Chapter Twenty-Four #2
The trip to the clinic was quick and uneventful, and they were back in the car less than an hour after arriving. Somewhere between arriving and leaving, though, Jasper had gone quiet.
Once they were on the road again, Jasper cleared his throat, a flush creeping up his neck. “So when the results come back, you want to stop using condoms?”
“I would like to, if that’s something you’re comfortable with.” When Jasper didn’t say anything further, Vincent glanced at him. “Do you want to keep using them no matter what?”
Jasper didn’t respond immediately, chewing on his bottom lip as he stared out the window.
The annoyance he’d felt earlier stirred, but he still hadn’t worked out what exactly was bothering him. Obviously Jasper needed better communication skills, but he was receptive and responsive enough when the right questions were asked.
“Jasper,” he said, keeping his tone neutral.
He hadn’t wanted to broach the topic of Jasper’s father, but he needed to know exactly what he was dealing with, and he suspected Jasper’s need to please him stemmed from his home life.
“Have you been punished for disagreeing with someone?” He watched Jasper from the corner of his eye.
Saw how Jasper went rigid and his knuckles whitened as he gripped his jeans.
It was all the answer he really needed.
Anger spiked in his chest, and he forced out a slow breath, turning his attention back to the road. “I’m not going to be angry if you say no. Not using condoms can be a limit, same as anything else.” He paused and glanced at Jasper again, but he was still stiff and staring out the window.
“I appreciate that you want to please me, but not if it comes at the price of self-sacrifice.” After walking that path himself, even if it’d been for completely different reasons, he wasn’t about to let Jasper start down it.
It took until Vincent parked at the sushi restaurant Jasper wanted to eat at for Jasper to respond. “Isn’t all of this about self-sacrifice?” he asked softly.
Vincent stilled, dropping his hand from the key before he could shut off the ignition.
“Not really,” he answered slowly. So much for waiting to have these conversations until after Jasper finished his finals.
“A sub chooses what they are willing to give up. But it’s always an exchange.
They receive something in return—pleasure, release, grounding, whatever. ”
He turned towards Jasper and lightly grasped his chin, coaxing him into meeting Vincent’s eyes.
“That is not the same as giving up your right to say no to something because you think it will please me. It won’t,” he added firmly.
“And if you do, it will damage what trust I have in you to protect yourself.”
“Okay,” Jasper answered, too soft and far too quickly.
Vincent bit back his frustration, unsure how to get through to Jasper and make him understand. It wasn’t just that Jasper didn’t seem to know how a power exchange worked; it went beyond that.
Jasper didn’t even seem to realize he had all the power in this relationship.
Maybe what he’d seen as eagerness had really been fear and desperation, and Vincent swallowed the disgust building in his throat. Surely he hadn’t been so blinded by having a new sub that he’d misread everything?
No. Even if some of Jasper’s actions were fueled by his fear of losing Vincent’s interest, even a blind person could see that Jasper was a natural. There was no way he could have forced himself to submit like that for weeks without Vincent or Jasper’s family noticing.
“Let’s eat,” he said, turning off the car and heading inside. The conversation was far from over, but they weren’t continuing it on an empty stomach.
He requested the secluded booth at the back corner of the restaurant, and between the two of them, they ordered five of the specialty sushi rolls.
Once they had their drinks, Vincent crossed his arms on the table and studied Jasper.
“I want you to repeat after me, pet,” he said, waiting until he had Jasper’s full attention.
“I, as the sub, have the power in this relationship.”
Jasper frowned, clamping his mouth shut and keeping silent.
Well. That was interesting. He watched Jasper for several long seconds, to no avail. “Jasper.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
Jasper shifted in his seat, turning away and staring out the window. Another long minute passed, and then he said, “It feels wrong.”
“Only if you’re looking at it from the wrong perspective.” At least they were getting somewhere. It was no wonder Jasper felt out of sorts if he had misconceptions that needed correcting.
“What other perspective is there?”
“Many.” When Jasper shot him a disbelieving scowl, he sighed. “Would you prefer I have all the power?”
Jasper frowned. “That’s how this is supposed to work.”
“All right. So you would prefer a slave contract?”
Jasper hesitated. “What’s that?”
“You sign over all rights to me. Everything, from how you dress, to what you eat, or what you do with your free time. All of it is decided by me. Slaves have no rights. Sometimes not even the right to say no.” He paused, watching Jasper as he gave him a moment for that to sink in.
“If the Master wanted to piss in his slave’s mouth and make him swallow, the slave would do it, regardless of any protests,” he added, to ensure he drove the point home.
He wasn’t going to sugarcoat it, and he wasn’t disappointed when Jasper’s expression landed somewhere between disgusted and horrified.
“So is that the contract you want?”
He expected Jasper to say no; he’d as good as said so these past several weeks together. He didn’t realize how much he needed Jasper to say no right then until Jasper didn’t say anything. For the first time since taking Jasper on, he wondered if maybe this had been a mistake after all.
“Is that the contract you want, Sir?” Jasper finally asked, eyes focused on the center of the table.
Vincent could have said no. Maybe he should have.
Instead he asked, “If I said yes, would you become my slave?” Because he had to know, right now, before this went any further, just how far Jasper really was willing to go to please him.
If Jasper was willing to let Vincent control every aspect of his life because he thought that was what Vincent wanted… .
A minute ticked by without Jasper answering, but his brow was pinched as he continued staring at the table like it had all the answers. Maybe it did.
Their food arrived, and Vincent waited until the server was gone. “Jas?”
With a shuddering breath, Jasper seemed to cave in on himself as he shook his head. “No,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, Sir. I can’t… I don’t want to be a slave.”
“Good,” Vincent said, relief and pride leaving him momentarily breathless. “Good boy.” That was something he could work with, at least.
He picked up his chopsticks, motioning to the food.
“Eat.” Jasper’s incredulous expression fueled the quiet anger in the pit of his stomach, but he ignored it for now.
“I’m proud of you, pet. I need you to continue making those decisions with your own well-being in mind.
It’s the only way you’re going to find your real limits. Understand?”
Jasper carefully picked up his own chopsticks, poured some soy sauce into his dish, and mixed a bit of wasabi into it. “I think so, Sir.”
“Good,” he said again. That was good.
He let Jasper process that as they ate, then returned to the previous issue. “So if not a slave, then a sub. A sub has rights. They keep their autonomy. The sub chooses what they are willing to give, when to give it, and what they need in return.”
“But you’re the one in control,” Jasper said, frowning as he picked up another piece of sushi.
Vincent tapped his chopsticks against his soy dish as he considered his response.
“I’m the one in charge,” he finally said.
“There’s a difference. It’s my job to ensure we both get what we need, within the terms and limits that you set.
” He’d never been more grateful for his therapist than he was right then.
Putting all this into words Jasper could understand would have been impossible without the past several years of digging into his own issues and relationship with kink.
“I might ask you for something you don’t want to do, but it’s your choice. Even if you agree, it’s fluid, and you can stop it at any time.”
“So can you,” Jasper said, finally glancing up long enough to meet Vincent’s eyes.
Vincent nodded. “All of this works exactly like your limits. It changes based on your needs.”
“What about your needs?”
It took every ounce of control to keep from saying his needs didn’t matter right now. That was only partly true. He was fine with taking what Jasper was willing to give while focusing on Jasper learning his limits for now. Instead, he waited for the server to refill their drinks before answering.
“You’ve been fulfilling my biggest need. It doesn’t matter so much what you give up. I want your submission, and I want it given willingly.”
They finished eating in silence as Jasper mulled that over. There was enough sushi leftover to fill a to-go box, and once Vincent paid, they headed back to the car.
Jasper settled in the passenger seat, his eyes on Vincent, which was much better than staring out the window.
“You really mean all that,” he said slowly.
When Vincent shot him a questioning look, he flicked his fingers as if to indicate everything.
“I have all the power, and you’re not going to get mad if I say no to something. ”
“I meant every word.”
“Even if I don’t ever want to try something new?”
“You might not have noticed, pet, but I enjoy our time together,” he said dryly. “So long as I have your submission, we can figure something out.”
Jasper was quiet for a moment, before he reached over and lightly rested his hand on Vincent’s thigh. “Thank you, Sir. You should teach a class or something,” he said, grin evident in his voice.