34. Sydney
“Is this his Airbnb?” I ask the obvious question as Cole and I step up to the front door of an old rundown rambler along the river.
“Yup. It’s, uh…it’s nothing fancy.” He looks nervous almost, embarrassed for some reason.
“It’s fine, Cole.” I place one hand on his arm and use the other to knock on the door. He runs his hand through his hair and looks unsettled, clearly not convinced despite my appeasing. I don’t know why he’s so nervous, but he should know by now that he has no reason to be.
The door creaks open, and a gentleman about my dad’s age appears. He’s got the same depth to his stare that Cole has, and aside from the beginning signs of wrinkles and the salt and pepper sprinkled along his hairline, he’s nearly the spitting image of him too.
“Well, what do we have here?” he croons, studying me in admiration. Not in a creepy way, more of an ‘I’m honored to meet you’ kind of a way that feels warm. Soothing.
“Paul, this is Sydney,” Cole says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder in a protective way that I secretly love.
“Well, I assumed so, with you showing up with her and all.” He ushers us inside while throwing me a wink. “Didn’t expect her to be so pretty, though.”
I immediately feel at ease and wonder what it is about Fredrickson men that makes them ooze with this kind of relatable tenderness.
Then I remember that these two might be the exception—it’s most definitely not all of them that have this trait.
“Come in, come in. There’s a couch right over here in the living room. Why don’t you two have a seat?” His Minnesotan accent is so thick it makes me bite back a smile thinking of how many times he must have stuck out like a sore thumb down in Texas.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir,” I say cheerfully.
“Oh, please. No formalities needed here.” He brushes me off with a wave as I sit beside Cole on the couch.
“You’re Peterson’s little girl, right?” Paul settles into the La-Z-Boy across from us. “You’ve got your dad’s cheekbones.”
“Do I?” A hint of pride surges through me at the mention of my dad.
“Mm-hmm. Cole tells me you’re renovating the lodge out there.”
“We are! Have you ever stayed there?”
“Oh yeah. Many times. In fact, I remember you and your brother running around like you owned the place when you were kids.”
I laugh. “Sounds about right.”
“Is Shirley still out there?” Something shifts in his expression when he mentions her name—a softening of sorts.
“She is. She mentioned you two were friends.”
A small huff comes out as nostalgia gleams in his eyes. “We were.”
“So how long are you planning on staying, Paul?” Cole asks after a brief lull. Paul leans forward in his seat.
“That’s what I want to talk to you about, actually.” He rubs his hands together then scrapes one against his jaw.
“I’m planning on staying,” he announces.
“Yeah, but for how long?” Cole asks.
“For good,” he replies. My eyes dart to Cole, who’s staring blankly at Paul, emotionless and struggling to comprehend, while I try to hide my gaping mouth behind my hand.
“I’ve been all across this country, and I’m officially sick of it. It took me this long to realize there’s no place I’d rather be than here,” he says. “Besides, I miss you, Cole. I can swing down to Longville from here a heck of a lot easier than I can from out of state.”
“Are you serious?” Cole asks, his brows etched together.
“Yes. I’ve been feeling guilty about not being there for you as much as I should have been. I’d like to make up for that now.”
The disbelieving look on Cole’s face makes my heart crack in two as I realize how few people in his life have actually chosen him. How few have ever put him first.
“I’m here to stay,” Paul insists, bringing a leg up to fold across his knee. “I’m getting too old to travel like I used to anyway.”
“Wow.” Cole breathes before clearing his throat. “I mean, that’s great, Paul. I’m thrilled.”
Paul beams at him from across the room, and from the way Cole grins back at him, it doesn’t take much to see that these two have a special connection.
“Do you want your cabin back? It’s yours if you do,” Cole offers. “It’s always been yours anyway.”
As much as I had once desperately hoped to attain that land, I’m glad Cole never sold it to me. It belongs to them.
“Nope.” Paul shakes his head vehemently. “Do whatever you want with that place. I’ll find a new house. I feel like I need a fresh start up here.”
“Are you sure?” Cole asks.
“Yup. I won’t say no to you helping me find a house, though. I think I like being on the river like this.”
“Anything you need. I don’t have plans to head back to Longville for a while yet, so I’m here for whatever you need.”
Cole’s reminder that there’s an impending end to our stay on Takini Island sends a twinge of panic to my core. I’m not nearly ready enough to say goodbye to him. That, and also the idea that we could go our separate ways without cementing whatever this connection between us is—to name it and validate it—makes me nauseated.
“Do you two want to stay for dinner?” Paul asks. “I don’t have much for food, but we could order pizza?”
“I think we’ll have to take a rain check,” Cole says, rising to stand. “We should get going. I don’t want to boat back in the dark.”
“Another time,” I promise as we walk toward the door.
“Sydney, it was a pleasure meeting you,” Paul says, pulling me in for a hug.
“Likewise.” I smile at him then step out of the way while he and Cole shake hands.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Cole says. Then he takes my hand to lead me back to the car.
“This is so exciting,” I say once we head out of the driveway. “Your uncle is staying, Cole. This is big!”
“Yeah,” he says flatly, scraping his hand down the side of his face.
“You don’t seem as happy as I thought you’d be,” I comment gently.
“It’s just…kind of hard to believe he would settle down here. That he would come back to be closer to me.” He says it so nonchalantly that it twists at my heart.
“Of course he would, Cole,” I say as emphatically as I can. “You’re important to him.”
“Logically, I know that.” He smiles over at me. “It just takes my heart a bit to catch up sometimes.”
I run my hand along his forearm as we drive through town. My mind drifts to my mom, and I feel her proximity in a physical way, like a weight pressing on me.
“Hey, before we go to the marina, do you think we could stop by the nursing home really quick?” I ask. Now that I know what it’s like to see her, it feels wrong to be in Baudette without stopping there.
“Sure,” he replies right away. He doesn’t hesitate or tell me that it’ll be dark soon. He just does what he’s always done—and what I hope I do for him. He blindly supports me.
“I’ll make it quick, I promise.” I shoot my dad a text to let him know we’re coming, and before I know it, we’ve pulled into the nursing home parking lot.
Without me having to ask, he climbs right out of the car and walks next to me, offering his hand for support.
“Hey, Dad.” I give my dad a hug when we make it up to Mom’s floor.
“What a nice surprise,” he says, a wide grin on his face.
“I just…wanted to say hi, I guess,” I say, an unsettling energy creeping in at the thought of seeing her again.
“Anytime, Syd.” He says it with a gleam in his eye, like maybe this is all he has wanted all along. “You don’t need a reason to come.”
I squeeze Cole’s arm, leaving him with my dad while I head inside her room. Seeing Mom takes my breath away, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to seeing her lifeless and without the things that make her…her.
I slide into the chair and open my mouth to say something, but just like the last time, the words get stuck. Remembering the journal, I pull it out and hover the pen over the paper to see if anything will come.
Hi, Mom.
I smile to myself, realizing how much easier it is to write my words down onto paper instead of speaking them out loud. Maybe this is how I do it—how I move forward. I highly doubt there’s a right or wrong way to navigate this situation.
I met Paul Fredrickson, Cole’s uncle, today. Did you know him? You probably did. He seems sweet.
The words aren’t anything more than an update on my day. A rambling of sorts, giving her small details of my life that she would have loved to be included in once upon a time. My eyes catch on a tray of food by Mom’s bed.
How’s the food here? I hope it’s not bad. Maybe I’ll make you some cookies and bring them soon. Those chocolate pecan ones you like.
I glance at the clock on the wall, knowing we need to get back to the boat before dark.
Anyway, we’re about to head back to the island. I’ll give Graham a hug for you. I think we’re all coming back tomorrow to visit. See you then.
Love you.
I look up, watching her for a few moments, soaking up the way being this close to her makes me feel. Then I shut the journal and head back out to Cole.