Chapter 18
DRED
Dred
Rix, how in the world did you manage to go to school full time, work part time for an accounting firm, make meals for half the Terror, and still plan a wedding without having a nervous breakdown?
Rix
I had Essie.
Essie
And dick. She also had lots of dick.
Dred
Ah, that’s clearly what’s missing from my equation.
Hemi
I guess this means you haven’t jumped on that yet.
Dred
It would certainly complicate this already complicated relationship.
Hammer
But it could also be a perk!
Essie
I bet he’s a demon in the sheets. The quiet, reserved ones always are.
Hammer
Same with the grumpy ones.
Dred
I may or may not have already wondered these things.
Rix
I vote you find out, for research purposes.
Essie
You just want one of us to be as freaky as you.
Hemi
I’m pretty sure Dallas and I could give you a run for your money.
Lexi
Dred
Rub salt in the wound, why don’t you? I’m very grateful for my ability to orgasm without even touching myself.
Tally
That’s a thing?
How is that a thing?
That can’t be a thing!!!
Shilpa
It’s a thing.
Dred
It’s my turn in the fire, I guess.
Tally
I’m twenty, not a teenager. No one has to worry about corrupting my poor innocent mind. I’ve been to parties where people were boning on the living room couch (which is gross, by the way) while the people who sat beside them played video games (and an onlooker cheered them on).
Dred
Please tell me you didn’t stay at that party long.
Tally
Obviously not. I was worried about getting an STI just from breathing the sex air.
How did I not know contactless orgasms were a thing?
Rix
To be fair, it’s not super common.
Shilpa
This is true.
Tally
How not common is it?
Dred
It’s rare. I probably should have led with that.
Iprobably shouldn’t have said anything at all. Although I’m highly appreciative of how easily my friends have accepted my decision and are supporting me without pressing me for details I’m not ready to give. New messages pop up in my private chat with Lexi.
Lexi
Once again, proving your magical unicorn status.
Why have you never shared this special talent?
Dred
Most people are shocked and then jealous.
Lexi
That’s fair. I would be jealous if I didn’t have my very own personal and dedicated orgasm provider.
Dred
Daddy Roman
Lexi
Can I tell you how excited I am for him to dress up as Santa again this year?
I need to stop talking about this.
My pregnancy hormones are out of control.
Me and the girls will be there to pick you up in about twenty minutes. How are you doing?
Dred
Today is the kind of day I wished I partook in the herbal variety of stress relief. I’m nervous. Even the full-contact self-administered orgasms aren’t taking the edge off.
Lexi
You could ask Connor to help you out.
Dred
It’s an idea.
But probably not a good one.
Lexi
Seeing more than just his pretty face these days?
Dred
The way he loves his Meems is hard to ignore.
So many things about him are now—like the furrow in his brow every time he looks at me, as though he’s trying to figure out what to say.
Or how the past four nights, after I’ve fallen asleep on the couch in the library, like I do every night, he’s come in and carried me to bed. And every night his kiss migrates, moving closer to my mouth.
He’s fine when Meems has dinner with us, but on those evenings when she’s too tired—which is becoming increasingly, alarmingly frequent—and it’s just the two of us, he struggles not to say something that could be hurtful, if interpreted incorrectly.
Most of the time I can decode the message under the words, but today I’m stressed.
My wedding is in two weeks—when Connor said it would be a short engagement, I thought maybe a few months, not a handful of weeks. But he’s worried about Meems’s health, and frankly, so am I.
The wedding I can handle, but the bridal shower being thrown by his mother at his sister Isabelle’s house today terrifies the shit out of me.
Meems and all my friends will be there as a buffer, but I won’t have Connor as my bodyguard.
Dred
I have to put my dress on, and it’ll take another ten minutes to get from my bedroom to the front door, so I’m signing off until you get here.
Lexi
You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.
I toss my phone on the bed and head for the closet.
Another dress appeared yesterday. This one is exceedingly modest, but also beautiful.
I could probably have bought a brand-new car twice over with the amount of money spent on dresses for me recently.
Or fund a soup kitchen for a year. Which is gross to think about.
But it also gives me pause when I consider the library gala and how different it could look this year, and how easy it would be to fund all the programs if I changed the scope of my thinking.
I shove those thoughts aside. They’re not helpful. When I get my first check I’ll donate to ease my guilty conscience.
I change into the dress and transfer the necessary items from my purse to my matching clutch.
I grab a handful of bracelets from my dresser and thread them onto my left wrist to cover the raw skin and faint bruising left behind from the hair tie.
I’ve switched to a scrunchie recently, which helps, but the skin isn’t quite healed yet.
I hate that I’ve resorted to this old behavior, and that it’s mostly subconscious.
I make sure I have everything before I leave my room, carrying my high heels since it’s half a kilometer from my room to the front door. I was only slightly exaggerating about how long it takes to get from one end of the house to the other.
Connor is sitting in the living room with Meems when I arrive.
I smile at her outfit. Meems loves statement pieces just as much as Connor seems to, and together she and I make quite the pair.
Our dresses are mirrors of each other. Hers is teal with wine piping and mine is wine with teal piping.
This is intentional. And not just because it’s cute, I’ve come to realize.
It screams solidarity, and it’s a giant fuck you to Connor’s parents and their apparent love of sad beige dresses.
Connor stands, eyes moving over me in a way that’s become familiar and flattering. He approaches, lighting up with the same anticipation I feel. He only touches me when Meems or someone else equally important is there to witness it—and when he carries me to bed every night.
“You look stunning.” He runs his fingers gently down my arm, clasping my hand in his.
Is it just for Meems’s benefit, or does he feel the same electric tension swirling between us? Either way, my stomach flutters as he brings my fingers to his lips. His lips quirk as he pulls me closer.
Normally I would enjoy this part—being close to him, breathing in the sandalwood and citrus of his cologne, reveling in the feel of his strong arms wrapped around me, marveling at the way everything about him softens when he holds me like this.
Okay, I still enjoy this, but… “Easy to smile when you’re not the one walking into the lion’s den,” I whisper.
That wipes the grin off his face. Guilt is swift on its heels.
“You’ve already sent the message that we three are a team, Connor. No need to keep firing arrows by dressing us like twins.”
“I’m sorry.” There’s real apology in his tone.
“Mmm... Best to find a way to make it up to me that doesn’t have dollar bills attached to it.” Despite myself and the tension flaring between us, or maybe because of it, I tilt my chin up.
The remorse swimming in his eyes makes me regret saying anything.
He’ll spend the next few hours swirling in self-loathing, and by the time I get back with Meems, he’ll have returned to his shell.
So instead of waiting for him to kiss me, I slide my hand up his chest and curve my fingers around the back of his neck. I tug gently, and he drops his head.
“I love the dress,” I say against his warm lips.
“And Meems looks adorable.” I flick his top lip with my tongue and step quickly out of his arms so I don’t end up sucking face with him in front of his grandmother.
Ignoring the chemistry these days is a challenge, mostly because I haven’t.
Instead I’ve been doing things to purposely wind up in his arms.
Making it through an entire year without falling into bed with this man will prove difficult. My previous intrigue has shifted, and most of the time I find that I like him, even when he’s being a problem.
Connor rubs the back of his neck. “I have something for you.”
“Besides all of this?” I motion to my attire.
“It’s little.” He slips his hand into his breast pocket and retrieves a small box. Freeing the lid, he reveals a stunning gold charm bracelet interspersed with teal and wine gemstones. And of course Meems has one to match.
“This is beautiful,” I murmur, running my fingers over the delicate chain. “Will you help me put it on?”
His smile is radiant and something I want to see more of. “Of course.” He carefully frees the clasp and adds to the string of bracelets already decorating my wrist.
Meems is all smiles. “You two are perfect.”
“Mildred is perfect. I’m just better with her at my side,” Connor says.
I stifle a laugh. Surprisingly, he looks serious.
“Let me get a picture of the two of you before you go.” He pulls his phone from his pocket, and I stand beside Meems, posing for a few photos.
Briefly, I wonder what this memory will be like for him. What will it be like for me? All these celebrations of love, and the only part of it that’s genuine is the way we feel about the woman connecting us to each other.
My phone buzzes. “That’s Lexi.”
“Did she bring the girls?” Connor’s face lights up.
“She did not. Callie has hockey practice, and Fee is coming with Tally since they’re both at Tilton.”
“Ah, right.” His face falls.