38. Fallon
Chapter thirty-eight
Fallon
Jeb and I draw straws to see who’s showing up to the fundraiser first. I draw the short straw, so I pull up to the brewery first and Jeb should be here in about fifteen minutes.
Today’s not the day to announce our… whatever we are.
I take a deep breath before walking through the large wooden double doors to the farm brewery. I’m late by about twenty minutes, so when I walk through the doors, all eyes are on me.
Just as I suspect, there are whispers and staring as soon as I walk in. I try and fail to avoid eye contact with Rhett’s friends, but they don’t seem surprised to see me. Maybe they thought I was coming all along. Dreya is the first to greet me, wrapping me in a hug.
“Hey girl, how ya doing?”
“I’m okay. Feel like I already need a breather.” The last time I was in the same room with Rhett’s friends and all the rest of these people it was for his funeral. A date I’d rather not relive.
“I know, darling. Come sit with us, and you can watch people instead of letting them watching you. Then we can check out the silent auction.”
“I don’t even know anything about this fundraiser. Are a portion of the proceeds from the bar tonight going toward the fundraiser, too?”
“What do you mean you don’t know anything about it? I thought Reed was keeping you in the loop.”
“I found out about it yesterday. Accidentally. I had no idea.”
“Oh, Fallon. All the proceeds tonight, plus whatever they make on the silent auction and 50/50 raffle, will go toward a scholarship in Rhett’s name. I can’t believe you didn’t know about it. Now I’m wishing I would have said something.”
“It’s fine. Just caught me by surprise, that’s all.”
Cara’s husband, John, grabs a peach sour beer for me; it was Rhett’s and my favorite beer to get here. I keep a nonchalant eye out for Jeb. My parents are coming late after some Lions Club thing, so I know they won’t be here yet.
One by one, people come up to talk to Dreya and me while Sal mingles. It feels a lot like people coming up to you during a funeral with awkward small talk. I can’t say I’m enjoying it.
Finally, I’m able to spot Jeb. He’s holding a bottle of water and talking to some of the guys from his station. We make eye contact for a split second and he tips his bottle in the air toward me. I smile before I turn away and head for the silent auction table. This must be what it feels like to have a sneaky link. Not that we need to be sneaky, but I chuckle to myself anyway.
Perusing the auction table, I jot down my name for a round of golf for four at Wilson’s Meadow, Rhett’s favorite course, and lunch with his parents, which I think is a funny item to auction.
Walking past the bar, my eyes catch on the barstool with a tented Reserved sign on the seat and a full beer sweating on a coaster in front of it. Is this for Rhett? They saved the seat for Rhett and put out a beer for him like he’s a fallen soldier or something. I roll my eyes, then instead of looking up to Rhett toward heaven, I look in the corner of the ceiling like they do in The Office .
Rhett would have absolutely loathed this crazy amount of fanfare. If we were attending this event for someone else, we’d be making fun of this on the way home, for sure. Sorry, Rhett , I say in my head, staring at the corner. Don’t come for me. I didn’t plan this.
I take a sip of the beer they left for him because… fuck it. I can.
Your beer isn’t better than mine like it always used to be , I tell him in my head. They didn’t even pick a flavor you’d like. Yes, I’m still salty about being kept in the dark over this fundraiser.
I get a dirty look from a random woman when I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and sit the glass back on the coaster, leaving a light pink lip-gloss print on the glass. I ignore the woman and search for Jeb.
I find him near the bathroom and walk past him, grazing my hand across his back inconspicuously. “Excuse me.” I nudge him forward a bit so I can get through. I don’t need to use the bathroom. I just wanted to touch him without anyone knowing I wanted to touch him. Just like a sneaky link would.
I pee and freshen up even though I don’t really need to, and when I push the bathroom door open, Jeb’s there.
He looks suspiciously to the left and right before talking. “You doing okay?” he whispers.
“Kind of. It’s just about how I expected it to be.”
“Need a hug real quick?”
I reach forward to hug him and press my face into his neck, deeply inhaling his scent.
“Gotta get back. Popcorn and a movie later?” I ask him.
“Yes, but not caramel. I want the extra buttery kind.”
“You got it. Now go hang out in the bathroom for a few minutes before you come back out.”
“Already my plan.” He releases me and swings the door open.
I wipe the smile from my face before strolling out to the main room of the brewery and heading back to the table.
“Need another?” Sal asks when he sees my mostly empty glass.
“Uh, sure,” I say. “Can you see if they have more of the plum sours? If not, get me any sour.”
“No problem.”
It’s just Cara, baby Luca, Dreya, and me at the table. People have stopped coming up to us asking how we’ve been, which I’m more than glad for. I get a wild hair up my ass and ask to hold Luca for the first time.
“Fal, honey.” Dreya leans toward me with pain in her eyes while I’m staring at Luca’s long eyelashes and pursed lips. “I know it’s not my place or anything, but did something happen between you and Jeb?
Immediately, my mind flashes to the way I woke up this morning, tucked into Jeb’s side, his hand resting on my ass. I have a poker face, though, so I give nothing away.
“What do you mean?” I feign innocence.
“I’m just wondering if you broke up or something. He’s been over there all night, stealing glances this way, but I haven’t seen you speak to one another. I just want to make sure everything is okay.”
I cough and sputter like something is stuck in my throat.
“You think Jeb and I are together?” Staring at the little bundle of joy my sister-in-law created, I jolt my head toward Dreya at her statement.
“Well, you are, right? He said you were just friends, but the way that boy’s face lit up when he talked about you during the renovation, and now how he’s been searching for you all night tells me otherwise.” Then she whispers, “Plus, I heard his truck’s been at your house almost every day this week.”
I can’t help but laugh. “We’re together, I guess,” I disclose, tucking a rogue strand of hair behind my ear and smoothing it down. “We haven’t really put a label on anything. We’re taking things slow. We came separately today so we wouldn’t ruin anything about the fundraiser or be the talk of the town.”
“Did you ask her about Jeb?” Sal brushes his free hand along Dreya’s shoulders as he slides into his chair.
“Yeah, they’re together. Kind of. They’re just pretending not to be.”
“Oh good.” He takes a swig of his beer and attempts to wave Jeb over, but Jeb’s not paying attention.
“This was hard on you both,” Dreya says. “You both deserve happiness, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. If I can accept it, anyone should be able to accept it. The two of you finding each other is a blessing. It really is, Fal. Things like this don’t happen very often.”
“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I tell them, tears welling in my eyes. “We started as friends and just progressed.”
“That’s great, Fallon. We’re happy if you’re happy. It’s weird…” Cara laughs, swirling a fry in a small plastic container of ketchup and then popping it in her mouth. “But it’s the way the world works.” She’s the one I was worried about the most. There’s a difference between parent loyalty and sibling loyalty. I knew his parents would be more… understanding.
“I’m going to go grab him,” Sal says, sliding back out of the chair he just slid in. “Gotta pick out a day we can have a cookout and have you both over.”
“Looks like he needs his mama.” I half stand to hand little Luca to Cara across the table when he starts to cry. I wait for lingering sadness from promises of a different kind of life lost, but it never hits. I know I won’t be the aunt I would have been had Rhett been alive, but I also know nothing I can do can change that.
I’ll still be Aunt Fally, but I’ll be a little less hands-on than I would have been, and that’s okay. As Jeb said, life ebbs and flows with changing seasons. You don’t have to like it, but you have to accept it.
A few minutes later, Sal returns with Jeb following. Jeb takes a seat next to Cara, across from me at the table instead of occupying the empty chair beside me, not knowing that they know the truth about us. Sal keeps the conversation flowing, mainly about the bathroom renovation and how they came up with the ideas for the new vanity and the color scheme—finding inspiration from a doctor’s office Southern Living magazine.
Eventually, when Cara tells Jeb to treat me right, he realizes they know.
By nine o’clock, most everyone has left except for some family members and the group of Rhett’s friends who put this together. My mom and dad came late but are now chatting with Cara and John inside. The rest of us have migrated outside, flanking the fire pits.
Reed, Logan, and Hunter are drunk off their asses. It’s not hard to do when you’re drinking 10% alcohol beers. I’m half buzzed as it is, which is probably why I didn’t ditch the fundraiser early like I had planned to. The three guys are acting out old high school stories of drunk Rhett almost flipping a golf cart and the time they got lost on a back road trying to find some girl’s house for Reed.
Logan’s new girlfriend, Noa, grabs his wrist, forcing him to sit down and drink water. Just when I think she must not know him that well, he sits next to her and chugs the water. Huh. He must really like this girl.
Eventually, we all sit in the chairs scattered around the fire pit, and his high school friends start talking about stories I was a part of. Like the time we went tubing and lost the cooler, and the time the bartender thought Rhett had a fake ID when he was twenty-five.
Stories about Rhett morph into stories about the present-day; how Reed might be adopting his niece since his brother and his brother’s baby mama are pieces of shit. Noa just graduated from nursing school, and her first job will be in the cardiac ICU, where Logan’s dad spent a few weeks last year after heart surgery. Hunter’s brother is a senior at Jubilee High, and has a lot of the same teachers all the guys had.
Time doesn’t stand still, even though some days it feels like it does.
Eventually, Rhett’s parents leave with baby Luca, and Cara and John make their way outside, letting me know my parents left, too. A few minutes later, Corbin comes back from driving a few drunk people home safely.
“Grab a chair from inside,” Reed tells him.
“That’s all right, I’ll stand,” Corbin says.
“You’re making me nervous,” Joie, Reed’s childhood best friend, says.
“Here. You can sit here.” I stand, offering him my seat before walking around the firepit and plopping my ass on Jeb’s lap like it’s second nature.
Jeb’s arms don’t embrace me like I’m used to. I realize my error when Jeb stiffens as I snuggle sideways on his lap. Looking out to the group, ready to finish our conversation, all eyes are on us. They’re clearly wondering what the fuck is happening, but no one wants to be the first to ask anything.
I’m buzzed enough not to care. I can either double down or jump up and apologize. I grab Jeb’s hand and wrap it around my shoulder. Double down it is .
Jeb gets the hint, rubbing his hand aimlessly down the side of my arm. The crowd stays silent for a beat too long.
Finally, Hunter speaks up. “Good to see you happy, girl. Time marches on, right?”
The rest of the guys start laughing. “Remember that night, Reed?” Logan asks.
“How could I forget.” Reed kicks his feet in the air and almost falls out of his chair.
“You guys know the song ‘Time Marches On’? It’s an old country one about a mom on pills and a dad who drinks. Well, anyway, Rhett sang that song at karaoke drunk off his fucking ass one night down in Kent,” Hunter explains. I remember them talking about that night. I wasn’t there, but I think that’s the night they had to fish someone’s shoe out of the river.
“He thought he sounded so good.” Reed laughs, wiping the tears from the side of his eyes.
We laugh at the guys cackling, not because we have the memory but because they do. After a while, the hysterics die down, but it feels good to roar with laughter with friends.
“Don’t want to kill the mood, but just to be serious for a second.” Reed stands, and Cara looks at me, rolling her eyes.
“About to start one of your famous drunken rants?” she asks him.
“It’s that time of night,” Hunter answers, turning the brim of his hat from the front of his head to the back.
“Jeb, man. Not going to lie, I hated you for a few months. Then I heard stories about how good of a guy you were… or are. Yeah, are. Anyway, I don’t hate you, man, like I used to. Okay?” He reaches a hand out to shake Jeb’s hand. His slurred words take me by surprise. Normally, he rants about politics or traffic.
“But treat Fally right, or we’ll kick your ass,” Logan adds, sloshing his beer to the sky.
“Thanks, guys,” Jeb tells them. “I plan on treating Fally right, and I don’t blame you for hating me, Reed. I hated myself for a long time, too. Still kinda do.”
“It was an accident, man. A completely shitty accident,” Hunter says.
“To Rhett.” Reed hoists his beer, and we all raise our glasses to the clear twinkling night sky.