Chapter 42
TALLY
Ipull into the underground lot of my dad’s building. It’s the first time I’ve been here since he moved in. I can’t keep avoiding reality. My parents are really over, and I need to come to terms with that.
I find a spot in visitors, park, and pull my phone out of my purse.
I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Phillip.
I’d made a thousand excuses not to attend, and he sat me down and asked the hard questions.
I told him everything I was afraid of. He held me and promised it would get easier, but I couldn’t keep running away from the people I love, because it was just causing me more pain.
He was right. But now I’m anxious and I need something to look forward to post-dinner.
Tally
I feel like I was hoodwinked into this.
By your dick.
Flip
I mean, if the dick fits...
Tally
That was a dirty trick.
Flip
I know.
But seriously, I’ll be waiting for you with a bubble bath and cherry chip cake when you get home, and whatever else you need to relax.
Tally
You better say and do filthy things to me tonight.
Flip
We will check something off your fantasy list.
Tally
Promise?
Flip
Cross my heart. The filthier the better. Maybe a fic related one
Tally
I told you the spice was spicing. Okay. I’m going in.
Flip
Great. Maybe erase the messages that will result in me being buried in an unmarked grave.
Tally
On it.
Flip
I smile as I delete all the messages that would make me boyfriend-less and my dad a murderer. I wanted to invite Flip today, but I also didn’t want the first time my mom and siblings meet him to be tense and awkward.
I check my other messages, pulling up new ones from a few minutes ago.
Mom
I know this isn’t easy, but thank you for saying yes to dinner.
I fight the wave of emotion. Our relationship has shifted over the past weeks. We’ve always been allies, but she’s anchored firmly in the mom role lately, and I need that from her. Especially today.
Tally
I’ll be up in a few minutes.
Mom
I’ll be here with a hug when you’re ready.
I take another deep breath before I leave the safety of my car. I’m anxious, I miss dinners with my family, and I’m scared of this new normal. I can’t get used to this if I don’t try, though. And I can’t get past my anger at my dad if I don’t give him a chance, either.
My heart lurches when I reach my dad’s apartment. I don’t have a key, so I have to knock. Two seconds later, he opens the door, beaming. “I’m so glad you could make it.” He envelops me in a hug.
“Me, too.” I’m suddenly choked up. I’ve been hiding from all these feelings, burying myself in school, focusing on my relationship with Flip so I don’t have to manage this.
I pat his back as I look over the space behind him.
The new living room set looks like it belongs in a university apartment ad.
He releases me and steps back, giving me room to come inside.
“You finally got your recliner, huh?”
He grins sheepishly, but his eyes are sad. “No one to stop me.”
“I bet you’re in your glory during the nightly news,” I joke, even as my heart squeezes. My mom always said recliners were hideous and belonged in retirement homes and man caves. She wasn’t wrong.
“It is comfortable.” Dad shrugs. “Your brother and sister fight over it every time they stay the night.”
It’s not meant as a dig, but it still pricks my heart.
I’m sure he’d rather have his family back than a recliner, but he can’t change the past, and he’s right; my mom deserves a chance at real happiness, even if it’s with someone else.
If I keep putting up walls, I’ll never be part of the whole, and I don’t want to be on the outside, always looking in.
“Once exams are finished, maybe I can fight over it with them.” It’s the only way to heal.
“Whenever you’re ready.” Dad nods. “I know it’s been tough.”
“It has,” I agree.
He inclines his head. “Come on in. You’ll be happy to hear that tonight’s meal was made by Rix.”
“Oh wow! That’s great! She’s amazing.” Rix mentioned that my dad had started ordering from her a couple of weeks ago. He’s always been good on the barbecue. It’s everything else that’s probably a challenge. “And you can’t really live on burgers and sausage.”
“They get old fast.”
“So does ramen and avocado toast.”
“But two easy things I can add to my repertoire when I don’t have Rix-made meals on hand.” We enter the kitchen where the rest of my family preps dinner. “Look who’s here!”
“Tally!” Fenna abandons the salad and rushes over to hug me.
It’s good to be together like this, but it also makes my heart feel like it’s in a blender. The kitchen is too white, the dishes too new, the space too foreign. I made it this way by avoiding dinners, though.
I squeeze my sister tightly. “I missed you.”
“Same. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me, too,” I whisper.
“It’s weird at first, but it gets better.” That my sister is reassuring me instead of the other way around tells me she’s in a better place about this.
When Fenna releases me, Ties steps in and gives me a quick hug. “Real glad you came, sis.”
“Same, same.” Even if it is awkward.
Mom is the last to hug me. She doesn’t say anything, just wraps her arms around me on a soft sigh.
“It’s nice to be all together like this,” Dad says.
“It is,” Mom agrees, but her smile is a little tight.
“Ties, can I get your help with the steaks?” Dad asks.
“Yeah, for sure.” Ties sets his knife down and follows my dad, carrying the seasoning and tongs.
“I want to check the corn to make sure it’s not getting charred!” Fenna follows them to the balcony.
“How is this really for you?” I ask my mom. It’s a hard habit to break.
“You have to cut your dad some slack, Tallulah,” she says gently.
“I’m here. It’s progress.”
She nods, her smile sad. “I know your instinct is to side with me, and I love your loyalty, but I think it’s a little misplaced, honey.”
“He was never home,” I argue.
“You’re right, he wasn’t. But I never told him I needed more from him. I said everything was fine, that I didn’t mind, that I knew how important his job was. I never told him I wasn’t happy. He believed we were okay because I told him we were.”
My stomach bottoms out and everything tilts. “But why would you do that if you weren’t happy?”
“Because I thought things might change organically. Because when he was home, I didn’t want to start a fight. I don’t have a good reason, honey, but I don’t want you to keep blaming your dad when the fault wasn’t all his. He couldn’t fix what he didn’t know was broken.”
“I feel like a jerk.” I wrap my arms around myself.
“Don’t own this, Tallulah. Your dad and I made mistakes. Big ones. I just don’t want you to put all the blame on him, when he wasn’t alone in it. I played my part, too.”
I want to ask why my dad didn’t say anything.
But I already know the answer. He didn’t want me to be mad at my mom, instead.
He’d rather it be him. Reality is a sharp slap; no wonder they never worked out.
How can you have a successful relationship when no one is willing to talk about the hard stuff?
“Everything okay in here?” Dad glances between us.
Mom adopts the placid smile I know so well. “Everything’s fine. How’s the corn?”
“Not charred, so we’re winning!” Fenna carries the plate of foil-wrapped cobs in and sets them on the counter.
Ties gives us a thumbs-up and focuses on his phone.
“I thought maybe you’d invite Flip to dinner,” Dad says.
“I would have loved to meet him,” Mom adds.
I glance between them. “This is the first time I’ve been here. I didn’t want it to be awkward for him.”
“It’s only awkward if you make it awkward,” Fenna says helpfully.
“Or it’s always awkward,” Ties mutters.
“Maybe next time,” Mom says.
And suddenly it’s wildly, painfully clear. She’s hurt. Of course she is. Dad works with my boyfriend, and my mom has never met him. Not as the guy I’m dating. At first, I just wanted things to calm down and for the media to back off and stop dredging up his past.
“We can make a plan,” I hedge.
“That would be nice. I only know the interview side of him. I’d like to meet him.”
“You mean you’d like to grill him,” Ties says.
Fenna snickers.
I point an accusing finger at my sister. “Just wait. You’re up next.”
“Mom’s already met my boyfriend.”
“You have a boyfriend?” Dad and I say at the same time.
It sucks that we’re in the dark together. But I guess that’s how my mom feels about Flip, so I’m getting a taste of my own medicine, and I don’t like it.
“It’s new,” Mom defends Fenna.
“Like, twenty-four-hours new,” Ties adds.
“I was going to tell you in person,” Fenna assures me.
“Is he nice?”
“So nice. We’re going to the movies next weekend.”
“But you’re only fourteen!” Dad protests.
“They’re going with a group of friends,” Mom jumps in.
“I had a girlfriend at fourteen,” Ties says.
“But—”
Fenna cuts Dad off. “Do not come at me with a gender bias.”
He sighs. “You’re all just growing up too fast.”
Everyone is quiet for a beat, maybe lost in a memory when things were different, but then the oven beeps and pulls us back to the present.
We bring the food to the table. It’s familiar but so different—a different table, a different home.
Everything is new and modern, nothing like the antiques my mom loves to collect and refinish.
It’s also missing personal touches, like pictures on the walls.
I make a promise to try harder once exams are done.
“You can bring Flip the next time we have family dinner,” Mom suggests as she passes me the cheesy sour cream and onion potato puffs.
“And Fenna can bring her boyfriend,” Ties chimes in, grinning evilly.
“And you can bring Jordan, since you’re always studying with them,” Fenna tosses back at him.
His cheeks flush. “We’re working on a robotics project together.”
“We’ll have to plan around the playoff schedule, but we can figure something out,” I agree, distracting everyone from my brother.
“That sounds great.” Mom is all smiles again.
Everything is normal, but it’s not. Maybe because nothing has really changed. My mom is still keeping her feelings to herself, and my dad still works too much. I love them, but I don’t want to be them.
Flip and I are nothing like my parents. And I never want us to be.