Chapter 18 #3
“There you go,” I said quickly, not daring to look up at him.
He let out a heavy breath and reached for my hand.
“Thank you, my dear.” He gave my hand a quick tug, and I stumbled forward into him.
He placed the barest of kisses on my cheek, a touch so soft it might have been indiscernible if I weren’t so aware of the man doing the kissing.
When he pulled back, his eyes flashed in the direction of Walter and then to me with a smile.
He was taking advantage of our audience, just as I had.
“You’re welcome,” I quipped back, and with a broad smile, I returned his soft kiss.
In an effort to outdo him, mine landed less than an inch from the corner of his mouth.
My lips barely grazed him, but the warmth of his cheek, right at the spot his smile would begin, sent fire into my veins.
He’d kissed me several times over the course of our marriage, but it had been a week since I’d been brave enough to take advantage of that aspect of being married.
The thrill I got from that small touch was testament to the fact that I probably should not do it again anytime soon.
I didn’t dare look up at him, didn’t dare let him see my eyes, for my heart would certainly be in them, and it wouldn’t change anything.
I turned and walked back to Julia before he had the chance to outdo me and kiss me again.
Or, at least, before I gave myself a chance to be disappointed if he didn’t.
When I reached Julia and turned back around, David was back with his shovel in hand, Walter lightly elbowing him in his side. I saw him only in profile, but a smile curved David’s mouth, and crinkles formed around his eyes as he laughed off Walter’s teasing.
David smiled and laughed so often I didn’t know how much of that was because of me. But I hoped at least some of it was. If I couldn’t make his heart burst into flames like he did to mine, at least I could be playful with him and make certain he kept that smile on his face.
I was his bright spot after all.
m
It took only a few more days to clear the rest of the area for the orchard and pond, as we’d planned. David came to help once or twice more, but never for long and always with his sleeves already rolled up. Julia’s coloring had improved greatly in the days we’d spent out of doors.
“I think gardening suits you,” I said to Julia one afternoon, after we’d spent the morning marking where the trees would go with rings of rocks. Her arm was in mine as we made the trek back into Tate Hall to have our baths and prepare for dinner. “Have you really never done it before?”
Julia laughed softly. “I’ve never had cause to garden before. You are the first person to drag me out of the house for labor purposes.”
I raised an eyebrow. “For company purposes, you mean.”
“Are you telling me I’m not quite up to snuff in my labors?”
I shook my head. “Of course not. Only that if all I wanted was labor, the boys and Mr. Harris could have done quite well on their own. I don’t know what I would have done with myself, sitting inside the house all the time.”
Julia glanced up at me. “Has it been terribly hard on you? Being married to David?”
That was a question I had no idea how to answer.
In truth, I thought being married to him under the circumstances we were in would have been much harder than it had been.
I’d thought David might leave the house or at least skulk about, trying to avoid me, but he’d been just as friendly as ever.
“No, it hasn’t. I’ve loved planning the orchard, and David is a perfect model of a husband. ”
Julia sighed softly at my comment. “I wish he could be more than that for you.” Gentle storms brewed behind her soft, gray eyes. “The world can be terribly unfair at times.”
I patted her hand. “The world was very kind to me when I quite literally landed on David again. Don’t worry about me. I’ve known for years I was unlikely to marry a man who loved me.”
Julia’s head turned toward me sharply. “What do you mean by that?”
I laughed. “Exactly what I said. My years for making a love match are long past. I’m simply grateful to have a place to live.”
Her steps slowed but didn’t stop. Had I offended her? Julia was my age. I should have been more careful with my words.
She inhaled deeply. “I don’t think David would like to hear you speaking that way.”
That was what she was worried about? Not herself, but David?
I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s the truth. And it is fortunate for both of us that I understand it. It frees me to be grateful for the marriage I do have.”
“But you must know . . .” Julia started, then shook her head and didn’t finish her sentence.
“I must know what?”
“Nothing,” she murmured.
We continued on our path until we reached the servants’ entrance.
I walked in silence, hoping she would give me more insights into my marriage, but she didn’t.
What did she think I must know? If it was how grateful David was to me for our summer together, he’d made that abundantly clear, and I did know that.
But somehow, I thought she meant something more than that.
We always came in through the servants’ entrance after working to leave most of the dirt where it would be easiest to clean.
After we removed our muddied boots, I turned to head toward my room, but Julia reached for my hand and turned me around.
“I love having you here,” she said with firm conviction.
“I want you to know that. Any man would be fortunate to have you as a wife, and your predicament with David, well . . . it isn’t your fault. ”
“It isn’t David’s fault either.” His father was squarely to blame, and both Julia and I knew it.
Her eyes sharpened, then slid toward the corridor that held David’s study. “No, it isn’t his fault either.”
I gave her a smile that would make her think the conversation hadn’t rattled me. “I’m very grateful to your brother. He’s given me much more than I ever could have asked for.”
Julia leaned forward as if she wanted to say something more, but then she blinked and must have decided against it. “I’ll see you at dinner.”
I nodded and dashed down the corridor.
But I never made it to dinner.