Chapter 26 Wren #2
like I’m the only person on the planet who she wants beside her for this, I’m going to end up hating myself for what I do.
I slide fully back to my side of the truck and shift into drive, heading up the road to Mrs. Mayhew’s house.
I rock the truck a little harder than necessary when I hit the brakes, but Lili doesn’t complain. She’s excited too, even if it’s tinged with uncertainty, and is out of the truck in a moment, ready to dash up those three simple steps and the many more inside without a second thought.
I don’t get out of my truck.
Lili makes it halfway across the yard before coming to a halt and slowly turning back to me. We make eye contact through the
windshield, and then she’s letting her eyes close for a moment or two before walking back toward me and resting her hands
on my open window frame.
“Where did you say these boxes are?” I ask, going for cool and collected instead of raw and frustrated as I stare up at the
two-story house that I’ve been in only a few times—through a back door similar to the one at Lili’s house—and whose first
floor I’ve never seen beyond. It didn’t occur to me that I’d need access to more than that.
“The attic, or I guess it’s more of a crawl space.” Lili looks directly at me. “I’m sorry. I saw the letters and I didn’t
stop to think about anything else when I called you.”
It’s not her job to have to worry about stuff like that. I still remember a time when I didn’t have to think about it constantly.
I’m usually very careful about the places I go. I know where I fit and where I don’t, so it’s not often that I’m confronted
with places that aren’t designed for people like me.
“What if Goldie and I helped rock your chair back and up the first set of stairs? I think we could—”
“No, you couldn’t.” My voice is hard. “You and your kid sister aren’t gonna lift me and my wheelchair up anything.”
“We could try,” she says, sounding both apologetic and defensive.
I almost laugh at her. “And then what? Hey, maybe you could carry my feet and she could grab my hands and you guys could just drag me up one step at a time? Yeah, that’s a great idea.
And then, after that, it’ll be super easy to get into the attic.
Do you wanna run inside real quick and find out if it’s up more steps or one of those fun, pulldown-ladder types?
Because if it’s a ladder, maybe you could just tie a rope around me and then you guys could hoist me up.
That could work if you get the old lady to pull too.
” I start to push my door open then as though I’m getting ready to get out, but Lili straightens and locks her arms to keep it from opening more than a few inches.
“I said I was sorry; you don’t have to make fun of me for trying to figure out a way to fix this.”
“Then don’t make it so easy.”
Her face flushes but she keeps her voice mostly steady. “You’re not mad at me, you’re mad at the situation. I am too, but
you don’t need to take it out on me just because I’m the only one here.”
I look at her and think back to that first day she walked into my museum. I didn’t see it then, the gut punch she would be
to my life, but I can’t escape it now. “Not mad at you?” I don’t try to hide how incredulous I find that statement. “All I
do is think about you, and that’s not supposed to make me mad? It makes me insane!”
She lowers her arms from my door and stares at me like I’m suddenly holding a weapon.
“I can’t get away from you, and when I try, all it takes is one call and I come running. And for what? A tourist girl who
doesn’t know the first thing about my life?”
“I know plenty about you.” Her eyes are shining again and her voice breaks. “And we both know you don’t see me as just a tourist
anymore.”
“But I need to.” I lean through the window, forcing her back a step.
“You think I want to do this to Eryn? She’s amazing and sweet and for whatever reason, she loves me.
And that’s been good for me for years. I was fine, and I could have kept on being fine until you showed up and ruined that for me. ”
“I didn’t do anything to you.”
No, she didn’t, but I can’t seem to stop lashing out at her anyway. “I was with Eryn when you texted, but the second I heard
your voice, I wanted to be where you were.” I slump back against my seat. All these thoughts have been building in my head
for weeks now, and they all boiled down to that one admission.
I hate myself for making it.
She looks as stricken as I feel, and I know that there’s no coming back from this. I meet her gaze, drink in the clear green
color that has been painting my dreams emerald and sage, for what I have to hope is the last time. I don’t yell or even raise
my voice.
“Before you, I thought I had the girl I could be happy with. Now I know the best I can do is try not to let her see how much
I want to be with someone else.”
I stop to breathe then, too fast and too hard, because I didn’t want to say that, I didn’t want to know that, and based on
the tear that slips down Lili’s cheek, she didn’t want to know it either.
“I may not be able to give Eryn everything she deserves, but I can be loyal, I can not break her heart. I can be better than
my mother was to my dad.”