12 Kierra
12
Kierra
Good night, Penguin.
It was two thirty in the morning when Gabriel took me home. We’d sat under his porch lights sketching for hours. We talked a little but drew more. The only reason I’d left was because my eyes grew heavy and I knew I’d hate to deal with explaining to Henry why I was out all evening.
Yet to my surprise, when Gabriel dropped me off, Henry’s car was not in the driveway. As I headed to bed, I realized I was still wearing Gabriel’s sweatshirt that smelled like him. As I pulled it off, I held it close to my chest and breathed in deeply. If I had it my way, I would’ve stayed at Gabriel’s house. If I had it my way, I would’ve never left him all those years before.
I stayed wide awake for a while, thinking about my time with Gabriel and how he’d called me Penguin.
He was remembering.
Maybe not fully, and maybe not clearly, but he was recalling pieces of us slowly but surely.
I couldn’t help but wonder if that was a good or bad thing. Every day that passed, I found myself resenting Amma more. She needed to tell Gabriel about Elijah. He deserved to know, and the more time I spent around him, the more I felt like I was betraying him, too, by withholding that information. When I saw Amma again, I’d push for her to tell him.
Each day I fought demons in my mind, feeling heavy levels of guilt for the secrets that were being kept from the kindest man I’ve ever met. Gabriel deserved to know. He deserved to grieve.
I wavered back and forth about the idea of telling him everything. Even the parts that would make him hate me. Because Elijah deserved it. He deserved to be known by the brother who loved him the deepest. But then the other side of guilt filled me up, knowing that Amma ordered me to stay quiet because I was the cause of it all…
I was the one who took her son away from her. I was the reason Gabriel no longer had a brother. If it were Ava who had been lost, I didn’t know how I’d react. Death changed individuals into versions of themselves that weren’t even recognizable. Grief shifted a person’s soul in a million different directions. Who was I to tell a mother how she was supposed to heal from the hardest heartbreak of her life? Who was I to determine her timeline?
But this was Elijah, and Gabriel loved that little boy so very much…
Gosh, he deserved to know.
I knew it wasn’t my story to tell, yet if Amma didn’t step up and do what was right, I would be left with little choice but to speak up on Elijah’s behalf.
Because a boy like him deserved to be remembered.
Even if that meant Gabriel would never speak to me again.
***
When I woke in the morning, Henry’s side of the bed was messy, but he wasn’t there. I heard a commotion in the kitchen and pulled myself out of bed. He must’ve come and gone quite quickly, only resting a few hours.
When I reached the kitchen, I found Henry sitting at the counter with Ava. Lena was scrambling up breakfast at the stovetop.
I raised an eyebrow, walked over to Ava, and kissed her forehead. “Morning, Sunshine. I thought you were staying at your grandmother’s until this afternoon.”
“It is afternoon, Mom,” she said. “Lena’s making us brunch.”
Was it already noon? Had I slept in that long? “I could’ve made brunch,” I urged, looking over to Lena, who had enough nerve to smile at me as if she wasn’t sleeping with my husband. Husband being a term I was using very loosely.
“It’s not a problem. I love spending extra time here,” Lena said. “You’re my favorite family that I’m able to cook for.”
I bet we are, Lena.
I walked over to the coffeepot and filled a big mug for myself.
“Get me one, too, will you?” Henry requested. I did as he said and slid it over to him. He looked up toward me with a big grin. “You look like shit.”
“Dad,” Ava said, “that’s mean.”
“Yeah, that’s mean,” I echoed. “I was up late.”
“Doing what?”
“Sketching,” I said.
“Are you making more fashion sketches?” Ava asked. “You haven’t done that in a long time.”
“Yeah. I guess watching you sketch your architectural designs inspired me to get back into it.”
“But hers could lead to a profession. Yours are just doodles,” Henry said, undercutting her. That was his favorite pastime—downplaying whatever I loved.
“Hey now, be nice. Kierra is an amazing designer. I’m hoping she makes me an original piece one day,” Lena said, winking my way as she headed around the corner to the pantry.
I wanted to vomit from her wink. The last person I needed to back me up was the woman who was sleeping with my husband. Oddly enough, what bothered me most was that they used my bed. We had a whole guest room where their scandal could’ve taken place. I bet Henry got off on the idea of it though—having another woman on my side of the bed.
Henry and Ava headed out of the kitchen to give Lena space to cook. While she was in the pantry, I hurried upstairs to grab the jewelry I’d found. Then I headed back to the kitchen.
“Thanks for making brunch, Lena,” I said as I walked toward her.
She turned my way with a vibrant smile. “Not a problem. I was going to make maple-glazed bacon for you. I know you love that.”
“Wow, thank you. That’s so sweet. Also, I think I found one of your earrings.” I held it out toward her.
Her eyes widened with excitement. “Oh my goodness, I thought I lost this. Thank you, Kierra.”
“Not a problem at all,” I smiled sweetly. “I found it in my bedsheets.”
Lena’s facial expression filled with shock as the words rolled off my tongue. She parted her lips to speak, but nothing came out at first.
I kept smiling, even though a part of me was breaking. Sure, I didn’t love my husband, but I really, really loved Lena. I felt blindsided by that betrayal.
“Kierra…” she whispered. Seeing her eyes flood with tears was enough of a confession for me. I didn’t need to hear more, but I deserved to hear more. “I’m so sorry about that. We… I–I don’t know what to say.”
“Just say you’re sleeping with my husband in my bed while smiling in my face and making me maple-glazed bacon.”
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s not. You slept with my husband. That’s the least complex thing ever to exist.”
“He said… He said you two weren’t happy.” The tears began to flow down her cheeks, and I hated her for crying. What did she have to be sad about? Not only was she paid well for her services, but she also was getting bonuses from my husband. If anything, she should’ve been thrilled. A solid paycheck and orgasms. A win-win.
“Oh, okay. That’s good to know. I just wasn’t aware that my unhappiness opened up the right for you to sleep with him in my bedroom.”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen. It was an accident.” She lowered her head and wiped away her tears. “I can quit if you’d like—”
“Yes,” I cut in. “I’d like that. After you finish Ava’s eggs Benedict. She loves them.”
She nodded. “Right. Of course. Not a problem.”
I started to walk off but turned toward her. “Lena?”
“Yes?”
“We’re not happy, Henry and me. But I did have the stupid idea that you and I were friends. I think that’s what hurts the most.”
We all ate brunch together. I pretended I was okay, and Lena pretended that she wasn’t going to quit within the next few hours.
I spent the remainder of the day with Ava, reading our novels and discussing them during snack breaks. That brought me the comfort I needed the most. Whenever I felt lost and alone, that girl brought me home again with her laughter and love.