If You Stayed

4 Kierra

4

Kierra

Present Day

“What took you so long?” Henry whispered as I emerged back at the dinner party. He eyed me up and down once before grimacing. It was clear he wasn’t a fan of my outfit change, but he couldn’t say that in a crowded room with his associates and friends.

“Sorry. I had to find something different to wear.” I smoothed my slightly shaky hands over my gown as my eyes glanced around the room, searching for Gabriel. When my stare returned to Henry’s, I allowed a small fake smile to slip out. “How do I look?”

“Like you aren’t even trying,” he whispered before linking my arm with his. “Let’s try this one more time. And I’d prefer if you didn’t make such a scene this go-around.”

“Yes, dear,” I sarcastically remarked. “I’ll be your perfect little robot.”

Henry pinched my arm slightly in response to my remark, and I yipped quietly, but I didn’t say another word. He led us over to where Gabriel and his redhead were situated. My stomach instantly began to twist once more as we stood in front of the two.

“Let’s try this introduction again,” Henry smiled, nodding toward Gabriel. It was unsettling how quickly my husband could seemingly shift his whole mood when others were around. It was as if his perfect mask was always in place except when he and I were alone together.

“Sweetheart, this is Gabriel Sinclair of GS Architecture, and Ramona, his associate,” Henry said.

Associate?

Not his girlfriend?

The way my stomach slightly unknotted from that news should’ve been a big warning sign.

“And this is my beautiful, brilliant, successful wife, Kierra,” Henry continued.

“I could get used to that kind of introduction,” I half-joked. If Henry always treated me the way he did in front of others, I would’ve been head over heels for the man. It was the private conversations that made me despise him. The hardest thing about my husband was how he looked at me in front of others compared to how he acted toward me in the privacy of our lives. I’d never met another man who acted like heaven in public but in the shadows felt so painfully like hell. He was the definition of a handsome devil.

I held my hand out toward Ramona first. “It’s nice to meet you both.”

“The pleasure is all ours,” Gabriel said as he reached his hand for me. As his palm linked with mine, a pool of heat gathered in my stomach and I worked like heck to keep tears from falling from my eyes. I probably held on to his grip too long. I probably left his hand moist from how much my own had been sweating. I’d probably appeared like a deer in headlights as our eyes locked together. Still, I couldn’t look away.

He dropped my hand.

I instantly missed his warmth.

I rubbed my sweaty palm against the side of my dress and forced another smile. “And how do you three know one another?”

“I told you,” Henry said. “He’s the head architect on the build.”

My jaw slackened. “You mean he’s the Gabriel?” I asked, stunned. I turned back to Gabriel. “Henry says you’re one of the top three greatest architects in the whole world.”

Gabriel laughed the kind of laugh that made his left dimple deepen as if it had been carved out by Michelangelo himself. “I’d hate to know who the other two are. I’m a jealous man and would turn it into a competition to be first.”

“My wife didn’t mean any harm by the comment,” Henry urged. “Sometimes she speaks without thinking.”

Oh, screw you, Henry.

I smiled. “Yes. I didn’t mean anything bad by it. It’s very impressive.”

Gabriel’s hand brushed against his slight beard. “I took no offense. I’m not that sensitive. And thank you. That means a lot to me. I’m surprised we haven’t met yet. Henry has spoken so highly of you.”

I wasn’t surprised that we hadn’t met. Henry left me out of many things. I didn’t even know the building plan for the new property was ready to go until a week ago. A construction team showed up to clear the land of trees, rocks, and debris. I had to force Ava to stay out of the way because she was so intrigued by construction and architecture. Buildings fascinated her even more than novels—which was saying a lot.

Gosh, Gabriel looked remarkable. So grown up. I’d never envisioned him with facial hair when I was younger, but it worked well for him. He looked so…adult. A handsome adult with a full beard. I bet someone was in love with him. How could they not fall in love with a face and stature like that? He was tall, dark, and handsome. And he definitely no longer dressed like a toad.

Armani now, it appeared.

“An architect,” I muttered, amazed. “You always wanted to be an architect.” The three looked at me confused. I shook my head. “Sorry. I meant that as a question. Did you always want to be an architect?”

I knew the answer because I knew him.

The answer was yes.

Just like his father.

“Yeah, for a long time. My father was an architect. He passed when I was young, and unfortunately I don’t remember much of him. I was in an accident as a teen and suffered from memory loss.”

“Oh?” I breathed out, pretending I didn’t know every freaking detail, which I did because I was there the night it happened.

“Yeah.” He smiled, but it felt a bit sadder. “But from the stories my mother told me, I looked up to my father quite a bit. It only seemed right to take after him. I studied his blueprints for a long time. They’re framed in my office. He was a genius. I just hope I’m making him proud. Even though I don’t remember much about him, there’s still something in me that wants to make him damn proud.”

“He loved you so much,” I blurted out.

Again, strange looks from the three.

Luckily for me, Lena appeared from the kitchen and said, “Sorry to interrupt, but dinner is ready if you’d all like to take your seats in the dining hall.”

Saved by the roasted chicken, creamy pasta, and mashed potatoes.

Henry gestured for Gabriel and Ramona to head in the direction of the dining room, guiding me behind them. He leaned in and whispered, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

I managed a tiny smile and shook my head. “Sorry. Tired.”

“Well, wake up. You’re embarrassing me.”

***

Henry, Ava, and I lived on more than fifty acres of land. When we bought the property, there was only the smaller house on it. Living in that house had been fine, especially after all the issues we’d had with people stalking my husband. After those scary moments, I’d rather only a few people knew where we lived. I’d never forget the night I went outside and found a hooded woman dumpster-diving in my trash bins. She ran before I could see her, and our cameras didn’t have a good angle on her face, but it wasn’t the first time we’d found people lurking. The downside of being married to a visionary like Henry was that he came with both enemies and fanatic fans.

I felt comfortable knowing our safety was intact. Sometimes, I argued with Henry about how hosting such extraordinary dinner parties put our solitude in jeopardy. With how his parties went, I was certain it wouldn’t take long for people to find our new location.

He told me I was being too dramatic and that the security cameras on the property were the best of the best, since he’d created them. He believed we just needed more space to improve our safety, not fewer drunken parties.

Even in our current house, we had been able to host gatherings with twenty individuals for dinner, so I supposed “smaller house” was in the eye of the beholder.

Based on Henry’s vision for the new home, we’d easily be hosting hundreds at our parties. I worried living in such a large house would lead to a cold, lonely feeling when the parties weren’t taking place, but Henry didn’t much care about my thoughts on that. I’d tried to convince him that bigger didn’t always mean better, but he’d told me I didn’t have much say on the subject because he had a vision.

His vision was of building the largest high-tech smart home known to mankind. He’d worked on finding the right architect for the build, and lo and behold he’d found Gabriel.

My Gabriel.

My once-upon-a-time Gabriel, that was.

All through dinner, I’d forced myself to not stare too long at Gabriel, looking his way just enough to make it seem as if I wasn’t completely avoiding eye contact. It was hands down the most uncomfortable dinner party of my life, and I’d once had dinner with a group of surgeons who loved to tell gruesome stories over a casserole.

After dinner, the crowd would converse for a few more hours over music. Henry had hired a jazz musician for after-dinner entertainment, and I was almost certain there would be a fireworks display. There were always fireworks at Henry Hughes parties.

I hated fireworks. They always made my skin crawl.

The house was ringing with laughter, yet I felt so thrown off and sad.

So achingly sad.

After one too many surface-level conversations, I excused myself to take a walk outside. I was in desperate need of fresh air to clear my clogged thoughts. There was such a big part of me that had left Gabriel Sinclair in my past. I’d buried him away in my mind after his mother forbade me to ever see him again.

And now here he was.

The late-spring air brushed against my skin as I stood outside, breathing in the scents of the trees surrounding me. The sun had set a few hours prior, and the only light was streaming from the house. The louder the laughter grew in the distance, the more bourbon was being poured. Henry was probably wasted by now and about to start playing the piano. I was sure he’d delivered one of his speeches, too—a speech that usually went on too long.

I liked the stillness of the land whenever I explored it alone. I liked the calmness of it all after living in the city for so long. There was something so peaceful about the quietness of the earth when no one else was around. I liked waking up and enjoying my coffee as the sun was just beginning to yawn awake, and the birds quietly sang their morning songs.

Henry joked that we lived on so much land that if we screamed, no one would hear us. I believed that to be true.

“You’re currently standing in the kitchen,” a voice boomed, shaking me from my stillness. I turned around to find Gabriel standing there. He smiled a little and gestured to the ground. “And if you take a few steps to the left, that will be the butler’s pantry.”

My confused heartbeat began to slow slightly. I stepped to my left. “Here?”

He walked over, placed his hands against my shoulders, and moved me two more steps to my left. “Here.”

I smiled. “It’s very nice butler’s pantry.”

“Very nice indeed.” He slipped off his suit jacket and placed it over my shoulders. The breeze was chilly for the late-spring night, and he must’ve noticed my slight shiver.

He then rolled up the sleeves on his button-down shirt. That wasn’t surprising. Gabriel always ran hot-blooded. I swore he could go outside in the middle of a blizzard and complain that the snow felt warm.

He brushed a finger against his nose before pointing out into the distance. “Right there will be the primary bedroom with his-and-hers closets.”

“I won’t tell on you if you make my closet a little bigger than his,” I joked.

He leaned in toward me and whispered, “It’s already bigger.”

“I knew I liked you.”

He smiled, that dimple returning, and my body tingled all over. Gosh, I’d missed his smiles. I didn’t know how much I’d missed them until they returned to me that evening. Gabriel’s smiles were warm and lazy at the same time. As if smiles were just something he so easily crafted. His smiles felt like stable, expected love—so sure and effortless.

Though his proximity did bring me a whirl of emotions. Our closeness only made me want to lean in toward him more. I wanted to feel the warmth that radiated from his mere existence. He seemed so…happy. Confident too. That pleased me, because the last time I saw him, it was the opposite of that. Gabriel had grown into his own happiness. I couldn’t think of a soul who deserved that more.

Who did he share that joy with? Who currently received the ghost of my past love?

“And what about here?” I asked, darting away from him and shaking off the butterflies that had no right to be forming in my gut. I placed my feet against solid ground.

He slid his hands into his pockets and arched an eyebrow. “That’s the family room.”

“And here?” I asked, moving to the right.

“The meditation space.”

“Do you meditate?”

“Every morning before yoga.”

I arched an eyebrow. “You do yoga?”

“It’s good for my body and soul. Without it, I’d probably be as stiff as a board.”

I laughed. “I tried to get Henry into yoga. He said that was a woman’s fluff thing.”

“Henry mentioned the meditation room was for you and your yoga.”

“Yes, it was my only request. He took over the rest of the planning process, but I was determined to have a room just for me.”

“Good for you, Kierra. You deserve that.”

I didn’t know why, but hearing my name roll off his tongue made me want to cry. So I moved again.

“Oh, oh, and here?” I asked, taking large strides across the empty plot of land.

“That is…” His brows knit and he tilted his head as if trying to recall his master plans for the property.

“It’s okay if you don’t know. I know it’s almost impossible to remember it—”

I stopped speaking because he held up a hand. “No, I know this,” he stated. He scrunched up his nose. “The only problem is I think you’re standing in two places at once. Your left foot is in the family room, while your right is in the dining hall.”

“I always wanted to be in two places at once.”

“That’s very A Walk to Remember of you,” he joked.

I arched an eyebrow. “You know the movie?”

Of course, he did. I’d made him watch it a dozen times with me when we were young. He hated it, but he always watched with me. Did he remember it, though? Did he remember me? Is that why he’d brought it up? As a sign that he knew who I’d been and he was quietly trying to tell me? Is that why he came outside to find me? To tell me that he—

“My last ex was in love with it,” he said.

The slight hope I’d had deflated instantly.

Why did I feel like crying again?

I wanted to shoot a million and one questions toward him that I knew he couldn’t answer. Trillions of thoughts bombarded my mind as I stared into the eyes of a man who once knew me. How did he handle losing his brother? What was it like when his mother told him what happened to Elijah? I wanted to ask him everything, but I didn’t know what lines were mine to cross. The last time I saw his mother, Amma made it clear that she wanted me to have nothing to do with her son. She made me promise all those years back that I’d stay away. It was the hardest promise I’d ever had to keep, but it was the least I could do after the harm I’d caused. I felt as if I didn’t deserve Gabriel, not his love and not his friendship.

Yet there he was, standing right in front of me, reminding me of every memory we’ve ever made. An avalanche of emotions rushed through my system as the memories were unlocked, and he didn’t seem to remember a single one. A million questions fluttered through my mind about him and who he’d become while he stared at me as if I were nothing more than a stranger.

Are you currently in love with someone? Who last broke your heart? Do you still brush your teeth with your nondominant hand? Did your mother open her bakery? Do you still think you dream in color? What’s your favorite dinner spot nowadays? Do you have any pets? Do you still play baseball for fun? What’s your best memory from the past twenty years? How do you deal with failure? When was the last time you cried? Do you remember anything from your past? Did any memories come back? How much did it hurt to learn about Elijah’s passing? Is your heart okay? Has it healed? Do you remember me somewhere in your subconscious? Even small, minuscule details of us? Are there fragments of me lingering within your thoughts? When you look at me now, does your heart unwaveringly skip a few beats?

Gabriel took a step toward me, with his hands still in his pockets. His strides were direct and his eyes were packed with intent as he moved in closer. “I have an odd question for you.”

I swallowed hard. “Okay. Shoot.”

“Do we…” His voice faltered. He shook his head slightly. “Do we—”

“Gabriel,” was called from the direction of the house. I turned to see Ramona walking toward us with jackets in her hands. Gabriel took a step away from me. He shook off the thought as he turned toward Ramona and gave her a smile. She moved in closer, slightly out of breath. “I got our coats. We can head out.” Her blue eyes moved over to me and she glanced around. “Was Gabriel telling you about his plans?”

“Yes, he was. It’s going to be amazing.”

“Trust me, you have no clue. He’s a master,” she urged, nudging his arm.

Oh.

She was in love with him.

I wondered if Gabriel knew it.

Ramona stayed close to his side. “But we should get going, since you have a big day in the office tomorrow.”

“You work on the weekend?” I asked, somewhat surprised.

“It’s busy season,” he replied.

“Every season is busy season,” Ramona countered. “Gabriel is a bit of a workaholic. I try to get him to take vacations but his mind doesn’t shut off.” She held her hand out toward me. “It was wonderful meeting you, Kierra. Thank you for letting us come to one of the Henry Hughes dinner parties. They are as legendary as I’ve heard them claimed to be.”

I shook her hand. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

“That’s the understatement of the year. It was remarkable. Can I ask… What is it like being married to the future of technology? I can hardly process how incredibly wise Henry is. And handsome, too. It must be a gift to have such a man to call your husband.”

I chuckled quietly. “It’s interesting to say the least. Henry is very gifted. There’s no getting around that fact.”

“And handsome,” Ramona insisted once more.

Gabriel frowned and took his coat from Ramona. “Thanks again for having us, Kierra.” He held his hand toward me, and I shook it. “I’m positive we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other over these next few months.”

“I look forward to it,” I said. “I hope you both have a great evening.”

They thanked me and began to walk away. I studied Gabriel the whole time until I went to rub my arms and felt his jacket against me.

“Oh, wait! Gabriel!” I called.

He looked over his shoulder and saw me waving his suit jacket in the air. He whispered something to Ramona, and she nodded before continuing toward the front of the house where their car was waiting. Gabriel walked over toward me.

“Sorry, I almost stole your jacket,” I said, handing it over.

“Not a problem. And I do apologize for Ramona’s comments on Henry. I blame it on one too many glasses of wine.”

“No worries. Henry is handsome. I hear it all the time. Plus, our dinner parties do have quite an array of alcohol flowing. It’s part of the Henry Hughes experience. Most of the time, guests arrive in their own cars and are sent off in taxis.”

Gabriel didn’t smile this time. I wasn’t even certain he was completely taking in my words. He hesitated as if falling back into thought. His mouth parted and then he said, “This is going to sound crazy, but I swear I’ve seen you before?” He asked it as a question.

I swallowed hard. “I—”

He narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “Do you get coffee from Florence Bakery?”

My gut dropped. I nodded my head. “I do. Every morning before I go into work.”

He snapped his fingers. “That’s it. That’s where I’ve seen you before. I go every morning, too.”

We’ve crossed paths in Florence Bakery before? How many times? Have we bumped shoulders before? Has his arm grazed mine? How many months have we been in the same room, breathing the same air? How have I not noticed him? Sure, Florence is normally packed, but still… I can’t believe that for months I may have been so close to him, but still so far away.

It pained me slightly, seeing that he’d only recognized me from the bakery. It was clear he didn’t recall me completely. It was clear that Amma made sure to never share anything about me with her son. A part of me resented that, but a bigger part of me understood. I’d already taken so much from their lives. The least I could do was keep the promise I’d made to Gabriel’s mother during the darkest season of her life. Especially when those dark days were caused by me.

Besides, Gabriel seemed good. He seemed happy. I feared if he learned about his and my connection, it would only add confusion to his life. I didn’t want that for him. All I wanted, all I ever wanted, was for him to be happy. Even if that meant he’d never have any memories of me.

“They have great coffee,” I said, uncertain of what else to express.

“And cinnamon muffins.”

I smiled. “I always get their cinnamon muffins. I get there extra early to get one, because they always sell out. I’ve never not gotten a cinnamon muffin from them.”

He gasped. “Never?”

“Never.”

“I have cried for hours over losing out on the muffins,” he teased. “And now I’m almost certain it’s you who is getting the last one before me.”

I shrugged with a smug look of pleasure. “That’s on you for showing up too late. Step up your game.”

“That sounds like a challenge.”

“All I know is I’m never going without my muffin. I will throw elbows for that dang thing. It makes my mornings that much brighter.”

“So you work in the city?”

“I do. I’m a therapist.”

“Oh.” He nodded. “That makes sense.”

I chuckled. “Does it?”

“It does.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I’m pretty good at reading people. I study people all the time. I’m a professional at two things—architecture and people watching.”

“Is that so?”

“It is.” He smirked. “And you give off therapist vibes.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

“It’s a good thing,” he said. “A very good thing.”

“What exactly are the therapist vibes I give off?”

“Well…” He rubbed his cheek. “When you talk to people, you really talk to people and listen as if it’s a late-breaking news story. You look at them as if the most important conversation ever is taking place. I saw you inside earlier talking to Marc Christian about rocks for a solid fifteen minutes, and you looked so intrigued.”

“It was a very interesting conversation. I love to talk about a grown man’s rock collection,” I joked.

“It wasn’t interesting at all, and Marc has a very monotone voice. I fell asleep eavesdropping.”

“I thought I heard someone snoring.”

“It was when he spoke about his rock polish. He said that, and away I went.” He made snoring sounds, making me break into laughter.

Gosh, in the past few minutes, he’d made me laugh more than Henry had in the past three years. “What can I say? I like to know what people are thinking. Even if they are thinking about rocks,” I said.

“Sounds about right, Mrs. Therapist.”

Before I could reply, the sky was lit with fireworks. Our eyes instantly drifted up, and the lazy smile on Gabriel’s face returned. As he studied the sky, I studied him.

“Don’t read me, Mrs. Therapist,” Gabriel whispered, feeling my stare on him. “My thoughts are a little messy and jumbled in my head.”

“That’s my favorite type of novel.”

“Oh my gosh, Gabriel! Look! Fireworks!” Ramona said, reappearing out of nowhere and pointing at the sky. She’d somehow returned with another glass of champagne.

Gabriel gave Ramona a thumbs-up as she swung around, her dress swirling, and stared as if the sky had just exposed a new dimension. So many ooh s and ahh s.

“I better get her home,” Gabriel murmured. “I hope you have a good night, Kierra.”

He began to turn away from me, but before he was too far gone, I called out to him. “Gabriel?”

He turned back in my direction, and my stomach fluttered as I rediscovered his gentle eyes. “Yes?”

“Are you happy?”

“Happy?”

“Yes. Sorry, I know it’s a super-random question, but I’m just curious. Are you happy with your life?”

He raked his hand through his hair. “Life has its ups and downs, but I lean toward happy.”

My troubled heart found comfort in that response. “Keep leaning that way, okay?”

The warm, lazy smile returned to his full lips. “I’ll do my best. Have a great weekend. Maybe on Monday I’ll beat you to the last cinnamon muffin.”

“Don’t threaten my life like that, Gabriel.”

“‘May the odds be ever in your favor,’” he said as he bowed slightly, delighting me with the surprise Hunger Games reference.

He began to walk away. And for a moment, I considered showing up at Florence Bakery and waiting all morning solely to fight Gabriel over the last cinnamon muffin.