25. Sarah
Chapter 25
Sarah
The way he looked at me cracked something in my chest. It felt like an awakening. A step through a door that would change the rest of my life.
There was so much I didn’t know about him. So many questions I wanted to ask, but I also knew that every word he spoke was the raw truth, spoken from the depths of his soul. He was bare, letting himself be completely open to me. Something tugged in my heart.
It was an answer to his vulnerability. Soul to soul, I found my mind skipping forward over all the little moments that could make up our lives. Him celebrating the rise of my business. Us spending our time together riding horseback through his ranch with no one but the stars to see the love we shared for one another.
Is it possible? I asked myself. To love someone I barely knew.
Maybe it was.
Because my heart ached for him. I ached to be in his arms when he was absent or to hear his voice when he wasn’t around.
The question seemed trivial as I looked into his eyes, a serene smile painted on his lips like he had all the confidence in the world that I felt the same.
With a subtle shift in my heel, I nudged Honey Blossom forward and stretched my hand across the space between us. When he took it, I let my eyes close for a moment, savoring how his warmth seeped deep into my skin. His touch felt like home.
“If I get to spend the rest of my life feeling like I do right now, then that would be a gift, Ranger. Because you’ve become the brightest light in my life. What I feel for you…” I swallowed against the emotion swelling in my throat. “I don’t think I could ever feel for someone else. When I’m around you, I’m alive. I want things for myself that I’ve never allowed myself to want. With you, life feels like it’s filled with endless possibilities.”
I smiled at him, blinking away the tears that lined the rim of my eyes. His laughter was soft and joyous. “Phew. I’m glad I’m not the only one hanging onto their emotions like a lifeline.”
A single tear spilled over, rolling down my cheek as I laughed. “Everyone will think we’re crazy.”
“There isn’t a single person’s opinion in this entire world that I care about when it comes to you.”
For a moment I thought about my parents and the mess I was in with Jones. I wondered what it would be like to show up to Sunday dinner with Ranger by my side and what my parents might say about him. But as I took in the man beside me, felt the callouses of his palms against my own, I realized that I would damn them all if it meant protecting him—protecting what we had.
I knew it for a while now. Somewhere deep in my heart, even before I made the deal with my mother, that there was something different between Ranger and me. Call it fate or divine timing, but I knew Ranger came into my life at the right moment. There was nothing more I wanted than to start building a life with him. Step by step, I wanted to know everything about his world and what made him who he was.
The truth was on the tip of my tongue before I swallowed it down. I would tell him about Jones and the deal I made with my mother that was soon to be broken. For now, I just wanted to live in this moment with him.
“I’m glad to hear we’re on the same page.” I squeezed his hand, feeling the connection between us buzz like electricity.
I felt Honey Blossom pawing the ground beneath me like she was tired of standing around and wanted to run in the beautiful fields before us. Ranger’s gaze tracked the mare’s movement before he looked back up at me and said, “Come on. I want to show you something.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
It was about a fifteen-minute ride to a field at the edge of Ranger’s property. His hands were firm around my waist as he helped me off of Honey Blossom. Soreness crept along the inseam of my thighs, but the feeling quickly faded as I took in the view before me.
What seemed like miles of purple and green hues stretched out in all directions as the muhly grass swayed from side to side giving a long rippling effect from the fall breeze. The violet of the grass merged into the pinks and oranges of the setting sun, making the scene look surreal.
My breath caught and it took me a moment to find the words. “It looks like what I imagine heaven might be like.”
I felt Ranger take a step towards my back, his warmth was palpable, even through my thick coat. For just a second, I closed my eyes when his arms wrapped around my front. He pulled me in close as I opened my eyes again, taking in the stunning view.
“We have about a hundred acres of the stuff. The cows don’t do well with it, so we have it fenced off from the other pastures.” He huffed a breath. “Miles has tried to convince me to kill it all so we can plant cow-friendly seed now that the ranch is expanding. Most of the time, it’s just an endless sea of green or brown depending on how hot the summer months get. But when fall comes and it blooms…I don’t know. I just can’t seem to find the heart to mow it all down and replace it.”
“I don’t blame you.” Twisting my neck, I looked up at him. “It’s too beautiful to touch. ”
His eyes darted back and forth between mine, a solemn look on his face. “That’s exactly what my mom used to say.”
“Was she the one who brought you here?” A tentative question. There were whispers around town when Ranger’s mom left him and his sister. Word always had a way of moving quickly in a small town. Unfortunately, the truth often got twisted in the game of telephone as a story bounced from one person to the next. The judgment placed on his family hadn’t been kind.
I looked back out at the sinking sun and the river of purple grass before it, giving Ranger the space he needed as silence filled the air.
He shifted behind me, drawing me closer as he finally said, “Yes. She’d packed a picnic for just me and her and told me we were going on an adventure. I remember it being colder than tonight so it was probably in October or November. We rode her horse out here and I don’t think I’ve ever felt as free as I did that night. When I saw the field for the first time I thought we’d gone to a different world. Like a fairytale or something. After we ate our sandwiches for dinner we spent hours running through the grass playing tag and probably some version of cowboys and outlaws.
“She was happy then. Always had a smile on her face.” His words were strained like the memory made him smile from joy and frown from sorrow at the same time.
“Do you mind me asking what happened?”
His chest moved closer to my back as he inhaled deeply. “I have to admit, showing you the ugly side of my past makes me nervous. ”
I turned in his arms so we were facing one another. Sliding my palm over his chest, I let it rest over his heart. “The ugly parts are what make the happy moments so beautiful.”
“I think she’d like you very much if she were here. You both have a way of seeing the good in every situation.” His gaze drifted to the sunset behind me as he continued, “Or at least she did until my dad died.”
“I can imagine losing the one you love changes you in a way no one could predict,” I whispered.
The way his eyes shone made it seem like he was lost in distant memories. “When we received the news that he’d died in combat, my mother didn’t come out of her room for a week. Callie Rose and I took turns trying to get her to come out, but nothing we tried worked. She was inconsolable. Most nights, Callie Rose came into my room to sleep because our mother would spend the waning hours sobbing. Our walls weren’t thick enough to hide from the sound.
“It was hard. Fuck,”—he exhaled loudly—“hard doesn’t even begin to describe it. My dad would always tell me that if anything happened to him I’d become the man of the house and would need to take care of my mother and sister. And I tried.” Ranger’s voice broke and the sound cleaved my chest in two.
“But I was still a kid when he passed and it didn’t matter how hard I tried, losing him was my mother’s downfall. For a long time, I avoided the idea of loving someone. I had Callie Rose and my best friend Miles. They were enough for me. After I went away, the idea of someone loving me for all my faults and mistakes seemed nearly impossible.
“But then I saw you two summers ago at Deacon’s bonfire. I knew exactly who you were, but I don’t think I ever let myself truly see you until then. I think something in me shifted that night because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
“Why didn’t you ask me out then?” I wondered what my life might look like if Ranger and I had started this journey together a year ago.
“Honestly?” He grabbed the back of his neck with a wince. “I’d just been released from prison and I know how this town talks. No part of me thought I had a chance in hell with you. Not with the way you grew up and the prejudice your family would likely have against someone like me.”
The truth struck me like a blow to the gut. I wasn’t offended by what he said, I was offended that he was right. My parents—and the people I grew up around—would have given me hell for dating him.
“If I’m being honest as well, I don’t know if I would have had the mental fortitude to stand up to my parents back then.”
“And what about now?”
Tell him . Just get it out .
I opened my mouth to reveal my version of the truth. To tell him how I’d fallen into a trap with my mother and even though Ranger had my heart, I allowed my mother to have dominion over my mind.
But then I sealed my lips, once again. Fearful that the same prejudice he spoke about my parents would coat his thoughts about me if he knew the truth.
His brows furrowed as his gaze sharpened on me. “What is it, Sarah?”
My heart leaped into my throat and I felt like I was going to be sick. Was I really about to risk everything and tell him about Jones? About my mother?
“Um,” I stuttered, my brain not quite knowing what I wanted to say as my heart battled for me to stay silent. To not risk losing this man who made everything seem right in the world.
The warmth of his open palm slid against my cheek and I savored the way his thumb stroked idly against my skin. Patient. He was so damn patient and I was being a coward.
I can do this , I internally whispered to myself. I owe this truth to him .
On a long exhale I looked him in those striking blue eyes and said, “There’s something I need to tell you, but I don’t want to taint this place.”
“You could never.” Concern shone in his eyes. “Just tell me what’s going on.”
I brought my hand up to where his was resting on my cheek and covered it. I didn’t want this to go away. I didn’t want us to end. But Ranger had a right to know what I’d done.
“I’ve already told you a little bit about my parents.” He nodded. “But I don’t think I’ve truly relayed how manipulative they can be.”
“Have they done something to you?” His voice was thick with malice and something primal in me loved how protective he was.
I sighed. “They haven’t done anything directly to me, no. But a few weeks ago, my mother came into my bakery—which she’s never done before—and offered me a deal.”
His thumb stilled on my jawline. “I can’t imagine it was a savory one.”
My chest tightened. “No, it wasn’t.” On a deep inhale, I fought against the thudding of my heart and told Ranger the truth. “Her and my father have always been hung up on Theo and me finding the right matches. Since we were young, it was expected for us to marry someone of equal or greater monetary status. When I bucked against that and decided not to marry in my early twenties like most other debutantes around here do, I was already fighting an uphill battle against my parents. Just two summers ago, my mother prevented me from landing an account with one of her friends. All it took was a phone call from her and I lost a major opportunity.”
Ranger’s face shifted to cold stone. “Why would she do something like that to her own daughter?”
I shrugged. “Punishment? Incentive to get me to bend to her will? I honestly don’t know why they’re so rigid in their beliefs. But it showed me just how far she was willing to go to show me her disapproval of my choices in life.
“So, when she came to my bakery and struck a deal, I knew that if I declined her there would be consequences.”
“What was the deal, Sarah?” I could hear it in his voice. That he’d march right over to my parents’ house and demand my mother to leave me the hell alone .
I couldn’t help the shaking in my voice as I said, “She told me that if I dated a man of her choosing, she would fully support my bakery. That she would encourage all of her friends to book their events with me so I could take the next step toward becoming an exclusive cake decorator.”
My next words came out in a rush. “So, I’ve gone on a few dates with her friend’s son. It was after you took me out on our first date and I already knew that no one in the world could compare to you, but I’ve struggled my entire life to be accepted by my mom and when she told me that she would endorse my dream of becoming a renown cake decorator, I didn’t know how to say no.” I sucked in a lungful of air and realized I was gripping the lapels of his brown jacket for fear if I let go, I’d lose him forever.
Heat hit the back of my eyes as I continued quietly, “He means absolutely nothing to me and I’m going to end things with him later this week. Not that there’s anything to truly end because nothing’s happened between us and he’s actually kind of awful. But I’m going to tell him that I don’t want to see him anymore. That I’ve fallen for someone else.”
Ranger’s face was impassive. I opened my mouth to say more, to say anything that would convince him that I wasn’t a completely awful person. But there was nothing else to say. So, I clamped my lips shut and let the silence linger between us.
Cold licked at my skin as the sun finally slinked beneath the horizon, leaving Ranger and me dusted in twilight. A muscle ticked along his jaw and I swore an eternity slipped by as he mulled over everything I said to him .
I couldn’t stand the silence anymore. “Say something,” I whispered. “Please.”
His gaze finally settled on me, his face still unreadable.
Oh no . This is it.
My breath caught as I readied myself for the blow I knew would land as he told me he wanted nothing to do with me. That there was no way he would continue building a relationship with a liar.
Maybe it was my own self-loathing that made me gasp as he framed my face with both his hands. “Sarah, the only thing that makes me mad about that story is the fact that you felt so cornered by your own mother that you went against your better judgment and started seeing a man you had no feelings for. Do I wish you would have told me sooner? Yes. But that’s only so that I could have convinced you that giving in to someone like your power-hungry mother will only lead to your demise.”
I gaped at him. “Wait, so you’re not angry at me?”
His fingers came to grasp my chin and as he tilted my head back, he brushed his lips against mine. “No, sugar. I’m not. I couldn’t expect you to fully dedicate yourself to me when we’d only been on one date. That wouldn’t be fair, especially since we’d never talked about being exclusive.”
He wasn’t mad. Maybe I hadn’t screwed this up after all.
He kept my chin snug between his thumb and forefinger while he snaked his other arm around my waist, drawing me so close to him I could feel the hard planes of his body even through our coats.
His eyes shifted into a molten storm of blue and silver as his tone deepened an octave. “But now that we have everything out in the open, let’s make one thing clear. From this moment forward, you’re mine.”
My toes curled in my boots as his lips came down on mine with a kiss that nearly brought me to my knees. Everything I was, he took. And I gave willingly. Opening up to him, baring my very essence to him like I’d never shown anyone before. His kiss explored every facet of who I was and I relished in how he took his time, gently nipping and suckling against my lips. His tongue rolled against mine in languid movements.
He was right. I was irrevocably his. When we parted, our breaths becoming one, I looked into his eyes and knew that he was mine too.