11. Sarah
Chapter 11
Sarah
Un-freaking-believeable.
Willow and Johnny weren’t able to make our annual trip to the state fair because their dog, Asher, decided to eat a poisonous skink and was barfing all over the place. She assured me he would be okay, per the vet, but that he was pretty dehydrated and they didn’t want to leave his side.
Groaning, I laid my head back on my car seat headrest. I couldn’t believe that little stinker ruined our tradition by eating a shiny lizard. The next time I saw him I was going to have a talk with him about his dietary habits.
Not that I could be too mad. As far as dogs went, Asher was the most beautiful yellow lab I’d ever seen with big golden eyes that would make even the toughest of hearts crack.
But still my night was ruined.
The stark reality of my loneliness was hitting me square in the face as I sat in my car in the grass parking lot of the state fair. When Willow had come back to Pebble Brook Falls two summers ago, we’d established a yearly tradition of going to the state fair together. Corny as it was, the fair was one of my favorite events. It symbolized the fall season with the bright lights, obnoxious sounds, caramelized apples, and cute animals in the petting zoo.
I’d gone every year since I was a kid and I was looking forward to having another year with my closest friends.
Even Deacon had to dip out because of some issue with the cabin that he couldn’t delay fixing.
For several minutes I just stared at the entrance of the fair, watching all sorts of people walk through. Groups of teenagers huddled together while young parents tried to keep their toddlers from running too far. There were even some elderly couples, linked arm-in-arm, making their way through the line.
“Screw it,” I mumbled to myself as I grabbed my small crossbody and headed toward the entrance.
My phone pinged and I grabbed it from my purse to see a text from Willow.
Willow
I promise we won’t miss your birthday celebration at the apple orchard. Sorry again about tonight.
It’s okay. I decided to go by myself. Send me updates on Asher!
Will do. Eat a funnel cake for me!
Oh, I most certainly was going to eat a funnel cake. And just because I was here all alone, I might even have two.
After I paid for my ticket, I found the first food stand selling funnel cakes. “Can I have a little extra powdered sugar on top?”
The booth attendant looked irritated by my request, but I shot him a warm smile and he piled on the sugar. I was usually able to resist sweet treats since I was normally elbow-deep in batter and icing most days. But there was something so special about eating funnel cakes at the fair—I couldn’t resist them.
With my sugary fried batter in hand, I made my way through the alleys of the fair. Joy filled my chest as I took in the bright lights and felt the crisp air against my cheeks. Fall was magical and even though I was alone amongst a sea of people, I felt like I belonged here. Like this moment was mine to savor.
Maybe that was how I found myself face-to-face with my childhood arch nemesis, the Ferris wheel and felt invigorated to take on the challenge of facing my fear of heights. I didn’t let myself overthink it, I just showed the attendant my ride band around my wrist and wound through the zigzag line.
I arrived just in time for the next round of people to board.
“Are you alone?” The second attendant asked me right before he looked over his right shoulder and spit on the ground .
I cleared my throat, trying to prevent myself from gagging. “Yup,” was all I could manage to get out.
With a sweep of his arm, he directed me to the next open cab. As I slid across the bench seat, nerves fluttered in my stomach from the swinging of the cab.
This was a bad idea , I thought as I made the grave mistake of looking up and realizing that I would soon be at the very top of the Ferris wheel.
Just as I turned to the attendant to tell him I wanted to get off, a large body slid next to me.
Ranger .
Holy shit. Ranger Adams was sitting next to me on the Ferris wheel. How the hell did he sneak in? I didn’t see him anywhere in the line.
The attendant pulled the bar down and latched it into place, forcing Ranger to adjust as his large thighs were nearly hitting the bottom edge of the bar.
I squeaked as the Ferris wheel jolted forward and our cab, which I quickly assessed to be a little rusted and unkempt, was starting to sway forward and backward. There was no getting out of this now.
“Nervous?” Ranger’s husky voice was close to my ear. Grasping onto the bar, I settled back, feeling my shoulders meet his outstretched arm that was draped along the back of the cab. It was the first time I’d seen him without his cowboy hat since two summers ago at Deacon’s bonfire. Dark curls fanned out underneath his backward baseball cap. A black letter F outlined in white was stitched into the center of the red back strap. I wondered if he was a Falcons fan or if it was just a hat someone else gave to him.
I felt myself settle into his warmth as I looked up into those stormy eyes. “I’m, um, not the best with heights.”
His throaty laugh wrapped around me like a velvet blanket. “Why would you choose the Ferris wheel of all rides to get on alone then?”
We were still only a few feet from the ground as the attendant was loading people into the cab behind us, but my stomach still felt uneasy. “I thought I was feeling brave, but now that I’m here, I’m finding myself regretting my decision.”
Maybe it was my anxious mind playing tricks on me, but I swore he leaned towards me as he said, “Don’t worry, Sarah. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
The crinkles on the edges of his eyes softened and I found myself unable to look away from him. From the beauty and pain that reflected back at me. Ranger Adams was the most incredible man I’d ever seen. It was true when I was a teenager and it was true now.
Countless questions clamored through my mind. I wanted to know this man. To understand what made him tick.
But the only words that stumbled from my lips were, “I’m sorry I asked you out the other day.”
The faint smile on his lips was clouded by the shadow of a frown as he turned away from me, staring at a random spot in front of us. Worry that I’d said the wrong thing clawed at my insides, making the already present anxiety much, much worse .
Just as I opened my mouth to take it back, I felt Ranger’s thumb skim the top of my shoulder and then he turned those blue eyes back on me.
“I shouldn’t have walked away from you like that. You deserve better. Better than I could ever give you.”
Willow was right. When he’d denied me, it had nothing to do with me at all. Ranger didn’t think he was good enough and knowing that made my heart hurt because he was so blindly unaware of just how much I wanted him.
“How do you know what you can give me if you don’t even try?”
“I’m not like the people you grew up with, Sarah. I spend most of my days in dusty old boots, herding cows. Until recently, I wasn’t even sure if I was going to be able to keep my family’s land. I don’t have anything to give you.”
“The only thing I want from you, Ranger, is you .”
“Sarah…” My name was a prayer on his lips and when he stroked his fingers along the crook of my neck and shoulder, chills bloomed over my entire body.
I closed my eyes, soaking in the feeling of his palm splaying against the back of my neck, his fingertips playing with my hair. I had no idea it could feel like this. A simple touch that brought my entire body to life as though I’d never truly felt anything until this very moment.
When I opened my eyes, devastation was written across his face. Emotion made my words feel thick on my tongue as I reached for his other hand, feeling just how small mine was compared to his. “Please tell me you feel this…this, pull between us. And if you don’t, I promise I won’t ever ask you out again or make this a big deal.”
Back and forth, my gaze searched his and I realized this was the bravest I’d ever been. Braver than when I distanced myself from my family to pursue what made my heart happy. Braver than facing any of my basic fears, like getting on this damn Ferris wheel.
Laying myself bare to someone I felt such a strong connection toward with the risk of being rejected a second time felt… terrifying . But here I was, doing the damn thing because I could see how I affected him by the way he looked at me with such adoration it knocked the air from my lungs.
I could see the battle playing out in his mind—for reasons completely unknown to me, he was fighting this and I hated it.
When he finally spoke, I let loose the breath I was holding. “Sarah, I can’t pretend that I haven’t been through some shit in my life and a lot of those things have left scars on me that I’m not sure will ever go away. I’ve been fucked up in ways I can’t even pretend to understand. I’m not the kind of man your mother would want you bringing home.” He ran his fingers along the bottom edge of my jaw, his gaze dropping to my parted lips for a single moment before he looked at me again. “If you can honestly say you can look past all of that, then I’d be fucking honored to take you on a date.”
Elated words were on my tongue just as the Ferris wheel slammed to a halt and our cab swung wildly back and forth, back and forth. I felt my eyes go wide, realizing just how high we’d gotten during our conversation. All the fear that had somehow taken a backseat came rushing back, making my stomach do somersaults as I made the fatal mistake of looking down.
“Oh. My. God!” With one hand, I grabbed the side of the cab that was still rocking out of control and my other hand landed on Ranger’s thigh.
Oh no . That is not his thigh.
My cheeks flamed red as I looked at where my hand had firmly grasped his crotch and beneath my palm I could feel his reaction to my touch flexing.
“Ah!” I yanked my hand away, covering my face that I was sure rivaled the red of a bell pepper. But when I looked down again, the swirl of fear had my heart bursting from my chest.
“This was a bad idea. Bad. Bad. Bad,” I murmured to myself over and over again, frozen in a swinging metal contraption with a man whose crotch I invaded because I can’t handle heights.
“Sarah,” Ranger said, tightening his arm around my shoulders.
I was too embarrassed to look at him so I settled for squeezing my eyes shut so I didn’t go into a full-blown panic attack.
“Sarah,” he said again, gentler this time. Then I felt a calloused palm against the side of my cheek as he slowly angled my face to the right.
“Open your eyes, beautiful.”
I took a moment to focus on his voice, letting it calm my nerves before I slowly peeled my eyes open to find him smiling at me.
When I shifted to look down again, he whispered, “No. Just look at me.”
Those blue eyes dipped to my lips and maybe it was the adrenaline spike that had me doing crazy things, but I kissed him. His lips were firm at first like I’d completely taken him by surprise, but then they softened and butterflies soared through me as he pulled me in close, wrapping his strong arms around me.
Soft curls met my fingertips as I wove my hands around the nape of his neck, drawing him closer as I opened myself to him. The warmth of his tongue against mine had me pressing my thighs firmly together as heat pooled in my center. As if a strike of lightning struck me from the sky, I felt electrified by his touch.
The swinging of the cab, the bright lights of the fair and the murmur of the crowd below us drifted away. He was the only thing that existed in my world and I didn’t want it to end.