22 Gabriel
22
Gabriel
Present Day
As Kierra finished telling me the story, her whole body shook and tears poured from her eyes. I stood there, shocked by the words rolling from her tongue. I couldn’t fantom what she was telling me.
A brother?
I had a little brother?
That was too bizarre for me to even wrap my mind around. How was that even possible? Why would Mom never tell me about this?
It wasn’t until Kierra pulled out the photographs from her purse and began to show me actual photos of me, her, and Elijah together that I fully began to believe her. I felt sick to my stomach as I flipped through the photographs. Dozens and dozens of the three of us, laughing together. Dozens of pictures showing me the truth of my brother. My little brother.
Fucking hell. I had a little brother.
How…?
Wait…?
“ What? ” I said, tossing a hand through my hair. “And my mother told you to stay away from me?”
“Don’t blame her, Gabriel. Before the accident, she already struggled with worry. She was constantly afraid of something happening to you due to your father’s passing. That fear only grew after Elijah was born. Then, after the accident, she fell apart. It was too much for her.”
“Too much for her?” I huffed. “She erased my memories pretty much, making sure they stayed gone. If I’d never run into you, I would’ve spent the rest of my life never knowing about Elijah. So forgive me for not being so forgiving of her.”
Kierra grew quiet, not pushing the topic. Truthfully, I was in a state of shock from the whole situation, but that didn’t dismiss the fact that I could see the hurt in Kierra. The level of guilt she’d felt over the whole thing. It wasn’t as if she wanted to abandon me; she’d felt she had no choice.
Still, I wonder what I would’ve done if the situation were flipped around. Would I have listened to her parents if they told me to stay away? Would I have left without trying everything possible to reach out? Or would the guilt and depression of the whole accident have been so traumatic that I would’ve buried my head in the sand and run as far as I could from any memories of what happened?
“Thank you,” I whispered, clasping my hands together. “Thank you for telling me the truth. I’m sure that wasn’t easy.”
“It was the worst thing that ever happened, Gabriel, and if I could, I’d turn a million clocks back to change the outcome. If I could, I would’ve switched spots with Elijah. I wished it were me. I still, to this day, wish it were me and not him.”
“This is a lot to process.”
“Yes. I get it. I don’t want you to feel pressure to keep talking to me, either. I understand if you want space, and I’ll respect that. I just wanted you to know the whole story.”
I thanked her once more. “But I think perhaps you should go. I have a lot going through my mind right now, and I’m not sure how to process it.”
“Yes, of course. Not a problem. Just…if you need anything, you have my number.”
I stood as she did. “Yeah, for sure. Good night, Kierra.”
She almost smiled but it fell short. “Good night.”
***
After Kierra left, I didn’t sleep.
I stayed up all night trying to make sense of the life that I’d forgotten and how much it influenced the life I now lived. How would things have been different if I knew about Elijah? What choices would I have made?
How could I look at my mother the same after this, too? It was all too much.
The next day at work, I was still lost in a whirlwind of confusion. As I walked into the hallway, I saw my mom coming my way. She was the last person I wanted to see. The moment I saw her, I felt sick to my stomach.
She raised an eyebrow. “Gabriel, what’s going on? You look—”
“Did I have a brother?”
The color drained from her face as she froze in place. Her mouth parted but no words came out. I knew the answer before she told me, but I needed to see how she’d respond once I brought it to her face-to-face.
I nodded once. “Yeah, all right.”
“Gabriel…” She reached toward me, but I pulled my arm away.
“Don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me. Just…” I released a weighted sigh. “ Don’t .”