4. Sarah
Chapter 4
Sarah
Yesterday kicked my butt. Between meeting with Theo and learning that our mother decided to revamp the old family tradition of having Sunday dinner together and the huge crowd the bakery had throughout the day yesterday, I was dragging this morning.
Normally, I woke up with enough enthusiasm and energy to run an entire city, but today felt different. It felt like those years in high school and the first few after graduation when I could hardly get myself out of bed in the morning. Putting a smile on for everyone around me because I felt like there was no other choice. And I didn’t want my sadness to negatively impact the people I loved.
It scared me.
Having those feelings of sadness creep in again. Having them latch into my mind like a ball and chain that felt much too heavy to carry. It was a constant battle for so many years of my life. Having parents who didn’t understand me—who chose to not understand me—took a bigger toll than I was willing to admit to myself.
But when Theo left for law school, my parents found a way to shift their focus from me to their perfect son. The one who was doing everything right. Most people would probably think that I’d be envious of Theo. That I’d be angry he was getting all the positive attention.
But I loved it.
Selfishly, I loved it.
The more attention he got, the less time my mother spent trying to make me second-guess my life choices.
Now, things would be different. There was already a shift in me where all my focus was being pulled to tomorrow night and what brutal battle would be fought over the dinner table.
The bell over the front door of the bakery saved me from my torturous thoughts and for the first time all morning, a genuine smile graced my lips as I saw Mrs. Sheehan step through the front door, her large wagon dragging behind her.
“Hi, Mrs. Sheehan! How’re you doing this morning?”
“I’m doin’ just fine, dear. But I’ll be doin’ even better once I have my hands on those famous chocolate chip cookies of yours. I can never keep my ice cream sandwiches in stock when I use your cookies, you know.”
Always striving to help others, Mrs. Sheehan had started purchasing my chocolate chip cookies a few years ago for her ice cream sandwiches instead of getting them cheaper from the store. Her support came during a time when I thought I was going to have to shut down the bakery and I was forever grateful.
“I can’t let my cookies take all the credit for that. Your ice cream is the best in the state.”
She waved her hand at me as crimson blossomed on her cheeks. “Oh shush. You’re making this old woman blush.”
“It’s true! And everyone in this town is thankful for it.”
“Hm,” she huffed. “I just wish I would have been smart like you and decided on something people wanted year-round. The first chill of fall has barely made its way through and people are already starting to shy away from the parlor.”
I started loading the boxes of cookies into her wagon as she dished her credit card from her wallet and continued, “Business is always great during the spring and summer months, but these mountain folk don’t want a thing to do with ice cream when late fall and winter rolls around. Thankfully, the summer months help me squeeze by.”
“Well, I know everyone is going to love having your ice cream sandwiches at the grand opening today. It will be the last hurrah before the cold settles in.”
With the final box of cookies in her wagon, I straightened just as she said, “I am so proud of our sweet Willow Mae. Using all the money she has to do something good in the world. It takes a strong person to go through the trials of life and come out the other side still willing to give more.”
“She’s pretty wonderful,” I agreed. “I’m really lucky to call her my best friend.”
“And she’s lucky to have you as well, Sarah. I remember a time when Willow was the odd one out and you chose to befriend her. To give her a safe place amongst a pack of wild wolves. It takes a brave person to go against the grain and extend a hand to others, knowing that it will likely make you the odd one out too.”
I reached for her hand, feeling a swarm of emotions clog my throat. “Thank you for saying that, Mrs. Sheehan.”
The twinkle in her eye told me she understood just how much her kind words impacted me. It wasn’t a secret that my parents were disappointed in me. Especially since they made their opinion known every chance they got.
“I just call it as I see it.” She gave my hand a quick squeeze before letting go and grabbing the long handle of her wagon.
“I’ll be seeing you at the opening. I need to get a head start on these sandwiches so they have time to harden before I transfer them to the coolers.”
“See you there.” I waved goodbye to her as she made her way through the door and got back to work on the cupcakes I was bringing.
As I piped the last ring of icing, I was still feeling thankful for Mrs. Sheehan’s kind words and how they’d come at just the right time.
The entire town had come to watch the grand opening of the Hope for All Orphanage’s new home. In a stroke of cosmic luck, my best friend had been given her grandmother’s estate after she passed away. I knew it was difficult for Willow to have her entire life change for the better at the hands of a woman she hated. But she was working her way through it and I was beyond proud to see all the good she was doing despite the circumstances.
The crowd was gathered on the front lawn of the expansive mansion with beautiful towering columns made of white marble that shot upward. The small wooden rocking chairs that lined the front porch—if you could even call it that—seemed out of place amongst the grand stature of the house.
It was similar to the one I grew up in, though I would have much preferred a smaller space like the home I had now. Sometimes the grandeur of a house took away from the natural beauty of everything else around it.
A large, bright red ribbon hung between the two columns that lined the entryway and in front of it Willow stood next to her fiancé, Johnny. Seeing the way he looked at her brought overwhelming joy to my heart. Two of my favorite people had faced all the odds against them and were still able to find a love I knew would stand the test of time and whatever future trials came their way.
But that same happiness I felt for them was coated with envy and I hated that. I wished I could just be excited for them and not feel the grip of jealousy when I was forced to face the fact that I was very very alone.
I could hardly recall the last time a man even kissed me and I knew for a fact I’d never been in love. The only thing that held my attention these days was chasing the success of my business. I’d blamed my loneliness on that chase for a long time, but if I was honest with myself I was afraid. Terrified really. That if I let anyone close enough to love me they’d see all the things I tried so hard to hide and run away from.
I wondered what Ranger would think if he knew how judgmental my parents were. If he was the kind of man who would look past that and see that I was different—or that I at least tried really hard to be different.
“Thank you all so much for being here,” Willow started, drawing my thoughts back to the present.
“I have to say, I thought I would be surprised by the turnout today, but the truth is that this town and the people in it have always shown up for the greater good. Having grown up in the Hope for All Orphanage myself, I can say with certainty that it is because of the generosity of the people in Pebble Brook Falls that I was able to have clothes on my back, school supplies, and a few toys to open on Christmas. Today, I have the wonderful opportunity to give back to the next generation because of all your support.”
Willow found me in the crowd with her gaze and I gave her a wide smile and a subtle nod. She returned my smile with one of her own before continuing, “Without further ado, it is my greatest honor and pleasure to introduce everyone to the new home of the Hope for All Orphanage at the Baxley Estate!”
Celebratory applause erupted from the crowd as Willow grabbed the giant pair of scissors from Johnny and cut the red ribbon. The final step to giving the forgotten children of our town a home—so grand—that it would surely make them feel like they had a place in the world, even when all hope of fitting in had left them.
I stood in place, clapping my hands vigorously as the crowd shifted around me. Only a select few had ever gotten to see the inside of the Baxley Estate when Willow’s grandmother was still alive, so pure curiosity had everyone edging toward the front door for the tour.
Just before I took a step forward to find Willow and Johnny, the hairs on my arms stood on end. A presence I’d felt only a handful of times before had found me again. A spark that seemed to always find me, even if it had been gone for a long long while. It was the same fire that ignited in my belly a few days ago when I’d seen him in my bakery.
If I turned around, I knew I would find deep blue eyes that reflected the same depth of emotion as the ocean churning beneath a storm. The same stunning eyes I’d always admired from afar, hoping they’d land on me with more than gentle curiosity and kindness.
The sensation of his nearness lingered, taunting me to turn around and say something . Anything that would be worthy of his attention.
I can do this. I can talk to him and everything will go smoothly. I won’t stumble over my words at all .
At the end of my short-lived pep-talk, I found the courage to turn around and say hi to Ranger just as Willow called my name. My gaze flicked upward to where she was striding toward me.
The feel of Ranger at my back slowly dissipated and I tried not to look completely deflated at my lost opportunity. There had been plenty of chances for me to say hi to him—like at Deacon’s bonfire two summers ago. But I let every chance I had of talking to my childhood crush slip between my fingers like warm butter. The biggest problem was that Ranger Adams was—by far—the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. With inky black hair that peeked out from the rim of his cowboy hat, sapphire blue eyes, towering height that dwarfed me, a beard that I’d daydreamed on more than one occasion of sitting on, and …yeah. Okay. Maybe I was a little obsessed with Ranger Adams.
But what girl didn’t want a tall, dark, and brutally handsome cowboy? He was the one and only man that had crossed my mind in all the years I’d spent chasing my dream. And that somehow made him completely unobtainable.
“What did you think of the speech?” Willow asked, warding away my thoughts of unfilled fantasies. “I didn’t want it to be too long or too short. But, I don’t know. Maybe I should have included more about my own upbringing. Or thanking the townsfolk more. Or?—”
“Willow, stop.” I braced my hands in front of her. “You shouldn’t want to change a thing about your speech because it was absolutely perfect.” I smiled widely at her.
“Really?” she crooned as silver lined her eyes. “You really think so?”
“I do! You know I would tell you if I thought otherwise, but it was perfect. And I am so dang proud of you.” Taking her into my arms, I squeezed her tightly, just like I used to do when we were kids .
“Thank you.”
We pulled apart and she reached down, grabbing my hand. “Come on. I want to show you the finished renovations.”
“Okay,” I said a little too quickly as I stole a glance over my shoulder, scanning the scattered crowd for any sign of Ranger.
“Looking for someone?” Willow’s brows were pinched.
“Nope!” I replied because the truth was that even if I did see Ranger, I was too much of a coward to actually do anything about it. And even if I did find my bravery and say something to him, I knew it could never go anywhere. There were expectations for girls like me and if I thought about bringing a guy like Ranger Adams home to meet my family, there would be hell to pay and I didn’t want to put him through that kind of torture.
So, I let the thought of seeing him go and let myself fall away to the excitement my best friend had as she showed me all the amazing renovations she did to the Baxley Estate to ensure the orphanage’s children would feel right at home.