Chapter 21
Rurik
As soon as I opened my eyes, the first person I thought of was Briar.
Despite being surrounded by the beeping sounds of medical machines, the sterile smell of the room, and the feeling of my mom holding my hand tightly, I kept dreaming of Briar.
Don’t ask me why, I don’t fucking know.
As soon as I felt well enough to keep my eyes open and socialize again, I texted Briar immediately, telling her that I didn’t mean to ignore her messages. I was sick.
I mean, I still am.
But I was in the hospital because of my bad heart. What started this was that I had woken up in the middle of the night to severe chest pain, and I had to call my mom. She called the ambulance for me, and they brought me here.
It’s been a week since all that happened, but I’m fine now.
But apparently, my heart wasn’t getting enough blood flow, so the doctor had me stay to be evaluated just in case. And now, I got some new drugs to go along with my current ones.
Awesome.
This is why I don’t let anyone in my house. I don’t want anyone to see all the pills I keep in my bathroom.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?”
I look up from my phone and smile at my mum, who has been staying at my place to watch over me for about a week now.
“Yes, mum, I’m okay. Stop worrying about me. The doctor said the medication should regulate things.”
“I know, I know,” she sighs, picking up her belongings and getting up. “I’ll head out now. From now on, I expect a check-in every night before midnight, alright?”
“Okay,” I promise, kissing her cheek as she opens the door. “I’ll call or text before bed every night so you’ll know I’m not dying.”
She sighs, patting my cheek. “I’m blessed to have you, sweetheart.” She pats my cheeks again and walks away, leaving me alone for the first time in days.
I close the door after her and return to my couch, picking up my phone to check for any notifications.
ME:
-Hey, I know it’s been a few days. I was sick and didn’t feel well enough to answer any calls or even look at my phone.
-I should be back at the gallery in a week. Oscar already knows.
-When are the paint while you drink classes? I’ll check my schedule.
-Also, sure, I’ve never gone stargazing before.
It’s been a week since I responded to Briar’s spamming messages, and she didn’t reply. Why did she bother bombarding my inbox when she won’t reply to mine?
I shake my head, going to my room to change my running clothes.
I need to get out of here. I’ve been stuck at home with my mum for a week; I’m going stir-crazy. I was able to paint some new canvases while I was at home, my mum giving me her opinion and suggestions, but now I just need to get out of here. I know the doctor told me I needed to take it slow, but he did encourage me to stay active by going on walks and doing non-vigorous exercises.
The moment I enter the park, I start my exercise. I feel a little better as soon as I pop my headphones on, blast my music, and find my speed.
I inhale deeply. The comforting smell of pine trees, dirt, and grass, combined with the soft caress of the wind against my skin, makes me feel so much better.
I begin to slow down when a familiar head of dark waves catches my attention. Before I can think, my feet sharply turn toward her.
What is she doing?
She’s sitting on a bench, staring at a random bush with white flowers. I slow down until I’m standing beside her, expecting her to look up and smile at me with that stupid grin I can”t stop thinking about and call me her angel.
But she isn’t doing any of that.
Actually, she’s not even acknowledging me at all. It’s as if I’m not even there, and she’s just staring at that bush as if it’s the most important thing ever.
“Briar?” I bend my knees so my face is level with hers. “Briar, hey.”
Nothing. She’s still staring at that stupid bush.
Um, okay? Is she seriously ignoring me? What the fuck, this isn’t her.
“Hey! Briar.” I snap my fingers in front of her, ignoring the looks of people passing by. I don’t give a shit that I look rude right now.
This infuriating woman is acting as if I don’t exist, and I don’t like it.
I drop my hand and frown as I realize something while looking at her.
Her eyes.
It’s different. Yes, they’re the same beautiful caramel color, but it’s… different.
There’s no spark, no brightness, no recognition at all that there’s someone in front of her.
No, her eyes are open, but they’re blank.
Empty.
Not like my Briar.
Okay, this is seriously freaking me the fuck out.
I kneel before her, placing my hands on either side of her face to force her to look at me. Her eyes slowly tear away from the bush with white flowers and shift to mine.
I force a small smile, trying not to freak out with how she’s looking at me so blankly. “Hey, Briar.”
She blinks. “Hi, Rurik.”
Okay… She’s answering. But I don’t like how flat her voice sounds.
I swallow hard and say, “Are you okay?”
“Never better.” She says.
Like a fucking robot, her voice is flat and monotone.
I scoot closer and drop my knees on the ground. I continue cupping her cheeks, my thumb caressing her smooth skin.
“Yeah?” I ask, “What are you doing here?”
“It’s a nice day out.”
“You’re right. Do you want to go for a walk with me?”
“Yeah, we can do that. Lead the way.” But she just sits there, frozen like a statue.
Unmoving and still fucking staring at me like I’m not actually here.
“Briar?”
“Yes?”
“Want to help me find something to paint?”
“Sure. There’s plenty of scenic options.” She continues in a monotone voice.
It’s like she’s looking through me instead of at me.
“Briar?”
“It’s so nice and sunny outside.”
“Uh-huh. What are you staring at?”
“I see you.”
“You keep looking at something else.”
“The flowers.”
“What about them, baby?”
“They’re pretty.”
“They are.” I hesitate briefly before asking, “Do you want me to pick one for you?”
She blinks. Then I see it.
A little spark comes back to life in those eyes before it disappears again, but I saw it.
“A gift?”
“Uh, yeah. Of course.”
“Okay.” She says, never tearing her gaze away from mine.
I find myself unable to look away from her either. I’m hypnotized by her eyes, even in their current emptiness.
“Okay, Briar, I’ll find the prettiest flower for you,” I say softly, releasing her momentarily as I rush over to a nearby bush and pluck the biggest white flower. Returning to her side, I take one of her hands and guide it to her palm, allowing her fingers to fold around the stem. “Do you like it?”
“Thank you, angel.” She says, and I feel like I’m about to cry because of that nickname. “Thank you for the gift.”
I look at her and feel hopeless when the blank look returns seconds later.
There’s something wrong with her. But I can’t figure out what it is without her help. Feeling frustrated, I cup her cheeks again. She’s still staring at me, so that’s good.
“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” I ask gently.
“Nothing.” She says with that creepy, empty look.
“Tell me, Briar.” Caressing her cheek. When she says nothing, I lean forward and brush my lips against hers. “Talk to me.”
I pull away enough to see that familiar spark trying to make its way back to her eyes.
So I kiss her again.
And again.
And again.
“Come back to me, Briar,” I tell her between kisses. “Please.”
I continue kissing her until a wave of hopefulness sweeps over me as I feel her responding with equal pressure. I gently lick her bottom lip, experiencing a surge of relief as she opens her mouth, and our tongues reconnect.
God, I miss her taste.
I gently pull away, observing as her eyes regain their liveliness.
She looks more like my Briar now.
“Angel?” She blinks several times, licking her lips, almost appearing confused. “Rurik.”
Fuck, she’s so beautiful.
“Yeah, baby, it’s me,” I say, grinning widely as she stares at me.
“You’re here.” She says, her tone tinged with disbelief.
But it’s her voice again. It”s the same melodic voice I remember.
I can’t help it.
I lean forward and catch her lips with mine again. I bite her bottom lip, earning a soft gasp from her, which I consume the fuck up. I wrap my hand around the back of her neck, pulling her closer as I continue devouring her.
With each exhale she releases, it feels like she”s infusing me with life again, repairing my heart and restoring my ability to breathe freely.
“Fuck.” I let out with a rough groan, dropping my forehead to hers.
I am rewarded with her beautiful grin.
She kisses the tip of my nose and pulls away. She lifts her hand and frowns at the white flower. She looks up, extending it toward me. “For you, angel.”
I shake my head, gently pushing her hand to her chest. “No, Briar. I gave it to you, remember?”
She blinks, recognition flashing on her features. She bites her bottom lip almost shyly.
And fuck.
Fuck. Me.
I want to bite her lip for her.
So I do it.
I nibble on her bottom lip, swallowing the puffs of air she releases when I gently kiss her chin. I pull away, and she stares at me with a wicked grin.
There she is.
“Did you miss me?” She teases, her eyes returning to that mischievous bright look I recognize.
I swallow hard, tracing the side of her jaw with my thumb. “No.”
“Really?” She raises a brow and shrugs. “That’s a shame because none of the other guys can satisfy me like you can.”
What the fuck did she just say?
My fingers wrap around the back of her neck again as I bring her face closer to mine. “What are you trying to say? Is that why you haven’t replied to my texts, huh?”
She frowns. “Huh?”
“Have you been seeing other men, Briar?” I growl, tightening my fingers around her. “How many have you been with while I was away?”
The little shit just smirks.
Fucking smirks at me.
“Answer me,” I demand, gently shaking her
“I love it when you’re jealous,” Briar licks the tip of my nose.
I made an exasperated sound and let go of her to get up. As soon as I turn around to leave, she grabs my wrist, forcing me to stop.
“Where do you think you’re going, angel?” Briar says as I turn around to face her again. She pulls on my wrist, forcing me to sit down beside her. I open my mouth to retort, but she beat me to it. “There’s been no one else but you. It’s dumb even to have you think otherwise. I’m feeling fucking insulted.”
I fight the urge to smile.
She lets go of me and crosses her arms. “And what about you, huh? Have you done things with other women?”
I sigh, shaking my head. “No, Briar. There’s only ever been you.”
Her face softens, and a small pink hue blossoms her cheeks, making her look even more adorable. She clears her throat and wrinkles her nose, “Good. I don’t need to remind you what would happen if there’s another woman.”
“You’re mine, Briar.” I simply say. “Which means I better not see you with any guys either. I don’t want to see any guy wrapping their puny arms around you, breathe near you, or even look at you.”
She raises a dubious brow. “Wow. Okay. This is different.”
“I have a new rule to add to my boundaries list.” I blurt out.
Her face darkens with annoyance. “Fucking great. Love your rules. What is it this time?”
“I think you might like this one,” I kiss her forehead. “The new rule is that we are exclusive.”
“Does that mean we can go on a public date?” She asks, looking hopeful.
Fuck.
I don’t want to be an asshole anymore, but I can’t have anyone know.
“No, Briar,” I say, ignoring how her face drops and how it feels like a punch in the gut. “No one can know about us, but I also don’t want to see other people. Just you.”
She stares at me for a second before sighing with defeat. She nods a small smile back on her face. “Yeah. Just you.”
*-*-*-*
As soon as we entered her apartment, I slammed the door shut, pushed her across the living room, bent her over the couch, and fucked the orgasm out of her.
In round two, she asked if I wanted something to snack on as she made her way to the fridge, so I picked her up, spread her across the kitchen counter, and snacked on her delectable pussy.
In round three, she got a call from Natalie, and they started talking about work. I still hate what she does for a living, but I learned to tune them out. I find that pinning her against the wall and fucking her with her legs wrapped around my waist as I sucked her neck during these so-called work calls helped me a lot.
In round four, we finally made it to her bed. I fucked her slowly with her on top of me as I glanced at the little slice of paradise canvas I painted behind her. I still remember the day Briar heard me explain the importance of this painting. I came hard inside her at the thought of someday taking Briar to that place.
Then, in round five, Briar had to beg me to stop so she could shower. I agreed, but only if I could shower with her. She hesitated for a second but said yes. After she finished shampooing and conditioning her hair, I volunteered to wash her with the body wash. When she reluctantly agreed, I began to lather her body with my hands, mindful not to touch the bandaid on her wrist, shoulder, and the scars on her back that I”ve noticed she”s sensitive about. Every time I breathed, I was consumed with her addicting scent and soft skin.
I may have told her I needed to be thorough and stroked my hard cock with the body wash, wrapped one of her legs around my waist, and shoved my soapy dick inside her tight, warm pussy. Now she’s clean every inch of her body, so she can’t complain.
Shit.
I’m getting hard again just thinking of those rounds.
“Come near me with that monster dick, and I will squeeze it so hard, it’ll shrivel up inside your ballsack and fall.” Briar snaps as I wrap my arms around her.
I pout.
So much for round six.
“You’ll never do that.” I tease her.
She sighs dramatically, glaring at my dick. “You’re right. I enjoy it very much. But not now!” She adds when I move closer. “I’m fucking sore, Rurik. Geeze, I can’t believe I’m the one who has to tell you to stop.”
“Hey, you asked for this!” I say, pinching her ass.
She hits my chest in retaliation. “Leave me alone.”
“No,” I nip her earlobe.
“Rurik!” She hisses adorably, trying to elbow me off of her. “Fuck off.”
“This sounds eerily familiar,” I say against her ear, wrapping my arms behind her. I kiss the side of her neck. “Pretty sure I’m the one who told you those things. How does it feel to have someone do the same thing to you?”
Briar scowls, but I see her lips curve no matter how much she tries to hide it.
“Who are you, and what have you done with my angel?” She says, glaring at me playfully.
“You fucked him, and he became a changed man,” I smirk, kissing her shoulder before letting go to walk over to her bed. I sit down, scoot back to lean against the headboard, and watch her braid her hair.
She looks at me from the reflection in the mirror and smiles. “It’s weird seeing you here still, angel.”
I frown. “Do you want me to leave now?” I glance at my watch. “I mean, it is almost midnight.”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Briar says quickly. “I just mean… You know. Usually, you’d run away by now.”
I swallow hard and shrug. “It’s late. No one will see us.”
When she finishes doing her hair, she walks over to the bed and crawls into it to sit beside me. I immediately lift my arm to wrap it around her shoulders. She sighs happily, and it does something to my insides.
Fuck, what is happening to me today?
I should leave. I’m becoming too comfortable around her, and I don’t know how I feel about that.
I clear my throat, “Before I saw you at the park this morning, how was your day?”
The change was immediate. She stiffens against my arm, and I had to fight the urge to tighten my grip.
“Fine,” She answers with a slight shrug. “I needed some fresh air, so I went outside.”
“Yeah, I get that,” I say, kissing the side of her head before I can stop myself.
Fuck, I’m turning into mush. I need to control myself.
“Hey, Rurik?” Briar asks quietly after a few minutes of comfortable silence of us just scrolling through our phones.
“Yes?”
“Where did you go the past few days?” She asks, dropping her phone on her lap to focus on me. “You disappeared. I thought something happened.”
Oh.
Right.
Fuck.
I don’t know if I want to tell her about my heart condition. Something did happen to me, and I was stuck in the hospital for a couple of days. Then, I was basically on house arrest with my mum as my prison guard.
“I was sick,” I say, not really lying. “I wasn’t feeling well, so I turned off my phone so no one could bother me.”
“Oh,” Briar murmurs, looking at my Adam’s apple. She sighs, “Are you okay now?”
I raise a brow and look at her. “With the amount of times we fucked? I hope so.”
She laughs, and the sound is so fucking beautiful it makes my heart skip a beat. Figuratively, of course. I never want my heart to skip a beat again.
“What about you?” I ask. “I texted you once I felt better, but you never replied.”
Briar’s eyes furrow in confusion. “You… Did?”
Why is she confused? I did text her back twice or so. I know because I checked for notifications from her every day, and nothing came.
I glance at her.
Fuck.
Her eyes are blank again.
What the fuck is wrong with her?
“Briar?” My tone is slightly panicky as I shake her shoulder with my hand.
She blinks and clears her throat. She grins up at me, but this time, I can’t help but notice how her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. It’s forced.
My eyes narrow. I recognize a fake smile when I see one. Only because it’s the same smile, I show my mum every time she says there’s hope for my bad heart.
“Sorry, I thought… Nevermind.” Briar mutters, laughing as if she’s embarrassed that I caught her zoning out a second ago. “I must have missed your texts when I lost my phone.”
“I’m assuming you found it?”
“No. I remember putting it on the couch, but that”s it.”
Frowning, I get up and head to her living room, ignoring Briar”s confusion. I drop to my knees and bend down to look under the couch. There it is. Sighing, I grab her phone and see it”s dead. I walk back to the bedroom and toss it to her.
“I found it under the couch,” I say.
“I can”t believe I didn”t think to look before getting a new one,” Briar shakes her head. “I”ve just been dealing with so much shit that my mind has been a bit foggy.”
“The whole week?” I press on.
“Yup,” She says.
“What kind of shit were you dealing with?”
“Nothing,” She says. But then quickly adds, “Hey, how’s your art showcase doing? Have you done any paintings? Have you and Oscar thought of a date yet? Am I allowed to come, or do I need to act like a stranger around you?”
I know what she’s fucking doing.
Asking me a bunch of questions in hopes I drop the subject of whatever shit she’s dealing with.
Whatever. I understand not wanting to open up.
I’m not happy that she’s uncomfortable opening up to me, but I can’t get mad either because I’m the same toward her.
“Yeah, I have a few works done,” I say with a shrug. “The showcase will be in a month from now. We’ve been sending out invitations and promoting it in the gallery already.”
“That’s awesome!” She grins, and this time, the smile reaches her eyes. She kisses my Adam’s apple and sighs. “You should be proud of yourself.”
“Are you going to purchase all my paintings again?” I ask as if she didn”t tear my heart out with that simple kiss.
Her lips curve. “Maybe. If I like them, who am I kidding? I’m sure I’ll love them all.”
I roll my eyes.
Briar continues, “But I won’t get greedy this time. I’ll choose my top 2 and let the others buy the rest.” She sighs and snuggles up against me, dropping the side of her face on my chest. Fuck, can she hear how my heart is beating abnormally fast? “I have the real masterpiece now, anyway.” She playfully squeezes my cheek.
“Stop it,” I say, hating how my face feels hot.
We continue to stay like this for another hour, just chatting, scrolling through our phones, and just existing.
Being with her is comfortable.
I feel comfortable.
Now and then, she would do something adorable, like kiss my chest, and I would respond by kissing the top of her head.
She’s very affectionate and sweet when not being her shameless flirtatious self.
I love it.
It makes me feel safe and warm.
Fuck.
What the hell is wrong with me? I’m breaking my own rules… We are not in a relationship, so why are we acting like we are?
I should go.
She looks up at me with sad eyes. “Do you have to go?”
I didn’t realize I said that out loud. But I nod and reluctantly get out of bed. “Yeah, it’s really late. I must be up for an early shift at the grocery store tomorrow.”
“You can stay?”
I sigh, shaking my head. “Briar.”
Briar drops her head, taking the blankets and covering her body. “Yeah, I know. Boundaries.”
It’s getting harder to say no to her. Why do I have to say no to her again?
People will find out. Your stepdad will find out.
Fuck.
“Goodnight, Briar,” I say, fighting the urge to tuck her in bed myself and kiss her.
She nods as she lies down. “Goodnight, don’t forget to lock up, will you?”
She gave me a copy of her keys earlier today and told me I could come over whenever I wanted. I told her I wouldn’t ever do that because I’m one of those who can only sleep on my bed. Briar sighs and settles on her side, looking at me with a sleepy gaze.
I stare at her.
She stares back, her brows furrowing adorably.
Fuck it.
I walk over, make sure her blanket is tightly snug around her, and lift her chin so I can kiss her lips.
“Goodnight, Briar,” I say again.
This time, she smiles back. “I knew you missed me.”
I roll my eyes and walk away, locking up behind me.