and a prayer. It’s a small miracle every time the engine turns over.”
“Public transit rarely lets me down. I don’t need a car service, and I sure as hell don’t need a security detail.” It would be impossible to go under the radar if that was the case.
Flip arches a brow.
“Seriously, I can handle myself.” We reach the doors to the library. “I’ll see you tonight for Bananagrams.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He hugs me, and I squeeze him back.
I head inside, inhaling the comforting scent of books.
Odette, one of my fellow librarians, pops up, waving a newspaper around in the air. It’s different from the one tucked into my purse, but the headline is similar:
Hockey’s #1 Villain Is Getting Married!
Until recently, I hadn’t paid much attention to the kind of media attention Connor receives. So far what I’ve noticed has been mostly negative. How impossible would it be not to internalize it?
“Oh my gosh!” Odette mimes screaming—she does this a lot. She checks over her shoulder and whisper-shouts, “I can’t believe you’re engaged! Can I see the ring?”
I hold out my hand. The rock is stupidly large. I should have left it at home.
Her eyes nearly bug out of her head. “Wow! That is huge! How many carats is it?”
“I actually have no idea.” It wasn’t a question I thought to ask while I was signing a contract for a quarter of a million a month.
“Dorothea thought you wouldn’t show up today,” she whispers.
I frown and tuck my purse in my drawer. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because you’re marrying a professional hockey player, and his family are billionaires.”
“So I would stop being responsible and disappoint all the people who rely on me for programming?” I gather my books for the reading circle. I’m extremely thankful the mom-and-tots reading program starts in fifteen minutes. And that my favorite twins will be here to help, one of them grudgingly.
Odette frowns. “When you put it that way…”
“Nice to know how highly Dorothea thinks of me.” I smile as Everly lopes over to the checkout desk wearing her customary frown, her twin brother trailing behind her like a happy shadow. “You made it.”
“I didn’t have much of a choice,” Everly mumbles. “Thanks for calling the group home.”
“You need community hours to graduate,” Victor reminds her. “And it was nice of Dred to offer this opportunity.”
Seems Victor has no idea why I’ve forced this torment on his sister.
Everly rolls her eyes. “Why can’t you just give me some of yours?”
Victor already has a hundred hours banked.
“Because then you wouldn’t have this amazing experience.” I pass her the plastic bin of juice boxes and healthy cookies. “Okay, let’s go read stories to kids who still poop their pants.”
Everly mutters something under her breath about punishments as she and Victor trail after me.
I love the mom-and-tots reading circle. Most of the group are young mothers who can’t afford the paid programs. I’ve made connections with a couple of nurses who make themselves available after the circle for moms with questions.
I put Everly and Victor in charge of handing out the snacks, so she’s obligated to speak directly to the young women and look at their adorable, whining children who range in age from six months to three years.
Two of them are scream-crying, another one is trying to run away, and the six-month-old just blew out his diaper.
As far as making a safe-sex point, I feel like I’m winning.
I take one of the crying babies so the mom can pump while I read—she’s leaking through her shirt—and make Everly turn the pages for me. Victor reads all the male parts and varies his voice. Halfway through, Everly takes over the female characters so I can change a diaper.
Everly and Victor help clean up once the moms and tots have left. When Victor excuses himself to the bathroom, I turn to Everly.
“I’m not going to tell you that you’re too young to have sex.” Even though she is. “But if you want to do adult things, then do them responsibly. Birth control and condoms, not one or the other, because a baby is a lifelong commitment.”
“It wasn’t for my parents,” she says sullenly.
I nod. “It wasn’t for mine either, but you can break the cycle by making the safe and healthy choice for you and your body.”
“I went to the free clinic last week,” she admits.
“Good. But you’re still joining me for mom-and-tots reading time until your community hours are finished.” Sometimes lessons need to be reinforced.
She rolls her eyes. “Fine.”
I pass her the remaining snacks and juice boxes. “Your payment in snacks.”
Everly and Victor head home, making it open season for my colleagues. I field more questions about my engagement, dodging personal questions about Connor.
At the end of the day, I take the subway home, grab my mail, and head up to my apartment, my heart lurching as I shuffle through the advertisements and find a new one from the property manager. I wait until I’m inside my apartment before I open it.
It’s an eviction notice. If I can’t backpay the hundred grand in rental adjustments I owe before the end of the month, I’m out of the apartment. That’s less than two weeks from now.
“Fuck.” I squeeze the bridge of my nose.
Connor said he would take care of it. But this new development is a wrench in the plan. Telling him about it means talking to him, and possibly seeing him. I’m still struggling to put that kiss we shared at the engagement party into a box with a lid that doesn’t pop off constantly.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, scaring the shit out of me.
I stuff the letter in my purse—I don’t know why, reflex maybe—and dig my phone out.
Obviously Connor has a sixth sense for when I’m thinking about him.
Connor
Meems is out of books.
Of course she is.
Dred
I’ll bring more by tomorrow. Just send me a list.
He follows it with a photo of a list in her handwriting. I smile. I knew she’d love the highland warriors series.
And tomorrow I can find out just how good Connor is at keeping his word.