Chapter 29 #3
“I fucked this up so bad, Bea. I know that. How I acted last week, the way I shut you out, it wasn’t fair.
” He draws a long, shuddering breath. “Lisa broke up with Nate—and he’s got it together when it comes to relationships.
He was just…ruined over it. And then you were talking to Essie about stuff you never even told me.
” He stares at his hands. “I didn’t think I could ever be what you needed.
I couldn’t be the person you came to with things that matter.
I know this doesn’t make what I did better, and I understand if you’re done with me.
With us. I would get it if you decide you can’t deal with me anymore.
But if you give me another chance, I’ll do everything I can to be better.
I want to be the one who gives you what you need, if you’ll let me. ”
He takes another deep breath and his gaze lifts.
“I love you. I’m so in love with you, Beatrix.
” He swallows thickly. “I’ve fucked up so hard.
Maybe too much. But I want a future with you.
It doesn’t matter if we’re living in the same city, or you’re here and I’m somewhere else.
All I want is you, Bea. I’ll do anything and everything I can to make it work if you’ll take me back.
I’m scared out of my fucking mind, but I would rather be terrified and have you in my life than not have you at all.
And I’m probably going to get things wrong, but I promise I’ll try to be the guy you deserve. ”
His hopeful, scared expression breaks my heart and makes it swell.
“Perfection isn’t something I expect from you, or anyone in my life.
You’re allowed to be imperfect. I expect you to be the best version of yourself every day that you can be.
Some days will be great, some won’t. Sometimes we’ll make mistakes.
But when that happens, we talk things through and figure out how we can do it better next time.
We just don’t shut down, or bail, or turn into a grade-A asshole. ”
“I’ve done that a lot to you. Shut down and turned into an asshole,” he says quietly.
“You have, but I’ve also allowed it. I’ve accepted being second best for a long time, and I won’t do that anymore because it’s not good for me, or us.
And moving forward, I won’t let you get away with that shit.
But I also won’t walk away when it gets tough, and I won’t let you do that either.
Sometimes it’ll be uncomfortable and scary.
But I want to try to make this work if you do. ”
“Does that mean you’ll give me another chance?” His expression is so uncertain, I almost want to hug him.
I smile and nod. “Sweet, dirty boy, I love you.”
His eyes flare with surprise. “Really?”
“Really.”
“You love me?” He tries out the words, like they’re new to him. “Even when I’m an asshole?”
“Even when you’re an asshole. But we’ll work on that, and on you being less of a dick when you’re feeling vulnerable.”
“That’s going to take some practice, but I will do whatever it takes to keep you.
” He blows out a breath. “Roman gave me a name of a therapist, and as much as I hate talking about fucking feelings, I won’t risk losing you again.
I’m working on getting an appointment.” He tips his head. “You really love me?”
“I really love you.”
He shifts on the couch, and suddenly he’s kneeling on the floor between my thighs. He cups my cheek in his palm. “Is this okay?”
“It’s okay.”
“I love you so fucking much, Bea.” He leans in and rubs his nose against mine.
I almost melt into the couch. It’s so sweet.
His thumb strokes along the edge of my jaw.
“I love how thoughtful you always are. I love your kindness, and your intelligence, and your drive.” He kisses me softly.
“And I love how patient you’ve been with me while I try to figure out how to deal with all these fucking feelings. ”
I laugh, and he grins.
“And I love the sound of your laugh. I want more of that. I want to be the reason you smile. And I never want to be the reason you cry again. It breaks my fucking heart.” He nuzzles into my hair and breathes me in.
“I want to take care of you, give you all the things you deserve. I want to make you happy.” He bites the edge of my jaw, and I whimper.
“I want to make you feel good in all the ways that count.”
He covers his mouth with mine, and I wrap my arms and legs around him, hooking my feet behind his back. His tongue sweeps my mouth, and he groans. He grips my ass, rising in one smooth motion.
At the same time, our apartment door flies open. “Peggy honey, I brought you donuts from your favorite pl—” Roman comes to an abrupt halt. “Oh shit.”
“Hammer’s already at your place and she’s staying the night,” I tell him. This isn’t the first time he’s let himself in without knocking.
“Right. Good call. I’ll knock next time.” He leaves the way he came, his face an exceptional shade of red.
Tristan crosses to the door, puts on the safety, then carries me across the apartment. He kicks the door to my bedroom shut behind us and climbs onto the bed with me wrapped around him like a koala.
He tears his mouth from mine long enough to ask, “No one else is going to barge into the apartment uninvited tonight?”
“No. Hammer will text and wait for a reply before she comes back.”
“Good, because I want to show you exactly how much I love you tonight.”
He comes in for another kiss, but I put a hand on his chest. “Can I make a request?”
“Absolutely.”
“I know we just did the whole love-declaration thing, and maybe there’s an inclination to, you know, make love, and I definitely think there’s a time and place for that. But I’d rather you turn me into a sex pretzel and do dirty things to me tonight.”
One side of his mouth curls up in a salacious smile. “Careful what you wish for, little Bea.”
“Fuck me like you mean it,” I taunt.
He folds back on his knees. “Strip.”
Everything below the waist clenches, and my nipples peak.
I yank my shirt over my head and toss it on the floor.
I struggle with the button on my jeans, especially when Tristan lazily discards his own shirt and unzips his pants.
I shimmy out of mine as he slides his hand into his boxer briefs.
I kick my jeans off and work on unfastening my bra.
It takes two tries because my hands are shaking.
Tristan frees his erection from his boxers and gives it a slow stroke as I push my panties over my hips.
His eyes travel over me, and I feel it in my vagina. “I love your body. I love your curves and your softness.”
“How do you want me?”
“Every way I can have you, but first I want you to sit on my face.” He shucks off his jeans and stretches out on the bed. He makes a circle motion. “Bring that ass over here. You’re gonna be a good girl and suck my cock while I tongue-fuck your pussy.”
I scramble into position, straddling his chest and shimmying back until I’m hovering over his face.
“So fucking eager.” He smacks my ass. “Look at you, dripping already.” He licks up the inside of my thigh on a low groan. “Come here.” He grabs my hips and pulls me down, then spreads me and licks all the way from my clit to my ass. “So goddamn good.”
He buries his face in my pussy, and I grab his knees, which are bent, so I don’t fall face-first into his erection. I roll my hips along with his strokes of tongue and nipping teeth.
I keep one hand on his knee for balance and grip his shaft, stroking from base to tip before I drag my tongue through the slit, tasting precum. I cover the head with my lips and run my tongue around the crown. I’m rewarded with Tristan’s tongue pushing inside me.
I pop off and lick a path up his shaft. He mimics the movement by lapping at my clit. When I bob on his cock, he sucks and nibbles my clit.
“You’re a fucking gift, Bea.” He latches onto my clit, sucking hard as I take as much of him as I can.
I’m pretty sure his nose is inside me when the head of his cock hits the back of my throat, and I’m not sure how he’s breathing.
I dig my nails into his thighs as his thumb takes the place of his tongue, which plunges inside me.
The orgasm hits me with a force I don’t anticipate.
I pop off, sucking in a gasping breath that leaves me as a moan, and topple forward, my face mashing into his thigh.
His spit-covered shaft slides over my cheek.
One second, his erection is pressed against the side of my face and the next, I’m on my back, Tristan stretched out between my legs.
His eyes search my face as one hand cups my cheek. “You okay?”
I nod.
“Fuck, I love you.” He kisses me. It’s sloppy and wet, but neither of us seems to care. When he pulls back, his expression is almost tender. “My sweet, filthy girl. I missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too.” I moan as his shaft glides over my clit. “Please fuck me now.”
The blunt tip pushes against my entrance, and he hooks the backs of my knees into the crook of his arms, pushing my knees to my chest. He fills me with one hard thrust. The orgasm I was in the middle of a moment ago fires back up, and I grip his biceps.
His hips pull back and he slams back in.
“Oh my sweet lord,” I moan. And then I moan some more as he starts a punishing rhythm. And I keep coming, the wave of bliss seemingly endless. He’s definitely fucking me like he means it.
Eventually, he releases one thigh so he can curl his hand around my throat.
He props himself up on his other forearm and finds the perfect angle, his strokes measured and even.
He drops his head to kiss me, matching the roll of his hips to the stroke of his tongue.
And when I’m close to coming again, he breaks the kiss so he can watch me unravel beneath him.
“I love you, Bea,” he whispers as his rhythm falters.
“I love you, too.” I run my fingers through his hair and press my palm to his throat. “Eyes on mine, baby. I want to see you when you’re coming inside me.”
His smile turns into a snarl as he thrusts, once, twice, a third time. He shudders, and his eyes soften as his erection kicks. I see it, all the love he’s been hiding. I see that boy I used to have a crush on as a teenager, who’s become the man I’ve fallen for.
“There you are.” I smile up at him. “That’s the Tristan I’ve been in love with all along.”