Chapter 21
W
“Anna slept in my arms last night. How am I ever going to let her go?”
The stronger I got, the less I saw of David. He came to my room each day but never in the evenings. Unless I struck ill with a sickness even worse than this one, he would likely never climb in my bed or hold me close again.
That didn’t stop me from reliving the memory constantly.
What else was a woman to do while passing the time in her bedchamber?
At night, I would imagine he was there again, his arm wrapped around me, his body warm against my back.
But I wasn’t delusional. I knew those moments were dreams and dreams only.
In the morning, I awoke, and the room felt cold and empty without him, and I was growing accustomed to the feeling.
It was strange, wasn’t it? He’d spent one night in my room. One. I’d slept either by myself or with Mama for the past twenty-five years. If anything, having him in my bed should have been shockingly peculiar instead of something I’d struggle to live without.
Two days after Dr. Clarke’s visit, I felt well enough to wash and dress, and although the effort was tiring, I felt much better for it. Maren was brushing my hair when the soft knock I’d come to recognize as David’s rapped at my bedroom door.
“Enter,” I said loud enough for him to hear. I’d never barred him or told him to wait when anyone else was around. There would be no reason for a wife to ask her husband to wait until her hair was up to come in.
David strode in. His eyes went to the bed before he turned to find me sitting at the dressing table, my dark, freshly washed hair brushed and falling to my waist. For the past three days, he’d seen me in various stages of undress, usually with a wrap or blanket over me.
Seeing my hair out of its long braid shouldn’t have caused him pause.
But it did.
His step faltered, and his eyes slipping to my waist, then slowly traveling up to the crown of my head.
Usually, when Maren was in the room, he would immediately come to me and place the slightest kiss upon my forehead—just enough contact to quiet any whispers about the two of us.
Sometimes, I allowed myself the luxury of believing he was also checking on my fever, reassuring himself it was indeed gone.
He didn’t kiss me this time. He didn’t move at all. But something in his face must have caught Maren’s attention, for she immediately set down the brush, gave him a short curtsy, and left the room.
It wasn’t until the door closed behind her that David turned toward where she’d just been, shaking his head with the word wait on his lips.
But he was too late.
We were alone in my bedchamber again, and for some reason, my unbound hair—or, at least, the way David had looked at it—made me feel as exposed as I’d been in my chemise.
I could see the moment David realized he was acting very un-husband-like.
He blinked hard, straightened his spine, and looked toward me without exactly meeting my eyes. “It is good to finally see you dressed and out of bed,” he said stiffly.
I closed my lips tightly, but I knew my eyes still widened at his comment. He couldn’t have said anything more inappropriate if he’d tried. And based on the way spots of color were rising to his cheeks, he’d definitely not tried.
“I meant—” He squeezed his eyes shut and ran a hand down his face. With a deep breath, he tried again. “What I meant to say was, you look well.”
I let my smile blossom on my face. I did feel well. Better, even, than I had a few minutes ago, now that he was in my room, bumbling up our conversation. “Thank you. I knew what you meant. And I feel much better.”
He stayed where he was, even though I wished he would come nearer. Having him to myself was a luxury.
“We’ve had a guest arrive,” David stated.
“A guest? Someone I know?”
“No, but he is very anxious to meet you. My brother, Garrett.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “And he knows about me and about . . . everything?”
“Yes. He knows.”
I nodded. He’d told me he would have to tell his family, and while I understood his desire to be truthful to them, I wondered what his brother would think of me—a woman who had trapped his brother into a marriage when he’d never wanted one. “I suppose that will not make me a favorite in his eyes.”
“On the contrary. He has given me no end of exultant grief since arriving and is delighted by our arrangement. If you aren’t feeling up to coming down for tea today, I’m more than happy to give your excuses. One of us putting up with his merciless glee is, perhaps, enough.”
I reached for the brush Maren had set on the dressing table. It was wicked of me, but I’d seen how he’d looked at my hair. And Maren hadn’t finished her task. “I’ll be ready. It will do me good to be out of my room and conversing again.”
I turned back to the mirror and ran the brush from the top of my head down to the ends of my hair. David finally moved from just inside the doorway to stand behind me, his face almost reverent as he watched the brush glide through my thick, straight tresses.
After a moment, he lifted his eyes and caught mine in the mirror. “I’m glad you are feeling well enough to join us.” He lifted a hand, and for a moment, I thought he might reach for my hair, but he dropped it and caught my gaze again. “You gave me quite a scare.”
I shrugged my shoulder. “It was a simple fever. Dr. Clarke said as much.”
“James didn’t see you at your worst.”
“Was I so terribly bad?”
“You looked nigh unto death, weak and shivering. I’m so accustomed to seeing you strong.” He shook his head slowly at the memory. Apparently, that night had haunted him as well, but for very different reasons.
I put down my brush, reached behind me for his hand, and pulled it up so it rested on my shoulder.
My hair had fanned out from brushing it, and some of it caught underneath his palm.
I wanted him to touch my hair, and I wished he would stop holding back when I knew he wanted to close the distance between us.
I gave his hand a squeeze. “Thank you for caring for me.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, and his thumb moved just enough to trap a lock of hair between it and his forefinger.
He tested the strength and softness of the strands, pulling delicately down, letting them slide along the pad of his finger.
When he opened his eyes, they looked pained. “I wish I could care for you more.”
The flush of excitement I’d reveled in when he’d walked in the room froze and died. Enjoying the sight of me and not wanting me to die was a far cry from loving me enough to let me understand his secrets or face his father, and he continued to make that very clear.
What was it that made hope so tenacious and long-suffering? I should have killed it long ago, but it refused to die.
But I couldn’t resent David for it. He’d done nothing wrong and had done more to care for me than anyone else in the past eight years.
I’d seen his childhood desire to help the tenant farmers when he accompanied me to deliver baskets, and I’d heard from the Mortensens of his continued kindness over the past several years. I couldn’t fault him for also being uncommonly kind to me when it was my turn to need help.
David cleared his throat. “I’ll send for Maren so she can help you with your hair again.”
I quirked an eyebrow at him through the mirror. “You don’t want me to come down like this?”
He put his hand on my other shoulder and leaned forward so his head was nearly resting on mine. If I didn’t know our story, I would think we made the perfect picture of a young, newly married couple. Even after being sick, my face seemed to glow with a healthy light when David was nearby.
“You would give poor Garrett a heart attack. He isn’t fortunate enough to have a wife, let alone one so beautiful.”
I’d only just told myself to be careful, but his words warmed me again. My poor, foolish heart.
“Do you really think yourself fortunate?”
He slid his fingertips into my hair, and his hands inched their way down through it to my waist. With eyes half closed, he placed a gentle kiss at the crown of my head.
“I am mediocre in all things except my choice of a wife, so yes, I consider our marriage fortunate. You’ve given me the opportunity to best my very clever brother for once. ”
I tipped my head pretending to be in serious thought, even though what I wanted to do was lean back into him. “So Garrett is clever, older, and unmarried?”
David narrowed his eyes, the soft gaze from his kiss gone. In its place was something playful, slightly offended by my praise of his older brother. “Don’t be fooled by his age. He hardly acts it. I’ve always been the more serious brother.”
I smiled through the mirror at David. Nothing about him seemed boyish anymore, except, perhaps, his grin. “Is there anything else I should know about him?”
He heaved a deep sigh. “He is a good six inches taller than I am.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “So he does have a flaw.”
David laughed, a deep rumble starting low in his chest and grew into a sound that had me dreaming about jumping up from my chair and placing a kiss on his mouth.
If I were a proper wife, I would have done so.
David stepped away from my chair, his laughter crinkling his eyes.
“Please tell him how disappointed you are in his height. It will do him good.”
When he reached the door, I turned around in my seat. “David?”
He turned, still smiling. “Yes?”
“I’ve seen how you work to improve the estate, and the way your mind has navigated my problems and found ways to help me.
I haven’t met Garrett, but I think you must be the clever one.
Also”—I let my eyes roam from the top of his head down to his feet and then back up again—“you must know you’ve aged extremely well.
At times, I might wish I were younger, but I don’t wish you to be older.
And the fact that you are married is one of your nicest features. ”
He straightened to his full height, just an inch or two taller than I was. “And my height?”
For the briefest of moments, I was back in my bed with my back pressed up against him while I wrestled with a fever.
We’d fit together perfectly. I grinned brightly, praying he couldn’t hear my thoughts.
“Oh, that is a point well in your favor. It makes the times we are obliged to kiss much simpler.”
His eyes went to my mouth, and I thought he might come up with a reason to kiss me right then and there. But he gave me only a jaunty grin. “Glad to be of service.”
Not glad enough, or I think he would provide that service more often.
He opened the door, and with a wink, he left.
Maren returned a few moments later, and we quickly did my hair as best she could manage. I was very interested in meeting this brother of David’s. Not because he was clever or tall or unmarried but because he’d put a lightness in his brother’s step, and I already loved Garrett for it.
I stopped in to see Mama on my way to the drawing room, and she was sitting up in bed.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
Mama sighed heavily, and I didn’t see any difficulty in the movement. “Much better, though not as good as you look.” Mama reached a hand out, and I strode over to her and took it. “I’m so glad to see you looking well,” she said with a squeeze of my hand.
“I understand the sentiment.” I returned her smile and grasped her hand tightly, grateful we’d passed through this sickness unscathed. “David’s brother is here.”
“Maren mentioned that, but I don’t feel ready to meet anyone until I’ve got a bit more color in my face.”
Mama looked pale, but I doubted David’s brother would mind. “Are you certain?”
Mama laughed softly. “I am quite certain. And you need more time with your new family. Go. Bewitch that brother of his.”
I laughed. “I have no plan of bewitching anyone.”
“You never do, but you always manage it.”
“Mama, if that were true, it wouldn’t have taken me until age twenty--five to marry.” Nor would I have had to beg for the marriage.
“We both know Mr. Green discouraged other young men from pursuing you.”
“But I had a whole Season in London before that.”
“Yes, and I watched you that Season. While you might not have noticed it, several men were very interested in you, but you were indifferent to all of them, and they could feel it. Your father and I didn’t think you needed to hurry into a marriage.
We thought there would be plenty of time for you to find a man who made you happy.
And I’m so glad you finally did. I think you were meant to wait for David. ”
A lump formed in my throat, because as improbable as it was, I agreed with her.
I couldn’t imagine living my life with anyone but him.
I had no recollection of the men she was speaking of from my Season, but I certainly hadn’t met anyone who had interested me.
I hadn’t realized I’d been so obvious about it.
“Thank you, Mama.” I placed a kiss on her cheek and then made my way down the stairs to meet Garrett.