Chapter 41
Rurik
If someone were to tell me months ago that I was going to fall in love with the crazy, psychotic woman who wouldn’t leave me the hell alone — I would have called them a fucking idiot.
It’s me.
I’m the fucking idiot.
But if being a fucking idiot means I get to have the love of one incredible, beautiful, tough, badass woman, then so be it.
After Briar and I fucked three times in a row, I finally dragged her out of bed to feed her dinner. Then, like before, I showered her and tucked her to bed before proceeding to devour her pussy like a thirsty man who needed his daily water intake.
I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating, notifying me of my appointment with my doctor tomorrow for a quick heart check-up. After I confirm the appointment, I yawn before turning around to kiss my woman awake.
Only, she’s not there.
I quickly sit up, looking around the empty room and straining my ears for any sound.
Silence.
Where the fuck is she? I grab my phone to see it’s only 8 in the morning.
The unwanted feeling of dread slowly seeps over me.
No.
She couldn”t have…
Briar wouldn’t leave me. She told me she’ll stay. She told me she missed me. She loves me.
I quickly tap her name, relieved to hear I’m no longer blocked.
“Hi, angel!” Her beautiful voice greets me.
“Briar,” I stand up. “Where the hell are you?”
“Oh,” She sighs. “I went out for a walk in the park. I just needed to clear my head. It’s fine.”
Fine. That fucking word.
“You went out for a walk?” I ask, putting her on loudspeaker so I can change into my workout clothes. “Alone? Briar, remember what happened last time?”
“I have a feeling that won’t happen again, now that your loving stepdad fucked himself,” She muses.
“Tell me where you are and wait for me,” I tell her as I put on my shoes. “I’ll meet you there.”
“No, Rurik, it’s fine. Really,” She says. “I told you, I just needed to think. Fresh air really helps.”
I hesitate. But she could leave me… If I don’t catch up with her, she could run away and hide from me again.
Fuck.
What’s wrong with me?
“Briar,” I start with a guilty sigh. “I thought you left me again.”
I could hear her suck in a sharp breath. But she doesn’t say anything.
Yeah, that’s not fucking helping with my anxiety at all. I will need her to reassure me a lot better than that.
“Briar?”
“I told you I won’t leave you again, right?”
“The last time you said you’d stay, you disappeared the next day.”
“I know,” She quietly says. “I’m sorry about that, angel. But this time, I mean it. I’m yours, and I’m here to stay. I’ll be back soon, okay?”
Even though every part of me is fighting to step outside this apartment’s door and drag her back inside, I will my voice to sound normal. “Okay. Hurry back, okay?”
“I love you, Rurik.”
She hung up before I could say it back.
Okay.
I’m not going to freak out. She’ll be back. She said so. She won’t leave me again.
But that tiny seed of doubt in my head keeps growing. I can’t stop pacing back and forth inside the apartment.
An hour passed.
She’s going to leave again, isn’t she?
Fuck.
Fuck.
FUCK!
Why does she keep doing this? She’s the one who wanted me in the first place! What the fuck do I need to do to make her believe that I love her and I can’t live without—
The door flies open, and Briar stumbles in with an armful of grocery bags.
“Shit, sorry!” She laughs, and the sound suddenly fills me with butterflies. “I didn’t realize a Farmers Market was happening this early morning, so I got distracted. But look! There’s a new bakery vendor, Rurik! They have those chocolate croissants and—”
I’m on her before she can finish talking. I’m kissing the fuck out of her, ignoring the sounds of the grocery bags dropping on the floor. She gasps, moaning when my tongue dives inside to claim hers. I know she’s probably confused by my actions, but I don’t care.
She didn’t leave me.
She’s here.
“I miss you,” I tell her before returning for more kisses.
Her face softens as I pull away to help her with the bags. “I miss you, too.”
“Sorry,” I mutter as she watches me with a concerned look. “I didn’t mean to freak out on you earlier.”
“It’s okay,” She smiles sadly. She walks over to me, looking like a beautiful Goddess, and pushes up to kiss me. “I’m sorry. I should have left a note saying I would be away.”
I purse my lips and sigh.
God, is it going to be like this from now on? With the constant roller coaster of our relationship, am I going to keep questioning if she’ll leave me, or her questioning if I choose her or my uncle — Even though it’s fucking obvious now.
Communication within a relationship is essential, my mum told me when I told her everything.
“That would be nice,” I tell her with a nod. “Please and thank you.”
She grins, “Whatever you want, angel.”
“Bed?”
“It’s almost noon.”
“So?”
“Good point.”
She squeals as I gather her in my arms and pick her up. I immediately take her to bed and remind her with my lips and hands that I choose her—always.
*-*-*-*
“You know, if I were any other guy, I would freak the fuck out over why my girlfriend is staying over at some random guy’s apartment, with pictures of him spread everywhere in the bedroom.”
She pauses, drawing invisible shapes on my chest, and looks up at me with confusion. “What are you talking about?”
I raise a brow and nod at the frames on the wall of a man with dark black hair, stubble, and blue eyes.
She follows my gaze, and her lips twitch with amusement. “You mean Aidan?”
“Who the fuck is Aidan, and why are you in his apartment?”
“Why? Are you jealous?”
“Briar.”
“It’s okay to be jealous, angel. I would be too if I were you — Nooo!” She giggles, trying to stop my hands from tickling her again. “Okay, okay!”
“Tell me!”
“I thought Nat told you when she gave you her keys?”
“I know he’s her brother, but that’s it. I didn’t know you were comfortable enough with him to stay at his place.”
“Calm down, angel.” She giggles, making my heart feel lighter. God, how is that just by the sounds of her laughter giving me that much of a physical reaction? “Nat took me here because I didn’t want to return to my apartment. I was worried you would be there, waiting.”
“You’re not wrong,” I grumble. “As soon as I was well enough to leave the hospital, I immediately drove to your place, only to be severely disappointed that you weren’t there. I waited for you, Briar. I waited the whole time until I had enough and asked Nat where you were.”
“Speaking of what happened this whole time…” She sighs with some hesitancy. “Any idea who this reliable source is the media kept mentioning about? The one who gave them all these videos and allegations?”
I try not to grin. “No idea. But hey, if I find out, I would love to send them a thank you card.”
She smirks, “Hmm. Okay, then.”
She places the side of her head on my chest, closing her eyes with a content sigh. I reach up and lightly pull on some strands of her hair, watching them fall from my fingers repeatedly as I repeat the gesture.
I missed this. I missed her so much, and I need her to know that. These three weeks apart have been fucking agony. I’ve been struggling to get by, surrounded by a haze of emptiness, barely able to breathe, feeling like a zombie—alive and breathing but not truly living.
But the second she was in front of me again, I felt a drop of hope ignite within me. When she touched me again, when she kissed me again, it was as if my mind, body, and soul were resurrected. The surge of life that coursed through me made me feel whole once more.
“Come back home, baby,” I murmur, tracing her fingers with mine. “I promise I kept it clean for you. I promise you can even check the sink. No dishes in sight.” I add with a tease.
She laughs, and fuck, it’s making my dick want to stand again.
I need to chill the fuck out. We went five rounds already, Jesus.
“Okay,” She says, kissing my Adam’s apple. It’s not helping my dick to stay down, though.
I clear my throat, my hand moving from her fingers to her wrist, where my thumb brushes against her pulse. She smiles up at me, and I grin back as my hands move to her arms, elbows, and back up to her shoulders.
She winces.
I freeze.
Her eyes widen in surprise before laughing, “Sorry, my shoulders are still sore.”
I frown, “Your shoulder is sore?”
I don’t recall even holding her down by the shoulders throughout sex. I try to wrack my memories, only remembering us holding hands, my hands gripping her hips and thighs, and kissing her everywhere. I did brush my lips against her shoulders, but I was too preoccupied with the feeling inside her. I thought her wincing was because of me fucking her.
“Can I see?” I ask her, trying to sit up and forcing her with me. “Lay on your stomach. I can massage your shoulders and back.”
But she shakes her head, her face growing paler. “N-no! It’s fine. Can we just stay here for a bit longer?”
My eyes narrow at her sudden change. “Briar,” I warn. “Let me see your shoulder.”
“Rurik,” She breathes as I place my hands around her waist and try to flip her over. “Stop it!”
“Briar, what the fuck?” I let go of her when she starts thrashing. “I barely touched your shoulders. What the hell is wrong with it?”
But she sits up and pulls the blankets up to cover her body. “I told you, it’s nothing! Why are you suddenly so obsessed with — hey!”
I tear the blanket off of her and use my strength to gently push her forward so I can look at her back. Despite the scars on her lower back, I see nothing different. I sigh of relief, ready to offer a massage again, when I notice it.
Now, I’m pretty familiar with Briar’s body.
I know she had 129 lashes the last time I saw her and now 124 today. I know the dimples on her cheeks when she grins so widely. I know she has a unique birthmark that looks like the shape of the UK, and I teased her for it. I know she has 53 freckles all over her body, and my favorite is the little mole between her thighs. I know that she”s very sensitive about the scars on her back, and I try my best not to touch them.
So yeah, I know Briar’s body inside and out.
So imagine my fucking surprise when I just noticed these weird cuts on her scars and upper back behind her shoulders.
I lightly trace the cuts with my thumb, feeling the rough lines against my skin. What the fuck? I lean closer, realizing Briar’s frozen as I inspect these weird cuts. Some look old, like weeks old. While others look more recent, they”re already scabbing and healing.
“Briar,” I ask, pulling away so she can sit up again. “What happened?”
But she looks away from me.
She looks away as if I didn’t see tears streaming down her face. I gently cup her chin, turning her head to me. She closes her eyes, her lips trembling.
“Can we just go back to earlier, please?” Briar whispers so brokenly. The sound gives me this sharp feeling, like someone poking me with a dull blade. “Please, Rurik?”
“No,” My voice came out more harshly than I intended. But I can’t do this again. We are not fucking going on this stupid roller coaster again. “Your back, Briar. What the fuck happened?” She tries to dig her hands under the blankets, but I snatch her wrist and flip it, seeing the scars that look eerily familiar, like the ones on her back and shoulders.
Panic grips me suddenly as I stare at the old scars, my mind darting all over the place as I put two and two together.
“Briar,” I start. “What was it this time? You drop your kitchen knife, and it somehow landed on your back? How?” My voice increases with each question. I’m so tired of the lies I know she’s about to feed me. I can’t help her if she doesn’t want my help.
She whimpers, and I stop, letting her continue crying and her body shaking against mine. She keeps shaking her head, muttering something like “I’m sorry” and “my fault,” things that don’t fucking make sense to me.
“Please tell me what’s wrong, baby,” I tell her, pulling her head against my chest.
She shudders but continues crying. Her cries are now silent as she grips her hand on the blankets.
“Your wrist?” I start slowly. “Those weren’t simply from kitchen accidents, were they?”
She hesitates for a second before nodding once. I close my eyes.
“Why your shoulders and the scars on your back?”
Briar swallows hard and sighs softly, “Because. It keeps the darkness away.”
I pause, my thumb caressing her wrist. “Darkness?”
“Sometimes, my mind becomes too much to bear. It”s like this overwhelming weight pressing down on me, suffocating me,” She pulls away and wraps her arms around her, tucking herself like a little ball. “Sometimes, I would hear these voices in my head. My voice. It reminds me of shit that’s my fault. Then the darkness creeps in, filling every corner of my mind until there”s nothing else left except for the dark and that voice.”
Is this why she sometimes blanked out on me?
“Baby,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around her. “I had no idea…”
She continues as if she’s been holding a secret and finally finding release in sharing it with someone. “The pain from cutting and the blood that comes out of it... They help suck in the darkness and silence the voices, Rurik. Every time I see the blood pouring out of me, everything else just goes with it.”
“Briar,” I say after letting her words wash over me in frightening waves. “What can I do to make you stop this? Please tell me.”
But she shakes her head, “Nothing. I haven’t been indulging in it for a while. I mostly did it when I was living with my uncle, to be honest.”
“When he hits you.”
“Yeah. He usually does it with his belt, though. That’s his favorite, especially the belt buckle part. Whenever he did that, I would cut along the whip marks.”
“Jesus fuck Briar.”
She grimaces, “I’m sorry, too much info, I know. But I stopped whenever we’re together.”
“Don’t apologize for something you’ve experienced. I want you to tell me regardless of how awful it is,” I tell her. “Did you cut again when we’re not together?”
She’s quiet, and I don’t fucking like it.
“Why do you add more scars to your back?” I ask, needing to know.
“I told you how I got those scars because someone set our building on fire, right?” She asks.
I nod.
“It was me. I accidentally caused the fire, and it killed my parents.”
I blink. My mind is blank. “I don’t understand.”
Briar ducks her head as if she’s ashamed. “I was hungry, and it was late at night, so I didn”t want to wake my parents or Chef Greene. I went to the kitchen and tried to make scrambled eggs because that”s what I knew how to make when I was young. There was food residue stuck under the coil, and it caught on fire. I didn”t know what to do, so I knocked on my parents” door, but they didn”t respond. The fire started to grow, and I panicked and left them there. I was caught in the middle, and one of the staff who had woken up grabbed me and helped me escape. Your stepdad was already outside with others when I made it out.”
“Fuck,” I have no other words.
“I cut my scars because I thought it would be less obvious,” She explains. “I know my parents” death was an accident. But that doesn’t mean I’m not to blame for other deaths.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Amaura.”
My heart stops. “Amaura? Wait… Your nanny. Your friend who showed you the angel?” I frown, shaking my head. “But you said that we’ll meet her someday. I don’t understand.”
“We will,” She nods before forcing a teasing grin. “When we die.”
I could feel my face darkening with anger. “Don’t.”
“I told you she’s not here. She’s not,” Briar looks away. “She’s dead. I killed her.”
I stare at her, waiting for her to continue because I refuse to believe Briar murdered someone who meant a lot to her.
“She died the same day we saw that angel. She bought me this little angel figurine the church was selling,” She sighs. “She warned me to hide it from my parents, but I didn’t listen. I wanted to show them because I thought they would be happy. Instead, they got super pissed and killed Amaura.”
I never tore my eyes away from hers. “I’m so fucking sorry they did that, baby. But I’m not understanding why you’re saying you killed her.”
“Because,” She shrugs as if it was fucking obvious. “If I listened to her, my dad wouldn’t have killed her. I killed her, Rurik. I killed her. And that’s why I freaked out when you almost died on me too because that would have been my fault and—”
“Stop,” I place my hand on her lips. “Don’t. I know what you’re about to say, but I need you to stop talking. I will not let you talk shit about the love of my life like that.”
Her eyes widen as she stares up at me.
“Amaura died because your parents killed her. They chose to kill her. You were an innocent kid excited about a gift, right? That’s not your fault. And again, what happened to me was because of your stupidass uncle and Philip. Oh, and my heart. Again, none of those are your fault.”
I let go of her lips, raising my brow when her lips parted.
“Not your fault,” I say. “Repeat after me, Briar.”
She purses her lips, her brows furrowing together.
“Briar.”
“Not my fault.” She mumbles.
“Again.”
“Not my fault.”
“Again.”
“Rurik, come on—”
“Again.”
“Not my fault.”
“What’s not your fault?”
“What?”
“Tell me what’s not your fault. I need to hear you say it.”
She swallows hard, hesitating for a second before her shoulders droop with defeat. “What happened to you and Amaura wasn’t my fault.”
“Again.”
“What happened to you and Amaura wasn’t my fault.”
“Again, Briar.”
She inhales deeply, her voice sounding a little more sure. “What happened to you and Amaura wasn’t my fault.”
“Again, baby.”
Her lips twitch before repeating, “What happened to you and Amaura wasn’t my fault.”
I could feel my lips curving as I leaned down to kiss her. “Not your fault, Briar. Okay?”
“Not my fault.” She wraps her body around mine, pressing her face against my chest.
“I fucking love you, Briar,” I whisper with my lips against her forehead. “I need you to know that. You come to me whenever the darkness and that voice bothers you again, okay?”
“Yes.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise, Rurik. I’ll do whatever I can to be stronger for you. I’ll seek help, and I’ll talk to my doctor again. I promise. I want to get better for you and myself.”
“And I promise you, even in the darkest moments, I’ll be right here, holding tightly to the light,” I assure her. “I’ll be here every step of the way, guiding you.”
She looks up, places a hand over my heart, and smiles back. “And I, you.”
A couple of hours later, I could hear Briar’s breathing evenly, yet for once, the sound of her wasn’t lulling me to sleep.
I can’t.
After she confessed everything she had been hiding, I felt as though a surge of negative energy had been dumped into me, bouncing and raging within, begging for a release.
I glance over at her and sigh. Despite the weight of her confession, I”m grateful she shared everything with me. I never want her to bear the burden of that pain alone.
It’s fucking scary how, at first, she seemed like this tough, fearless, badass woman, yet beneath the surface, she”s been carrying so much guilt and anguish.
The ones who openly present themselves are often the ones concealing the most.
I lean over and kiss her cheeks, smiling when her lips quirk up before turning to her side. Her breathing evens out.
“I love you, Briar,” I whisper, kissing her shoulder before gently getting off the bed.
As soon as I left the apartment, I quickly texted Drake Rogers. Briar told me that she”s done with the Charons, and while I was over the moon when I heard that, it doesn”t mean I won”t tap into the connection when it suits me.
Like now.
My phone vibrates almost immediately, and I look.
Drake sent me the address to Briar’s uncle’s house.
I enter it on my phone’s map app — Oh, it’s only thirty minutes from here. I can visit him, then make it back in time to Briar before she wakes up.
Perfect.
I told Briar I would help her every step of the way, slay her demons for her if she let me, and visit with her uncle would be a good start.
*-*-*-*
At two in the fucking morning, Marcus Reyes is leaning back with his foot up in a recliner chair, drinking a bottle of piss-looking beer.
My original plan: Drive to his place, douse it in oil, and toss a lighter, giving me a spectacular fire show as I watch him literally burn up in flames, reminiscent of what happened to Briar’s parents.
But now that I think about it, that way to die would be too easy and impersonal.
So, here I am, sneaking inside his house like some common thief in the night. Luckily, Marcus is too drunk or very into whatever show he’s watching, so he doesn’t hear me tiptoeing behind him.
Drake offered to come out with me, but I told him I would do this myself.
This was personal. It became personal the moment the asshole hurt what belonged to me. I may not have known Briar at the onset of the abuse, but she was always meant to be mine.
Marcus lets out a loud snore, making me halt.
Wow.
Fucking, lazy ass, abusive motherfucker isn’t even awake.
I look at the beer bottle he’s holding and slowly pry it out of his hands. He jerks a little but doesn’t open his eyes.
Hmm.
A deep sleeper.
Well, that wouldn’t do. I want him awake and alert about what I will do to him.
I lift his glass bottle and slam it down on his face.
He shouts a curse, his eyes flying open as he brings his hand to his head. He darts around, and his eyes land on me, standing beside him.
I grin and wave, “Hey, Briar’s uncle. Remember me?”
I step back as Marcus clumsily gets off of the recliner. His eyes widen as he stares at me with confusion, “What the fuck are you doing here, boy?”
I grin as I unbuckle my belt, sliding it off my pants. Folding it in half, I snap it against my palm, the sharp sound echoing in the room.
“How often have you whipped Briar with your belt, Marcus?” I ask casually. “She told me the belt was your go-to when it came to hurting her.”
His brows scrunch together before his face drains of color. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I take a step closer, letting the belt swing back and forth, taunting him with each motion.
Marcus tries to dart past me, but I”m quicker. I thrust the broken glass bottle still in my hand into his side. He collapses, screaming and writhing on the floor, clutching his wound.
“I’m going to fucking kill you,” Marcus spats as he rocks bath and forth.
I whip his injured side with my belt.
Crack.
“Answer the fucking question.” I snap, whipping him again. “How many times have you hit Briar with the belt?”
“I don’t know!” He cries pathetically. The strong man he tries to portray vanishes before my eyes, revealing this blubbering idiot. “Please, I’m sorry! I—”
Crack.
“Well then.”
Crack.
Marcus screams in pain when the belt hits his face.
Crack.
“I’ll just whip you into shape until you remember.” I drawl, putting all my strength and bringing the belt down again.
Crack.
I pause to roll the tension off my shoulders, feeling the negative energy drain from me with each belt lash against Marcus’s skin.
Holy fuck, is this the type of high Briar’s been feeling when she kills those people?
Marcus tries to get up, and I let him. There’s shit blocking his way up the stairs, so he pivots and darts to the back toward the kitchen.
He trips over a lone moving box in his path, a cracking sound coming from his ankle, and screams in pain as he hits the floor.
I raise a brow, looking around and noticing all the shit that’s spread everywhere in his apartment are moving boxes.
“Going somewhere?” I ask.
Marcus ignores me as he grabs the closest object — a frying pan — and throws it at me.
I easily dodge it and laugh with disbelief. “Are you fucking serious?”
He ignores me, looking around.
I spot a kitchen knife on the counter and grin. How fucking poetic. It’s like the knife was placed there on purpose, knowing I was coming over.
Taking advantage of Marcus’s distraction, I throw myself at him. Though he”s bigger, I”m stronger and leaner.
He tries to push me off, but I press my forearm on his chest and shoulders to pin him down while my elbow digs into his windpipe.
Marcus thrashes, his hands trying to pull my arm off of him. I dig my elbow in deeper, his eyes widening and turning red with desperation.
“What’s wrong, Marcus?” I ask with feigned concern.
I pull one of his hands and shove it down on the floor before stabbing it.
Marcus stiffens for a fleeting moment before unleashing a gut-wrenching scream of agony.
I close my eyes and visualize the negative energy flowing from my fingertips like a dark stream dissipating into the air.
Better. But I need more.
I open my eyes again and slice his wrist.
“This is payback for every ounce of pain you inflicted on Briar.”
I sigh, lifting my head at the sound of his screams that have become music to my ears. I wish Briar were here to hear it with me.
I slice a deep cut on his shoulders.
“This isn’t personal, sir.” I pause, allowing Marcus to catch his breath, which he greedily inhales. “Actually, never mind.”
I choke him again, and his panic restarts. “I lied. You hurt my Briar. Anything that causes my woman pain is a personal offense to me.”
I toss the knife on the floor and clamp my hand over his mouth and nose while my elbow digs into his throat even more.
Marcus tries to shake his head from side to side, his face turning a sickly shade of purple, his eyes filled with fear as he stares at me.
“I told you my face would be the last thing you see, didn’t I?” I grin, watching as his struggles start to weaken. “At least killing you will make Briar realize I am 100% all in with her now.”
I peer down at him, watching as his struggles finally cease, and his eyes are open but unseeing. I dig my elbow deeper into his windpipe some more for good measure and finally let go when not even a whisper of breath came out of him.
I stand up, only to feel my whole body feeling drained and about to collapse.
Holy fuck. How did Briar do this? My back hurts. This shit is fucking exhausting.
I pull out my phone and call Drake.
“Hey,” Drake answers immediately.
“Hey there,” I grimace, feeling awkward as fuck.
We’re not even close yet. How the fuck do I ask him to clean up this mess for me like he does for Briar and his daughter?
I clear my throat. “So. Listen. I was wondering—”
“I’ll send my cleaning crew to deal with it.”
“Oh. Cool. Uh… Okay. Thank you?”
Nice. Good to know my people skills have improved all these months.
I could hear Drake chuckling on the other end of the line. “Briar”s my family. And now, I guess you are, too.”
Oh, fuck. “Thanks, Mr. Rogers. Sir.”
“Call me Mr. Rogers again, and I will send Oscar there to take Briar away from you.”
“Cool, cool. Got it. Thanks, Drake.” I hang up with a grimace before stuffing my phone back in my pocket.
I look down at Marcus’s lifeless body, unable to stop the smile from tugging my lips.
One source of pain for Briar is erased.