Chapter 34
CONNOR
Ireinstate the funding for my wife’s library programs by cashing in a few investments.
I don’t say anything to Meems, because I don’t want to cause her stress, or my wife for the same reason.
But I stew over the situation, marinate in my anger and frustration.
Self-flagellate over the fact that I should have anticipated something like this, and I failed to put safeguards in place to protect Mildred from harm.
Now she’s overworked, and her colleagues are just as stressed as she is.
Of course Meems set up donations to the library through the company. Of course my father performed a financial audit and saw the opportunity to shit all over my wife, because he’s an entitled, power-hungry asshole.
But more than that, it’s the things he said to her, the way he cut her down, made her feel like less.
Made me question her intentions when she got on her knees for me.
Was she proving him right? Was she stepping into the role like I do with my family?
It’s hard to separate myself from my choices and not impose them on her.
And that’s why I expect Mildred to stop sleeping in my bedroom, even though it’s now ours.
I expect her to stop sleeping with me. But she doesn’t do either.
Every night she climbs into bed. And each night I stretch out an arm, inviting her in.
But I never stop being relieved when she snuggles into me and lets me soak up her warmth.
She lets me kiss her in the dark, touch her, get inside her.
Still, the contract hangs over my head, its implications compounding.
Does Mildred stay because it exists? Is financial security still her motive?
She and Meems grow closer all the time. When I’m away, they play board games together, eat dinner together, and act like family should.
They smile and laugh and love. I want all of it to be mine too, but I’m unsure what’s real and what’s linked to the money in Mildred’s account. She never says anything about it.
Then today I get home from hockey practice to find a balloon arch and a huge banner that reads Happy 75th Lucy being fixed to the wall by Cedrick and Norm. My beautiful wife is standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips, directing them.
“Up a couple of inches, Cedrick.” She tilts her head. “That’s it! Right there!”
I stop several feet away, not wanting to startle her. “What’s going on?”
She stiffens slightly, but doesn’t turn. “We’re throwing Meems a birthday party.”
“I would have helped you organize this.” More likely I would have paid people to organize it.
“It’s just a small get-together.” She still won’t make eye contact.
“Who’s coming?” Meems loves Mildred’s friends. They get together every other week for book club, which seems mostly like an excuse to hang out and eat junk food.
Her jaw tics. “Your family.”
“What?”
She turns to face me, finally, guard up, eyes flashing with defiance. “I invited your family over to celebrate Meems’s birthday.”
“Cedrick and Norm, can you leave us for a moment?”
“Of course, sir.” They hastily finish tacking the banner in place and hustle out of the room.
“Why would you invite my family here?” I have yet to confront my father. In part because I don’t want him to retaliate further, but also because I’m concerned I’ll cause him bodily harm and end up in a cell. Apparently my time has run out.
“I thought it would be better to host here so Meems can excuse herself when she’s tired.
” Mildred bridges the gap between us and smooths her palms up my chest. “I also thought it would be preferable to spending an afternoon at your parents’ house, and I didn’t feel as though Meems or your sisters should be punished because your father has feelings about me that aren’t positive. ”
God, I fucking love you.
The thought is a shock, and those words stay locked inside me. “Are you sure you’re not punishing yourself, darling?”
“I’ve been punished more than enough by other people,” she informs me. “I don’t need to do it to myself, too.”
“You married me.”
“Marrying you wasn’t a punishment, Connor, even if you’d like it to be.”
The doorbell chimes.
“They’re here. Don’t start a fight before we even get to cocktails.” She kisses me on the cheek and threads her arm through mine.
“That’s a very tall order.”
“But isn’t there real satisfaction in having your father come to the house you live in?”
“Mm...” I bring her hand to my lips. “You have a point, Dredful menace.”
I can only imagine the feelings he must have about the fact that my wife, who he bullied, called a whore to her face, and whose job he put on the line, has invited him to the house he believes he deserves.
“Ahhh! Dred, we’ve missed you!” My sisters envelop her in a hug while my parents hang back, my brothers-in-law behind them, looking awkward.
“I’ve missed you, too!” Mildred says with genuine affection.
Mildred turns her bright smile on my parents, and instead of waiting for the customary air kisses from my mother, she pulls her in for a hug. I wish I could bottle Mother’s shock.
Mildred links arms with my sisters and ushers them into the living room where Meems is waiting. I want to sit next to my wife, but my sisters flank her before I can get there.
Drinks are served and appetizers set out. My mother sips her martini, looking awkward and out of place in the Victorian-era chair she’s claimed as hers.
“You’ve already started traveling, haven’t you?” Isabelle asks.
“Yeah, the official season is underway,” I say. None of my family watches hockey.
“Will you travel with Connor?” my mother asks Mildred.
She shakes her head. “No. I have work.”
“Of course you do.” Mother turns to me. “How is…work for you?”
I clear my throat. I’m shocked that she’s asking about hockey. “It’s been a solid start to the season.”
“That’s good.” Mother turns to Portia. “Oh! You should show Meems your concept drawings for the living room makeover!”
So I guess we’re done with that…
Julian and Bryson excuse themselves to the billiard room. Then Mother takes a call that she’s been “waiting for all day.” Portia and Isabelle want to see what Meems has done to the guesthouse, and that leaves me alone with my father.
“Your wife has certainly made herself comfortable here,” he says flatly.
“Well, it is her home, so I suppose that makes sense.” I swirl my scotch in my glass. “Mildred told me about your visit to the library.”
A hint of a smile curves his mouth. “It’s been weeks. I’m surprised it’s taken you this long to bring it up.”
“It wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have on the phone, where you could hang up.”
“You could have come to me sooner, asked me to reinstate the funding in person. Although you do tend to meet problems with violence.”
“The only fights I get into are on the ice.”
“Yes, I’m aware.” He inspects his nails. “Such a waste of education. I should have sent Portia to Harvard instead of you.”
“You owe my wife an apology.”
“Why, when everything I said was true?” He stares down his nose at me, sighing with frustration.
“Your problem, Connor, is that you never fall in line. You constantly make things harder than they need to be. I thought your career would finally be the end of it, but I misjudged your commitment to making this family look bad.”
“Watch yourself, Father. You’re in my house, and Mildred is my wife.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “She’s a user, Connor.
She doesn’t want you. She wants this life.
” He motions to our surroundings. “She comes from nothing. She is nothing. And it’s only a matter of time before you come to your senses and see the truth.
She’s a distraction. A project, even. She makes you feel important, but she’s still just a whore. ”
“She is not—”
He sneers. “You can dress her up in expensive clothes and put pretty jewelry on her, but she’s still a filthy little slut who opens her legs for you in exchange for a comfortable life.
Use her all you want. Get your money’s worth, Connor, but then get rid of her so you can find someone who will help you fit into this family instead of turning yourself into a complete outcast.”
I push out of my chair, shaking with rage as I grab the lapels of his suit jacket. “Keep pushing, and you’ll need to visit Mother’s plastic surgeon.”
He grins. “The truth stings, doesn’t it, son?”
“You want to fuck with me, go right ahead, but you don’t fuck with my wife, ever.”
“Connor.”
At the sound of Mildred’s unsteady voice, I release my father and step back. I spin around as my sisters and Meems round the corner, followed by my mother.
“Dinner is being served in the dining room,” she says softly.
Based on the way she can’t meet my gaze, I worry how much she overheard.
Dinner is wildly uncomfortable. Conversation is stilted. Mildred barely touches her plate. Mother talks about how desperately Grace Manor needs a makeover. Julian and Bryson complain about public funding. My father and I trade thinly veiled insults.
“I’ve had enough.” Meems sets her knife and fork down.
Everyone turns their attention to her.
“This…” She motions between me and my father. “…is unbelievable.” She tosses her napkin on the table and pushes her chair back.
I get up to help her. “Meems.”
She raises a hand and uses the other one to grip the edge of the table. Her eyes are on fire. “I don’t know what is going on between you two, but this…pissing contest is juvenile and uncalled for.”
“Your grandson—”
“He’s your son!” she snaps.
Mildred looks utterly stricken. She pushes back her chair and rounds the table.
I watch her transform, become the woman who saves teenage girls from embarrassing bathroom situations.
“Okay, Meems, put your firecrackers away. They’re grown men.
They can work their own shit out.” She offers her hand, and Meems takes it.
Mildred whispers something to her, and she nods.
They link arms, and Mildred turns back to my family, who wear varying expressions of shock. “Thank you for coming for dinner. You’re welcome to stay for cake, as long as it doesn’t end up on the walls. But Meems is done with company.”
And with that, she steers Meems out of the dining room, leaving my family staring after them. Three seconds later, my parents get into it. But my mother’s fire won’t last long. She’s too afraid to lose what she has.
I leave them, going in search of my wife and Meems so I can apologize.
I find them in the kitchen with Ethel, Norm, and Cedrick.
Mildred slides over and pats the empty stool between her and Meems. “Come on, Connor. You’re a sweet enough villain to deserve cake and ice cream.”