Chapter 9
TRISTAN
“ T hanks for booking us some ice time. I know you’re busy with training,” Brody says as we unlace our skates. It’s a Saturday morning, and I don’t have to be on the ice with my team until later today.
“I wish I could do it more often. Your wrist shot has really improved since we were on the ice last.” Our dad tries to make it to all of Brody’s practices, but the one-on-one ice time isn’t something he can give.
“Yeah. Hockey camp this summer was great.” He pulls his shirt over his head and unclips his pads, revealing several hickeys on his chest.
“What’s going on here?” I poke one on his collarbone. “You got a girlfriend you haven’t told me about?” I frown at the marks on his stomach. He’s not even eighteen yet.
He ducks his head, and his cheeks flush. “Ah, no. No girlfriend. Just uh…fooled around with a girl at a party.”
I was probably doing the same thing when I was his age, or worse. “She go to your school?”
He shakes his head. “She and her friends come to a lot of our games, and they end up at our parties sometimes.”
“So it was a one-time thing?” I prod. It’s unsettling to think he’s already into meaningless hookups.
He shrugs. “Probably. I, uh…I kinda liked one of her friends, but uh…this girl started chatting me up. Some of them have had sex with, like, half the team. It’s like…
” He runs a hand down his face, and his knee bounces a few times.
“I don’t know. Kinda fucked up, I guess.
But you know what that’s like. Girls are always after you. ”
“It can be overwhelming.” And exhausting. Especially with a best friend like Flip.
Brody nods, chewing his bottom lip. “Everyone was hooking up, and she was all over me ’cause my stats are high this year.
Plus, she knows you’re my brother. So, yeah.
She was kinda pushy and aggressive.” He runs his hands over the bite marks on his abs.
“But I got a BJ out of it, so I guess that’s cool, right? ”
I don’t know if he’s seeking my approval or what. We have a different relationship. I’m his brother, but I’ve always sort of functioned like a second parent, too, so I feel compelled to keep asking questions. “Were you into her?”
He shrugs again, removing the rest of his gear, apart from his boxer briefs. “She was all right. She just wanted to fuck around.”
“Did you want to fuck around with her ?” There’s something off. Maybe it’s the way he can’t quite make eye contact.
“Like I said, I was kinda into her friend, but that’s not gonna happen now, so it’s whatever.” He slaps his thighs. “Anyway, if this can stay between us, that’d be great.”
“Yeah, it can stay between us. You’re being safe, though, right? Using condoms, making sure you have consent?”
“I didn’t have sex with her. She wanted to, but I said I didn’t have a condom, so she blew me instead. I got her off first, though.” He pushes off the bench. “I’m gonna hop in the shower.”
“Yeah. Of course.”
He disappears into a stall and pulls the curtain closed. I’m glad he feels comfortable talking to me. It’s a hard balance, keeping his confidence as his brother, but wanting to make sure our dad isn’t totally out of the loop.
I offer to take him out for lunch, but he has plans to meet a couple of his teammates, so we do drive-thru and I drop him off at home.
“Thanks for hanging out with me this morning, Tris.”
I squeeze his shoulder. “No problem, Brod.”
“I’ll see you next week at my game?”
“Yeah. I’ll be there.”
He hops out of the passenger seat and grabs his gear from the trunk. He raps on the window and waves, turning toward the house.
I roll the window down as he crosses the lawn. “Hey, Brody.”
He pauses. “Yeah?”
“You okay?”
He gives me a questioning look. “Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Just making sure. Have a good week.”
All the way home, I think about the conversation with my brother.
I remember what it was like to be his age, all hormones and testosterone.
Someone always wanted to fool around. If I wanted action, I could get it.
And even if I didn’t, it was still available.
I consider all the times Flip and I have gone to the bar.
He buys me a shot and cajoles me into taking someone home.
A few times I’ve pawned the girl off on him, if she seemed like she didn’t care who she ended up under.
Or if I thought my brand of sex wouldn’t be her jam.
Flip is always down for multiple partners.
His antics have been splashed across the internet for everyone to see, including my brother.
And I’ve been directly involved since we’ve been playing on the same team, so I’m sure Brody’s seen me doing body shots and who the hell knows what else.
He looks up to me. Was he seeking my approval?
I really fucking hope not. I’ve never brought anyone home to meet my dad or my brothers because they’ve never lasted long enough.
Three months is my cap. I get bored easily, so I always bow out before things get serious.
Later that day, I hit the gym to work out with Dallas and Roman.
Flip is with one of his semi-regular hookups.
He told me he was pretty sure he could get her to bring a friend along, if I was interested.
But I wasn’t. When we’re done, I just want to go home.
Huff Beat’s shampoo. Maybe push her buttons if she’s around.
Getting a rise out of her is my favorite thing.
Though seeing her cry is still shredding me.
Looks like the powers that be are on my side because she’s in the shower when I get to the condo. Things have been weird since we fucked. And then there was the ice cream freak-out. She’s been avoiding me since that happened. I fucking hate it.
I grab the jug of orange juice from the fridge and a box of crackers and climb the ladder to the loft. I turn on the TV, set up the gaming console, and put the headset on. I’ll occupy myself until she comes up.
I’m in the middle of a level when a pillow hits me in the side of the head. It knocks off the headphones, and I drop the controller. My player dies in a hail of gunfire as Beat shrieks.
“What the hell are you doing up here?” Her body is wrapped in a towel—a regular bath one, not the sheets that act like a dress. It means most of her toned, curvy legs are on display.
“Been a while since I’ve heard that sound. Usually it’s from me spanking your pussy, though.” Oh yeah, I’m bringing my asshole A-game.
“You scared the shit out of me! Why didn’t you answer when I called?”
“I didn’t hear you.” I motion to the headphones. “And was playing a video game. In my loft.”
She clutches her towel to her chest. “Don’t worry. I’ll be out by the end of September.”
I don’t want her to move into another shitty apartment because she can’t get away from me fast enough.
But instead of saying something normal, I act like the dick I am.
“Can’t handle facing your bad decision every day, eh?
” That has to be the reason she’s avoiding me like the plague.
Not that I blame her. I’d do the same if I were in her shoes.
“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Tristan, stop throwing it in my face every time I see you.”
“You’re doing a good job of throwing it in mine.” Running away every time I’m home. Evade. Dodge. Hide.
“What are you talking about?”
“You already said you regret it.” It’s a real kick in the balls. I should regret it. Hell, I want to. It’d be easier if I felt the same way. But all I want is more. I can’t tell her that, though. She’ll use it against me.
Her brow furrows. “We haven’t even had a conversation about it since it happened.”
I cross my arms. “Sure we did. The evening after.”
Bea’s nose scrunches up, and she rubs her temple. She’s so fucking cute when she’s frustrated. “You were being a dick. You said once was enough! Why would I want to be anywhere near you after you told me I’m a bad lay?”
“You said you regretted it!” I push to my feet.
“I asked if you were regretting your decision already, and you said, ‘Of course I am.’” I should get out of here.
This conversation isn’t going anywhere good.
She’s naked under that towel, and I’m two seconds away from admitting all I can think about is getting her under me again.
She shakes her head.
“That’s exactly what you said,” I snap.
She flails her hand. She’s getting heated again.
I can deal with that better than I can the fucking silence, surprisingly.
“Yeah, but not because I regretted the actual sex,” she counters.
“All we do is argue. And in case you were unaware, you’re kind of a giant asshole. It’s pretty damn conflicting.”
“So you don’t regret the sex?” I don’t like the wave of relief that washes over me.
She narrows her eyes and tips her head. “Why are you pushing this so hard? Why do you even care? You think I’m annoying.”
“You drive me up the fucking wall, Beat.” But not because I find her annoying.
After holding her in my arms the other day, I stopped hating that she’s living here.
It’s the opposite now, actually. She’s smart and funny and driven.
She’s helpful and thoughtful and so fucking kind.
I don’t deserve any part of her, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting her, and that’s what’s making me feel like I’m losing my mind.
I close the distance between us and clench my fists so I don’t do something stupid like take her face in my hands and kiss her again.
She tips her chin up, defiant. “The feeling is entirely mutual.” But I see hurt lurking under the surface. I wonder if that’s what made her cry the other day. Maybe she’s taking my admission out of context.
“I hate that you smell so fucking good all the time.”
“I hate your ridiculous body and your rock-solid ass,” she fires back.
“Every time you wear those tiny sleep shorts, I want to yank them off, throw you over my lap, spank that luscious ass, and finger-fuck you until you come.”