Chapter 7
TALLY
“I’m really sorry.” I can’t stop apologizing.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ve had a black eye before.” Flip’s focus stays firmly on the road, hands at ten and two. “And it’s not like it was on purpose.”
I wish I could evaporate. I’m currently wearing one of his sweatshirts and a pair of leggings that belong to Rix and were accidentally left at his place. Sadly, neither function as armor against my unappealing smell or my embarrassment.
Apparently, Flip was worried about my safety during the night, and the possibility that I might asphyxiate on my own vomit, so he slept on the floor on a yoga mat.
I kicked him in the eye when I tripped over him and bagged him with my face.
When he flicked on the light, I discovered my dress had ridden up to my waist and my whole ass was on display, including my pink lip-print thong.
I will never recover from this humiliation.
When I get home, I plan to have a good cry into a pint of ice cream.
“I’m sorry about your parents, and I’m sorry last night was so hard for you,” Flip says gently. “But black eye or no black eye, I’m not sorry I took care of you.”
More memories from last night surface. I can’t get the sad, hurt look on his face out of my head. It echoed the look he wore when I propositioned him.
Flip is just my friend and he’s showing up for me more than my dad ever did for our family. It pisses me off and makes me so, so sad.
I’m already embarrassed, so I might as well deal with all my stupidity at once and address the elephant in the back seat.
He pulls up in front of my building.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat.
“I’ve already—”
I hold up my hand. “I’m not talking about last night.
” I swallow my nerves. “What I asked of you, the way I asked it…was wrong. I know what it’s like to always have people want something of you, from you.
” I’m the Terror coach’s virgin daughter, and he’s the Terror’s notorious fuckboy.
We’re quite the pair. “I should have thought about what I was asking for and how I was asking for it.”
He looks decidedly uncomfortable. “Tally, you don’t have to—”
“Please let me finish. It was thoughtless of me, and I’m so sorry I hurt you.
” I shore up my courage to get out the rest. “I want my first time to be something I remember and feel good about. I don’t want to end up with some guy who just wants the notoriety of fucking the coach’s daughter any more than you want someone to ask you for something because you’re good at it. ”
I want to throw up all over again, just remembering the nonsense that spilled out of my mouth.
And then for other reasons as I finally admit the truth.
“But you should know that I asked because I like you, Flip. Not Flip Madden the hockey player. You. The guy who slept on a yoga mat to make sure I was safe. The guy who attended my dance showcase and brought me my favorite flowers even after I hurt you.”
I’m afraid and anxious but I turn to face him anyway, because Flip is important to me, and I want to mend our friendship, if I can.
“You’re an amazing brother to Rix and an excellent best friend to Dred.
The way you show up for the people you love is one of my favorite things about you.
I know you’ve made some decisions in the past that you can’t escape, and I would never want you to make a choice that you would regret, the same way you don’t want me to.
I asked what I asked not for the reasons I stated, but for the reasons I didn’t.
You’re a good person, and I care about you, and I’m sorry it came out the way it did.
” I unfasten my seat belt and open the door.
“Talls—” The ache in his voice scares me.
I cut him off again before he can say anything else. “Thank you again for dealing with me last night, and driving me home, and I’m sorry about your face and your dick and bye.” I pull my hood up and scramble out of the car, slamming the door behind me.
I rush as much as I can in my stupid heels. Those I couldn’t get out of wearing home. This is the worst walk of shame ever. I’m so grateful when the elevator doors open immediately and it’s blissfully empty. I throw myself inside and hit the button for my floor.
I’m barely inside my apartment before I burst into tears.
My adorable, fluffy Maine Coon, Parsnip, trots down the hall, meowing up a storm as he senses my distress.
I pick him up, shoving my face into his fur as I carry him down the hall.
He headbutts me and licks my cheek. He’d been at the shelter for over year when I decided he needed to be mine. He’s a problem and I love him.
He still has dry food, but I plate a small helping of wet food and leave him to scarf it down while I shower away last night’s bad choices.
Dred was right. Shots are never a good idea.
I change into my comfiest clothes, drink two bottles of Vitamin Water, eat a banana while thinking about how Flip’s dick was against my cheek this morning, and finally flop down on the couch to check my phone. Parsnip joins me and settles in my lap.
I have several messages from my brother.
Ties
Can you message when you’re home, just so we all know you’re safe?
Mom has tried to call you six times. I said you’re probably with your Tilton friends.
Mom called one of the Terror women called Hammer. Why is her name Hammer? Apparently you were with her so she knows you’re safe and so do I. But still message when you get this.
Tallulah, for fuck’s sake, just message.
The most recent one is less than half an hour old.
I call him.
“Tallulah?”
“Sorry I’m only getting back to you now. I didn’t mean to make you worry. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Well, not really. But you’re okay? You’re safe?”
“Yeah. How are you? I’m sorry I bailed last night.” I feel guilty all over again for walking out.
“I would have done the same if I could. I did once we finally got Fenna out of the bathroom.” His voice sounds rough.
“You go to a friend’s?”
“Jordan from robotics picked me up from the restaurant.”
“You stay the night at their place?”
“Just went to the Hooded Goblin for a while and hung out. When I got home, Dad’s truck was gone.”
“I’m sorry, Ties.” What a gut punch to come home to that.
“Me too.” He sighs. “But it wasn’t the surprise for me that it was for you. Things have been…strained for a while.”
“Why didn’t anyone say anything? Why didn’t Mom?” That part is hardest to stomach.
“What could she say? That she wasn’t happy with Dad? You’re in your final year at Tilton, these dance showcases are like, way more involved than I could have realized, and you have courses on top of that, and a life of your own. I don’t think she wanted to put more on you.”
“She doesn’t usually keep things from me.”
“I know you two are close, Talls, but it was never your job to be our other parent. I love you for stepping up when Dad didn’t, but that shouldn’t have been on you, and maybe Mom realized that, too.”
I rub my temple. I don’t know how to feel about any of this. “How is Mom?”
“Sad. Tired. Maybe a little relieved. She’s putting on a brave face, but she has puffy eyes, so she’s feeling it like the rest of us.”
“How about Fenna?” Maybe I should have gone to the house last night, stayed with my family instead of running away. But it was a bomb I didn’t expect.
“Fenna’s confused. She’s been playing her cello all day. It’s the most depressing shit, even if it’s flawless.” He sighs. “I wish I’d taken the early uni placement instead of waiting until fall.”
“I’m sorry this is happening.” I can’t fix this for any of us. I’m used to manageable problems, like broken bows or a trip to the robotics store.
“Me, too. But we can’t make them stay together.”
“No. I guess we can’t.”
“I gotta get ready. I have robotics in an hour, and I still need to shower and eat.”
“I love you, Ties.”
“I love you, too, Talls.”
We end the call, and I rub my chest. My heart hurts for my brother.
How much of my slack has he had to pick up?
Did he stay back this coming semester because Mom needed the support I wasn’t there to provide?
I’m angry at her all over again for leaving me on the outside of something so huge, but Ties isn’t wrong.
I was the second mom of the house, and everyone let me assume that role.
And it’s the one I’m used to taking on. I send Fenna a text apologizing for leaving last night.
Fenna
I wanted to leave too, but I didn’t know the bus route home.
Poor Fen. She was stuck at home while both Ties and I could escape.
Tally
Do you want to talk?
Fenna
Not right now. I’m practicing. Maybe later?
Tally
Okay. I’m here if you need me. I love you.
Fenna
I love you, too.
Fenna takes time to process, so it could be a few days before the reality hits her and she needs airtime.
I move on to the unanswered messages from my friends. I have several from Fee, which started last night, asking if I was coming home. Another one time-stamped half an hour later reads:
Fee
Cammie messaged Essie, who said your parents are getting a divorce. I’m so sorry.
She also said you did shots and FLIP TOOK YOU HOME.
But you are not here, so that means you’re with him.
The next one is time-stamped an hour ago:
Fee
Went for breakfast with Cammie. Message us when you get this.
I’ll get to that in a minute, because my Babe chat is pinging relentlessly, asking if I’m okay this morning and sending me hugs.
I send a *marching band GIF* and a *crying into my wineglass GIF*.
Tally
Hydrating!
I add a photo of my Vitamin Water. There will be no photographic evidence of my face this morning.
My dad has texted and left a voicemail and so has my mom. I’m too upset to deal with them while I’m this hungover. I return to my messages with Fee and Cammie.
Tally
I’m home.
Fee
We are on our way back from breakfast RN.
Cammie
We’re speed walking back to the apartment. ETA is about eight minutes, but my legs are short and I’m not a runner.
Tally
Fair. I’ll leave the door open for you.
Fee
How was last night?
Cammie
Did you channel your inner Arwen?
Tally
No inner Arwen. It was…something. I’ll fill you in when you get here.
Fee
On our way.
Fee and Cammie arrive ten minutes later. They take one look at me and fold me into their arms. I burst into tears. Again. Parsnip relocates himself to his cat tower to observe from a distance. When I’m calm enough, I relay the whole sordid story.
“I’m so sorry about your parents.” Cammie squeezes my hand.
“That was a really shitty way for them to tell you,” Fee says.
“I guess it’s better that they waited until after the showcase. My performance might have suffered if they’d told us last week.” Which had probably been their plan, except I had to bail on family dinner night to rehearse.
I flop back and tip my chin up, but the tears keep falling anyway.
My most important relationships are shifting and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
But I’m mindful of bemoaning my parental situation when Fee has lost both of hers.
Yes, she has her older sister, Lexi, and Roman, Lexi’s husband, is the number-one dad in the world, but still.
I switch to my newest humiliation. “I can’t believe I smacked Flip’s dick with my face.”
“Did it feel substantial?” Fee asks.
“Yeah, but this is not how I wanted to find that out.” I roll my eyes back to the ceiling.
“How will I ever face him again?” Not to mention the speech I laid on him right before I exited his vehicle.
Hungover me can’t be trusted with words any more than drunk me.
Or non-drunk me, where Flip is concerned.
Cammie crosses her legs. “I know it feels horrible right now, but this is Flip Madden we’re talking about. It’s not like he’s made all the best choices in the history of the universe.”
“The media definitely does a good job of skewing things,” Fee grumbles.
She knows firsthand what that’s like. Her sister was Roman’s coach when they got married mid-season.
The rumor mill was churning, and it made Fee’s final semester of high school tough.
But she had me and the Babes, which helped ease the sting.
“I just wish…everything was different.” That my parents weren’t giving up on each other, that Flip’s answer had been yes, that the way I’d asked him had been less insensitive in the first place.
“I didn’t realize you saw me like that, too.”
“You’re always beautiful, Tally.”
“You’re also still my coach’s daughter.”
Reading into the things he said won’t change the outcome. I still hurt him, and he still said no.
“We should go to Just Desserts for cake,” Fee suggests.
“Yes to this,” Cammie agrees.
“You just came from breakfast.”
“I always have room for cake,” Fee replies.
“Same,” Cammie adds.
“Cake it is.” That fits perfectly into the eating-my-feelings strategy.
I lie on the couch with teabags on my eyes for ten minutes to take down the redness before we venture outside. It’s a cold December afternoon, with the promise of snow in the air.
The walk is pretty quiet, but once we have our treats, the analysis begins.
“So this thing you have for Flip explains why you’re always picking these placeholder boyfriends.” Cammie digs into her double chocolate fudge torte.
“Placeholder boyfriends?” I parrot.
Fee swallows a bite of white chocolate mousse cake. “Yeah, guys who are okay, but you’ll never get attached to them.”
I frown as I ponder that. “Shit. Is that what I’ve been doing?”
Cammie shrugs. “Flip sets a pretty high bar, as far as being a nice guy who is also superhot goes.”
“I had a huge crush on him in high school,” I admit.
It was probably fifty percent of the reason I did the internship with the Terror in grade twelve.
The other half being my mom’s encouragement and the opportunity to spend time with my dad.
“He’s always been so nice to me. Kind, thoughtful.
” And last night he proved he’s a stand-up guy once again.
He always shows up for the people he cares about, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for my dad.
“He watched over you last night,” Cammie says.
“Because I’m the coach’s daughter.”
“He would have brought you to the apartment if that was the case,” Fee reasons.
I rub my temples. I don’t want to read into things. “I know what his reputation was, but I see a different side of him.” He’s grown so much since I did my internship with the Terror four years ago.
I’ve grown a lot too. I’m almost through university. I’m not a high school girl with a crush anymore. I’m an adult woman who sees the potential in him and wishes he could see the potential in me, too. Even back then, I crushed on the guy I knew off the ice.
“Maybe things could change with Flip,” Fee says. “Maybe you’re opening his eyes, too.”