Chapter Eighteen
JASPER WHINED as the house came into view, turning his best puppy eyes on Vincent in one final effort to stay with him. “Really no chance of taking me back home with you?”
Vincent glanced at him with a faint smile. “You have an early class, and I need to get to work.”
He failed to stifle a sigh. That might be true, but he could skip. Once wouldn’t hurt anything. Except Amber might kill him for skipping if he wasn’t sick. Especially if he did it to stay with Vincent in the hopes of having sex. “Fine,” he muttered, reluctantly pushing the door open. “Night, Sir.”
“Good night, pet.”
Jasper glanced back when he reached the house, waved, and watched the car pull away before dragging himself inside. The few hours of bliss had been nice, but now all the stress of the week was threatening to suffocate him again.
Matt glanced up from the couch, his legs sprawled across Keith’s lap. “Nice date?”
Jasper hesitated. “Yeah,” he said, unsure why the question felt like a trap.
Matt squinted at him a moment, his lip curling with disgust. “It’s been over a month. You’re still interested in him?”
Jasper frowned, glancing at Keith, but he seemed to be actively ignoring their conversation. “Why shouldn’t I be? He’s”—the best thing to happen to me in a long time—“amazing.”
“Amazing?” Matt asked, staring at him like he’d grown a second head. “Did you seriously call that sociopath amazing?”
“Did you just call him a sociopath?” Jasper clenched his hands into fists as he stepped into the room. “What the fuck is your problem?”
Matt dropped his feet to the floor and stood with a sneer. “My problem is you’re falling in love with someone you know nothing about.”
Jasper froze, his breath whooshing out of his lungs. Falling in love? He wasn’t… falling in love. This was nothing more than a two-month thing where he could get laid and actually feel like someone gave a shit about him for once.
Which might not have been fair, considering how much Amber and the others had done for him.
Taking him in, giving him safe harbor, helping him get to or from campus and work.
But they all had each other, and he didn’t have anyone.
He hadn’t even really spoken to his own brother since he was thirteen.
Not since Noah moved out and left him to deal with their father on his own.
“I’m not,” he whispered, taking a step back.
Except he was. He totally was, and everyone could fucking see it.
Could Vincent see it? Did Vincent see how desperately Jasper wanted something more than just sex with him?
“Nice job, dumbass,” Keith muttered to Matt.
Jasper glanced up from where he’d backed into the wall, latching on to Keith’s arms when Keith planted his hands on Jasper’s shoulders. “I’m not,” he said again, wishing he could make that true by saying it.
“Breathe,” Keith said, taking a deep breath.
Jasper whimpered and clutched at Keith’s shirt like a lifeline, coughing as he tried to match his breathing.
It hurt, and the walls continued threatening to close in on him, but Keith stayed with him, and his voice managed to keep Jasper grounded long enough to calm down.
The panic finally ebbed back after an eternity, and he slumped beneath a wave of exhaustion. “Sorry.”
“Good now?” Keith squeezed his shoulders with a sympathetic look. “Tea?”
Jasper nodded, followed Keith to the kitchen, and collapsed into a chair at the table. He scrubbed his palms against his face with a shaky breath. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? “I’m screwed.” He was so screwed. How the fuck was he supposed to walk away now?
Keith huffed a laugh. “A little.”
Jasper glared at Keith before sighing, crossing his arms as he resisted the urge to bang his head on the table. “Why aren’t you all pissed off at me like Matt?”
Keith didn’t answer immediately, glancing towards the living room, but Matt had vanished like the cowardly little shit he was. He sighed softly and brought two cups of hot tea to the table. He sat across from Jasper. “What has Vincent told you?”
“That he hurt Matt. He didn’t exactly go into detail.”
“I won’t either. I know most of what happened, but Matt hasn’t told me everything.
If I were him, I’d probably hate Vincent too.
” He paused, drumming his fingers against his cup.
“I know people can change. That they can learn from their mistakes. I’ve seen Vincent at the club, and I’ve never seen him hurt or abuse anyone.
But I still know what he did to Matt. I’m not going to tell you not to trust him for something he did nearly ten years ago, but I’m not going to encourage you either.
You’re an adult. You can make your own choices. ”
Jasper stared at Keith as his brain tried to wrap itself around all that, surprised that Keith wasn’t trying to tell him what to do or not do.
Now that he thought about it, even Amber hadn’t tried to interfere too much, which was surprising considering she’d been bossy to the point of tyrannical when they were kids.
He’d never forget the time she thwacked him with a tree branch until he kissed her shoes.
Looking back now, that was probably the first hint of her Dominatrix manifesting, and he felt a brief twinge of sympathy for Terrance, but he quickly shoved those thoughts away. He did not need those mental images of his cousin.
He took a small sip of his tea and let out a slow breath. “Thanks.”
“Sure. We’re here for you, Jas. You may be Amber’s cousin, but we’re all family.”
Jasper swallowed and refused to acknowledge the sting in his eyes. He nodded faintly, not trusting himself to speak, especially considering he’d been kind of a dick to them lately.
Keith stood and reached across the table to squeeze his shoulder, then headed upstairs.
Once he was alone, he let out an explosive breath and scrubbed his face again.
Fuck. He needed to get his shit together. And he definitely had to get his fucking infatuation under control, because he was absolutely certain the quickest way to ruin everything was for Vincent to realize he was developing feelings.
He sipped a bit more of his tea before dumping the rest in the sink and heading up to bed. All he wanted was a quick shower and to pass out, but the sound of sharp voices brought him up short, years of avoiding drawing attention to himself making him freeze.
“—to get over your problem with Jas,” Keith said.
“Over it,” Matt snapped.
“Really. ’Cause you’ve been a dick to him for weeks.”
Matt’s sneer was evident when he said, “He deserves it for getting involved with that motherfucking bastard!”
Jasper nearly jumped at the venom in Matt’s voice, a twinge of unease tightening his stomach. He’d assumed Matt was pissed that Vincent had dumped him, but that was a lot of hate to hang on to for so long if that’s all it was.
“Still being a dick.”
Matt snarled something under his breath, and Jasper couldn’t resist inching closer to hear despite the nervous pounding of his heart.
“Don’t you think it’s time to let this grudge go?” Keith sounded like he was getting irritated.
“You don’t know what all he did!”
“How can I when you’ve never trusted me enough to tell me?” Keith shouted back.
Jasper flinched. He really shouldn’t be listening anymore. His room was only a few steps away, but Keith’s door was open, and if he moved now they’d definitely know he’d been listening.
Matt let out a frustrated, wordless yell, and then silence.
Keith sighed and sounded weary when he spoke again. “You know I love you, so don’t take this the wrong way when I say I can’t deal with this right now.”
Shit, shit, shit.
Jasper tensed as he heard someone moving towards the door, standing still and hoping if it was Matt that he turned and went farther down the hall. Of course as soon as Matt stepped out, their eyes met.
Matt’s eyes were bright and red-rimmed. He stared at Jasper a moment before a twisted smirk settled on his lips, his voice eerily calm when he said, “Whatever you think you have with him, it means nothing to him. He’ll take what he wants and leave you for others to break whatever’s left.”
Jasper blinked, hardly able to think of a response.
He slumped against the wall as Matt’s door slammed behind him, rubbing a hand against his chest, trying to steady his rapid heartbeat.
What little comfort he’d gotten from Keith was shattering under Matt’s absolute certainty that Vincent would never care.
Somehow this felt different from all the other times Matt said Vincent was a dick and not worth Jasper’s time.
Maybe he’d deluded himself by thinking there could be something between them. Everything seemed to become sort of hazy and surreal when he was with Vincent. Like time stopped existing until they had to part ways. That was probably because he was seeing everything through lust-colored glasses.
He shoved off the wall towards his room, ignoring Keith calling him, and shut his door.
This was fine. He’d known from the start this was nothing more than a fling. He could deal with that. Take what he could and learn from it. If nothing else, he’d at least discover a few new kinks before the end.
Even telling himself that, he couldn’t shake the doubt that seemed to grow by the hour and the day.
His nerves twisted themselves into knots so tight he could barely pay attention in class or eat.
By the time Friday came around, he’d managed to stress himself sick.
And for once, the thought of seeing Vincent didn’t spark joy, so like a complete and utter ass, he sent a text saying he wasn’t feeling well and asking if they could skip this weekend.
The response came a few minutes later, a simple: Do you need anything?
Which only added guilt to his already muddled emotions. If Vincent were really as bad as Matt said, he did an amazing job of pretending to care.
No just going to sleep it off sorry
Then he turned his phone off, and when he failed to lose himself in his assigned readings, he went to bed.