Chapter 17
FLIP
“You all right, man? You seem preoccupied.” Tristan passes me the puck during warm-ups.
I glance around, checking for privacy with our whole team out here on the ice. Everyone is focused on their own drills, though. “It’s about Tally.”
Tristan fumbles the puck.
I snag it and pass it back.
He arches a brow in silent question.
It takes me a few seconds to work up the nerve to spit it the fuck out. Telling Dred and talking to Tally is not the same as asking her dad for permission or telling my teammates. “I want to date her.”
“Bea has been waiting for this for fucking ever. The gloating will be next-level.”
My sister’s name is Beatrix, and he’s the only one who shortens it that way. The rest of us call her Rix.
“What?” He’s not even remotely surprised, which is really fucking problematic. It’s like he expected it. Is everyone expecting it? How long have I been in the dark about my own fucking feelings?
“Timing has really been the thing,” he explains as we continue to pass the puck back and forth. “She’s graduating university in a few months. She’s always had her head on straight, minus the last couple of boyfriends. Bea has not been a fan.”
“None of us were.” I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. How is this even a casual conversation? It feels fucking monumental.
“Well, we know why you weren’t.”
“I wasn’t looking at her like she had girlfriend potential until recently,” I say defensively. He still doesn’t know about her propositioning me.
“There’s been a vibe. It was particularly strong on New Year’s,” Tristan says.
I had convinced myself I could be close to her and not do anything stupid on New Year’s.
Maybe if Quinn hadn’t been flirty with her, I would have had half a chance.
Maybe if she hadn’t worn a thong bikini in the hot tub.
Maybe if I hadn’t ended up in the closet with her.
Yeah, I was fucked regardless. “She’s going through it, you know? ”
“Yeah, I do.”
Tristan’s mom bailed when we were twelve, and he helped raise his younger brothers, so he speaks from experience.
“You worried about how Vander Zee will handle it, especially with everything else going on?” he asks.
We both glance at Coach. He’s been on edge, and he looks exhausted most of the time. Ending a twenty-five-year marriage is probably the same as mourning.
“Yeah. And Hemi.” What happens if Tally and I end up together long-term? What if I fall in love with her and she can’t deal with the intensity of my life and leaves? Why am I spiraling now?
“She’ll have feelings about it, but you’re coming to her before the shitstorm, so that should count for something,” Tristan reassures me.
“That’s what I’m hoping.” If Vander Zee trades me or murders me, I’m setting Tally up to be hurt all over again. And I really don’t want that.
Coach Forrest-Hammer blows the whistle and calls us in. She’s been stepping up more lately. I don’t know if Vander Zee is pushing her, or if she’s taking the pressure off him.
After practice, I shower and change, then head up to Vander Zee’s office.
The sooner I rip the bandage off, the better.
My palms are damp, my heart is racing, and I feel like vomiting isn’t out of the question as I prepare to knock on his office door.
The conversation I’m about to have will change everything.
But not following through isn’t an option.
My teammates can shun me, and my coach can rip me a new one, but I won’t let either stop me. It would hurt too much to walk away.
Once again, I wish I’d done things differently after Fiona and I ended, that I hadn’t let her shake my faith in my ability to find and keep love.
But I can’t go back and change the past, so all I can do is hope I’ve done enough work to prove I’m more than my previous decisions. I knock on Vander Zee’s door.
“Come on in.” He takes off his glasses and motions to the chair across from his desk. “What can I do for you, Madden?”
I close the door most of the way and drop into the chair. “I have something important I want to discuss with you.” I run my sweaty palms down my thighs. I hope I survive this.
Vander Zee gives me his full attention. He has circles under his eyes, and he seems to have aged five years since the holidays. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Everything’s good.” I rap on the armrest, then grip them so I stop fidgeting. “You know me well, Coach, and you’ve seen me grow a lot over the past few years, personally and professionally.”
“You’re an excellent player. One of the best on the team, and a lead scorer in the league,” he agrees, then sits up straighter. “Please tell me another team isn’t trying to poach you.”
I hold up a hand. “No. Nothing like that.”
“Right. Okay. Good. I have enough shit to deal with.” He runs a rough hand through his hair. “I can’t lose one of my best players, too.”
I swallow past my anxiety. He might feel differently about that in a minute. “Tally’s been spending a lot of time with us lately.”
“I’m glad she has you and the Terror girls to look out for her. She needs people she can lean on,” he says. “I know what’s going on with me and her mother has been hard on her.” He clears his throat. “She mentioned that you drove her home last night. Did she say anything? Should I be worried?”
“She’s okay. It’s tough when you have an idea of what your parents’ relationship is like, and then suddenly everything changes.” I shift in my seat. “I, uh…I took her out for dinner.”
His brow lifts. “Last night?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize. Thanks for doing that. I felt like an asshole for bailing on her. She proved her point about me putting my job before my family.” Vander Zee sighs.
I keep my mouth shut about that. It’s not my place to tell him how to live his life. “Talls and I have gotten closer recently.”
Vander Zee’s brows pull together.
I rush to add, “Just in the past few months, really.”
“Closer how?” Suspicion clouds his eyes.
“She’s a great girl. Woman. She’s special.” Just spit it out, man.
“She is.” His tone shifts to warning. “Madden, what—”
I bite the bullet. “I would like to date your daughter, sir.”
Vander Zee stares at me.
I don’t break eye contact, even though I would like to.
“Repeat that, please.”
My mouth is so fucking dry. “I would like to date Tally.”
“You want to date Tally,” he echoes.
“Yes, sir.”
He clasps his hands, and the tips of his fingers turn white. “She’s my baby.”
“She’s twenty-one. She’ll be twenty-two this year.”
“Her birthday isn’t until the summer.”
“She’s an adult.”
“She’s still in university.”
“This is her final semester. She’s very confident in her path, and I’m sure you’ll agree she always has been,” I counter.
His jaw ticks.
“Her favorite candy is dropjes, specifically the sweeter ones, and her favorite cake is Cherry Chip from Just Desserts. She loves dystopian literature, her favorite genre of music changes depending on her song choice for her showcases, and her favorite color is teal.” I avoid mentioning that she likes vanilla lip balm, her shampoo smells like cherry blossoms, and she also likes spicy romantasy and why choose fics.
His eye twitches. “You’re serious.”
“I am. I care about her, Coach.”
“Do not call me Coach right now, Madden.”
“Sorry, sir.” I feel like I’m tripping around landmines. I haven’t asked anyone for permission to date their daughter ever, but these aren’t typical circumstances.
His face turns red, and he rubs his bottom lip, chest rising and falling like he’s working to contain himself. “She’s my little girl.” He grinds his teeth.
I avoid mentioning her adult status again.
“You have a really heinous reputation, Madden.”
I’ve been waiting for this. I want to look away.
To be someone else—someone like Ryker who’s a small-town boy with a squeaky-clean record.
The guy is the quintessential Boy Scout.
Even Romero, who has a habit of getting into fights on the ice, has never been in the media for bad behavior off the ice.
“I’ve done a lot of personal work over the past few years. ”
“I can’t argue with that.” He taps on his desk. “Is this what my daughter wants?”
“It is.” Unless she’s changed her mind between this morning and now. I really hope not. I would be gutted.
He sighs. His nostrils flare. “If this is what Tally wants.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Ah fuck.” Shakes his head. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but anything is better than the last guy she brought home.”
That’s not a resoundingly positive approval, but it’s better than the alternative, which would be me, six feet under.
Before I can say anything, he pins me with a glare. “But if you hurt her, I’ll destroy you, Madden.”
“Of course, sir. I promise to treat her with the utmost care and respect.” I’ll have to prove myself through actions, because that sounds like a whole lot of lip service. But it’s been years since I’ve fed the rumor mill. That life is not what I want anymore.
“Please get the fuck out of my office.”
“Yes, sir.” I stand and hustle into the hall. “Thank you.”
I can’t believe I survived that experience with all my teeth.
One down, one to go. I’m not so sure the next conversation will go as smoothly. I chug three glasses of water and say a little prayer before I knock on the head of Terror PR’s open door.
Hemi looks up from her computer, and her lips flatten into a thin line. “For the love of all that is good and holy.” She tips her chin up and glares at the ceiling. “Lord, give me strength.” Her unimpressed gaze returns to me. “You did it, didn’t you?”
“Did what?” I don’t know why I’m feigning innocence. I’ve already kissed the girl. Three times. Each one better than the last.
The look she gives me feels like a punch in the balls. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I haven’t even said anything.”
“Get in here and close the damn door.”
I do as she says.
She points to the chair across from her desk.
I feel like I’m back in elementary school, and I’m about to get in shit for doing something stupid. Which…is maybe partly true.
She crosses her arms. “Well?”
“I’m going to date Tally.”
“You’ve already talked to Vander Zee?”
“Yeah.”
Her eyes narrow. “I don’t believe you. Where’s your shiner?”
“He said if it’s what Tally wants…and also that anything is better than the last guy.” Might as well go with the truth.
Hemi shakes her head. “The last guy was about as exciting as chewed gum.”
“That’s highly accurate.” I lean forward. “I’m doing this right. No hiding.”
“Damn right you will, because if you fuck this up, I will string you up by your damn balls and let my brothers have at you.” Her eyes are fiery with challenge as she waits for my response.
I suppress a shudder. Sam and Isaac are intense on a good day. Dallas also believes that Sam is a finisher, like professionally. It’s a legitimate possibility. “Not if Vander Zee gets to me first.”
She frowns, apparently unimpressed with my joke.
“She’s worth the risk.” I would live in a well of regret if I don’t try with her.
Hemi nods slowly. “The media might be assholes about this.”
“We can try to mitigate the worst of it.”
“We may have to highlight some of the volunteer stuff you’ve kept me out of.” She flips a pen between her fingers.
“Can we do that only as a last resort?” Some of my charity work feels intensely personal, and like something I haven’t wanted to share with the world.
“Of course. But we can’t insulate Tally from your past. There may be some tough conversations ahead.”
“I know.” It’s one thing to talk about it; it’s another for her to have to deal with it in real time. “I just have to make the shitty parts worth sticking it out for.”
“We’ll come up with a plan. And backup plans for those plans.”
“Thanks, Hemi. I appreciate you.”
“And I appreciate that you’re not in the let’s-hide-this-until-things-blow-up-in-our-faces club.”
“I’ve seen my friends go through enough shit. Felt like I didn’t need to repeat history.” But I do have one thing I’m holding on to. Eventually, I’ll have to share that with Tally.
“Amen to that.”
I leave her office, marveling that I’m still above ground, and head to the parking garage. Once I’m in my car, though, I realize I need bestie support.
On my way to Dred’s, I imagine what it would feel like to have Tally at my apartment again. How good it would feel to cuddle with her on the couch. To make dinner together…
I don’t allow my imagination to take it further. I want to be more to her than my past reputation.
Once I’ve parked at Dred’s, I slide my phone out of my pocket and pull up Tally’s contact.
The message I’m about to send will change everything.