Chapter 10 #2
The time I spend with you has made me the happiest I have been in years. I will be forever grateful we found each other again.
Now that I’d started, I found I had even more I wanted to say.
I didn’t think I could say such things to him in person.
He would most likely laugh them off and remind me again of how much I’d helped him when he’d been a boy.
But that excuse of his felt weaker by the day.
What had I done for him? Allowed him to follow me around while I’d delivered baskets to tenant farmers?
Sung to his dying dog? Anyone could have done those things.
But what David was doing for me now? He was putting his reputation at risk, appeasing Mama, and interrupting his studies and his work to spend time with me so people would believe in our engagement.
Thank you for being there to catch me when I was certain to fall. There is no other man I’d rather entrust my safety and my happiness to than David Tate.
There were many more words I could say. But I stopped myself. This wasn’t a love letter; it was a response to an invitation. I hastily signed my name, then stood.
Mama came to my side as I walked toward the door and read my note over my shoulder. She gave me a nod and a squeeze of my elbow, but thankfully, she didn’t follow me into the foyer.
David was standing in roughly the same position I’d left him. There really wasn’t anywhere else he could go. But he’d taken off his gloves, and his hair was slightly disheveled after removing his hat.
I held out the note, praying he wouldn’t read it while I was standing there. How rude would it be if I simply handed it to him and ran back into the drawing room?
But thoughts of running fled my mind the moment his hand grasped my little card. Just as my fingers had brushed his glove earlier, his fingers now grazed mine. Only this time, nothing was between us, and the shock of his skin left me bereft of any coherent thought.
I had little experience with men, despite my age.
When Papa had been alive, I’d attended a few balls, but I had been young enough to believe I had ample time to find a husband, and I had spent most of my time enjoying dancing and watching the colors of the gowns parade across the room in patterns that matched the lilting music.
I’d never shown marked interest in any one man, and no one man had shown marked interest in me.
My years of almost no contact with men of an eligible age had the unfortunate side effect of making a simple touch from David send a shiver up my arm and making my breath catch.
David’s eyes met mine. I was not certain what he saw there, but I prayed he couldn’t see what I was thinking or feeling.
He was young and handsome in the kind of dashing way any woman would have a hard time resisting.
He most likely caused reactions like this daily.
I didn’t want him to pity the spinster who couldn’t simply touch his hand without having a visceral response.
I turned my lips into what I hoped was an unaffected grin, released the note, and let my offending hand drop to my side. His eyes followed the movement before lifting to the words I’d written.
My face was already hot from my strange response to his touch, but it warmed further as I realized I was going to have to stay here while he read my note, filled with sentiments that, while true, shouldn’t be said out loud.
His thumb traced the corner of the card as he slowly read each word. When he finished, his chest rose and fell once. Our calm camaraderie had fled, suddenly replaced by something far more intimidating.
Something tugged between us, a force of nature like a rising storm but not that exactly—a storm was too temperamental, too impermanent. Our connection was steady and strong and would outlast a storm by decades. It was a constant pull, like gravity.
For the barest of seconds, I thought he might sway forward. Every part of me wanted to be closer to him. We were two people standing feet apart but incapable of keeping our distance.
I fought against it. I was delusional. I had to be. Whatever was pulling me to him couldn’t possibly be affecting him. I was simply someone who’d helped him in the past, and now he wanted to repay me. He saw my desperation and wanted to relieve it.
I was just like the tenant farmers he helped—in need of care. That was all.
His eyes drifted back down to my note before he cleared his throat. I thought he would say something, but he didn’t. Instead, he tucked the note into his breast pocket, gave me a nod, and, without a word of farewell, strode out the door.
I wasn’t certain either of us understood what had just happened.
When I returned to Mama, she ushered me toward the stairs, following directly behind me. “With Mary gone, we will need extra time getting ready this afternoon. You are past the age where youth alone will recommend your beauty.”
I sighed but trudged up the stairs, not willing to disagree with her—not even certain I did disagree with her.
For the next half hour, we stood in front of the mirror, me in front and Mama behind me.
Mama used the hot iron to curl some of the short hairs around my ears and face, turning them into delicate ringlets instead of disheveled wisps.
Her dark eyes were nearly black, just like mine, but managed to almost glow.
When she finished with my hair, she grabbed my shoulders and caught my eyes through the mirror.
“At first, I wasn’t certain about this David of yours.
You’d never mentioned him to me. I don’t even remember him from our visit here eight years ago.
But then again, at that time, your father and I let you roam fairly freely.
Seeing you together, however, has eased any fear I had.
The two of you are obviously well suited. ”
Her words struck a chord I’d rather not hear. I brushed off her comment with a laugh. “Better suited than Mr. Green and me, at the very least.”
Mama sucked in a breath and laid her head on top of mine. “I’m truly sorry about that. If I had known we were coming here to meet your fiancé, I never would have written to Mr. Green. I just . . .”
I sighed because I knew exactly how she’d felt—helplessness was a feeling that left a mark. “You didn’t know what else to do.”
She nodded, tears welling in her eyes. She brushed them away and pasted on a wavering smile. “But I should have trusted you. I’m sorry.”
An ache settled deep in my stomach. She shouldn’t trust me.
I hadn’t solved any of our problems—only kicked them down the road a little, just as David kicked his pebbles.
I straightened my shoulders and set my jaw.
But I would solve them. David had given me a window of time to find a solution.
Once we had my inheritance, we would be able to survive.
I lifted my hand and placed it atop Mama’s. “You were only trying to keep us safe. I understand. I may have even married Mr. Green if it weren’t for David. But now, everything is in order, and I don’t want you to worry about us anymore.”
Mama’s hands tightened on my shoulders, and she leaned forward and placed a kiss at my temple. “I know. Thank the heavens for Mr. Tate.”
I nodded, a strange bubble of nerves bursting in my middle at the mention of David.
I stared myself down in the mirror. Mama had managed to make my straight, dark hair shine where it was pulled up and curl where it was loose.
My skin was smooth and my eyes more vibrant than they had been in years.
I felt beautiful, even if I wasn’t seventeen anymore.
Did David think I was? He’d been very clear that our engagement was meant to be enjoyable, but he’d also been very clear that our engagement wouldn’t lead to marriage.
“Yes,” I agreed, giving myself a stern look in the mirror. I couldn’t let girlish fancies sour our friendship or make me wish it could be more. “Thank the heavens indeed.”